Might I just say that I really appreciate the reviews. It means a lot that you guys care enough to tell me what you think. Thank you.
Also, the tension building thing that starts in this chapter, the credit for that idea goes to msartistics. Thank you so much for your contribution. :D
I love mornings.
No, wait. I take that back. I love mornings when I can do wake up in my own time. No phones ringing, no stiff backs when I wake up on the couch again, no alarms. I like getting up from my own bed in the morning, slowly focusing in on the rest of the world.
Fortunately, this morning is one of those mornings.
I wake up with Hermione in my arms again. The sight of her in my arms reminds me that she stayed over last night. In my bed. With me. We didn't talk about or anything, but it just seemed like it should be a given. I wanted her there, she wanted to be there, and it was the perfect fix to what hadn't really been a problem. Amazing how loved I feel with her bare skin against mine, her in my arms.
Ginny.
It's fleeting, like deep breath on a windy day, but it's there. Crossing my mind just when that guilt comes down again.
Is it possible to hex yourself, do you think?
Hmm…I wonder if Hermione would do it for me.
Probably not.
Ron.
Not as fleeting. My stomach sinks and I feel like crawling in a hole and staying there until I die peacefully instead of having to deal with my actions.
But, that's what you do, isn't it? Deal. Consequences and all that.
Damn. I hate myself right now.
"Hermione," I say aloud. It's not a whisper. I'm not trying to coax her into consciousness. I want her up because we have to talk, have to explain to the others. We have to give them details.
Okay, so not all the details. I like my face and I'd rather not have it rearranged by every member of the Weasley clan.
She's grunting and opening her eyes slowly and, even though I love how cute she looks in the morning, she needs to get up.
"Hermione, we have to tell them." Where did my assertive behavior come from?
"Huh?" Her voice is tired, much like her.
"Ron and Ginny," I specify. "They have to know. They'll find out eventually and I'd much rather they hear it from us."
She blinks a couple of times before turning onto her back and looking up at me with wide eyes. "You're right."
Shwoo. Breath of relief.
"Good." I pull myself out of bed and find my boxers. "Clothes are a good idea."
She stands up and pulls on the T-shirt I wore the day before. "So is food."
Okay. Yeah, she's right.
That's why she's making breakfast for the two of us right now. I'm sitting at the table trying to figure out how to say, 'Hermione and I are sleeping together,' without getting an Unforgivable curse thrown at me.
'Cause that would suck.
It's about then that someone knocks at the door.
To be honest, I don't know what I'm thinking as I head for the door and open it, still clad in only my boxers. But Ron's there, so I feel my face flush. So does Hermione's since you can see into the kitchen from the front door and she's only in my shirt.
Ron doesn't say anything but his eyes shift between the two of us for a long time. Finally, he turns on his heel and marches away. Not angrily or sadly or anything. In fact, his face and posture are so void of emotion that I feel nauseous.
Crap.
….
I think I'm about to have a stroke.
Seriously.
Or something.
It's been four hours since Ron was here and there's been no more visits and no other word. Hermione left for her own flat about an hour ago and she hasn't been back yet, which is causing me to panic slightly as I pace in front of my door.
And so I wait.
And pace.
And wait.
And pace.
Okay, does anyone else ever find waiting this boring? 'Cause I sure as hell do.
Hermione's been gone too long. Screw waiting. I've had enough. I'm going looking for her. What if she's hurt? She could be lying defenseless somewhere where all kinds of bad deatheatery type things could happen to her. What if she's…?
Sitting in the hall outside my flat with her back against the door.
What?
Okay, so now she's lying on the floor, since I moved the door, but what the hell is the doing in the hall?
"Hermione?" I ask hesitantly. "Are you okay? What are you doing out here?"
I'm so pissed off that she made me worry when she was just outside the whole time, but I'm more concerned about her at the moment. I'll be mad later.
She looks up at me from where she's still lying on the floor. "Hey Harry," she says nonchalantly. "How're you doing?"
Right. Now I'm just pissed.
I grab hold of her and pull her to her feet. She doesn't resist, but she doesn't help either. I soon have her on her feet and facing me.
"Harry, what's wrong?"
"What's wrong?" I exclaim. What does she think is wrong? "What's wrong is that I've been in here for the past hour worried sick about you, and you've been sitting out in the hall the entire time. Why didn't you just come inside? Didn't you think I care enough to want to know you're okay after you storm out my flat in tears?"
Right. That may have been an overreaction.
Hermione blanches, and somehow manages an appropriate look of contrition. "Harry, calm down, okay? I'm sorry. With everything going on, I just had some stuff to think about. I wasn't hurt, and everything's fine. I didn't mean to make you worry."
Calm down? She expects me to calm down? That's exactly the wrong thing to say to someone when they're mad at you. Apparently Hermione hasn't figured that out yet. She had stuff to think about? What kind of lame-ass excuse is…?
Oh, god. Ron and Ginny. I'm such an idiot. I honestly deserve to be hung.
Okay, so maybe not hung—I love life—but maybe...publicly humiliated? Yeah. That sounds good.
But, what if it's about us? What if she's decided we moved too fast—which we did, by the way—and she only wanted to sleep with me because we were so lonely with everything happening with Ginny and Ron and she didn't know how to turn me down and we were so emotional and weren't thinking straight and now I'm gonna lose both her and Ginny because—let's face it; I'm an ass and I deserve it—but she-
"Harry?" Hermione's voice cuts off my thoughts. "Are you okay? You look like you're about to cry. I'm sorry, I really am, I just…"
I chose that moment to burst into tears.
Oh, well done. Very manly, Harry.
Hermione envelopes me in a hug. "Harry?"
I sniffle a bit as I try to control my tears. Again, way to show her who's boss, Potter.
God, we have so much to talk about.
….
"How are we gonna tell them?"
"I think they already know."
"Oh. Right. How are they gonna take it?"
"I don't know, Harry."
"We've gotta go talk to them."
"I know."
"Soon."
"Yep."
"I don't wanna get up."
"Me either."
We're lying on my bed. One of my arms is under Hermione's head and she's on her side facing me, her right hand on my chest. We've been here for…actually, I don't know how long, but a while for sure.
"I deserve public humiliation, don't I?"
"I think we both do."
"Should I just let Ron kill me?"
"Why would you let him kill you?"
"Because I'm an asshole. I got us into this mess. Me and my stupid commitment issues and then the whole 'we were drunk' thing happened and now…this. It almost makes me wish Voldemort would have just finished me off three years ago."
"Don't say that." She snuggles closer and rubs her hand down my T-shirt covered chest. "You don't deserve death or Voldemort. No matter what happens with Ron and Ginny, you're still Harry. My Harry. You're a talented wizard and a good man and…I'm in love with you."
I stop. She does too. We're both completely silent for a few minutes. Even with all the shagging we've done—the stupid, cheating, lying, unfair shagging—neither of us has said this before. It's the first time we've even started to address the issue at hand.
"I'm in love with you too." The words slip out of my mouth before you can say, 'it's your fault,' and it grows silent again.
Hermione makes a slight humming noise and, when I look down, she has her eyes closed.
"I mean it, Hermione," I start again, trying to sound demanding and failing miserably. "First thing tomorrow, we've got to talk to them."
She nods once or twice but I can tell she's about to fall asleep.
Tomorrow, I remind myself and slowly close my eyes. Tomorrow.
Okay. Sorry, this chapter took forever. Writer's block sucks.
I'm still taking ideas, by the way. I'll even credit you. :3 Woohoo.