A/N: Thanks to the few of you who have discovered my story and are sticking with it. When I first came up with this idea for a fanfic, I wasn't confident if anyone would want to read it, considering it focuses on Bella's grief, introduces original characters, and Edward doesn't even enter the story until at least six chapters in! Anyways, thanks for the reviews, you are keeping me writing and my muse going strong. Enjoy the next chapter, and yes Bella enters Forks in the chapter after this one, so hold onto your hats!
Prayer for Preservation from Evil
"A Psalm of David.
I call upon you, O Lord; come quickly to me;
give ear to my voice when I call to you.
Let my prayer be counted as incense before you,
and the lifting up of my hands as an evening sacrifice.
Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord;
keep watch over the door of my lips.
Do not turn my heart to any evil,
to busy myself with wicked deeds
in company with those who work iniquity;
do not let me eat of their delicacies."
Well, that was certainly applicable. Never had I thought before to find comfort or relevancy in the Bible, but here it was in black in white. Not that I for a minute thought that this poetry was written with vampirism in mind, but I could certainly see, that for me at least, the lines of this psalm had a more literal meaning than it would for any other human. I was struggling not to turn to "wicked deeds" and I certainly did not want to be tempted to "eat of the delicacies" of those who work iniquity. I continued to read the rest of Psalm 141 in the Bible that Renee had given me, the last present I ever received from my poor mother.
"But my eyes are turned towards you, O God, my Lord;
in you I seek refuge; do not leave me defenseless.
Keep me from the trap that they have laid for me,
and from the snares of evildoers.
Let the wicked fall into their own nets,
while I alone escape."
Huh, that seemed relevant as well, surprisingly enough. Hadn't I escaped the nets of both Daniel and Elena as well as the Miller coven? Danger seemed to follow me at every turn, and yet hadn't my prayers been answered, in the most unexpected form of Jed and Antoine? It was strange, but looking back on the remarkable events of the last week, I could see fate, or God, or whoever made the universe spin, at work in my life. I paused at that thought.
Did that mean that Renee, who had died that terrible day, was fated to be killed? Why hadn't God intervened there? Why had God let her die like that? My head was starting to hurt from so many unanswered questions. It didn't make sense that some people met with tragic ends, and yet I could still discern good things happening in my own life.
I abruptly sat up from where I had been lying down relaxing in the shade of a nearby tree. Antoine was lying down with me and we had both been watching the sun set in the distance over the mountains of Washington State. Jed had left us on the outskirts of Walla Walla which was just north of the Oregon border, scoping out a couple local diners near the highway in which he thought we might try our little experiment. And by experiment I meant the two of them would escort me into the diner and see if I could keep it together with humans all around me. Again, it was just as risky as had been my break-in into that house in Utah, but I was confident I could maintain my composure. If worse came to worse, at least Jed and Antoine would keep me from murdering anyone.
Thinking about murdering people brought back to my mind the psalm I had just read. I had turned to the Bible in the first place to try to settle my nerves before we three headed any closer to civilization. Being in Washington State had brought forcibly home to me how close I was to reaching my goal. Needing to make sure I would pose no threat to Charlie, I had announced my intention earlier of creeping close to humans and seeing how difficult it was to inhale their scent. While Jed volunteered to go and find the perfect setting for this to take place, Antoine and I decided to soak up the last of the sunlight. After sitting for ten minutes, I had started to miss Renee, like I always tended to do whenever I found myself without distractions. Not knowing what else to do, I turned to the last gift she ever gave me, hoping to feel a closer connection to her.
"Antoine," I called out to my companion pensively.
"Yes, mon petit?" He responded without opening his eyes, his face smooth and relaxed from our idyllic repose under the tree.
"What made you hunt certain people? I mean, was it just chance that made you choose your next victim, or were you deliberate about it?" I asked woodenly.
At that, Antoine sat up and looked at my cautiously. "Mon petit, why do you wish to discuss something so upsetting to you? It cannot bring your mother back you know."
"I know that!" I bit out in reply, "I want to know if vampires…deliberately choose to stalk people for certain reasons. I just want to know if there is a reason why Renee died and I didn't."
