Lucifer had trouble sleeping the rest of the night. It was not that he wasn't exhausted, because he could barely keep his eyes open. At first it's fear, even the lightest move of air and Lucifer sat up like a shot. Would Sam come back? Would he take that knife and slip it between Lucifer's ribs? Or would he not kill Lucifer, make him hurt instead. Lucifer, upon realizing that he'd healed he's licked the blood of, desperate to hide the evidence.
And when Lucifer's fear subsided it gave way to disgust and hate, and most damning of all, shame. He'd begged. He'd begged like a human for Sam not to hurt him. He'd been so afraid. He hadn't been able to stop the sounds of pain he'd made. He had healed his body, but it used his grace. Worst of all was the words Lucifer didn't say.
He could hear it running through his head. "Don't, please, don't hurt me." "Please Sam, don't, you're better than this, better than me." "Don't, it won't bring them back." "Don't, please, not when I can't fight back." "Please, I will get down on my knees and beg. Please don't." "Just kill me, please, kill me but don't hurt me."
Lucifer wrapped his arms around his stomach. His shoulders hunched forward like he could wrap his wings around him. He felt blind and deaf and mute and without taste or touch or smell. He was as close to human as he could be. It was like he was naked and alone in the cold dark. And he hated himself for that fear. He was an archangel, powerful and bright. But he was trapped in the darkness.
"I saved him, for you," he whispered softly, hugging himself tighter. "I did what you wanted. I killed Leviathan. You owe me. I did it so you didn't have to get your hands dirty."
Lucifer didn't expect a reply, but it still hurt when he didn't get one.
Lucifer's neck hurt when he woke up to the sound of someone clinking around in the kitchen. This, of course, was the problem sleeping sitting upright. He was surprised to find the blanket that had been on the back of the chair wrapped around his shoulders. He knew he hadn't done it, that bit of fear keeping him from even considering it.
The small act of kindness touched him in ways he had not expected.
He stood, wrapping the blanket around him as he walked into the kitchen. The floor felt cold on his bare feet. He glanced down realizing that he had no shoes and in fact hadn't been wearing them when he first woke up after battling Leviathan. He stopped, considering this for a moment before walking the rest of the way into the kitchen.
Lucifer realized when he got into the kitchen that maybe he should have pretended to sleep more. Because while Sam wasn't in the kitchen, he could have been. It was Bobby Singer instead. Lucifer was suddenly very aware of having Death raise the dead in Sioux Falls, specifically to hurt this man so it would hurt the Winchesters.
"Up, are ya?" Bobby asked, glancing up from underneath his hat.
"Vaguely," Lucifer found himself saying. He looked down at the blanket he still had wrapped around his shoulders. "You did this?"
"You were shivering like I'd trapped you outside in winter," Bobby said like it was some kind of explanation. Maybe for the human it was, but not for Lucifer.
"Thank you," Lucifer said. Bobby turned to look at him, and Lucifer felt something twist in his stomach. "That is the appropriate thing to say, isn't it?"
"Yeah, just didn't think I'd hear it from you," Singer said, closing the refrigerator and moving back to the stove.
"Me either," Lucifer admitted. He pulled out one of the chairs and sat down. He knew he looked vulnerable, but he felt it. "Castiel told you?"
"He said you're off your mojo right now, but it'll get better."
Lucifer perched himself on the balls of his feet and wrapped the blanket tighter around himself. "How long is the question."
"How long do you think?" Bobby asked.
Lucifer didn't hesitate. He'd never tell Sam or Castiel or Dean, but he didn't think it was unsafe to tell this man. "I thought I would have been better by now."
"So, you're stuck human for now," Bobby filled in.
"I don't like it," Lucifer said. He really felt like a pouting child, but there was no way to explain the a human how weak he felt in comparison.
"No one likes it," Bobby said.
Lucifer scowled, but kept a close eye on the man as he started to cook bacon. The smell made Lucifer's stomach rumble. Looked like he'd need to eat as well. He didn't think Singer would begrudge him food. Well, maybe he would.
"I will fix Sam before I leave," Lucifer said.
"I know," was all Bobby said. Lucifer kept his mouth shut, though he did want to ask if Bobby actually did know. Was it faith or a threat? Lucifer wasn't certain.
"Damn, Bobby, you haven't cooked bacon in years," Dean's voice could be heard from behind Lucifer. He didn't stiffen or turn, just decided to keep watching Bobby Singer work. Lucifer had never actually watched humans work. He'd go into their minds and take what he needed. He had enough from Nick and Sam to be able to function like he was a normal human. But it was a bit different when he was the one doing the observing, and his stomach was grumbling at him.
