Different Tales, Different Lessons

by nievelion

Exactly What It Says On The Tin—short stories about the characters and world of "A Different Lesson". Limited series to fill in some blanks and extend and deepen other arcs.

4. Too Many Cooks Spoil the Date

(I really should have made note of this before, but my apology on the confusing wonkiness of the timeline here; while the vignettes are told in anachronic order in general, this one and the previous are particularly out-of-sync. To clarify: the previous three vignettes took place during the year in between the end of ADL [when Mei, Crane, and Jia set off on their travels] and the epilogue, when Po and Jia admitted their feelings to one another. This vignette takes up right after the epilogue, but the middle section is a flashback to a year ago again, right after the previous vignette and the post-wedding kitchen scene. Anyway, now you know; better late than never, right?)

---

From her vantage point where she stood in the noodle shop courtyard, leaning idly against one wall with her arms loosely crossed, Wu Jia couldn't help but smile fondly and shake her head as she watched Po conversing with his adopted father—more like gesticulating wildly, his eyes wide and alight with giddy excitement, his words spilling out so fast his tongue was tripping over itself trying to keep up, and his cheeks still the same flaming red they'd been when she kiss-tackled him into the river.

He was so endearing, so wonderfully sweet and refreshingly innocent. It was what she loved about him.

Unable to help herself, the snow leopardess flicked her mind back to that night nine months ago, after Tai Lung and Tigress's wedding, when they had shared that intimate moment in the Jade Palace kitchen. She'd done all in her power, short of either coming right out and telling him how much she'd come to care for him or simply pinning him to the table and taking him right then and there, to let the panda know she wanted him. But he was still so young, so clueless, and so naïve…it had taken far longer than she'd expected, and her double-entendres had practically bounced right off him, so that she'd had to make the first move.

And then, just when they'd been about to kiss for the first time, De had interrupted them.

Jia sighed. She couldn't deny, secretly, that she'd been pleased on some level; after all, the farmer was practically his youngest brother's twin, so his arrival in the altogether had finally shown her just how perfect a male specimen Tai Lung was. And despite her apparently nonchalant response, part of her had had the urge to take that unbelievably hot snow leopard and make wild, passionate love right on the table with him too, if not back in his dormitory room. But…she hadn't, because astonishingly, her mind had gone almost immediately right back to Po.

She knew why, too. It wasn't because she had lost her love of muscular hunks, although she had gotten over Tai Lung during her travels. And she hadn't gained a love for pudgy butterballs either…or rather, if she had, it was just for one in particular. It was because the Dragon Warrior was like no other man she'd ever known. She allowed that how she knew his parents, and the promise Chun had made on her behalf to look out for Bao's son, might have something to do with the closeness and protectiveness she felt. But it had gone beyond that now.

The men she had known in the past had all been after one thing, and one thing only. And she could not conceal the fact that she had given it to them, on numerous occasions. Sometimes it was the only coin she had, the only way to obtain information, travel papers, special drugs and poisons, or the leniency to look the other way while she and her sisters passed through and did their foul deeds. Other times it was to satisfy her not inconsiderable sexual desires, with no consequences (she'd always been careful about birth control herbs and certain other medicines which would keep her in good health) and no strings attached.

And still other times it had only been to stave off depression and despair, when she was at her lowest of lows, convinced that no one cared about her except as a tool to obtain what they coveted; that if her own sister could manipulate, deceive, and blackmail her, then no one else would treat her any better…but by the same token, that maybe if she searched long enough and hard enough, she could find someone who would love her as Xiu did not. Someone who, if all else failed, could allow her to forget even for a moment that she was a Wu Sister.

She had never found such a one, instead only encountering one smutty, perverted, lust-crazed man after another. Even the ones who were less disgusting and more chivalrous about it had to admit, when pressed, that while she was a delightful armful and wonderful in bed, and that they liked her well enough, they could never see themselves spending the rest of their lives with her. Or that she would ever settle down to do so, writ of treason notwithstanding. And of course some had turned out to already be married, the lying bastards…

But Po was different. Not only was he totally inept when it came to sex, relationships, or social interaction in general (something she knew she'd have to work on religiously now that they were dating), but he treated her like no other had before. Not that he was immune to her beauty or didn't think of her as a woman. It was that he saw the other side of her, who she was within her heart. He was a good, kind man, one who regarded her as a lady and a friend.

He was brave without being arrogant, funny without being annoying, and generous to a fault. He liked her for who she was, not what she could do for him or how quickly she put out, and the very things that she had always used to make her way in the world were utterly meaningless to him, a source of embarrassment and confusion. She knew she need never fear he would use her, abuse her, or take advantage of her as other men had.

Besides, he did have some nice muscle now under all that pudge. And she couldn't deny his physique actually made him more appealing somehow…it definitely added to his cuteness and charm. What they had was something deeper, something more than physical, and he was attractive precisely because he was so innocent, because he wouldn't paw her indiscriminately, because she would have to teach him everything he needed to know.

She'd thought she wanted a man of the world, one who was buff, strong, and powerful so he could both protect her and be an amazing lover. What she'd needed, though, was one who was gentle and forgiving, self-effacing and open-minded, but who was also solid in every sense of the word. And who, by the way, was still handsome, strong, and a great fighter…just not in the way she'd thought he'd be.

Unobtrusively she wiped tears from her violet eyes.

Still, if they were to make a real relationship of this, they needed to get to know each other better. That night in the kitchen she had helped Po calm down and spent several more hours with him until the custard was done, all the dishes had been put away, and Qiao Jian had been welcomed back from her date, but following that she had only accompanied him back to his room before bidding him good night. She'd known then, after how slow on the uptake he was and how he'd reacted to De that it was too soon to pursue anything with him, let alone sex, and so she had let the matter rest and, however reluctantly and sadly, gone back on the road with Mei and Crane several days later. Now she was back, the truth was out and clear between them at last—but thanks to the festival they'd barely had a chance to talk, let alone have some much-needed privacy.

But with Chap Goh Meh behind them, and a great deal of fun celebration under their belts to hopefully loosen some of Po's uptight, insecure prudishness, they could finally share more stories of what each had been up to, get caught up on the doings in the Valley as well as the empire…and then proceed from there.

With this determined goal set in her sights, Jia pushed off from the wall, squared her shoulders, and strode casually toward the still-babbling panda and goose. As she approached, she had to smile at their exchanges…

"…and Dad, I didn't even have t' give her th' orange! It was like she already knew, y'know? But I did write her name an' everything so maybe it worked after all? Or th' gods were already watchin'?" Po blushed, in that adorable fashion that melted her heart, a huge grin on his amiable face.

"Now you see, what did I tell you?" Ping crossed his wings over his belly with a satisfied air. "Give it time, and when you're least expecting it, and not looking for it, there you are! Love, or destiny, or whatever, it finds you. 'A watched pot never boils.'" The goose paused, then furrowed his brow. "Except when it does. Never mind. I am just so happy for you, my boy!"

"I'm glad to hear that," Jia interjected. "And here I was thinking I'd have to beg your favor to get your blessing." Despite the teasing, jocular tone, she had to admit to a certain trepidation. She had been one of the Wu Sisters after all, and this town was not exactly known for letting bygones be bygones. Rightfully so, perhaps, but still…

She needn't have worried. After one incredulous look the old goose threw back his head and laughed. "Well, that's very kind of you, very traditional and all…but my goodness! After what you did to stop your sisters, to help save my life, how you could ever think I'd have a harsh word against you is quite beyond me." Ping beamed.

"No, no, my dear Miss Wu, this is a happy day, and as far as I am concerned you make a perfect match for my Po." He chuckled. "But I do hope you won't be tying me to a tree again anytime soon…"

The snow leopardess flinched briefly, at this reminder of the goose's poor treatment on Wu Dan, but then forced a hearty laugh of her own. "Of course not! No knots are good knots. The only ones getting tied up around here will be the bad guys." And, she had to admit sourly, Tigress, if the striped feline wouldn't leave off her vendetta.

"Very well. Then why don't you two get over to your table?" Ping flapped his apron at them. "It's all set up, and you have the place all to yourselves, just as we agreed. I'll whip you up a batch of your favorites, and then leave you to it, eh? And make sure to have fun!" And chortling madly, he disappeared into the restaurant kitchen.

Shyly at first, then a bit more securely, she felt a thickly-furred paw slip its fingers between her own. Glancing aside at Po, whose green eyes were shining and brimming over with wonder and awe even as his face seemed perpetually crimson, she smiled back and allowed him to lead her to a secluded corner of the courtyard.

There, she found that a table had indeed been prepared: arranged with chopsticks, napkins, crockery and other eating utensils; an already steaming kettle of hot water kept sitting atop a small oil-burning lamp, with several varieties of fragrant teas in their own sealed packets for steeping; a few auspicious characters shaped from bronze and suspended beneficently from the courtyard wall alongside the booth; and even a rather romantic basket of flowers with a sweet-scented candle lit.