"That is too big of a question to be answered, mon petit," Antoine replied softly. "You might as well also search for the meaning of life. You wish to know what guides our decisions. What is the root of causality? Is it God? Is it chance? We do not know. I am a bohemian, mon petit, and not religious, so I cannot help you with your quest to find higher meaning. We bohemians live for experience, for the very moment of things. But, I do think that if you perhaps are thinking that there might be a God out there, then you should ask yourself the question, is death the worst thing that can happen to someone?"
"What do you mean? Of course it's bad. It took Renee away from me." I snapped back caustically.
"No no, mon petit. I meant, is it bad for your mother? Is death so bad for her? Of course it is hard for you because you are left behind. But do you truly believe that she is gone forever?"
Antoine's comment made me pause. Did I believe that? Maybe before she died, I would have said that death really is the worst thing that could happen to anyone, because we have no guarantees about what happens to us afterwards. Now, however, I was still left with no guarantees, but I had a fierce, burning hope clawing away at my chest that Renee was somewhere safe, somewhere at peace.
Antoine studied my face, letting me process my own thoughts in silence. However, after a few minutes he suddenly said, "Turn to Revelation, mon petit."
"What? Why there?" I asked confused.
"Well, I grew up Catholic of course and I remember this particular passage, not because I believe it, but because it is so beautiful. It is a strong image for me, one I think that would make a truly moving painting. But you tell me how you like it. Turn to the end of Revelation."
I flipped to the very end of the Bible, skipping past all the scenes of violence and destruction the book of Revelation is usually known for, and finally found chapter twenty-one, the second to last chapter. I read it out loud.
"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. 2And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. 3And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying,
'See, the home of God is among mortals.
He will dwell with them;
they will be his peoples,
and God himself will be with them;
He will wipe every tear from their eyes.
Death will be no more;
mourning and crying and pain will be no more,
for the first things have passed away.'"
I sat in silence for a few minutes, my mind's eye picturing this scene of heaven come down to earth where suffering and pain would be at an end.
"You were right Antoine, it is beautiful. I don't know if I believe it either…but it helps anyway."
Antoine smiled sweetly at me. "I thought it might mon petit. I do not have answers for you, but I will give you what little help and wisdom that I have."
Impulsively, I put the Bible back in my backpack and scooted closer to Antoine, who opened his arms in welcome to me. I gently laid my head down on his shoulder and snuggled contentedly into his side. His arms wrapped around me in a warm embrace and for the first time since I started this wretched journey, I felt like in a weird way, I had found home again.
We stayed that way, sitting immobile for many minutes. I sighed, feeling comfortable in the arms of my adopted uncle, letting go of all my cares and worries for the moment. The sun had finally dipped beyond the horizon when a moving body quite suddenly flew on top of us, the two of us collapsing under its weight.
It wasn't until I realized someone had wrestled me to the ground, then swung me up into his arms like a baby, that I realized that my other adopted uncle had come back from his reconnaissance mission and he was in the mood to play.
"Stop it Jed!" I laughed out loud at his ridiculous behavior as he rocked me back and forth, humming lullabies to me like one would an infant. "Just because I'm a newborn doesn't mean you can treat me like a helpless human!"
"Oh but darlin' you are helpless! Watch this!" And before I could react he had me twisted into a pretzel-like shape, my arms and legs held immobile by his strong corded arms. I knew from experience that technically I was stronger, but in this position I couldn't get any leverage, so I was for all intents and purposes, held at his mercy.
"Jed, this is ridiculous," I called out irritated, "I thought we were going to go near to town and try out my control, not wrestle in the dirt like ten-year-olds! You're over a hundred and sixty! Aren't you tired of these kinds of games?"
"No chance of that darlin'! Having you around is like getting a nice shiny new toy to play with. Wrestlin' with Antoine's no fun anymore 'cause he knows all my moves. But I can always catch you by surprise!" Jed laughed gleefully.
Antoine sighed resignedly, "It is true, mon petit, he may be very old but he has the spirit of a young child within. He never tires of these types of games."
Jed finally started to ease me out of the pretzel hold he had me in. Seeing my chance, I quickly grabbed him by his bicep, and flipped him over my head so he landed with a crash into the ground beside me.
That had him laughing uproariously, and for a little while, the only thing going on was a fierce match between Jed and me to see who could beat the other in a test of strength and agility. In the end, though I managed to body slam him once into the dirt, I was again wrestled into submission, Jed's arms wrapped around me in a fierce bear hug that kept me from wriggling free.
