Authors' notes:

So, Taylor requested an animal friend so we thought eh, why the hell not? And then she specified she wanted a pygmy puma friend so again, why the hell not?

Taylor nervously walked passed the line towards where Korra was standing, the Avatar using her awesome Avatar powers to undo Amon's damage. Taylor was pretty star struck, and when she saw the epicness of Korra glowing her glow and benders bending again, she almost threw a fangirl fit. Instead, she held it together to exude grace and composure.

"Eep!" Taylor squealed when she finally faced Korra, "Korra, I am a huge fan and I just wanted to tell you I love you."

Korra smiled one of her classic side smile and took one step back just in case the girl in front of her was crazy. "Uh, thanks?" replied Korra. She was wearing the new outfit Taylor had seen designs for on Tumblr and Taylor was eyeing the magnificent similarity and lack of significant change from her old outfit. It was so cool.

Korra noticed her strange staring and quickly asked, "So what do you need?"

Taylor shook herself out of her hypnotic state to ramble, "My name is Taylor and, I know this is going to sound incredibly stupid, my friends brought me here from another world and I really need to get back but the only way I can is to 'be the fire.' That's the only thing they told me and they just left me with Chris and Howl. I think they want me to firebend, so I came here at first 'cause I thought Mako might help me but then I remembered how you unlocked your Avatar abilities. So I was hoping, since you are officially the Avatar now, you could give me firebending so I can get home?"

Korra stared in disbelief then shrugged, "Well I guess I have heard stranger things. But, I'm sorry. I can't give bending to a non-bender. I can only return what was once lost."

"Naw, that's lame," Chris said, dejected that they faced a roadblock so early in their adventure.

"Chris, please. The Avatar always tries her best," Howl quickly jumped to Korra's defense. He looked at her longingly and recalled their fake memories together.

"Yeah . . .," began a bewildered Korra, "do I know you? I mean I've seen you around and I know you're White Lotus, but why are you helping these people?"

Howl looked down, forlorn. "No. We haven't formally met but I did watch the Southern Water Tribe walls and briefly protected you here." Looking up, he continued, "It is my duty, as the 'fanvatar,' to ensure Taylor completes her task and returns home sa-"

"Hey! We're waitin' to get our bending here! Stop blabberin' and get to it!" Interrupted the man at the front of the line.

Korra gave one of her signature annoyed faces: crossing her arms and shooting a glare at the man with a poofed out bottom lip, one hand on her back, and the other one pointing at him.

"Hey pal, wait your turn. I'm not just your Avatar," Korra grunted at the man. The man fumed and the two commenced a verbal spar.

Realizing she was impeding an important event, Taylor quickly said, "No, it's okay. I can wait until you're finished with everyone."

She started walking to leave the temple and heard Bolin running up beside her. "Hey! Taylor, right? Since you'll be waiting here a while, I can give you a tour of the island! I'm a great tour guide ya know?"

"Yes!" Taylor eagerly agreed. Getting a tour from Bolin? Hellz yeah!

...

" . . . And this is where the acolytes stash their egg custards. Yeah, airbenders like their desserts." Bolin paused, quickly glanced to his right, then the to his left, and brought his voice to a low whisper. "Sometimes, Pabu and I sneak some. But don't tell Mako. He tries to be my mom."

"Yeah, I know a girl like that back home," Taylor smiled. Cough. Kelly. Cough cough.

Bolin and Taylor-Chris decided to stay behind-made their way to the edge of the island and sat on the sand to watch the push and pull of the waves.

Suddenly, it daunted on Taylor that she might never be able to go home. She thought of her friends: Clarissa, Alyssa, Catherine, Jory, Skyler, Hailey, even about Gracious-Facious. She let out a large sigh, "I'm never going home, am I?"

Bolin gave her a quizzical look, "Just because Korra couldn't give you bending?"

"No. Because now, I have no idea what to do. Those three guardians or whatever, crackheads, decided to put me in another world with the most fucking, vague instructions in the history of fandom!"

"Okay, let's just say I believed you about this whole 'other world' thing, and I'm not saying I don't but . . . yeah, I don't, but that doesn't matter. What exactly did the 'three guardians' say?"

"Some crap about 'be the fire' and 'the fire is in us but not on all of us.' Shit like that."

"Hmmm . . .," Bolin began stroking his chin, "interesting . . .." His upright chin-stroke degraded into a dejected slouch. "Yeaaaa... I have no idea."

A sound rustled in the bushes nearby and startled the two. Taylor slightly jumped, then rolled her eyes when she realized Bolin was hiding behind her, shrieking like a feminine maiden.

"It's probably a bunny or something," Taylor consoled.

Bolin stared confused. "A bunny-what? Just a bunny?" He gasped, "It might be a pygmy puma! White Lotus have been telling us that they've been finding them all around here lately."

"Cool! I want to see a pygmy puma!"

Taylor got up and started walking to the bushes. Before Bolin could stop her, she was hovering over the source of the noise and moved the foliage to uncover . . . a turtle-duck.