"Really, Bobby? You let Satan watch you cook?"
"I'm not touching him," Lucifer said with a derisive snort. He did yawn though, which, while not something he planned, did seem to punctuate his point very nicely.
"Bobby," Dean said and it sounded like a whine.
"Quit your yapping and help me get the pancakes going."
"Really? You couldn't have gotten the freeloader to help."
"So far you've eaten more of my food than he has. And besides, do you really want to let Lucifer near the stove?" Bobby's voice had so much sarcastic disbelief that Lucifer actually smirked when Dean turned around and shuddered.
"Dean?" Lucifer hears Castiel's voice before Lucifer can even feel his brother's grace. It tells his exactly how weak he actually is. He turns a cold eye to Castiel, though his expression his probably mostly bored.
Castiel does notice, though, because he stiffens a bit and then walks into the kitchen. Castiel is wearing some of Dean's clothes, though they're too big for him. The jeans had to be turned up at the cuff two or three times. It would be funny, except that Lucifer can feel Dean Winchester's attraction to Castiel even without his grace. Dean might as well have marked Castiel as his territory, and Castiel either didn't know or care.
"Can I help?" Castiel asked.
"No!" Bobby and Dean said at the same time.
"I told you, house rule: no angels near the stove," Dean said. That made Lucifer's eyebrows shoot up. What exactly had Castiel done before that made that be a rule? Lucifer expected he'd be more likely to burn himself if he tried, though he rather thought he could figure it out on his own at least. A rather petty part of Lucifer hoped Castiel had set something very important on fire in the process.
Castiel slid into the chair next to Lucifer. Lucifer let one leg dangle off the chair and out of the blankets. He needed to in order to get comfortable. Human vessels were so confining, even when there wasn't a lot of grace to confine. And it twitched all on its own. Lucifer felt all kinds of little annoyances he was having trouble ignoring. He kept scratching his head to try and sooth the skin. It didn't seem to help for more than a minute.
"You better not have fleas," Dean said. Lucifer shot him a glare, too caught off guard to be anything but petulant.
"I believe of the two of us, you are the more likely to win that particular door prize," Lucifer said. He smirked when Dean scowled.
"Why do you understand references and Cas doesn't?"
"Castiel probably didn't bother looking through his vessel's memories. Or he did and James Novak was very dull."
"Oh?" Dean asked, looking a bit uncomfortable and glancing at Cas. "And what was your vessel?"
"I believe the proper term would be sassy," Lucifer said, chuckling at the face Dean pulled.
"Bet you don't remember his name," Dean muttered like it was an insult, and it was, actually.
Lucifer sat up straighter and glared at Dean until Dean actually took a step back. "If I knew about James Novak, who is not my vessel, what makes you think I would not remember my own?" Lucifer was actually angry. The bond between a vessel and an angel was important. It was the only thing a human was useful for, and Nick had accepted Lucifer when no one else had. "Nick Campbell," he said.
"Campbell?" Lucifer did react this time. His head turned so fast that he ended up having a blinding pain shoot through his neck. Lucifer grabbed his neck, blinking until his vision cleared. Sam stood in the door way, his annoying hallucination blowing kisses to them.
"Yes," Lucifer said through gritted teeth. He tried to work his thumb into the sore spot, thinking that could ease the ache.
"Was he related to mom?" Sam asked. His voice sounded tentative, maybe even hopeful. Lucifer couldn't imagine why.
"Second cousins," Lucifer said. "A sister who decided she didn't want her children hunting. Sound familiar?" he asked.
"Yes," Sam said his eyes locked on Lucifer. Lucifer shivered at that gaze, dropping his hand from his still aching neck and drawing himself into his blanket so he could pretend it was because of cold.
"Dean, you're burning the pancakes!" Bobby's voice cut through the kitchen.
"Got it!" Dean said quickly, rushing back to the stove. Lucifer, against all his instincts, looked back at Bobby and Dean at the stove.
"Are you interested?" Castiel asked quietly. Lucifer didn't even glance in Castiel's direction.
"The least boring thing happening in the kitchen," Lucifer said, "The company is pretty abysmal."
"Hey!" Dean snapped.
"Dean," Bobby said, clearly chastising. Lucifer felt a bit like the problem child of the group. He just curled up tighter in his blankets and tried to pretend Sam Winchester didn't exist. He'd deal with him later, but for now he couldn't.