"Now now darlin' are you gonna promise to stay nice and quiet if I let you go? I picked out a nice out-of-the-way Mom 'n Pop establishment with only a few customers in there for the night. We can head on over pretending our car has stalled out on the highway and we're waiting on a tow-truck. Meanwhile we'll bide our time and see how long your control lasts. How's that sound missy?"
"Fine fine," I grumbled, still a bit irritated that I had yet to best Jed in any kind of fight. "Can you let go of me then? I say let's get a move on so I can show you two what real control looks like," I boasted rashly.
"Oh ho! I smell a wager I think. Now I'm what you might call a real gamblin' man darlin' so how's about we make this interesting? What do you say to that?"
"Alright, cowboy, I say that I can walk into that diner under my own power and keep it together for a full hour without trying to pounce on anyone. And I say that when I win you will show me exactly how to put someone in a chokehold like you're always doing to me. Seem fair?"
"You got yourself a deal darlin'. Only when I win and have to forcibly hold you down in your seat at the table, you will owe me a full and honest explanation of what you plan on doing when you get to the Olympic Peninsula. See, I haven't forgotten have I?" Jed gloated smugly.
My face fell after hearing Jed's demand. Reading my expression, his grin only got wider. He obviously thought I was going to back out of the bet and look like a fool, or give in and possibly put my secret on the line. Well I would just have to make sure I won the bet, I supposed. Deep down, I knew I had promised to tell the boys about my plans once we reached Seattle, but there was nothing like putting off inevitable for another day. There was no way I wanted to tackle that argument anytime soon.
"Fine, you have yourself a deal," I ground out between clenched teeth, hating the fact that he had backed me into a corner. If Jed were this devious when it came to a simple friendly wager, I mentally promised myself to never end up in a poker game with him.
"Very well, I will be the witness to this wager and will hold the loser accountable," Antoine declared enthusiastically, getting caught up in the spirit of competition. I wasn't sure who he was rooting for, but my instincts told me he was just as curious as Jed about my secret mission to the Olympic Peninsula.
"Deal!" Jed laughed, while shaking my hand to seal our agreement. "Now let's head on over to the diner and watch you lose that bet darlin'!" Jed grinned while rubbing his hands together deviously. Considering how potentially dangerous this whole experiment was to the humans in the area, I thought we were acting fairly light-hearted about the whole thing. But on the other hand I had controlled myself well before, and Jed and Antoine were strong enough to hold me down in a booth even if I did lose my cool.
As the three of us followed the highway to the diner, a dirty well-worn looking building with a broken neon sign, we solidified a possible cover story in case the waitress or any of the other patrons became curious and started asking us questions. Jed was my older brother and Antoine would be my uncle. We were all on our way to Walla Walla from Pendleton, Oregon when our car broke down on the side of the road. To my surprise, when I mentioned the fact that it would be suspicious to hear Antoine talk in his French accent all the way in middle-of-nowhere Washington State, he declared he could fake an American accent. To prove his point, he started reciting poetry, his voice free from its usual European flair. When I asked if anyone would notice our red eyes, Jed hesitated, saying that usually humans weren't that observant, but if anyone did ask, we would simply say it was a genetic mutation that ran in the family.
With our stories straight between the three of us, we approached the front door to the weather-beaten establishment. I put out my hands to stop the boys before we reached the door, using the opportunity before we were spotted to take in a few deep breaths, inhaling the smell of humans. Just as it had happened in the house in Utah, I felt the liquid pool in my mouth, my throat tighten in an insistent burn, and my vision even went a little hazy before my eyes as I mentally envisioned wrenching the door off its hinges and slaughtering everyone inside. Shaking my head to clear those disturbing thoughts, I continued to breathe in and out slowly, preparing myself for the wall of scent that would assault me once we stepped inside.
At my signal, Jed opened the door for me to step through, Antoine keeping a firm grip on my arm just in case. As it was, the scent of humans hit me like a truck, stopping me in my tracks for a moment, but I recovered sooner than I thought I would. I attributed my sudden control to the fact that we were in a diner, and the appetizing smell of humans was mixed together with the revolting scent of cooking food. The stench of grease and searing animal flesh was enough to make me feel nauseous, so I concentrated on those smells instead of the allure of the beating hearts and pulsing veins I could detect with my keen hearing.