It was all so heartwarming, most of all because she knew that while Ping had gathered most of it, the important personal touches were Po's doing. At the same time, she couldn't help feeling a twinge of guilt—for she had later learned it had been just such an intimate dinner which the Wu Sisters had interrupted the night Xiu had killed Shen Zhuang…

Stop it. You can't change the past, and you did all you could for him. This is about you and Po now. And just because she was still pinching herself, barely able to believe she had finally found, or deserved, such happiness didn't mean she should allow it to become a self-fulfilling prophecy, ruining any chance she had of building a future with the panda before it could begin.

Jia sat down across from Po, although she didn't let go of his paw, instead keeping them clasped on the tabletop. She could hear the goose clattering about and humming contentedly to himself, but it didn't stop her from grinning naughtily and leaning forward to whisper conspiratorially. "Ah, alone at last."

"Uh…yeah. Yeah, we sure are." Almost instantly, that bright, scarlet blush she had come to both anticipate and treasure so fondly was darkening his white-furred cheeks, and he was fidgeting in his chair like an overgrown cub. Which in so many ways he was.

"Hey, no need to get so worked up, big guy," she said gently, soothingly. "You'd think I was a yaoguai. You know I'm not going to try anything with Ping in the next room, Po, and I certainly don't bite." She winked. "Unless you want me to, that is."

The Dragon Warrior shot her a warning look as he turned an even more flaming hue…although she thought she detected more than a hint of naughty interest in the way he swallowed hard and tugged at his shirt collar. "D'you, like, ever turn it off, Jia?" he hissed in a strangled whisper, and she had to giggle merrily.

When she had offered a look of feigned contrition (which she didn't think he bought for one minute—he wasn't that naive) and folded her paws before her on the table, he continued in a more normal tone, though he still looked rather flustered and shell-shocked. "I…I still don't believe it. You an' me, together? Seems like somethin' out of one of Viper's romance novels. I mean, I've been hopin', dreamin' about this for quite a while now, but I never thought…" Gulping as his voice cracked a bit, Po stared at her in earnest honesty. "What could someone like you ever see in a guy like me?"

Now it was her turn to blush. He'd really been thinking about her, wishing for this day, perhaps even fantasizing about her? No one had ever done that before…not with the purity and guilelessness he was. "Oh, Po, what's not to see, and love?" For a moment he crossed his arms rather huffily over his chest, and as she realized her words could have been construed as a comment about his weight, she chuckled.

"You're an amazing person, really. You're the Dragon Warrior, a hero and a legend no one in the Valley or the empire ever thought they'd see come again. You've saved so many people already. You're an incredible fighter and only getting better every day. You took on the Wu Sisters, the most notorious assassins in any dynasty, and won, and you helped bring down that madman Chao." She squeezed his paw. "But more than that, you're kind, you're funny, you're an amazing chef, and you've got the biggest heart of anyone I've ever met."

By the time she'd finished, those green eyes were brimming over with tears, his lower lip and chin were quivering, and if he could have she was sure he would have melted through the paving stones. "Oh, Jia…that's just…but I'm such a newbie still, and, and I still need t' lose some weight, an'…"

"That's Tai Lung and Tigress talking," the snow leopardess observed a bit reproachfully. "I happen to think you're just right." And she leaned forward to kiss him—much more sedately and appropriately than she had at the river, but with just as much devotion and passion.

They were still lip-locked, and the panda's flailing paws had settled down on the table top and he was at last getting more into it, when a scatterbrained laugh and the flutter of feathers interrupted them. "My word! Couldn't even wait 'til after the main course to get started, eh? Tsk, tsk, tsk…I always knew my boy would get it right the first time, once he found the right girl…"

Po jerked backwards with a cry, babbling incoherently in a futile attempt to cover up what they'd been doing like it was something obscene, and she could tell at a glance that he was very much contemplating hiding under the table. Slowly she turned and fixed her coldest, Wu Sister gaze on Ping. After a few moments the bird, who had been looking quite pompously and savvily pleased with himself, actually faltered, interlaced his wing feathers, and sidled out of reach.

"Oh…that didn't quite come out right, did it? So terribly sorry, my father always did say I had chow mein for brains…" Tittering nervously, he backed another few feet away. "Just came to let you know, the won tons for the soup are almost done, and your salmon is on the way…but I believe I just did! Talk amongst yourselves!" And he vanished back into the kitchen so fast it was as if he'd evaporated, actually leaving a small cloud of feathers behind.

Maybe I shouldn't let go of all those old habits just yet. She was about to buff her knuckles on her vest when she saw Po staring at her wide-eyed and hastened to explain herself. "Oh, don't worry, big guy, you know I'd never really hurt him…"

"No, I know, it wasn't that," he said immediately, surprising her with how reasonable he sounded, though his voice was a bit faint. "I just…I can't believe…" He broke off and gave her a sappy grin. "I love you."

Jia blinked; that had come out of nowhere. "Well thanks, I love you too, but what brought that on?"

Po leaned forward with both paws planted on the table in front of him. "D'you have any idea what ya just did? That was my dad's patented, honest-to-gods, no-holds-barred, 'I-want-grandkids-an'-when-are-you-gonna-start-bein'-a-real-man-an'-give-me-some' speech! He's been naggin' me with that thing for years, I could never get him t' shut up…" The panda grabbed her paws, looking as if he didn't know whether to kiss them, pat them, or shake them violently. "Thank you! Thank th' gods for you!"

Hearing that, Jia began to laugh hysterically, and it wasn't long before Po joined her, though the awe and gratitude never left his round, moon-like face.

Only when they had both settled down and she felt composed enough did she venture to speak again. "Okay, now that that awful hurdle's behind us…c'mon, give. What've you been learning while I was gone, hmm? How many of those 'totally bodacious' legends I've been hearing about are the real deal and not just gossip evolution?" She winked. "I'll show mine if you show yours."

Amazingly, Po only blushed a little this time—either he'd missed most of the implications of that double-entendre, he was finally becoming used to her and her ways, or he was that excited at the prospect of regaling her with his exploits. Whatever it was, he was soon instantly in fanboy mode, waxing eloquent on his favorite and most enraptured of topics…kung fu.

After several breathless minutes in which he had recited every move, blow, chi technique, and weapon he'd been taught by Tigress, Shifu, and Tai Lung, ranging from the snow leopard's low-slung stance to balancing atop bamboo to double-sabered fighting, Jia laughed again and leaned forward, planting both paws on the table and peering winsomely into his eyes.

"Po…big guy…breathe. Now, that's all pretty awesome and all, but what have you been doing with what you've learned? I know you've been traveling the empire some too, doing Dragon Warrior deeds. And I heard you went with Tai Tai to the capital."

The panda blinked, looking both stunned and embarrassed, and was soon unsurprisingly rubbing at the back of his neck with one paw. But even as he ducked his chin toward his chest and shifted in his seat, he answered her. "Well, yeah, I kinda did. Tai wanted me t' keep learnin' his style, an' some more cool ways t' use th' Leopard Claw, an' he was already teachin' th' Emperor an' his men, so…" He shrugged and ran his paw idly along the tabletop. "Of course, I also got t' help save Chen's life while I was there…"

"What?" She blinked, sitting up straight.

Now Po was blushing even more openly, and he refused to look her in the eye, instead finding something very interesting about the potted plants which lined the courtyard. "Hey now, don't make such a big deal out of it. Anybody else would've done th' same, I was just in th' right place at th' right time, an' if ya wanna know th' truth I just happened t' be on th' palace balcony when th' assassin was climbin' th' wall, an' I fell on him."

Jia gave him a long, sardonic look.

"Okay, okay, maybe it was a bit more than that," the panda finally admitted reluctantly. "Still don't know who he was, th' Imperial Guard's investigatin', but when ya see a guy all in black climbin' up a wall instead of comin' in th' door like normal people do, an' he's got a knife clenched in his teeth—well, that says 'obviously evil' t' me." Po knitted his fingers together and finally dared to look at her.

"So I kinda threw myself off th' balcony on purpose, knocked him off th' wall…an' when we landed, I fought him off with th' Sword of Heroes. Th' knife half took care of his dagger, knocked it clean over th' courtyard wall, an' then…well, I stabbed him with th' shortsword."

Unsurprisingly, his face looked rather gray under the white fur, for this would be the first person he had directly killed by his own paw. Even if he was an evil man, a contract killer, it would have to be upsetting and overwhelming for Po. Your first kill is never easy. I know that from experience, all right. And for one so innocent like Po…

Reaching out, she took and squeezed his paw firmly, even as she fixed a proud and determined gaze on him and injected her voice with approval and admiration. "That's amazing, Po. You did a really good deed, all of China owes you for that one…but I know how hard that must have been for you. And you know what? I hope it will always be that hard…because the day killing starts being easy for you, is the day you, and everyone else, should start worrying."

He swallowed hard, then gave her a knowing look. "Ya mean, 'cause then I'd be too much like my dad."

For a moment the snow leopardess bristled—she had been certain, after Viper's pep talk of over a year ago, and her own long, detailed, fond memories of traveling with the panda highwaymen, that Po had gotten over Chao's taunts and his own resentment and despair over his parents' identity. But then she forced herself to relax, even as she regarded him solemnly.

