az: At which Arthur probably going to start angsting up like a girl. Oh... that would be so odd.

Thanks again for all the reviews and likes, though I do feel a bit self-conscious about finishing this piece now. Haha. So much stress... because seriously, I have no idea how to proceed - I do have a gist of what else to put it, just not sure of the details - but I'll do my best. Will try not to make any of them out of character.

If this chapter read somewhat odd, please say so. Since half my brain was like wanting to crack a silly joke while another was telling... oi, this was a serious piece.

Vigil: Flashback

Written by Izzu alias honou-no-izumi

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"Merlin..."

Merlin stared back at him, eyes glistened with unshed tears. His lips started to quiver, as if trying to say something... yet no words had come out. Arthur bit his lips as he tried to will his legs to start moving towards Merlin.

Suddenly, Merlin started to move as well... but backwards. Arthur's eyes darted towards Merlin's feet as he realized the close proximity of the edge of the cliff to where Merlin was standing.

Oi idiot! What're you doing? You're going to fall!

He tried to shout out those words, yet Arthur could not get his voice to respond to his will. He wanted to shout at Merlin, to tell him to stop moving... but his voice just did not want to work.

When the grounds started to break and Merlin's legs started to slip, Arthur lurched to try grabbing on Merlin's hand...

xxx

" Merl—!"

His head started spinning as Arthur hit his head against the wall. He blinked as he was back inside Merlin's room.

Ah, that was just a dream..., he thought as Arthur dragged himself onto his feet. Arthur rubbed his eyes and throbbing head as he wondered how long he had fallen asleep. Merlin would have laughed at him at the pathetic state he was in right now.

He turned his attention towards the bed, where his servant remained unconscious.

"—I… would ride down the mouth of hell for you..."

He recalled Sir Leon's words to him that time, the day before they reclaimed Camelot after Morgana have taken over it for the second time. Merlin had said that he would gladly join him—even to the mouth of hell—if he deemed it. And many other times before... Merlin made similar vows to him.

How could he question Merlin's loyalty to him after all these times just because he now learned that Merlin had magic? After what he claimed at the druid shrine before, that he would respect the druids and not persecute them unjustly any more without valid reasoning? He told Merlin before, that those words he said were just to please the dead spirits but truthfully? Those words had been true, those were his sincerest feelings. Because he did feel regret over the tragedy he unwittingly unleashed in the past.

He recalled that look Merlin gave him after he cast Morgana away, using a very powerful spell. Merlin looked regretful as if he had been wishing that Arthur would not have to learn that he had magic. The very fact that Merlin tried to shy away from him after that, proved that Merlin was afraid of his reaction regarding this revelation. And somehow, looking back... he did not feel that he could blame Merlin for not trusting him to accept this revelation in a calm way.

Arthur recalled the times he had witnessed the burnings and beheadings of the people that had been proven or accused to have dealt with anything magic by his father. He recalled that time when a simple raid on a druid camp turned ugly. Those were not a good sight to be witnessed. And despite him notagreeing fully about his father's past decisions of punishing those people without giving a chance for them to defend their actions, with the many incidents he had faced in the past where he had been hurt, enchanted and manipulated by magic; he could not deny that he would always be wary about people who had magic.

He recalled that time when Gaius... and Gwen had nearly be burned at the stake because of some falsely made accusations...

Could he really... put Merlin... in that...? Would he do the same thing... as his father would do in this situation had he learnt of the truth about Merlin?

"You're no different to your father than you think you were..."

Morgana had told him that before, yet at the same time he also realized that Morgana had also turned into a similar person as his father—just, instead of fearing and hating magic... she hated the people who persecuted those who could not accept magic and unleashed her fury on them. But he was not...exactly like his father.

Somehow he wondered, if his father had not been too fearful and hateful about magic... could Morgana have turned out to be different? He wondered, if he had been more open about magic... and aware that Morgana had magic; could he have saved her? Would Morgana had remained to be the loving oldersister he once knew? Would Merlin... turned to evil like Morgana if he continued to blindly oppose magic and not accepting that there might also be goodpeople that could wield magic?

Arthur hastily shook his head. No, Merlin was not like that. He was far too kind for that. Knowing Merlin, he would bear all the hurt... all the insult, to continue trying his best to gradually open Arthur's heart towards re-accepting magic to be neither good nor evil. At the cost of his own life! He bit his lips as the thought finally sank in.

Was this not the very thing that Merlin was doing?

"Don't you dare die on me... Merlin," said Arthur, his voice hoarse.

The door opened as Gaius gave another cry towards him. He jumped.

"Arthur! I thought you've already left ages ago! I didn't hear any sounds..."

Arthur shrugged. "I guess I fell asleep earlier...", he said sheepishly as Gaius shook his head.

"You should return to your chambers, sire... and rest properly. After all, both of you had been out in the forest for a day and a half."

