Chapter 4! I realized I liked this story very much. Review and let me know if Bella should go to the mental institute place!

Disclaimer: Started training the monster squirrels. One bit me so I set it on fire. S.M. owns all. : ( And if my squirrels don't get it together I won't have Edward either. I realize I'm insane. : )

Life Without Meaning

My mind was restless. All I can ever think about is him. I miss Alice so much. I really need my best friend right now! It was bad enough that he left but he had to take my best friend with him?

I know I am supposed to be getting over this, but the truth of the matter was that I'd never get over this no matter how much Charlie pleads with me. And if I want to stay here I have to pretend everything is okay, when it isn't. Sometimes I wished I lived alone. These were one of those times.

"Bella, are you coming down stairs?" He snapped me out of the speech I was giving in my head.

"Yeah, dad." Ugh. Here is when acting comes in handy. All I have to do is be believable. I marched down stairs with a fake smile plastered on my face.

"Morning." I started cooking breakfast.

"How did you sleep?" Charlie knew I slept terrible, but he was testing me.

"Fine, just a nightmare." I lied, and apparently good enough because Charlie dropped it.

"I'm going to a book store." I didn't wait for a responce, I just wanted to leave before my bad acting came back to haunt me. I jumped in my truck and just pulled over and cried. It was getting dark so I drove into town to make my story believable by buying a book. Books didn't hold any interest in me. Thought nothing really did anymore.

On my way I saw a motorcycle gang by some bar. They should scare me, but what have I got to lose. I noticed one in particular. He looked like one of the guys that had stalked me, and the one who will remain nameless came to save me. That night alone brought back a happier Bella. A Bella that had been in love. A naive Bella, that didn't know what was going to happen to her in the next year. I started to approach the group only to be stopped in my tracks.

"Turn around." Edward ordered me.

"Why do you care?" I was stricken with shock.

"You promised." He retorted.

"So did you." It was supposed to be as though he never existed, but I am still sorrowful from what has occurred.

"Please." He begged, so I turned around. If all I needed to see him was to get in trouble I would do it. I know this hurts me more, but it was if he was there with me. I liked when he got protective over me. Now all I had to do was think of ways to get in trouble. The first thing that came to mind was walking because being the klutz I am that is all I need to get in trouble, but that won't do. Hmm. My mind kept concocting stupid ideas that wouldn't work. I wish I could end the pain. To just not be thinking for like two seconds. Or to actually breath for once without crying. I wanted out of this life, but I am not ready for that just yet. I know that if I did I would hurt Charlie, but I can't take living like this anymore. I'll give him some time with me while I work out this internal struggle in my head.

I feel like I am betraying him in some odd way, but he broke his promise the moment he made it. I would never forget him, or any of the time we had spent together. I loved him to much to let go. I will never let go of him, so I don't want to live a life of heartache. Why would anyone, I mean I just hate this feeling of not being wanted by the person I would die for. And I don't intend to live like this, so my only option besides having amnesia is death. Death seemed peaceful, as if all of my problems would go away as soon as I was gone. I wonder how it would be? Would it just be a nothingness? Or would I still live like this?

I really hope it was the first because I don't think I could take an eternity of calamity. As I drove home I was contemplating how and when I would plan to do this. Never had I thought I would be calm thinking of my own death, but I was dead wrong. I'm just going to wait a while to give Charlie some father-daughter time and when I know he will be ok, I will go through with it. As I pulled up the porch light was on and Charlie was peeking through the curtains. Will this be harder than I thought?

Bella gets suicidal. Will she live long enough to see Edward or will he be too late?

Review! I would like to hear what you want to happen. I Want to that everyone for the nice reviews! I enjoy hearing what you have to say : )