"No, not at all. I meant, because when someone is able to kill without it affecting them, they've become as cold and heartless as Xiu. That's what it takes to be an assassin, in fact. And if someone who could do that, also had the powers of the Dragon Warrior…" She trailed off, not wanting to put into words what that would mean, though she saw from the stark fear and sickened look in Po's eyes that he'd already reached the proper conclusion unassisted. "But I know that would never happen with you, Po."

A very small smile managed to appear on his face. "That's almost th' same thing Tai said."

"Then as usual, he knew what he was talking about." Still she kept her gaze riveted on Po; he was going to get this, whatever it took. "Anyway, why don't you tell me about the other things you've done, the things that didn't involve killing, where you were a hero just by being out there, helping and protecting people?" And she smiled brightly.

For a few moments he only stared at her, still rather stunned and worried. But then he swallowed again, shrugged, and started habitually rubbing at his elbow as he gave a blushing reply. "What's there t' tell, really? Uh…I helped Tai with teachin' th' Emperor's soldiers, I've been huntin' down bandits an' lost children, I helped some villagers bring in their harvest, there was that Mongol tribe that just wanted t' settle down an' get some good food an' a nice place t' live—had t' convince a town that they were peaceful an' meant 'em no harm—an' there was th' time I had t' stop th' Huang He from floodin', an' then there was that mission t'—"

Jia, who had been smiling warmly and nodding along in time to the almost soothing flow of the panda's words, suddenly sat up with a shocked gasp, planting her paws on the table as she let her jaw drop. "What? You held back the Yellow River?"

Po was now the color of a bell pepper, and he was spluttering and stammering in that adorably charming, incredibly cute way that she had missed so very much. "N-now, c'mon, you're makin' it out t' be so much cooler than it really was! I…I just…well, it was just usin' my water chi, y'know? It…it wasn't like I was blockin' a whole huge wall of water or something', heh heh!" Chuckling nervously, he rushed on.

"Nah, I just happened t' be there, I saw th' floodwaters risin', so I just…pushed 'em back, diverted it downstream away from th' town an' the crops. An' I made sure some of th' water did get through, so th' land got all that rich soil it needs. Just not so much it ruined everything. Wasn't anything to it." The Dragon Warrior grinned at her encouragingly. "I bet you did a lot more awesome stuff with Mei and Crane."

"You're joking, right?" The ex-Wu Sister shook her head in disbelief. "There's no way any of us could have done something as amazing as that, big guy. What's defending a monastery or helping travelers stranded by a broken bridge next to that? You're in a class by yourself, hon."

Of course, there'd been a bit more to those adventures than she was letting on, but if Po wanted to downplay his abilities and accomplishments, two could play at that game. Besides, what he had done still outweighed the trio's adventures by far…and his humility was as admirable and endearing as everything else about him.

Before she could say anything more, however, or Po could do more than blink away happy tears and suddenly become very interested in the cobblestones beneath his feet, Ping suddenly reappeared bearing an enormous tray of steaming dishes, bowls, and pots that it seemed impossible one of his size and strength should be able to support, and it was time at last to dig into their delicious dinner.

It seemed that either Ping had been aware of what she'd wanted to order, back when she and her sisters had eaten at the restaurant to obtain information, or Po had later informed him of it, because many of the items sampled on the tray were the very things she "hadn't eaten in ages" and which constituted some of her favorites: eggplant in garlic sauce, kung pao tofu, sautéed spinach, as well as various types of seafood and shellfish.

Along with this were a huge bowl of dumplings to share, the goose's special soup she'd never gotten to taste, and of course steaming piles of noodles. It all smelled so delicious her stomach was soon rumbling like a mountain waterfall, and she rather suspected she'd soon be stuffing her face as much as Po was wont to do.

When Ping had finally set out the last plate and bowl, then wiped his sweaty brow with one wing, Jia reached over and laid a paw on his sloping, aged shoulder. "This is incredible, sir. Thank you so much! I can already tell, paws down, this is going to be the finest meal I've ever had. We can just tell those Imperial chefs in Beijing to move over and make room for you, 'cause you've got 'em all beat."

As he had when Emperor Chen had praised the goose's cooking at the celebration of Chao's defeat and Tai Lung's ascension to Master of the Jade Palace, Ping looked a little unsteady on his feet, ready to topple over in a faint at any moment—or maybe he was simply that weary from his heavy load. But then he smiled, patted and caressed her paw fondly, then nodded his bill once.

"Oh my dear little Miss Jia, I will have you know that flattery will get you absolutely…everything." He glanced knowingly at the panda. "My boy, you have made an excellent choice in her, and all I can say is, it is about time!"

Chuckling, the noodle-maker turned about and began to trundle back into the kitchen, but he paused once to look back over his shoulder with a rather relieved and forced smile. "Now, enjoy your dinner…and do try to keep things under control this time…"

When he had left the courtyard, the two of them looked at each other for a long moment. Then, even as they reached for their chopsticks to begin eating, both of them burst out laughing.

"Oh jeez…ow, my side!…y'know, we really shouldn't be laughing." Po shook his head, wiping tears from his green eyes. "Poor Dad. He really got put through the wringer, last time we were here, didn't he?"

"You kidding?" Jia snickered, rather unladylike, even as she started to fish a wonton out of her soup. "Of course we should! That was the funniest thing I've seen in years!" Forcing herself to regain control so she wouldn't choke, she shoved the first noodle-wrap in her mouth and chewed reflectively, but she couldn't help still giggling a little as her mind drifted back to another dinner, nine months ago…

---

It was two days after the wedding. Tai Lung would never have interrupted his deliriously happy private time with his new wife if it hadn't been so important—for Mei Ling had told him, after her time spent in the cockloft, that Tigress still had many issues and doubts about her half-sister becoming involved with Po romantically.

And just as importantly, he knew that in only a few days' time, Jia would be leaving the Valley with Mei and Crane again, which meant there was only a short window of opportunity in which to hook the two of them up, and allow Tigress to witness it so she could see how good they were for each other.

He had to admit, when he had first learned about the panda and snow leopard possibly becoming a couple, he had been rather skeptical too. Not that he didn't believe Po deserved such happiness, or could even find it with a woman…but Jia? Sure, she was a good woman, they did have that bond through his biological family, and he'd seen how close they were growing as friends and fellow kung fu warriors during those cooped-up winter months.

But even without Chao's influence, she had always found Tai Lung himself to be the true 'stud', as well as many other males built like him. To go from that, to wanting a roly-poly butterball, was a bit of a let-down. He loved Po like a brother, but to lose out to him…

The snow leopard had immediately, of course, seen the inherent danger in such thinking. Even setting aside the fact he was now married and shouldn't be wanting Jia to pursue him, the sort of narcissistic, self-absorbed mentality that could justify such resentment was beneath him now. Po deserved this, so did Jia…and considering everything, the more he thought about it, the more it made sense.

He needed a more worldly woman to help him get over his shyness and uncertainty, she needed a man who wasn't after her just for the sex or who wanted to live dangerously. His innocence complemented her knowledge, both of them were great fighters, and thanks to Bao and Li-Na, she had a vested interest in helping him grow and be strong while he could reconnect to his past through her.

Of course that didn't mean he would stop teasing Po, whether about his size or about his apparent new status as a sex symbol; that was, after all, what brothers did to one another. But he would be careful not to overdo it and bring the panda's self-esteem crashing down. And he would do his utmost best to help Po achieve this dream he'd never even contemplated—because helping him be successful and find love was also something a good brother did.

However, the whole issue would be moot, and the point of Tigress accepting Po with Jia invalidated, if a) Po never made a move and b) Jia left the Valley before anything could happen. So the Master of the Jade Palace had decided to sacrifice a few hours in his bedroom (it wasn't as if he and Tigress hadn't spent enough time there already, or that they couldn't make up for lost time rather quickly…), urging the Dragon Warrior to take Jia on a dinner date to his dad's restaurant before it was too late, and then suggesting to Tigress that they go as well so as to, ah, "keep an eye on them".

The only problem with that set-up was that Po and Jia wouldn't be their natural selves if they knew anyone, let alone Tigress, was watching them. Hence the need for secrecy, for the feline couple to sneak down to the noodle-shop…and for them to make quite sure the other couple didn't see them.

Once Ping had been let in on the plan, it had been relatively simple to arrange things so the two pairs would be ensconced in separate but adjoining booths, divided by a very large potted plant they could hide behind. Tigress was 'disguised' courtesy of a gorgeous silk da-ao which was highly reminiscent of the one her old doll wore, as no one would ever expect or believe she would wear such feminine finery—though she certainly scowled enough to give away both her identity and her displeasure—while he had donned an old set of robes and a black cloak rather like the one he'd worn to conceal himself the night of his rampage. No one would ever be the wiser…he hoped.

Smiling as dashingly as he could manage under the circumstances, Tai Lung set down his menu, then glanced from the goose to his wife. "We'll have two specials. Is that all right, love?"

