The next day, after school.
The three of them, minus Butters who has stayed behind to watch the Chef clone, stop at room twenty-five at the Red Rum Inn.
Stan inhales and exhales a big breath, "Well guys, here goes nothing," he then knocks on the door.
After a few seconds of rumbling inside the room, the door opens.
"Hello there, children!"
They all in unison excitedly exclaim, "Hey Chef!"
"Oh my God – it's Chef!" says Kyle.
Chef then says, "Who's ready for some buttsex? It's spiritual."
"Damnit, his brain is still frazzled from that fruity Super Adventure Club," says Stan.
Kyle then says, "Not for long. Chef, we made you this drink," Kyle holds out a small paper cup with some bacon shake poured into it.
"I don't know, children," Chef replies.
"I mixed it with my young succulent dick," says Eric.
"Come in, hurry!" Chef steps aside.
"Young succulent dick? Kyle mocks Eric in a low voice.
"Ay – how would you know?" Eric retorts.
"How would you?" Kyle rebukes.
Chef takes the cup and drink it quickly.
"Um, um. OH! Great googly moodly!"
Chef just stands there, his mouth agape and a blank look across his face.
"Chef?" Stan says to Chef.
Chef blinks repeatedly and his eyes focus in on the boys, "Children, what happened? And what is that God-awful taste in my mouth?"
"Bacon shake, Chef," Kyle replies.
"Bacon shake? Who the fudge would make such a horrible thing?" Chef asks.
"Jack in the Box," says Stan.
"We don't have no Jack in the Box in South Park," says Chef.
Stan speaks up, "That's right, we don't have a Jack in the Box … now, but in the future we will."
"Ooohhhhh … I understand now," says Chef.
"You do?" asks Kyle.
"I'm high. Obviously I'm hopped up on goofballs."
"No, Chef, Doctor Maphesto sent us back in time so we could rescue you!" says Kyle.
"Rescue? From what? What a minute … rescue … rope … anal beads … anal sex! Sweet Jesus, what's happened to me?" he puts his hands on both sides of his face in shock.
"Brace yourself, Chef," says Stan.
Eric adds, "Yeah, this is gonna be worse than an 'E! True Hollywood Story' special."
Stan continues, "You quit your job, sold your house, and flew off to join a child pedophilia group known as the Super Adventure Club, where they've brainwashed you into wanting to have sex with children, claiming kids have things in their bodies called Marlocks, that keep you young."
"It's almost as bad as midi-chlorians," says Eric.
"Dear Lord, I've become a monster. You children shouldn't be here. I don't think I'm safe to be around."
Stan answers back, "Chef, we have to tell you before the after affects of the bacon shake wear off and you become brainwashed again, why we're here."
Kyle jumps in, "You see, Chef, while attempting to escape from the club, you fell to your death. You died."
"Yeah, totally shit your pants everywhere," says Eric.
"God has … forsaken me," says Chef, forlorn.
"No, Chef – he just temporarily put you on hold. We're here to take you to the future with us!" says Kyle.
Stan then speaks, "We got a clone of you to take your place. This time, you don't have to die."
"Right. We've drilled all your final lines into his head and all we need now is your Super Adventure Club uniform to disguise him in," says Kyle.
Eric walks over to Chef's open luggage lying on the bed and pulls out the uniform as Chef paces about, distraught.
"I … I…"
"Just say 'Yes' so we can go home," says Kyle.
"I can't," Chef replies.
"What? Why?" Kyle says, shocked.
"Don't you see, children, if I died its God's will. Maybe it's my time, maybe his vengeance was swift and not withheld. Children, I can't go back with you – God has spoken."
Eric says angrily, "What? No! Screw God – we need you in the future! Who will make out lunches?"
"Answer all our questions we can't ask our parents?" says Stan.
"And be our friend?" says Kyle.
"I'm sorry, children, if this is who I've become, then I deserved to be dead. Go, childrens."
"But, Chef-"
Chef cuts Stan off, "Go!"he bellows, pointing to the door.
"Fine! But we're keeping your uniform!" Eric bolts for the door with it.
"Yeah! We've altered the future! Now you probably won't die!" says Stan.
They run away out the door.
"Damnit, children!" chef steps out, "I have two! Hum … nice asses," he walks back in and closes the door.
The boys eventually stop a couple blocks away, hiding in between two small businesses.
"Goddamnit!" Stan exclaims.
"Are you okay?" asks Kyle.
"No, I'm not okay. I don't care what he wants – we're not letting Chef die this time."
"I don't know; I don't think we can stop him. Obviously he died or we wouldn't be here. Maybe it's pre-ordained," says Kyle.
"I don't care. It wasn't his time and he didn't deserve to die that way."
"But, what about a butterfly's flapping wings?" asks Kyle.