"Oh," Taylor said disappointed, "it's just a stupid turtle-duck." She bent down to examine it closer and was repulsed by what she saw. The turtle-duck had eyes of two extreme sizes: one incredibly tiny and the other gigantic. The large eye rolled lazily downward while the small eye could've been looking sideways. It was hard to tell, though, because it was so small. The turtle-duck's head was deformed and appeared as if someone purposely shoved its skull down with a tiny spoon. The turtle-duck's tongue was dragging out of its beak and hung loosely to the side. Its shell was tiny compared to its head and showed many signs of abuse with large scratches and pale patches.

Oh lord, this hideous creature. As Taylor pondered the disgusting appearance of this sad creature, something amazing happened: something connected, some synapses fired in a certain way or something that made Taylor think: Wait a minute! This hideous duck . . . those hideous masks! 'In all but ON some!' Only Nadia and the twins wore masks. The tasks must have something to do with the masks!

Excitedly, Taylor jumped to her feet. "I've got it!"

"Great!" celebrated Bolin, "Got what?"

"I think I know what I have to do. Let's go back. I need to tell Howl and Chris. Thanks, ugly turtle-duck."

She and Bolin started to make their way back to the temple, but heard some squishy steps behind them. They turned around to see what was following them and came face to face with the turtle-duck once again. Quachhh. Even its quack was disgusting. They shrugged it off and continued walking.

Squish. Squash. Squish. Squash.

"Jesus fucking Christ!" exclaimed Taylor, "It's following us!"

Quachhhh!

"Aww! I think he likes you," pointed Bolin, "You know, animal friends are really useful. Pabu here has saved me a million times. Maybe you should take this poor turtle-duck in!"

"Jesus fucking Chri-"

Quuaaaccchhh!

"Hey! It's responding to whatever it is you're saying!" Remarked an ecstatic Bolin. "Maybe that could be its name."

"Bolin, do you even know what what I said means?"

"Uh, no," smiled an oblivious Bolin.

Taylor sighed, "Fine! Come here, little Jesus Fucking Christ. I'll take you in for one night. One night, and only because you look like you're molting." Taylor is an herbivore, afterall. Those kinds of people are tender for animal love.

...

Bolin and Taylor arrived back at the temple, JFC resting in Taylor's arms, drool dripping from his lame tongue.

"Oh Lord, it's spitting on me," Taylor sighed with a disgusted face. She held out the turtle-duck at arms distance. JFC looked pleased, but he always looks pleased. He always makes the same, tongue sticking-out face. His drool dripped onto the floor.

"Woah, hey! A turtle-duck!" Korra walked up to the two. She turned to Taylor, "Look, I'm sorry I couldn't help you before but I'm finished de-equalizing for the day, and I can tell you guys aren't from . . . around here. Any way I could still help?"

"Taylor, you're back! I was starting to get worried," Chris suddenly ran up, interjecting and glancing a suspicious glance at Bolin.

"Actually, Korra, I might actually still need your help. Where's Howl, Chris?"

"I'm right here," Howl side-stepped out of nowhere. Fanvatar powahs!

"Good. I've figured it out you guys. The tasks have to do something with the masks. Knowing the twins, it's probably 'cause it rhymes or something stupid like that . . . but anyway, the first mask was a cross-eyed, heavily made-up looking prostitute. Any ideas?"

Mako joined in on the commotion, having overheard Taylor's previous statements. "Nothing that would be appropriate . . ."

"Yes," Howl concurred, "this show is strictly TV-Y7. Even suggesting an inappropriate situation is pushing the line." He shot Mako a glare.

Taylor was, once again, stumped so she tried to think, hard as it may have been for her. She assumed Taylor Thinking Position: eyes toward the sky, chin angled out, perhaps pleading for an answer from Joseph Smith (Taylor is Mormon). Suddenly, her prayers were answered as she heard a whispering wind brush her ear:

Tahno wears so much guyliner... guyliner... guyliner...

"Did anyone else hear that?" Bolin looked at Pabu. Pabu squeaked.

"I think the wind just whispered at us," confirmed a baffled Chris.

"That's it! Oh, that is so messed up, Nadia, Kelly, Josefine. They always said that Tahno wears too much makeup. My task must have something to do with Tahno!"

Mako, Bolin, and Korra burst out laughing.

"He-he wears too much makeup?" Korra cracked up, "I couldn't agree more!"

Taylor, having her pretty boy tastes offended, quickly said,"Ha ha. But really, I need to see him. Could you guys take me to him?"

Mako, Bolin, and Korra shivered with repulsed faces.

"That creep?" Korra groaned. "Giving back his bending was hard enough. He was hitting on me the entire time."

"And I was standing right next to them!" Mako added.

Taylor smiled with Tahnorra feels. "Aww, come on. Help a girl out," Taylor pleaded with puppy dog eyes. She wanted to see Tahno in order to find a way home, but she also couldn't help but to get fangirl giddy at the prospect of observing sexual tension between Korra and Tahno. Eww.

Korra sighed, "Fine, I guess we're off to see the Wolfbats."

Haha! Having an animal friend was a good idea but why the hell not have a pygmy puma? Because retarded turtle-ducks are so much better!