Jed let the door swing closed, smiling charmingly at the dumbfounded waitress behind the counter. He even tipped his hat at her before walking around in front of Antoine and me to lead us to a corner booth far away from the few other patrons. Again, I focused on the disgusting smell of food, as I stepped the closest I had been to live humans since my transformation. Passing by the counter on the right sat a lonely looking man in his sixties, and seated in a booth near the door were three biker guys, decked out in leather jackets and worn blue jeans. I felt their eyes on me as we passed by, but I didn't dare look at them closely for fear my instincts would take over before I could stop myself.
Jed guided me into the booth, his hand on the small of my back, directing me to sit on the inside while we sat on my other side to guard me from the rest of the humans in the diner. I kept my eyes averted from the obvious stares of the other customers, looking down at my hands which I had clenched into tight fists in my lap. I both sensed and smelt the approach of the waitress to our table, and then heard her ask in a voice made raspy from years of cigarette smoke, "What'll be fellas?"
To my surprise Antoine replied, oozing charm and affability in a flawless American accent. "Nothing for us thank you ma'am. Our car broke down a mile down the road so we're just waiting for the tow-truck to come pick us up. Hope you don't mind us waiting in here. If it's a problem I could order a coffee…"
Antoine really was gifted because the next thing I knew, the waitress visibly melted, staring dazedly at the handsome man across from me. She obviously didn't have a problem with such a good-looking face sitting in her booth, especially one who was so well-mannered and flattering. "Sure thing honey, stay as long as you like. That's too bad you had a break-down. Let me know if you ever want that coffee and I'll bring it right over," she gushed.
As soon as the waitress turned away I rolled my eyes. Antoine's gift never ceased to amaze me, and the obliviousness of others to its power was something to behold.
"That poor woman," I whispered under my breath to Antoine across the table, "she's going to be fantasizing about the dashing young stranger who was so nice to her the rest of the evening."
"Sure will darlin'. I never would have thought it when Antoine and I first started running together, but I've seen it for myself over the years. He's got a real way with the ladies," Jed grinned beside me.
Antoine merely waved his hand airily at the compliment. "It's nothing," he said, still faking his American accent, "a little charisma goes a long way, that's all."
We were all laughing quietly when I looked up and noticed the three bikers looking intensely in my direction. To my surprise they weren't staring at Jed or the back of Antoine, but seemed to be looking me over. I was only sixteen after all, and had never experienced someone blatantly checking me out before, so the experience was both surreal as well as profoundly disturbing. I knew I had nothing to fear from these weak humans, but the sensation of someone mentally undressing me was still upsetting.
Jed, with his gift for reading people, immediately saw my expression tighten. Quickly, he snuck a glance across the diner at what had made me look back down to my lap in discomfort. I heard him inhale sharply once he recognized the biker's leers for what they were, and his arm which was around my shoulders tightened, sending the humans the signal that I was protected and spoken for.
After that, we spent the remainder of the hour sitting quietly, staring off into space, and avoiding the constant looks of the bikers down at the other end of the diner. Finally the time came for us to make a discreet exit, the agreed upon hour we set up as part of the bet having passed without me once trying to murder anyone. Jed glanced over at me once to see if I was still under control before easily sliding out from the booth and holding out his hand to me. I gratefully squeezed his hand, recognizing it as a safety line in case I felt the urge again to pounce on one of the humans. Antoine followed me from behind, essentially boxing me in.
Once we reached the front of the diner, Antoine addressed the waitress, thanking her for her hospitality and explaining that we were going to wander back to our car and see if the tow-truck had arrived yet. We reached the front doors, and I sensed behind me that we were not alone. Sure enough, once we stepped into the poorly lit gravel parking lot out front, we turned smoothly to see that the three bikers had followed us out.
Jed stood in front of me blocking me from their view. "Is there somethin' we can help you with fellas?" Jed's words were cordial enough but they carried a hint of malice that I thought would have frightened off most humans.
The three bikers paused at that, but the leader seemed to regain his balance after a couple seconds, addressing us in what I'm sure he thought was a menacing tone of voice.