For a moment Tigress gave him a flat, hard stare, but then for the sake of anyone who might be listening in, she forced herself to reply as sweetly and genteelly as possible. "Oh, whatever you say, dear, you know what I like." And she fluttered a jade fan in front of her muzzle. Oh, I am so going to pay for this later…

Doing his level best not to meet that skewering gaze, and hoping his feigned bashfulness would conceal the trepidation he felt, the snow leopard chuckled sheepishly. "We're on our honeymoon." Which, of course, was technically true, though he had hoped to get a little farther from the palace than this…

For a long moment a very suggestive, even saucy, look entered Ping's eyes that made Tai Lung feel like rubbing his. He'd had no idea the bird had such a side to him! But he merely smiled blandly. "Bless you for coming out in public. So, that's two specials!"

"And a tofu log!" Tigress interrupted harshly. Tai Lung shot her a look—it was hard enough hiding her identity when there were so few tigers in the Valley, but everyone and his little brother knew the leader of the Furious Five subsisted on tofu during her harshest training (which was to say, all the time). Quickly she lowered her voice back to a dulcet murmur and smiled coquettishly at her husband, though it looked as if those fangs could grind rocks. "To split."

The goose glanced around furtively to make sure no one else had noticed her outburst, then nodded amiably. As he turned away and headed toward the kitchen, however, he called out: "Dalang, I need two heartburns and a deep-fried doorstop…"

The felines exchanged a long, startled look, then began to laugh. When their hilarity had subsided, Tigress set down her fan and leaned forward on crossed elbows to eye him sardonically. "All right, I admit, this was a pretty good idea."

Tai Lung leaned back in his seat, clasping one paw behind his head and buffing the other on his chest. "When will you learn that all my ideas are good ones?"

As soon as the words left his mouth, he realized his mistake, but it was too late. To his beloved's credit, she didn't scream at him, throw a fit, or rip him apart for lapsing back into such smug arrogance; instead she only raised an eyebrow, snorted, and began counting on her fingers. "Well, that's funny, because I thought that you stealing the Dragon Scroll, going on a rampage in the Valley, and going off to Chorh-Gom to face Vachir all by yourself, were really bad ideas."

There was a pause; he knew she was right, and that he'd deserved every bit of that, but he had to save face somehow. Crossing his arms in what he knew was an extremely petulant fashion, at last he grumbled, "Well, anything sounds bad if you say it with that attitude…"

Tigress shook her head, smirking, then sighed and crossed her arms on the table. "Seriously, I'm glad to know Po means this much to you, that you want him to be happy as much as I do. I just hope this plan works, so I can learn what I need to…I do not want to have been dragged out of bed and all the way down the mountain, let alone shoved into a dress, for nothing when I have our cubs to think about protecting…and I'd much rather be celebrating in private with you." The look she gave him was rather smoldering.

He chuckled, even as he tried his hardest not to think about other things that were hard thanks to that expression. "And to think I believed nothing could ever make you forego training in the kwoon or quit overworking yourself, let alone consent to laze about in bed. Damn, I'm good."

Unsurprisingly, the striped feline gave him a very cold, silent glare, though he noticed a twitch of one corner of her lips to suggest that she couldn't deny the truth of his words. However, before she could say anything, Ping reappeared with a steaming, covered tray, and she had to quickly snatch her fan out of harm's way (and resume her fluttering disguise for the benefit of the other patrons) so that he could uncover the tray and set their plates before them.

"Ah, there we are, then! Two specials for the happy couple." From a pocket of his apron, he threw a double-handful of confetti in the air. "Gōngxi gōngxi!" And with a chuckle, he trundled off into the kitchen again.

As soon as Tigress looked down at what had been prepared for her, she felt her gorge begin to rise…partly because she was only fond of certain kinds of seafood, not all, but mostly thanks to the delicate stomach her newly-discovered pregnancy had bequeathed to her. There, steaming in heaping, dark, shiny coils, was a massive freshwater eel.

What made it worse, however, was that her new husband was gazing at his own offering with bright eyes, briskly rubbed paws, and a mouth-watering grin. "Oh…my…word. Ping has really outdone himself this time! I haven't had eel in years…"

Before her eyes, he sliced into the underbelly of the serpentine delicacy with brandished claws—and then dug deep into the eel's innards with his chopsticks, scooping up clinging hunks of the boiling-hot meat to be shoveled into his gaping maw. He even began ferrying it to his mouth with his bare paws, once he had blown on it enough to cool it, or else his tongue and throat were simply that inured to heat. The longer she watched him, the more her stomach rebelled, until she had to clamp a paw over her mouth.

After several intolerable minutes of this, Tai Lung looked up, noticed her silence and stillness, and completely misinterpreted it. "Oh, I suppose you've never had it before…here, let me help you…" And he reached over to claw the belly of her eel open, too. The smell that wafted up from within, as well as the sight of the animal's internal organs, made her turn even greener.

Yet the snow leopard kept feasting on his repast—in fact he actually leaned over to grasp the looping entrails with his fangs, siphoning them into his mouth with loud, slurping suckling as if they were simply fried noodles. Again her stomach lurched. That does it. If I don't get out of here now, let alone find something my body can handle, Tai Lung will be wearing my last meal. Which he'd deserve, since he's the one who put me in this condition in the first place. Well…all right, so I stopped taking the herbs near the end of winter, but clearly the major fault lies with him… Hurriedly she got up from her seat.

"Where are you going?" the master of the Jade Palace mumbled through his mouthful. He actually sounded puzzled and completely clueless.

"I'm just going to slip into the kitchen and have a word with the chef," she replied, as casually and neutrally as she could manage, as she applied her iron will to keep the contents of her stomach where they belonged.

"You're going to get us thrown out," Tai Lung observed warningly.

Tigress scoffed. "Please. Ping? He wouldn't hurt a fly." And with another heave of her guts and a wave of nausea as she watched him nibbling on an organ like it was a candied date, she turned and sauntered toward the restaurant kitchen, still hiding her face behind her fan. The whole way she was muttering to herself, speaking volumes on how she already loathed being pregnant, if it could make something she normally wouldn't blink twice at into a cursed weakness…

Tai Lung watched her go, smiling to himself as he eyed the way her shapely backside shifted and moved beneath the clinging white silk. "No, but his new chef might…" He'd met the tiger himself—Dalang, was it?—and even if he didn't know a single kung fu move, the Amur feline was big enough, strong enough, and intimidating enough to give anyone pause. Not that he didn't think he could take the fellow, or Tigress for that matter despite her current condition. But that would draw attention they didn't want, as well as be far too tacky. And messy.

Unfortunately, as he slurped up the last of his eel and wiped his mouth with a napkin, the snow leopard saw he wasn't the only one to appreciate Tigress's anatomy. A rather drunk-looking pig at a nearby side booth was watching her too, and when he turned back and caught Tai Lung's eye, the patron grinned lecherously, winked, and raised his mug of shaojiu in a silent toast!

In spite of himself, even though he knew it was wrong and would also blow his cover, he couldn't help swelling inside the confines of his robes, snarling deeper and more menacingly than he recalled in over a year. But before he could do something disastrous, like ripping free of his cloak and launching at the porcine in a repeat of how his rampage had begun, something else caught his eye that completely drained the anger from him—replacing it with worry and even a touch of fear. Ping had appeared at the swinging door leading into the restaurant kitchen, emerging from one side just as Tigress disappeared through the other…and he was pointing and gesturing frantically to one side, eyes bugging out in horror.

Tai Lung turned—and swore to himself. There, just entering the courtyard and looking around curiously, were Po and Jia.

At any other time he might have been proud of how good the panda looked, dressed up in his festival finery, or even admired the ex-Wu Sister's violet and powder-blue cheongsam that somehow managed to be slinky and revealing thanks to the curves that filled it out.

But right now he knew he couldn't be seen by them, not if he expected an honest example of their relationship for Tigress's benefit, and not if he wanted to avoid Po's hurt feelings at discovering he'd been manipulated into this date by his two best friends just because one of them didn't trust his choice in prospective mates. And Tigress, meanwhile, didn't know they'd arrived, so could come out of the kitchen fresh from her victory over the chef at any moment, unconcealed, and give the game away.

Thinking quickly, the snow leopard pulled his hood up as far as it would go, then snatched up a menu and hid behind it. Peering with one golden eye around the edge of it, he watched with faint relief as Ping intercepted the new couple and—amid stammering, stuttering, and jittering giggles that surely must have clued Jia in to something not being on the up-and-up, even if Po was too naïve to catch it—led them to the booth on the other side of the potted palm.

One crisis averted—for now. Now to catch Tigress… Dropping the menu and sweeping his cloak up about him, he made a beeline for the kitchen, somehow forcing himself to walk as slowly and nonchalantly as he dared so as not to draw attention—though he feared his manner of dress did that already. But as he pushed through the swinging door, he discovered commandeering his wife and getting her out of sight, or at least properly hidden from Po and Jia, would not be as easy as he'd hoped.

