Chapter 4 unpleasant discovery
Lady Edith was dressing for dinner. She felt so spoilt having been brought up to have a maid to dress her when she would really have been capable of dressing herself. She thought about Anthony who could not dress himself without help; although she was of course unaware of the recent development in his ability to manage.
She sighed deeply; she had been happy to go along with the engagement to Kelly as a sort of punishment for not trying harder to keep the man she loved. But since the party she had been haunted by the pained expression on his face which had cut right to her heart. She had wanted to comfort him for she was not trying to make him jealous; she had actually enjoyed Kelly's discomfort when he had seen her talking to Strallan. She was angry with him for what he had said and it had galled her that she had not leapt to Anthony's defence. She wondered if Kelly was so insecure as to be jealous. She laughed to herself; what threat did he see in Anthony whom he had ridiculed but she did not know what her aunt Rosamund and Anthony knew about Kelly's connection with Sir Richard Carlisle and Lady Mary's past. She knew that she would never stop loving Strallan until the day she died; but Edith was totally alone for none of her family ever noticed her or cared to ask if she was alright. She was just trying to survive that was all.
At dinner that evening Kelly held her hand and asked Lord Grantham if he might take her to York for the weekend; they would be staying at his aunt's, in separate rooms he added, and Robert had agreed. As usual he had never bothered to ask Edith how she felt about it.
Edith rolled her eyes so the whites showed. Who was she trying to fool? She was poor at lying, especially to herself, and she knew that she would never love or be happy with Kelly while Anthony Strallan drew breath.
"That would be lovely," she faltered with feigned enthusiasm.
The following evening she dined at Kelly's house about twenty miles away. Lord Grantham's chauffeur, Pratt, took her but Kelly had said he would get his own chauffeur, Wilson, to drive her home to save Pratt turning out.
She went to use the bathroom as a matter of course as she had had a lot of water to drink and was feeling a bit bloated; Kelly's cook wasn't anywhere near Mrs Patmore's standards but still Edith managed to surprise herself by eating a sizeable portion.
On the way back she passed the open door to what looked like study cum library and she noticed that one of the desk drawers was open.
She went in and made to close the drawer but something caught her eye. She found a blue piece of card on which were mounted three white feathers and a pressed poppy. Written in silver italicised script were the words "Lest we forget". Edith felt sick to the stomach
She decided to leave things as they were for now and make sense of it later; she returned to the dining room.
Edith told Kelly that she had a headache and was feeling a touch unwell; in truth she wanted to be alone in order to try and make sense of what she had seen although it could really only mean one thing.
Kelly's chauffeur, Wilson, drove Edith home.
Once in her room she lay on her bed.
How could she even contemplate marrying a man who had clearly shirked his moral obligations while men were dying or being maimed for their country? The loss of men known to her family; not to mention that footman William Mason had died and men like her father's heir, Matthew Crawley, and her beloved Anthony had been injured although Matthew had recovered. The words "lest we forget" were cruel, mocking those who had given their lives or been reduced to a lesser quality of life. It could mean only one thing. Never once had he talked about where he had served, nor had he mocked Strallan further by the suggestion he had got out uninjured whereas Strallan had not. It dawned on Edith that you could not boast of getting out alive from a war you had never entered.
Edith decided to keep the information to herself for now and wished she had looked to see if there was a message written in the card although in her view that image deserved contempt enough.
The man she loved had jilted her on account of his injury but he was ten times the man Kelly was.
She closed her eyes for a moment and saw Strallan's handsome and the blue eyes that she always felt light-headed looking into.
"Oh Anthony darling," she sobbed, "what have I done to you and to us? I am so sorry my love.
She flushed as she realised she wanted Strallan in her arms and not only that but in her bed making love to her. The night of the party she had wanted to hold him in her arms and comfort him until everything else ceased to exist but them. She realised that he had never got around to telling her what his good news was.
She had decided not to confront Kelly with her discovery just yet and she cried herself to sleep; no one heard her cries and if they did then they just did not care. Lady Edith Crawley had never felt more alone.