"Yeah you can help us. We were thinking we'd like to spend some time with your girl. So how about you two boys wander off for a little while."
I don't know what those bikers saw in me, considering I was a measly five foot four, dressed in ragged jeans and an oversized red flannel shirt, but maybe that's what bikers go for, because they were looking at me like I was a piece of meat.
"No can do fellas, she's with us and she doesn't want to spend time with the likes of you." Jed replied, his tone even more threatening, and his white teeth flashed dangerously in the light.
Antoine spoke up after that, obviously hoping they could avoid a fight if he could convince them it was in their best interests to leave us alone. "C'mon guys, you don't want to start a fight with us. We're a couple of strangers and you don't know what we can do. It would be best if you went on your way and forgot all about us."
The bikers seemed to hesitate, Antoine's persuasion working on them to a degree, but they obviously had made their minds up before, because the leader took a step forward. "Well we figure since you are strangers in town, you don't have anyone to call for help. You can see you're outnumbered so I say you should back down and do as we asked!" And with that he pulled out a long switchblade, obviously thinking that this would make us tremble in fear.
Antoine and Jed shared a look, seeing that they wouldn't be able to avoid a fight. Antoine whispered quickly in my ear for me to stay out of it, as it would look too suspicious for a hundred and ten pound girl to beat up a burly two hundred pound man with a knife. Resigning myself to watching the upcoming scene, I took a step back as Antoine and Jed stepped forward to confront the misguided humans.
My guys waited for the humans to make the first move, and so when the leader swung at them with the knife, Jed backed up slowly to dodge. He was obviously putting forth the effort for this to look believable, so he was keeping his movements within the range of a human's abilities. It was actually funny to watch, seeing the concentration on his face to make sure he didn't move too quickly.
The leader of the biker group stumbled a bit, startled that Jed had managed to dodge his attack so easily. Enraged, he then rushed at Jed recklessly, hoping to catch him around the middle and knock him to the ground. This, Jed also dodged, stepping around him so that he could land a soft punch to his kidneys. The leader grunted in pain, and fell to his knees.
The biker's friends, shouted in indignation, upset that their leader should be felled so easily, so the two of them, as one, rushed at Antoine, hoping to catch him off his guard. Strong and athletic, yet with the grace of a ballet dancer, Antoine turned on his feet at the last second, dodging his attackers. I saw it happen almost in slow-motion, but as the bikers stumbled past Antoine, my graceful Frenchman stuck out his foot to trip the biker nearest to him. Not expecting this maneuver, the biker had no chance to catch his fall, and so his face hit the gravel with the full force of his body-weight behind it.
What happened next will live on in my waking nightmares forever. The testing I had endured while sitting quietly in the diner booth with humans scurrying about me was nothing in comparison to the bloodlust that descended upon my brain as soon as that biker hit the dirt. His face, taking the brunt of the fall, split open his lip, and his nose bled freely.
Antoine and Jed, as soon as they realized what had happened, froze themselves. I struggled to remain where I was, quickly holding my breath from the tantalizing smell dancing in the air just outside of my reach. I wanted it. Oh God help me I wanted it more than anything else I had ever encountered during my short life. Making it worse, it was the blood of a violent biker who had threatened to molest me, so I had very little pity or compassion stored in me that could keep my impulses in check.
In the nano-second before I pounced on the helpless human lying on his face in the gravel, the voice of Renee spoke in my head, saying the words of Psalm 141
"Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord;
keep watch over the door of my lips….
do not let me eat of their delicacies."
The Biblical poetry reverberated over and over again in my brain, cutting through the haze of my lust, causing me to tremble violently where I stood. I felt the liquid in my mouth drooling down the side of my face. How could I withstand such temptation before me? Oh God help me!
In answer to my silent prayer, just as I felt my control snap and I crouched to spring on to the bleeding biker, Antoine and Jed flew at me in a blur of motion. They seized my arms to keep me from escaping, and before the bikers could realize what had happened, had hauled me off into the shadows of the night, making our way through a nearby vineyard for cover. I snarled angrily at them both for getting between me and my prey, but I didn't fight them off. Instead I hung limply between them, not even trying to run. As we moved further away from the smell of blood, I felt the haze in my brain recede, and logic returned to me.