Hand on one hip, fluttering her fan with the other in a manner that was decidedly impatient, condescending, and infuriated rather than coquettish or demure, his wife had fixed her emerald gaze on the man behind the kitchen counter, who was alternately stirring something in the large cookpot over the oven and chopping vegetables on a nearby cutting board.

He didn't know if the other tiger was simply unaware of her identity, and immune to her fierce anger, or if he was just that good at hiding it, but Dalang didn't seem to be that perturbed by her presence or her attitude. In fact if anything he seemed rather bemused, even staring at her unwaveringly while mechanically scraping his spoon around in a mixing bowl.

"…look, all I know is, I'm pregnant," Tigress was saying tartly. "And the food made me nauseous."

Rushing to her side, he grasped her free paw and tried not-so-covertly tugging her toward the door. "Um…sweetheart, leave the nice cook alone, now…"

"Chef," Dalang corrected absently.

"You wouldn't want to miss our friends, would you? The ones we were waiting for?" He jerked his head meaningfully toward the courtyard, in time to his emphasized words.

But Tigress ignored him, only narrowing her eyes all the more behind her fan—in a rather sinister fashion, he noted despairingly. "I just want to make sure you'll be a little easier on me from now on."

Letting go of her paw as a lost cause, the snow leopard hurried back to the kitchen door to check on the incipient danger. Both Po and Jia were still seated, perusing their menus, but even as he looked, the former assassin pouted and lowered hers. "Awww, your dad took the salmon off the menu! Is there any chance he could make some, just for me?" She smiled winsomely.

The panda, of course, could not possibly resist that adorably cute expression. Blushing, he levered himself to his feet with a grunt of effort. "Hang on, I'll go check."

Panic started to seize Tai Lung. Darting away from the door and the steadily, deliberately approaching black-and-white form, he ran back to Tigress's side. To his annoyance and resentment, not only was his beloved still nattering on about the food, Dalang's look had shifted from one of rapt attention to blatant admiration, his own yellow-green eyes glazed over, a beatific smile on his muzzle as he drank in her flashing eyes, her harsh but fiercely feminine features, and other aspects of her body farther down. Bollocks. This is not what I need!

He grabbed her paw again, and finally succeeded in dragging her away from the counter. However, with Po lumbering in their direction from the courtyard, there wasn't time to reach the back door, leaving only one place to go. "This way, dear…"

"It's a simple question!" Tigress demanded, as he caught her around the waist and firmly pulled her toward the pantry door. "Is there or is there not anything good for my stomach—"

"Eyes off," he growled at Dalang. "She's mine!" He was quite satisfied to see the other tiger blanch, swallow hard, then nod hard, once, as his face went pale beneath the fur.

"—on this menu?"

Mercifully, the door slammed shut, cutting his wife off from the hapless chef, and as he shoved Tigress back onto a pile of flour bags, Tai Lung could just see through the crack between the wooden panel and the jamb as the Dragon Warrior strolled into the kitchen and leaned idly on the counter with one paw. "So, Dalang, what's your policy on making special orders?"

Before the tiger could even marshal his thoughts to reply, a yarn-topped hat poked above the serving hatch out into the courtyard, and then Ping's tiny head and large eyes appeared as he breathlessly began reciting orders for the cook. "Ordering! Four shrimp and clam combos with extra black beans, two crab-cheese puff platters, a basket of potstickers, a catch of the day, and a tofu steak cut in the shape of a trout." He paused and eyed his employee worriedly. "You get all that, Dalang?"

The feline blinked several times, then shrugged and replied, utterly deadpan: "Four sea snappers wearing brown pants, two plates of hot air, a basket of grandma's breakfast, an upstream-spawner, and change the fake meat to a gill, got it." He smirked and calmly went to work; Po looked rather impressed, and Tai Lung had to admit he was too. It looked like the restaurant was in good paws after all.

Turning back to the dim interior of the pantry, he felt any sense of pride or happiness shriveling as he spied those golden and ruby-red eyes blazing at him out of the shadows. "Just what exactly was that all about? Don't tell me you've forgotten our cubs already! They can't take that sort of manhandling…and you know I won't stand for it either…"

Hurriedly he tried to placate her with a gentle shushing. "Sorry, love, there wasn't time for anything more gentle. In case you didn't notice, Po is out there right now, giving his replacement the third degree, and there's no way he wouldn't recognize you after how you were, ah, advising Dalang."

For a moment she stared at him blankly; then Tigress grumbled, sighed, and looked away, disgruntled. "Fine. Then what do you suggest we do?"

The snow leopard peered around the room, disregarding the barrels, sacks, crates, and shelves of vegetables, flour, and other dried goods and herbs, until he spied a wooden-flapped window which surely opened onto the street behind the noodle restaurant. He made his way over to it, lifted the flap, and peered out in both directions. "Good, the coast is clear. We'll just have to slip out the back way and circle around to get back to the palace. There's no way we can get back out there without one of them…seeing us…"

He trailed off because, as he turned around to gesture to his wife to let him scoop her safely out onto the cobblestones, he saw she'd turned her back on him and was striding purposefully toward the door back into the kitchen! Over her shoulder, she said rather coolly, "And miss my chance to find out how Jia really treats Po? I don't think so. Besides, I'm still hungry."

Tai Lung buried his face in his palm. This was not the first time he'd had to deal with his beloved's strange food cravings in the last month since they'd learned she was pregnant (something which had made it all the more imperative there be smooth sailing for the wedding). Between that and her need for a great deal of nourishment for the cubs, he was rather surprised she hadn't, um, bloomed.

Except she hadn't stopped training in the kwoon until forced into the cockloft, despite the doctor's admonitions. Now that she'd been forced to stop by the clear danger to the cubs, even her high metabolism couldn't keep ahead of her food intake. Which meant she'd be growing soon enough. Which meant he'd be bearing the brunt of her fury.

Just remember you love her. Remember it's all worth it in the end.

Opening his eyes, he lunged toward her to catch her by the arm—except of course she naturally, and adeptly, slipped free and barged back out into the kitchen, leaving him to desperately chase after her. Luckily Po seemed to have gotten what he wanted, since he was nowhere to be seen and Dalang was already sizzling several salmon in a frying pan on the stovetop behind him.

"All right, I'll make this easy for you," Tigress was already saying, blunt and matter-of-fact. "I'll have shrimp dumplings. You got it?"

"Can do." The Amur rolled his broad shoulders and, even as he continued shifting the pan to casually flip the fish in its oil and juices, he reached over with his free paw to snag a cutting board where dough was already rolled out for fashioning into dumplings.

Nodding in approval at last, Tigress turned and strode purposefully toward the swinging door. Tai Lung was right behind her—when he saw Jia approaching from the other way. His wife, slender as she was, fit easily through one side of the door, the panel itself shielding view of her from the snow leopardess. There was no feasible way the same could hold true for him. With no time to hide anywhere else, he hurriedly ducked under the counter in front of Dalang and squeezed himself in among the pots and pans. The tiger shot him a very odd, puzzled look at this, to which he only gestured frantically at the door, then shushed the chef. After a moment of understanding, he nodded.

Just in time. Tai Lung heard paws scrape on the kitchen's stone floor, then the counter creak as Jia leaned on it in turn. "What's taking so long?" Peering up past the wooden rail, he could just see the former assassin propped on one elbow, turned away from Dalang to gaze curiously all about the kitchen, as if she'd never been in it before.

Then she turned back—and as soon as her violet eyes met the tiger's green ones, she froze with her mouth hanging open and a growing flush beginning beneath her spotted cheek fur. Oh, for the love of—not her too! What is he, catnip?

Purring under her breath, quite sultry and suggestive, Jia smiled at the cook. "Well, well, well…while you're at it then, handsome, why don't you make me some salmon too? But hold the butter."

Never taking his eyes off her, Dalang reached down with one paw, fumbling about for the extra pan he would need to make her order. "Sure…sure thing, miss. Just gotta…"

"What's wrong?" She leaned forward over the counter, almost in view of the hidden ex-con.

Rolling his eyes, Tai Lung passed the pan out, as well as the lid, a skewer, and chopsticks, trying very hard not to be conscious of the tiger's trouser-clad groin only a few inches from his whiskered muzzle. Gah! This was not how I wanted to spend my honeymoon…and if he gets a little too 'responsive' , so help me…

Only when the fish was simmering over the fire and Jia was satisfied with the scents of spices and sauces wafting through the kitchen (which the other spotted feline had to admit smelled rather mouth-watering) did she head back out into the courtyard—but not before hovering alongside the counter and peering so avidly at the cooking food that he was certain he'd be discovered at any moment.

After she departed, he scrambled out of hiding, letting out an agonized groan and cracking his neck with his trademark disconcerting series of pops, then glared at the offending counter before shooting a look at the tiger. "Damn. All right, the next time Emperor Chen visits the Valley, remind me to turn him down if he offers me the position of Minister of Crawling Into Very Small Spaces."

