-Chapter 4: Trust-

-Percy's POV-

I soon had a routine going. I would wake up, skip breakfast, and go train in the forest. Quickly eat lunch, ignore everyone's concerned looks, and then train again. When I can barely move, I would go to the lake to get my energy back.

Thankfully, when people see me they don't question me. Only a few people knew how unstable I was.

All I could think of, was that how weak I was compared to others. So many people died because I wasn't strong enough. I need to be stronger.

The best part of the day, was when it was time to go to sleep. I never actually did sleep, I would go to the beach around midnight. Waiting there, would be Apollo.

It was weird at first, because I've never been friends with a god. But I soon became comfortable, and we started talking about everything. The war, my past, his past, and what I want to do know. Sometimes, he would try to talk to me about more sensitive topics, like my deceased friends, my mother, or about relationships, but I would just stop talking.

It's been a month since my freak out, and I'm heading to the beach again. This time however, I'm a bit more hesitant. During these visits, I've grown feelings for Apollo.

But with Apollo, I've become attached. I realized this earlier, and it's been worrying me. I can't get close to anyone, it ends badly for them.

I stopped walking, and decided that I just wouldn't go. My friendship with Apollo has started to turn into something else. I know that soon enough, Apollo will run out of time for me, and stop visiting and cut off our friendship.

Better to do it now, then when my feelings grow. I thought.

It was 30 minutes past midnight, when there was a sudden flash in my cabin. When it died down, Apollo stood there looking frantic.

"Percy! Are you okay? Why didn't you come to the beach?" Apollo spoke so fast, I almost couldn't understand him.

I sighed, knowing that I would have to tell him, "Yea I'm okay I guess. I didn't come to the beach because well, I just, thought it would be better if I didn't come. After all, soon enough you'll become bored of me and break of our friendship..."

Apollo just looked hurt, "Percy, I would never leave you. Why would you think that?"

"Seriously?" Why doesn't he understand? Do I really have to explain it? "Poseidon and my...mother, are examples. Maybe dad didn't want to leave, but he still had to." I choked up, thinking about my mother.

"Even if I did have to leave, which I don't, it wouldn't hurt you that much, we are just friends right?" Apollo responded.

That hurt me, but I tried to hide it. I had begun to accept my feelings, but that doesn't mean anything. Why would a powerful Greek god have any feelings for a lowly demigod?

That quick flash of emotion I let slip, alarmed Apollo.

"Percy, you want us to be friends right?" I nodded, and he continued, "Then you can tell me anything Perce. Anything."

It was going to hurt anyways when he rejects me, so I'll say it like I'm ripping off a band aid.

"It's because I like you more than a friend." I quickly said, wanting it to be over as soon as possible.

Silence filled the cabin. I looked down feeling embarrassed.

"I like you too Percy...more than I would like to admit." Apollo mumbled.

Feeling betrayed, I stood up and started glaring at him, which might not have been that smart. After all, he is a god, and a powerful one too.

"Why would you joke about it? After I tell you, you lie to me? Why would you actually like me? I'm just a demigod, someone that got his friends and family killed!" I was angry that he would say that.

"Why would I joke about this? I'm being completely honest." Apollo said.

Why should I trust him? After all, most of the gods just play with mortals feelings. Why would this be any different?

But he does seem sincere... Said one part of my brain. I ignored it for now.

"How am I supposed to trust you? Everyone just uses me for their own plans." Still glaring at the god, I saw him flinch a little.

"Percy, I would never do that. You aren't the only one that's had bad times, you cantrust others. You just have to let them in." Apollo said.

Now that struck a nerve. He would be right, if he knew what was really going on. But I can't tell anyone, everyone else needs me to be strong.

"Apollo," I said, shaking with all of my emotions, "I have let people in. But when I do, it just gets them killed. You don't know what I've been through. No one has, and it should stay that way. No one should ever have to experience what I do."

He looked confused, but I didn't elaborate. I just stood there, staring off into the distance thinking about everything. I would be able to live with the dreams, but there was something else, something that was tearing me down from the inside.

"Please Apollo, just leave. Why would you ever actually like me? I'm just a stupid demigod." I asked.

"The actual question is, why won't you see how good you are? Percy, you just have this charm that irritates people, but also attracts them to you." Apollo tried to say, but I don't think about it that way. There is too much wrong with me to actually make anyone like me, most of them probably pity me.

I shook my head and looked at Apollo, thinking some more. Could we actually be in a relationship? But what about everyone else? Wouldn't I be abandoning them?

"I- I just, we could try, I guess. Just, please don't leave yet." I said, hoping that maybe things could get better.

I'm so emotional. One minute I'm fine, then I'm yelling, and now I'm anxious. What's wrong with me?

"Percy," Apollo said sadly, "I would never leave you. Just, please let me help you. I know you still aren't okay inside."

I stayed silent, and reached out to hug him. I just wanted to be sure that someone is there. I couldn't ask for help, I needed to do this on my own. I need to bury the sadness or grief and keep moving on, just like I've always done.

During our talk, I had started to trust Apollo more and more. I didn't know if I should really let him in, so I'll still stay guarded around him.

Nervous, I asked him, "Uh Apollo, are we… dating?"

"I'm not going to pressure you into anything, but I would like to." The sun god said.

I just smiled, albeit a little sadly, and said, "I do like you Apollo, and I want us to be dating. I just need to be careful for now."

Apollo seemed happy about that, and started talking. I wasn't really paying attention, I was thinking about how my life has gone.

Maybe we can actually be happy for a while.

"Percy . . . you there? Percy, come on. Have you even been listening?" I shook my head no, and then started laughing.

I replied, "No sorry. I was just lost in thought. What did you say?" He started laughing too, and slung an arm around my shoulders.

We stayed that way for a while, sometimes talking about something, but mostly silent.