I started sobbing in relief that my guys had kept me from murdering a human being in cold blood, something I would never be able to live with if it had happened.
"Thank you, thank you…" I cried over and over again as we finally halted on the far side of the large vineyard, Jed swinging me up in his arms to cradle me close.
"You're ok Miss Bella, you're ok. You were great back there! You managed to stay in control long enough for Antoine and me to get you out of there. You did just fine darlin'" Jed whispered encouragingly.
"Oh, mon petit. Your conscience is so strong in you. I know this lust must torment your soul. Let go of the guilt my cherie, you did nothing wrong. Your hands are still clean." Antoine soothed while petting my hair.
"But I wanted him! Oh God forgive me, but I was going to give in! I couldn't stand it a minute longer, I was going to drain him dry and I wouldn't have been able to stop myself!" I cried out despairingly, ashamed at the monster that lurked closer to the surface than I had ever assumed. I had boasted of my control before this whole experiment, but looking back on it now, the whole thing, even the wager, seemed entirely foolish. Who knew that all it took was a simple nosebleed to turn me from a normal teenager into a slobbering hungry beast, capable of the worst kind of violence.
"It's ok darlin'! Ain't none of us perfect. In fact, you're as close to it as I've ever come across. I'm not ashamed to tell you as soon as I smelled the blood, I was ready for a snack myself. Especially since those nasty creeps were trying to make a move on you too. I could have happily disposed of them except I knew you would have been right upset if we killed them for you," Jed confessed ruefully.
"Yes," I laughed in between my sobs, "I would have been very upset. I know they were mean and nasty, but I wouldn't want their deaths haunting me forever. They aren't worth that."
"Very good, mon petit." Antoine encouraged me, "We will move on with our lives then and forget all about this. In a way, it was good for you, because now you know the very limits of your control."
I looked up at Antoine. "I hadn't thought about that. Now I can be extra cautious about it in the future. I know when I will reach my breaking point," I mused pensively.
"You were amazing back there darlin'. Spilt blood like that could have been any vampire's breaking point. I still can't believe you're only a newborn. It just defies explanation. It must be some kind of gift you carried over from life, self-control that is," Jed pointed out.
"I suppose…" I said slowly, "or it might be my conscience as well. I just can't stand the thought of killing someone. Watching Renee die the way she did," I choked, "well that whole thing is burned into my memory. It's all I can think about anytime I start to feel the urge to bite someone."
"Quite remarkable, mon petit, you obviously held on tightly to your human memories during the transformation. Jed and I, oh we can remember certain details of course, but most of our past lives, thoughts, and feelings are very fuzzy to us now," Antoine explained.
"Well no matter what it is that's caused you to turn out the way you have, you can rest assured that amazing control of yours will help you in the long run," Jed replied. "You think you're gonna be ok now darlin'?" Jed started to put me back on my feet, but kept a cautionary hand on my arm in case I gave in again and tried to race back to the diner.
"Yeah, I feel fine now actually," I said, surprised that I didn't feel any bloodlust anymore when only minutes before I had been panting to sink my teeth into that man's flesh. Shaking my head to clear the last vestiges of haziness from my mind, it suddenly occurred to me that we had a wager to settle. "So who won the bet then?"
"Hmm good question darlin' I would actually say you did because you lasted the whole hour and didn't attack anyone in the diner," Jed concluded.
"Yeah, but you both had to haul me away from those bikers. I lost control. That's what we were betting on right?" I said stubbornly, not wanting to lose but at the same time not wanting to win by such an unfair technicality.
Antoine decided to add his two cents. "As the official witness to the wager, I shall make a ruling, deciding the winner. Since the agreed upon parameters of the bet stipulated exactly one hour spent in the diner, I rule in favor of Bella." Antoine bowed ridiculously, then caught my right hand in his to place a fervent kiss on it.
I sighed. "Alright, I accept. But it seems like it violates the spirit of the bet. I still lost control."
"Stop worrying yourself about it darlin'. You'll do yourself no good fretting about the situation. Now let's move on and hit the road! We're bound for Seattle and then I get to hear about this secret mission of yours fair and square!" Jed cheered happily.
