So yeah... it doesn't get much darker than this, I promise... although it will still be pretty dark, but I think this is one of the worst chapters.
Don't own McFly.
"So anyway, I thought to myself: how's my good friend Dougie? We haven't talked for a while, and that's why I'm here." I stared at an over-enthusiastic Jess.
"Are you ok?" I asked her slowly.
"Perfectly fine." then her massive grin turned to a frown, "But you're not." she said bluntly. I sighed.
"Jess, I'm alright, trust me." I said, looking into her eyes. God, I hated lying. "I'm just tiered. This music business really takes the energy from you." I smiled lightly.
"Alright, if you say so." Jess shrugged. That's what I liked about Jess, she let things go quite easily.
"So, how's the shop doing?" I asked her.
"Oh, fine. Ivy's doing great, she seems to enjoy the job. Peter quit though, so I'm in the middle of looking for a replacement now." Jess sighed.
"Why did he quit?" I frowned. Peter seemed alright.
"Oh, his wife got pregnant and he needed a higher paying job. Completely understandable." Jess said nonchalantly, "Besides, who'd want to work at a music shop for their whole life?"
"What do you want to do then?" I frowned. Jess never expressed her dreams, I always thought owning a successful business was her dream.
"Well, I do love the shop, but I've always wanted to make a difference somehow, y'know?" Jess shrugged, "Meh, 'snothing."
"Well, you made a massive difference to me! Without you giving me that job, I don't know where I'd be now!" I said truthfully. If Jess never gave me that job, I'd have never learnt to play the bass, and I wouldn't be in McFly.
"Aw, Dougie!" Jess hugged me quickly, then pulled away and sighed, "Now I better go back to the store. I don't trust Ivy alone there."
I laughed, "Hurry up then!"
She quickly said good bye and was out.
I then went back into my mood.
I took off my hoodie, and looked back down at my wrists. I traced the fresh wound that was only two days old and winced. At first it made me feel better, now all I felt was pain. It shocked me back into my senses, and I knew that that wasn't the way to deal with the shit in my life. I knew I didn't want to go down that road again. It may seem easier, but it would only cause more trouble in the end. I didn't want to go back to the hospital, and have to explain myself, and have to make up more lies.
No, I would have to do this the hard way, and the way that was going to make me wanted for the rest of my life.
I curled up to a ball on the sofa and gulped. I felt like an helpless child.
I needed to talk to my dad.
I didn't know why, but I felt a strange desire to go to prison to talk to him, the first time I felt like I should since he got locked up three years ago. I sighed. I knew I had to go. At least he could give me advice on how to be a heartless monster, and how to commit murder. At least he could forewarn me on what it was like in a cell. At least he could see that even though he thought I'd 'changed sides', and turned into a first class 'richie', I was still stuck. Just like everyone else ever involved with The Racketeer.
Boy, was I in it.
And just like every other teenager. I needed help. And the only person that couldn't judge me was my dad.
Tom
"Honey! I need some help here!" I heard Gi's voice clearly from upstairs. I got up from my spot on the sofa and hopped up the stairs to our bedroom, where Giovanna was struggling to retrieve a cardboard box from the top of a cupboard.
"What are you doing?!" I frowned at her, going to get the load off her.
"I'm looking for some old books I want to re-read." she said simply. I rolled my eyes at her and put the heavy box on the bed.
"Why?" I asked her confusedly.
"Well, I just like to re-visit my childhood every now and again." she shrugged, and went to search through the dusty books in the old box, "Things were so much simpler back then."
"Tell me about it." I sighed. No matter how much I loved the band, and the success, and the boys... I did miss the good old days back when none of the complications existed... before my dad was murdered.
"Oh! I love this book!"
And with that I had lost Gi for the evening.
I sighed and decided to pay Dougie a visit. That boy had grown to be more anti-social than he was before, and I felt like he was deliberately distancing himself from every one. He probably wasn't used to the fame, and felt pressure from the public scrutiny.
I walked up to his front door and waited for it to be answered. I didn't have to wait too long before I was greeted by a tiered-looking Dougie.
"Hey Tom." he let me in.
"Hey mate, how are you?" I asked him.
"Alright." Dougie shrugged, rubbing his arms.
I froze.
Dougie
Shit. Shit. Shit. I forgot to put the hoodie back on. Tom's eyes were glued to my wrists, and I knew he was probably going to yell at me, and tell every one, and force me back to a freaking clinic. I wanted to push him out of my house and slam the door in his face and pretend that this never happened, but I - just like him, was frozen.
I stared at his face and watched as his expression morphed from a face of shock, to concern. He opened his mouth to say something and I panicked. I ran to the bathroom and locked the door. I leant against it and breathed heavily. My razor stood proudly by the sink and I shook my head.
Why was I so stupid?
"Doug! Doug!" Tom knocked frantically on the door. "Doug! Please, can I just talk to you?"
I moved from the door and looked in the mirror. I hated the reflection. I hated myself.
"Doug! C'mon! Please, don't do something stupid!"
I was angry. Angry at how stupid I was. Angry at The Racketeer. Angry at myself.
"Please. I want to help you!"
Tom was growing helpless. I was as well.
"Dougie!"
I angrily brought my fist up and smashed the mirror. Pieces of glass flew in every direction, cutting at my skin. I felt a sharp pain on my right hand, and looked down to see my hand covered in blood, drops of it on the white floor. So much blood... it was everywhere. My head stared to spin. Everywhere I looked, I saw red.
"Dougie! Let me in right now!" Tom shouted, a hint of desperation in his voice now.
I stared hopelessly at my hand and cried. The blood was coming out of nowhere.
"Dougie, for fucks' sake! Let me in right now before I knock this door down."
I was getting dizzy. I opened the door, and avoided looking at him.
"Fuck! Doug!" Tom gasped. He grabbed my hand and examined it, "What happened?"
"Punched the mirror." I mumbled, wincing at the pain. My head was spinning
"You're gonna have to go to the hospital." Tom said.
"No!" my head snapped up to look at him, the spinning worsenned.
"But D-"
"No! No, you can't make me go back there!" he couldn't. No, no way in hell! No!
"What?"
"You can't make me go back there!" I panicked. I started chanting in to myself, closing my eyes. He couldn't. He couldn't. Couldn't. No! No! No!
"Dougie, calm down." Tom held me by the shoulders. I sobbed for a while silently.
"Everything's so fucked up." I said, and everything went black.
Well! That was fun!
Please review x