Arthur remained quiet as he noticed Gaius was holding a vial of liquid in his hand—possibly that tonic he said he wanted to make earlier—as he walked to Merlin's bedside to help Gaius with it. He frowned as he noticed Merlin's body still feel frail under his touch.

"Keep him upright and hold his nose...", said Gaius as Arthur did as told. The old man carefully poured the content of the tonic as it ran down Merlin's throat. Arthur lowered Merlin back onto the bed as Gaius sighed. He waited for the tonic to show its effect.

"Nothing happened..."

Gaius gave him a look that could have killed... or at least sent him running had he been much younger.

"I'm a physician, Arthur... not a miracle worker. We'll see what happens tomorrow if there was any change. Now you... sire, need to get back to your chambers and rest."

"Can't you... magicked him... or something..." said Arthur before Gaius gave him another look as if he had sprouted another head. He hastily excused himself from the chambers to return to his own.

What was he thinking? Using magic to try to—just because he found out that Merlin could use magic did not mean that he could just...

But seeing Merlin like this... did not sit well on him. It had been bad when Merlin had fallen ill after drinking the wine from his poisoned chalice. It had scared him a lot when Merlin rammed through into a Dorocha and turned ice cold—it was different when Merlin had collapsed much earlier during the banquet, since that one was probably because Merlin did not care about his body well enough and not because some evil spirit about to kill him—because that was as close to death Merlin could have gotten into. Though it had been a relief, seeing Merlin did not die right away. He had wondered why—but he tried not thinking too much about it then—but at least he knew why now. And that time when Merlin had been slashed so deeply...

It did not sit well on him seeing Merlin not being his cheerful and goofy self. It gave him uneasy feelings whenever Merlin said anything uncharacteristic to him as if foreshadowing that he would die the next moment...

To have Merlin really die... he was not sure he could handle it. They have gotten to be so close to the point of inseparable...!

But Merlin shouldn't be dying... the dragon said that it has already healed Merlin's injuries from Morgana's attack, thought Arthur as he kicked a stray candle lying on the corridor floor—who on earth leave that lying around like that? People could accidentally trip on it!—before entering his chambers. So why did Merlin not wakened up yet?

Then again, what would happen next? Once Merlin got well again, what should he do? He could not possibly erase that knowledge about Merlin having magic off of his head! Magic was a crime in this kingdom, he could not let Merlin off when he had others punished for using magic! And yet he could not... make himself give that order to have Merlin be executed! Even if it would be someone else doing the deed...

But then, he gave his words last time that he would not persecute the druids if they did nothing wrong!—then again, could Merlin be considered a druid? And what wrong have Merlin done actually? Save him a lot of time? If he should punish Merlin for that reason, he might as well called himself crazy. Who on their right mind would drop a death sentence on the people who had done everything they could to protect you from harm?

Why did Merlin had to have had magic?

"Aah! This was a painfully excruciating dilemma of a confusion!" Arthur cried out before throwing himself onto his bed.

"What dilemma are you talking about, Arthur?"

Arthur jumped as he hastily sat up from the bed to face Gwen. Gwen smiled.

"I was worried. You've been out of it since you've returned and I assumed that you've been with Merlin after that, and then no one else have seen you since—is there something wrong? How's Merlin?"

Arthur allowed Gwen to wrap her arms around him as he sighed. "Still not opening his girly eyes. Honestly... what did Merlin think he is? Some sleeping damsel in distress?" he exclaimed as Gwen giggled at him. Arthur screwed his eyes around. Did he just... said that? God... hopefully Gwen did not tell Merlin he said that.

Gwen continued to giggle. "You're worried!" She smiled as she noticed the faint tint of redness on her king's cheeks. "There's nothing wrong with that—though, what was this dilemma you're talking about? Does it have anything to do with Merlin? What happened actually? The knights said that all of you had been ambushed by bandits but then both you and Merlin disappeared!"

Arthur shrugged. "It wasn't just normal bandit. It's Morgana...", he said as Gwen let out a gasp. Arthur studied his queen's face. Should he tell her? But he did not want Gwen to bear this secret along with him... though with regards to Merlin, who knows what was Gwen's reaction on it when she found out. It might get complicated if more people knew of this... though as far as he could remember, Gwen did not fear magic as much as his father used to be to the point of aggression...

Arthur shook his head. "It's nothing. My mind had been so cluttered these few days I can't think properly. And with Merlin like this..."

Gwen held his hands tightly.

"Merlin will be all right! You'll see..." said Gwen as her voice soothed the calamity inside Arthur's mind. "Things will get back to normal, Merlin would be well again. Haven't it been like this all along? This was not the first time Merlin got hurt, he'd overcome it again... I'm sure of it!"

And then, that troubling notion returned. Would things returned to normal again, now that Arthur knew about Merlin's magic? He sighed before glancing towards Gwen, his eyes clearly reflecting his sadness as Gwen noticed it.

"I wonder..."