After what we would refer to in the future as the "biker incident", Jed, Antoine, and I continued our journey north-west. We stuck to the country-side mostly, avoiding any major towns along the way, although we did stop at a few stores and restaurants to continue in my goal of becoming immune to the smell of humans. Through farms and creeks, crossing mountains and highways, we finally made it to the Wenatchee National Forest, the southern tip of which was not that far away from the suburbs of Seattle. We stopped there for a while, hunting game to fill up on before we were all assaulted by the temptation of so many humans living in such a relatively small area. Jed and Antoine complained quite a bit about the enforced diet, causing me to snap back at them several times, which I regretted. A break came, however, when instead of hunting deer and elk, we spotted several grizzly bears nearby. While it ended up only tasting marginally better, the fun both Jed and Antoine had in catching and wrestling with the giant animals apparently made up for the flavor.
After we had stuffed ourselves with animal blood, we laid around lazily in the forest, taking in the sights and smells of the beautiful Washington State wilderness. I had never enjoyed camping when I was alive, but being a vampire, unafraid of nature, and just as durable as the mountains surrounding us, made the whole experience much more fun. As I looked around at the giant moss-covered trees and the misty clouds moving in overhead, I was struck suddenly by the fact that I was close to home, close to Charlie. While my summers spent in Forks during my life had felt more like obligations at the time, leaving me feeling uncomfortable and homesick for Phoenix, now I realized that with Renee dead, Arizona held no claim on me any longer. That house in which I grew up was only home because that's where my mom was. To think about going back there now, knowing that she would no longer be there, didn't make any sense. This was my home now, the dark green forests and rainy skies of Washington State. I would gladly move in to that tiny corner bedroom in the old frame house in Forks, only because my last claim to family was there waiting for me. A normal life with a dad and school and a future lay before me, all within my grasp. If only I could make it happen.
As if he could read my thoughts, Jed spoke up suddenly from where he was reclined comfortably in a bed of moss against a large tree. "So darlin'. I think now's the time to come clean with me and Antoine. We've stuck by you this far. Time for you to meet us halfway and explain to us why you want to get to the Olympic Peninsula so bad."
Antoine sat up, giving me his undivided attention while Jed also sat waiting expectantly for me to reveal my true reasons for this cross-country journey. I sat bowing my head, letting my long hair swing like a curtain in front of my face while I gathered my thoughts. After a few minutes I felt them stir a little in impatience, so I cleared my throat.
"When I first woke up from the transformation, and realized that my mom was dead, I didn't know what to do right away. I was alone in the desert and from what I had heard of Daniel and Elena's conversation before they let me go, they were going to cover up their crime by staging a car wreck. Anyway, so there I was in the middle of the desert, knowing that at that point the police had probably found Renee. I thought briefly about going back to Phoenix, but I quickly realized that that didn't make sense because Renee was my only family there. She has a boyfriend, but I couldn't live with him. Also, what was I going to do when the police inevitably came looking for me? Well, after I dismissed the idea of going back to Phoenix, I remembered that the only family I have left is Charlie, my dad…."
At that point I heard Jed and Antoine gasp in realization. They had obviously put two and two together.
"You mean to say you're planning on going back to your dad? And you thought that was a good idea, showing up on his doorstep out of the blue, you being a vampire?!" Jed questioned me harshly.
I winced. Jed had never spoken that way to me before and it hurt me to know I had disappointed them.
Antoine shook his head gravely. "I don't think it will work, mon petit. There are too many things that could go wrong. You could lose control with your father or you could bite someone in this town where he lives. Even if that never happens, how will you explain where you have been all this time, or how you got all the way to Washington? And there is no way you could hide forever the fact that you sparkle in the sun, don't eat human food, and have glowing red eyes."
I hung my head. Antoine was right, I knew. I wanted to live a normal life with Charlie so badly I hadn't thought it all the way through. I was being careless not having a firm plan in mind. But even though Antoine had listed off serious obstacles in my way, I still felt in my heart I could overcome them. Charlie would be so glad to see my alive, I was sure, that I could smooth over with several careful lies my whereabouts and condition.
"Look guys, I know it sounds crazy, but I want this so bad. You can't understand how much I need this. He's all the family I have left, and I can't live my life roaming around the United States, feeding off animals and hiding from humans. I'd go crazy first."