Dalang blinked, shooting him a very confused look right back, then slowly started backing away. "Okay…sure…whatever ya say, big guy…"

Tai Lung ignored the overly-familiar mode of address—which the tiger had used almost from the first day they'd met—because after all, it kept Jia or Po from overhearing and finding him. Instead he cracked his knuckles suggestively. "As for what just happened, and where I was, you had better hope that no word of that ever leaves this room, or I will be permanently separating you from your Tiger's Eye Dumplings, if you know what I mean." He purred darkly.

The chef swallowed hard and nodded vigorously. "Mention what? I don't know what you're talking about, nothing happened in the kitchen…"

"Good boy." He chuckled, then sighed in relief—but before he had taken more than another step toward the door, Tigress banged back in again.

Shooting him a quizzical look as to why he was still lingering there, she said, "On second thought, make mine tofu." Tai Lung felt like throwing his paws in the air, or perhaps tearing at his fur. Couldn't her stomach ever make up its mind?

Meanwhile, the cook was the one sighing now, looking morosely at the shrimp-stuffed dumplings he'd already dropped in the boiling water before Jia entered. But he nodded and repeated after her, "Tofu." He went to fetch a package as Tigress departed.

This time the snow leopard almost made it to the door before the ex-Wu Sister reappeared. In desperation he sat on his haunches alongside a guardian dragon statue near the foot of the stairs and imitated its snarling expression, all the while feeling incredibly ridiculous and idiotic.

But somehow it worked, as she didn't even glance his direction. "Can I order the rice as a side dish?" she asked brightly.

Dalang smirked. "Have to charge you full price." Jia pouted, but nodded.

Her spotted tail had just vanished out the swinging door when Tigress was back. "How about a side of rice?"

"You got it," the tiger smiled promptly, albeit in a distracted way as he was working on both her tofu and Jia's salmon, as well as his other orders. Over his shoulder, he asked, "You want soy on that rice?"

But Tigress was already gone, and in her place the snow leopardess stood paused at the door, tapping one finger to her chin; beyond her, Tai Lung could see Tigress approaching yet again and began to panic. There was no way she'd miss her this time! "Oyster sauce will be fine," she said at last, with a naughty little grin.

"Oyster, coming up," Dalang chuckled as he braised the fish, bringing the sauce out from a lower cupboard.

Tai Lung was so distracted by the implications of this, especially for Po, that he didn't even notice when Tigress came back into the kitchen, and without any outcry from her or Jia. When he looked up at last, he saw why—hanging on the train of her dress was Ping, hopping from one foot to the other, the yarn unraveling from his hat, and his wings fluttering about like a demented feather duster. "Now, now, Master Tigress, why would you want to keep coming back here, to my humble kitchen, when you could be seeing all the lovely rock gardens and flowers out in the courtyard?"

Ignoring his babbling, but apparently distracted enough she hadn't noticed the other woman going out, the leader of the Furious Five shook her head emphatically, having heard the last thing the tiger said. "Rice yes, oyster no."

Dalang frowned a bit, holding the bottle in one paw. "Hold the oyster." He set it down.

Tigress twisted about, nearly sending Ping flying off of her dress—but that wasn't the only reason the goose squawked, for there was Jia again. This time she just missed seeing her former adversary thanks to Ping lunging and grabbing up a huge stack of dirty plates and pots which cut off her line of sight right as Tigress passed. "No, I want the oyster," she chided him gently.

"Oyster it is." The striped feline sounded even more confused. Gingerly, he reached for it again.

"Oh, Miss Jia!" Ping intervened, hurriedly dumping the dishes under the pump and working the handle. "Wouldn't you rather see Po's room? I'm sure Dalang has everything under control here, and my boy has dedicated himself to the Five for so very long now—why, the action figures and the portraits and the scrolls are simply wonderful!"

Jia actually looked quite interested, and for a moment Tai Lung almost forgot himself and asked if he could come along—since he had a feeling the panda might have a shrine to the master of the thousand scrolls, too. Though now that he thought about it, that might actually be more disturbing than a bit of ego-stroking…

But then as Ping shepherded Jia back through the swinging door (so that she had to keep her head ducked to hear him), Tigress was back, again on the tail end of Dalang's last words. "Do not want oyster!"

"Oyster out," the tiger cried, jerking his paw away just in time, before the sauce would have poured out onto the rice. Some of it splashed messily on the floor, and he cursed.

"Oyster in!" Jia insisted, starting to sound as annoyed as Tigress now as she appeared seemingly out of nowhere.

And then all was confusion, as for several minutes the two felines went in and out of the opposite sides of the swinging door, each chased by the hapless Ping who threw up his apron, yanked on sleeves, and even grabbed another potted palm to interpose between the women.

"Out!"

"In!"

"Sorry, but I do not need help in the bedroom, that's what got me into this mess." She rubbed her stomach pointedly.

"I do need help, or I'm never going to get that panda past blushing and stammering!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Today would be nice, and without the sauce."

"Are you even listening to me? Smother it!"

Finally Dalang couldn't take it any more. Slamming down a tray and tossing clams and potstickers in the water, he dug his claws into the counter top as he raised his muzzle heavenward. "Oh, come on, make up your mind already!"

Ping stiffened, feathers frizzled and ruffled in every direction. In his corner by the statue, so did Tai Lung.

Then, at the same moment, both sides of the door swung in and two feline heads popped in to speak in chorus: "On second thought, make mine with teriyaki." Frowning, Tigress and Jia wriggled their fingers in opposite ears, then shrugged and vanished.

For several moments all three males looked at each other, as well as watched the door out of the corner of their eyes in case it were to suddenly pop open again. When the moments stretched into minutes and nothing was forthcoming, Dalang fell forward on the counter, gently knocking his head against the cutting board heedless of the flour, while Ping collapsed against a wall and fanned himself with his apron.

But Tai Lung didn't trust either his wife or his erstwhile stalker out there alone…and if Po got caught in the middle… "Come on," he hissed to the goose, and snatching him up in one paw (not by the neck, as he had Zeng), he wrapped his cloak close and rushed back out into the courtyard.

By the time he had snatched up another potted palm to hide behind, Jia and Tigress had both already returned to their seats. Po was there too, looking decidedly none the worse for wear—he was, after all, an incredibly patient bear most of the time—though he seemed a bit anxious for everything to go well, judging by how he kept watching the snow leopardess consult the menu.

And the leader of the Furious Five seemed to be reading hers only as a way to stave off a temper tantrum, judging by how tightly her claws were gripping it—that, and as something to hide behind while she tried to spy on the other couple.

Tai Lung fought the urge to facepalm again. But Po seemed oblivious to it all (could he actually not have noticed all the rushing back and forth from the kitchen?), and Jia never once caught sight of the striped feline peering at her, since she always ducked out of sight or timed the raising and lowering of her menu perfectly to the ex-Wu Sister doing the opposite.

Still, the odds were against this state of affairs lasting forever; he needed to be there to intervene, to add further barriers to observation…and to find out if, after all this deception and melodrama and humiliation, it would all be worth it in what it revealed about the Dragon Warrior and his date. So he hurried back to his table as fast as he dared.

By the time he arrived and had settled into place across from Tigress, the other couple was already speaking—Jia as bright and bubbly as ever, Po stammering, blushing, and generally making a fool of himself. But the snow leopardess only seemed to find this all the more charming, judging by her elfin grin and the way she placed a paw on the panda's, and even Tigress appeared amused by their friend's antics.

"So…uh, it's a really n-nice day, isn't it? I'm so glad Tai and Tigress ended up having the wedding in the summer like this, so the weather'd be swell. Though, that made me work up quite a sweat cookin' that feast. Hope I didn't, uh, fumigate anybody. Master Shifu still says I stink when I work out too hard." For a moment the panda hung his head morosely, but then he brought his chin back up and rushed on.

"Uh, anyway, I'm really glad ya decided t' see me one more time before you guys left again…I…I d-didn't want ya t' go—without sayin' good-bye, I mean! Well, of course I don't want ya t' go, you're too awesome an' you'd be really good for th' Valley, but that's it. W-wasn't 'cause I meant anythin' else by it, heh-heh!" He rubbed his suddenly sweaty brow, somehow looking paler.

Tai Lung had to struggle very hard not to smack his forehead with bruising force, or slam his head repeatedly into the table, and Tigress didn't look much better. But Jia too was staring at Po from beneath hooded lids, clearly neither fooled nor dissuaded by his seemingly innocent, disingenuous words.

"Hey. Big guy. Remember, you're talking to a professional here. I've had the best attempt to fool me, and fail. You aren't getting off lightly. I know exactly why you're going to miss me, and it's not because you admire my kung fu or you think I'll be good for the Valley."

Po swallowed hard. "You do? I-it's not?" From across the table, Tigress shot her husband a significant and disapproving look, as it seemed the snow leopardess was about to justify her ill judgment of her.

But the ex-assassin proved her wrong. For with a twinkle in her eye and a sweet smile, she said, "That's right! Since I loved your custard so much, you want to cook for me, treat me to a meal you made all yourself, not one your dad made or that you had to do for someone else. Am I right?"