"Fuck the butterfly's wings! Come on, we gotta go get the chef clone; real Chef is probably heading to the Super Adventure Club local auxiliary complex," says Stan.
They start walking away.
Eric comments, "what I don't understand is: how do we know the butterfly flapped its wings and didn't let one rip?"
.
Later that day. The sun has begun setting already as the boys sneak around outside the complex, on the other side of the bridge, in the bushes and brush alongside the trail their past selves and Chef will run along to get away from the wooden walkway bridge.
Stan speaks, "Okay, guys, this is out last chance. If we have to, we'll grab him. Chef clone, remember your lines?"
"Yes," Chef clone replies.
Stan takes the PAST cartridge out of the Atari console and inserts the NOW cartridge. With the wires connected to the back of the Atari console, they each push the neodymium magnets threw the straw holes in the lids on their bacon shakes. The ground vibrates from pronounced rumbling of nearby thunder.
"Everybody ready?" Stan asks them all.
"Check," Eric replies.
"Check. Chef's ready, too," Kyle says.
"Roger, Roger," says Butters.
Eric looks at Butters pissed, "Butters, you can't say 'Roger, Roger' anymore – The Phantom Menace ruined it."
"Oh."
Kyle says to Eric, "Was that something we were doing anyway?"
They are interrupted by yelling.
"Shhh, quiet – our past selves are coming," says Stan.
They hear the thuds of running feet across the wooden walkway bridge as past Kenny, Kyle, Eric and Stan – followed by past Chef – flee from the Super Adventure Club auxiliary complex. Past versions of them run by the bushes.
"There we go," says Kyle.
"Man, I was so fat back then," says Eric.
"Then?" says Kyle.
"Where's past Chef?" asks Stan.
"I think he hesitated after he got just off the bridge," says Kyle.
"There he is!" Stan points to past Chef, who has just stepped into their view.
"How do we get his attention?" asks Butters.
Eric chimes in, "Guys, leave it to me," Eric moves in front of them and says just loud enough for past Chef to hear, "Pssst…"
Past Chef looks over.
"What's he looking at?" past Stan asks."Hum, that must be one young sexy bush," says past Connolly, the Super Adventure Club head.
Eric raises his shirt up to his neck and using his pointing fingers he rubs his nipples.
"Oh…" past Chef walks into the bushes.
"Is he going to shit in the bushes?" past Kyle asks.
"Ay – hurry up! We're in peril here!" past Eric yells angrily to past Chef.
Chef gets down on his hands and knees to suck on Eric's nipples, putting him out of view of both the past boys and past Connolly and his Super Adventure Club henchmen.
Eric lowers his shirt and stops past Chef just before the act, "Not so fast. First you drink this," handing him a cup with some bacon shake poured into it, "then you can have all the moobie action you want."
Chef grabs the cup and drinks it fast.
"Now chef clone!" Stan exclaims.
Chef clone stands up, dressed just like past Chef at that time, and exits the bushes.
"Man, they should hand out Olympic medals for shits that fast," says past Eric.
"Children, run!" Chef clone yells out.
"Stop!" Connolly and his henchmen chase after Chef, but stop at the bridge entrance.
"We made it!" says past Stan.
"Don't you remember why you left South Park in the first place?" Connolly asks Chef.
"Chef, come on!" past Stan yells out to him.
"You wanted adventure! And why do people seek adventure? Because their lives have become dull and empty," says past Connolly.
The boys drag past Chef over to the Atari console, far enough into the bushes to not be seen.
"Yeah, he wanted adventure. Now a bunch of bullcrap! Right, Chef?" past Kyle asks Chef.
Chef clone looks confused and heads toward the wooden walkway.
"Don't forget all your training, Chef. Stay with us and your life will be grand and eternal!" past Connolly says.
Kyle pours some more bacon shake down Chef's throat to prepare him for time travel.
"Chef, we love you," says past Kyle.
"I'm sorry, children," says the Chef clone.
"No, Chef, they've filled your head with lies! Can't you see that?" past Kyle asks Chef.
Chef clone heads back to Connolly just as the boys told him to, "Get the hell out of here, children!"
The boys all drink from their bacon shakes after putting Chef's hands around the cup Chef clone used to travel back in time with.
"Yesss, looks like our fruity little club is safe after all…" says past Connolly.
Stan flips the on switch on the Atari console. Orange and yellow streams of light stream out from the Atari unit. TASS-BOOM! A bolt of lightning strikes the bridge, blowing it in two and setting fire to it and the Chef clone.
"No!" past Connolly yells.
Past Kenny, Kyle, Eric and Stan all scream, "Chef!"
Meanwhile their future selves disappear in an orange and yellow fiery haze, taking past Chef – real Chef – with them, as the Chef clone falls to his death.