"But you don't have to do that darlin'. You have me and Antoine now, forever. We won't abandon you. We'll even stay damn vegetarians for you if that's what it will take. And we don't have to roam around as nomads. We can set up house in Seattle if you want. Antoine and I have some resources and skills you don't know about. We'll get a little apartment in the city and we can live there," Jed pleaded desperately. "Let us be your family Bella. We can't be your father and mother, but we can love you like they did."
I dropped my face in my hands, trying to keep from crying. They were being so wonderful to me, loving me so deeply that I couldn't help but be moved. More than that, I felt a heat glowing in my chest at Jed's words. I realized that I loved them just as much, and that I didn't want to leave them either. But could I really be happy with what Jed proposed? I wasn't sure.
"Look guys, help me please! If you two can help me pull this off, living with my dad for a couple years while I finish school, then I will be ready for college and I can move to Seattle and enroll in the University of Washington. I'll live with you guys then if you really want. Just let me have the last part of my youth, I'm not ready to grow up yet."
It was so ironic that I was begging to go back to high school, when only the past semester I had been complaining to Renee about how banal the whole experience was and how immature all my peers were. I had been desperate then to grow up faster, to be a real adult out on my own. Now that I was forced into that by my transformation, all I wanted was a few years of normalcy, a few years with Charlie.
Antoine crept close to me and pulled me into his arms, hugging me tightly. "This is what you really want, mon petit? We cannot convince you to give up this plan? The whole thing is very risky and if you were to fail, if you were discovered by someone, the consequences would be serious, possibly even involving the Volturi. Please consider doing as Jed suggested."
Because of the power of Antoine's charm, and my own feelings of love and commitment to Jed and Antoine, who had saved me from myself in the lonely desert, I was tempted to agree to stay in Seattle with them. Tempted, but not decided. My gut, every feeling of intuition that I had inherited from Renee, told me that what I needed to do was to go home to Charlie, to move to Forks. In a weird way, I could feel that my destiny, whatever it entailed, awaited me there.
Jed and Antoine watched my silently, awaiting my final decision. "I love you two…so much. And I don't want to leave you. You are a part of my family now and we'll always be a coven. But please, I need closure to my human life. I need to go back to Charlie and finish school so that I can move on with the two of you later. Can you give me that at least? Two years and I will come to Seattle and stay with you."
Silence rang out in the small grove where we had been sitting for well over an hour now. The birds and other animals had long vacated the area when they sensed our deadly presence, and so there was nothing but the wind rustling the leaves to disturb the quiet.
"Two years and then you'll come back to us Bella?" Jed asked softly.
"Yes. Who else would I want to spend eternity with?" I answered back. "Like I said, I love you both very much, just as I would brothers or uncles if I had any of those. I just want two years to say goodbye to my old life."
Antoine stroked my hair. "Alright mon petit. We will do what we can to help you complete the charade so that you may live with your father for two years. Then Jed and I will stay in Seattle and set up a life for us there so that when you are ready you can join us."
"Thank you! Oh, thank you so much!" I cried joyously, hugging Antoine tightly then throwing myself at Jed to squeeze him as well.
Jed sighed. "Can't believe we're going to help you do this darlin' but your welcome. Now we just have to figure out how to explain to your papa where you've been and how you got all the way to Washington."
I laughed lightheartedly. "We'll think of something. I'm not too worried about that. I'm more concerned about how I'm going to live everyday without getting caught in the sun. Thankfully Forks has maybe a handful of sunny days a year. And how am I going to hide my red eyes? Charlie's going to notice that for sure."
"We will have to find colored contacts for you, I think, in the city, before you head for Forks. And perhaps you will be careful to always have an umbrella with you in case the clouds disappear and you are outside."
"Good idea, Antoine! Thanks you guys, I can't tell you what this means to me!" I crowed, still high on life, picturing my reunion with Charlie in my mind.
"Oh we get the idea darlin'. But you're gonna owe us for this for the next decade. This is mighty risky what you're asking us to help you do."
"No problem, anything you want," I rashly promised.
For the next several hours, Jed, Antoine, and I planned all the little details that would go into me returning to Forks. They both tried to impress upon me the seriousness of what I was undertaking, and while I acknowledged their concerns, I was too happy to dwell on the negatives for long. All I could focus on was one fact: I was going home.