The panda stared at her—then chuckled and hung his head sheepishly. "Am I that easy t' read?"

Jia giggled. "In this case, yeah! You like helping others, looking out for them, taking care of them. And I think that's wonderful, Po. We need a lot more people like you in the world."

Out of the corner of his eye, Tai Lung saw Tigress's jaw drop in disbelief, and it took all his newfound self-control not to grin smugly at her and tell her he told her so.

The panda was a brighter red than ever, but he managed to hold his head high and meet the former Wu Sister's encouraging, expectant gaze. "That may be th' nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. Thanks, Jia. Just for that, you better believe you're gonna get th' best meal I've ever cooked. It's gonna make Tai's wedding feast look like a Sunday picnic." Once, Tai Lung might have been offended by that; now, he was simply impressed. He does have it bad.

Jia crossed her arms on the table. "What, you think a picnic isn't good enough for me? That sounds perfect, just the two of us, you cooking for me… We could have it on Wu Dan." She winked. "That is where you first asked me to dance, after all."

Po actually laughed at that one. "Sure, why not? That'd be th' perfect place for me t' ask ya for that favor I've been wantin' ever since ya left th' Valley." When she raised an eyebrow at him quizzically, he added, "Well, I was hopin' ya could keep teachin' me how t' use weapons. Like, your weapons."

Silence reigned for a few moments, other than the endless murmur of the other patrons of the noodle shop. Then Jia grinned slyly and perched her chin on one slender paw to regard him suggestively. "And what could a girl like me ever hope to teach the Dragon Warrior? Oh, wait, I could think of a few things I'd love to show you…"

Now Tai Lung did, in fact, smack his forehead with a low groan. This was exactly what he didn't want Tigress to hear from the snow leopardess, that she was only interested in sex and seduction, not seeing anything deeper or more meaningful in Po or their relationship. And indeed, when he dared to lower his paw and look at his wife, the striped feline had her jaw set and her fingers were drumming on her forearms—quite clearly saying 'I told you so.'

But to his intense relief, and the leader of the Five's open shock, before Po could do more than stammer and turn a soft pink shading swiftly toward scarlet, the ex-Wu Sister's smile turned into one far more companionable and caring, and the gleam which entered her violet eyes seemed less man-hungry and more competitive. "I hope you don't mind learning the war fans, big guy. 'Cause I bet once I show you the ropes, you'll be able to do things with them I've never seen before."

The panda choked, and swiftly had to drink from the glass of complimentary water, inspiring open laughter from Jia even as she reached over to make sure he was all right. Once he'd recovered, he eyed her warily. "Just…just what exactly are ya implyin' there, Jia?"

Winking, the former assassin shook her head. "Oh no, I'm not going to give away all my bag of tricks, not yet. But did you really think I was going to teach you anything my sisters knew? Well, maybe Chun…but beyond that, no. I'm going to teach you weapons nobody at the Jade Palace knows—except maybe Master Viper. Definitely not Tai Tai." She snorted, clearly amused at the thought, and the snow leopard bristled in spite of himself.

"I've left that life behind me…if I have to, I'll use certain weapons in combat. But I'd never teach them to you. You don't have any reason to ever use something awful like that…especially not a garrote…" Jia trailed off, a pained look crossing her face while she gripped Po's paw on the table between them.

Tai Lung realized what she was referring to at the same moment the Dragon Warrior did, and as the panda lifted his other paw to rub at his scarred throat, the master of the Jade Palace felt a stab of fear and anguish as he recalled that day—the day he'd first realized, though it took him a while longer to admit it, that he'd begun to care deeply about Po and considered him a friend.

Flicking his eyes to Tigress, he couldn't help nodding slowly, with a vindicated smile, as he caught the troubled but awed look on her face as she too understood. A wave of gratitude washed over him at Jia's unspoken apology—even before she actually did say, softly, "I'm…I'm still so sorry Xiu did that to you. Gods…if it hadn't been for Tai Tai, and Master Mantis, you wouldn't be here now. And I'd never forgive myself…"

Po blinked, then smiled, squirming a bit in his seat—and broke the solemnity of the moment with a sudden belch. "Oh! Er…sorry 'bout that, drank that water too fast there, yeah." As Tigress closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose, and Jia chuckled under her breath, the panda coughed and rushed on. "That's really sweet of ya, but you don't need t' worry. I'm fine now, that's all that matters, right? An' as for what you wanna teach me…you're on, Jia. I'd love t' learn th' war fan from ya."

The snow leopardess beamed. "Really? Well…wow…I must say, I didn't expect that. You really are something special, Po. I mean…" She glanced around surreptitiously, then lowered her voice as she spoke from behind her paw. "You wouldn't believe how many men I've met who would've refused. Something about impugning their masculinity." She rolled her eyes.

Po grinned back. "Heck no! Some of the best fighters in th' empire used th' war fan. An' kung fu is really just a dance between warriors. Like ya showed me on Wu Dan." He snickered. "Besides, what kinda masculinity have I got t' lose, anyway? I ain't so insecure I can't learn t' use such a cool weapon, no matter how girly it might make me look. So there!"

Gritting his fangs, Tai Lung frowned and sat back in a huff, crossing his arms tightly over his chest and wrapping his concealing cloak even closer, a brooding figure with only his glowing eyes visible in his hood. I am not afraid! I'm quite confident in my manhood, thank you very much. And Shifu agreed with me when I was adamant about not learning the war fan. I mean really, how embarrassing would it be to fight with a fan? I can't think of anything more effeminate…and I don't think I need to know how to do a pirouette in battle. He smirked to himself.

But…Master Oogway had seemed quite disappointed at the time that the headstrong, teenage snow leopard had refused what he had deemed the most graceful and deadly of weapons. At the time it had just seemed like the turtle's sanity slipping a few decades early…but now, knowing what he did about the sage…

And if there was one lesson he had learned, finally, bone-deep, it was that just because he was incredibly, naturally gifted at kung fu, and had developed so many awe-inspiring skills, did not mean he was worth more than anyone else. He had great abilities—but those were meant to be employed in humble fashion, protecting and saving the lives of others. There were many things he still didn't know, as the last year had shown him. And in the end, while it had been Shifu's misguided example that had set him on the path, he had still chosen to believe that just because he had learned his masters' lessons so well, he was entitled to more and better than everyone else.

Shuddering, he glanced sidelong again at Tigress, who was staring down at the jade fan she carried as if she'd never truly seen it before in her life, then flicking her ruby-gold gaze to Jia in grudging but firm approval. Groaning, he flopped down on the table and buried his face in his bulky spotted forearms. Damn it. I'm going to have to do it, aren't I? Swallow my pride, and…start learning the war fan. Otherwise, I'll never hear the end of this from Po and Jia…and Shang Ti preserve us if Tigress masters it too and starts lording it over me… Ugh.

The only good he could see coming of this is that it definitely seemed Tigress's enmity and distrust of Jia were fading.

The snow leopardess, meanwhile, was tickled pink. "What do you know…there's hope for men yet." Before she could launch into a diatribe about how women were treated as worthless porcelain dolls who didn't need to protect themselves when they had husbands and fathers to do it for them—something, Tai Lung admitted with an inward cringe, he realized he would once have agreed with but never again after meeting Tigress and Viper, let alone Jia—the doors of the kitchen suddenly burst open. And as all four pairs of eyes turned in that direction, the couples saw that the trays of steaming, mouth-watering food meant for the adjoining booths were now being carried toward them at the same time—by Ping on the left, and…Dalang on the right.

Under his breath, Tai Lung cursed. If it wasn't the possibility the chef would try and flirt with Tigress again, it was the fact that with all of them being served at once, there was a very strong possibility of their cover being blown. All it took was one dropped dish, Tigress speaking too loudly, someone turning the wrong direction at just the right moment…

At first it seemed he was just being paranoid, as the goose proceeded to professionally and cordially lay out each platter for his son and Jia—salmon with rice and teriyaki for the snow leopardess, a huge bowl of shrimp dumplings and bean buns for Po, all served with steamed vegetables and some sort of powdered sugar dessert that he supposed was the recipe of Dalang's everyone was raving about.

But then, as the tiger laid out Tigress's tofu (also with rice and teriyaki) and a plate of crab-cheese puffs with fried oysters and what looked like excessive amounts of sauce for Tai Lung (very sporting of him to help out, but did he truly think the snow leopard needed that much assistance?), Dalang met the silk-gowned feline's eyes.

Instantly that sappy grin and those bedroom eyes were back, and just as instantly the ex-convict was growling quite audibly, cracking his knuckles and swelling his already bulky shoulders and chest to the point the stitching of his cloak started giving way.

"Here you go, ma'am," the Amur purred, somehow ignoring the warning signs from across the table. "Tofu with rice and teriyaki, just the way you asked." He winked. "And just because I made you wait so long, and there was such trouble with your order…" He took her free paw and kissed the back of it—chastely, but still with much more tenderness and attentiveness than Tai Lung liked. Again he growled.

Before he could take a page from Po's book and stomp on the tiger's nearest foot, Tigress blushed, apparently quite flustered by this unexpected gallantry—and in a rare fit of clumsiness, dropped her fan on the courtyard paving stones.

"Oh! Here, let me get that for you." Dalang showed surprising balance and poise as, still supporting the tray with Tai Lung's food, he bent down on one knee to fetch the fallen jade accessory.

"No, allow me," the other striped feline purred, and she too bent down out of the booth to scoop it up.

Even as Tai Lung was hoping she was about to punch him for his temerity in flirting with a married woman, or that they would accidentally bump heads, another clatter sounded beyond Ping. "Oh, darn it!" Jia cried. "My chopsticks…" And she too bent down out of her booth.

Time seemed to pause, and everyone held their breath, as both women caught sight of each other in the same posture. Tigress froze in place, for once actually so stunned by her discovery that she seemed paralyzed with indecision; Jia, who at first looked confused and inquisitive, gradually widened her violet eyes in shock as she recognized the face no longer hidden from her by fan and potted palm, but above a dress she would never have predicted Tigress wearing.

"Jia? What's wrong? Ya need some help or somethin'?" Sounding puzzled, Po began turning his amiable face in their direction…

Tai Lung, who had also been frozen in horror, stared fixedly at Ping who seemed ready to molt at a moment's notice. "Do something!" he hissed.

A brief moment of agonized indecision passed over the goose's face; then he shot the snow leopard a furious glare that definitely said 'You owe me so much for this!' With an air of both resignation and indignant resentment, he turned and, rather awkwardly, stepped back into Dalang's personal space while flinging his wings up—knocking the tray off-kilter and spilling Tai Lung's meal all over himself and the tiger with a clatter of wood, metal, and broken china.

"AAAGHHH!" The chef leaped back, howling, as even through his thick Siberian fur the hot oyster sauce scalded him. Serves him right for using so much, the snow leopard thought vindictively.

"Oh! Oh, I am so terribly sorry, Dalang, so terribly clumsy of me!" Ping interlaced his wing feathers briefly, then began ineffectually dabbing at the tiger's clothing.

"NO…no, it's okay, it's all right, Ping…not the—mm, ahh!—first time this has happened to me…" Dalang looked anguished, as well he might since one of the largest wet patches was spread over the lap of his trousers, but he was already scooping up his towel and mopping at himself, even as his other paw started gathering the shattered pottery and slippery shells together.

"Jeez, Dad, never seen you do that before," Po observed, a bit worriedly, as he handed Jia's chopsticks back to her and also knelt on the goose's other side. "Just been a really busy day or somethin', or are ya sufferin' that much 'cause I ain't here t' help?" The panda slumped his shoulders guiltily.

"Of course not, nothing of the sort, my boy, just a simple accident, that's all…it could happen to anybody…"

From her seat where she'd sat back up, Jia frowned. "Didn't that Master Oogway of yours say 'there are no accidents'?" Tai Lung could have throttled her, but at least she wasn't openly giving away what she'd seen.

Ping shot her a scathing look. "That old turtle may have been many things, but I would wager he never worked in food service before, then!"

Meanwhile, Tigress had taken advantage of the distraction to snatch up her fan (and smack the back of Dalang's paw with it for good measure) and now had it open before her face again, thus preventing Po from catching sight of her when he looked up again. And with everyone busy cleaning up the mess, Tai Lung in turn reached out, snatched her paw, and began dragging her from the booth, and the courtyard. "What?" she protested, trying (and failing) to maintain a demure lady's tone. "I was still hungry!"

The one time I wish my cubs didn't have healthy appetites! "Forget it," he growled under his breath, then tossed a cash string down on the table. "That should cover our bill, just, ah, box our meal up and send it to our, er, house. So terribly sorry about all this!" And then he was shoveling Tigress out the courtyard gate.

But he looked back once as he departed, and somehow wasn't surprised that while Po still seemed oblivious, Ping was in a frenzied tizzy, and Dalang was hurriedly trying to collect everything from the ground while enduring the goose's squawking and battering him over the head with a menu, Jia was staring after the feline couple. And her muzzle bore a very amused, wry smirk…

---

Jia was still giggling and chuckling infectiously. "I still can't believe they thought we didn't notice them!" Stuffing her last won ton in her mouth and then moving on to the eggplant, she shook her head ruefully.

"Yeah." Po sucked and slurped up the last of his noodles, then picked up his bowl to drink the remaining broth. "Ahh! I mean, really, I'm clueless, but I ain't that clueless. Nobody else in the Valley has an accent like Tai's, or walks the way Tigress does."

"You don't mean sashaying, do you?" The snow leopardess raised an eyebrow incredulously. She also chose not to mention to the panda that he had a broth-mustache.

He snorted. "Nah, I mean 'I own th' place, I'm a coiled spring waitin' t' pounce, an' if you so much as sneak a peek at my backside, I'm feedin' you your family jewels'."

The ex-Wu Sister almost choked on her tea, and burst out laughing once she managed to swallow properly. "Oh, my mistake. That one. Yes, I know what you mean…" Calming herself, she gave him a fond smile. "It was really sweet of them though, wasn't it? Well, Tai Tai anyway…pushing you to take me out, and also trying to get Tigress to sheathe her claws…"

Po nodded, even as he was still snickering to himself. "An' just how long did ya know what was goin' on, again?"

"Almost from the beginning," she said off-handedly. "You think after twenty years carrying a torch for him, I was going to forget Tai Tai's build? That I couldn't catch even a glimpse of Tigress going in and out the kitchen door alongside me? Or that my ninja instincts wouldn't let me catch sight of that spotted stud doing a really bad imitation of a guardian dragon?"

The Dragon Warrior blinked, then ran his paw back over his head. "So…you knew the whole time…an' just let 'em keep up their act, 'cause…?"

Jia affected an air of gravity. "Well, they obviously went to so much trouble to try and fool us, so we'd give them an unbiased first impression. I just couldn't bear to ruin all their hard work." She paused, then grinned wickedly. "And it was just too funny to pass up."

"Oh, you're evil," the panda said fervently, even as he lifted his teacup to clink against hers in congratulations for that excellent play.

"Aww, big guy, you say the sweetest things! Thank you."

For several minutes the table was quiet, save for the sound of cicadas in the shadowy boughs of the trees outside the courtyard walls and the waters of the river rippling in its banks. Then at last, after they had both nearly finished their food and their mirth had settled into companionable silence, Jia looked up again. Nibbling on a cookie, she asked, "So…do you remember what we talked about that day, after they went back to the palace?"

Po briefly looked blank; then he flushed and looked a bit crestfallen. "Oh…yeah. We talked about my parents, an' ya said maybe, when ya got back from your trip, we could go visit them in prison." He paused, then gasped, suddenly looking up with a wildly excited expression. "Wait a minute, ya don't mean—?"

Jia nodded, taking another drink of tea. "That's right. Now that we're back here to stay, there's no time like the present. Chen said you could visit whenever you wanted, Dragon Warrior's prerogative. And it'd be nice to look in on my sister, too." Squeezing his black-furred paw, she smiled gently. "Besides…it's been too long already, you deserve to meet them. So, what do you say, big guy?"

For answer he leaned forward across the table, grabbed her cheeks with both paws, and kissed her soundly. And that kiss didn't end for quite some time.

I knew I'd made the right choice.

---

(A/N: First off...forgive the long absence yet again. For reasons beyond me, this has still been harder to write than I thought. In fact it's taken long enough that I still don't have all the Po/Jia vignettes done. Hopefully I can still finish the last one before the end of the year, but regardless, for now I am posting this, and will post the second a little later and the third when it is done.

Second, references. A large majority of the scene at Ping's is based off of Mudka's Meat Hut from Emperor's New Groove, a movie and scene I adore, and it was hilarious to fit Tai, Tigress, Jia, and Dalang (with some assistance from Po) into the roles of Pacha, Kuzco, Yzma, and Kronk respectively. Many lines of course had to be adapted and tweaked, but others worked surprisingly well with no changes at all. Yes it's a direct swipe instead of just a shout-out, but Luna copied wholesale the Dead Parrot Sketch from Monty Python, so I think I'm entitled. :P And I'm sure you recognized Po's line about kung fu being "a dance between warriors", Jia's opinion of men not wanting to learn fan-fighting, Tai disparaging the need to use pirouettes in battle, and Dalang correcting the term cook to chef as all being from Luna's "Present". The bit with the "Minister of Crawling Into Very Small Spaces" is a shout-out to the X-Wing novel Starfighters of Adumar. Lastly, the appearance of Dalang in this scene may seem rather disconcerting compared to what's currently happening with him in "Soaring Dragon". (This is what happens when you use someone else's character, especially one they aren't finished with yet.) All I can say is, it seems like Dalang is in need of the zaniness, humor, and fun to be found in my vignette...and in any event, since my 'verse is alternate to Luna's, you can safely say there was never an Asmodei Koshchei to corrupt and twist Dalang. Not the only change, as you'll learn in upcoming vignettes...

So, next up will be the trip to Shandong. R/R!)