Fourth song: 'The Awful Battle of the Clones and the Battle Droids (Together with some account of the participation of the Jedi and Sith, and the intervention of the great Boba Fett)'.
Original song: Pekes & Pollicles (I don't feel like writing that horribly long title again. By the way, it is obvious which song it is based on)
Setting: Kashyyyk
Performed by: Obi-Wan Kenobi and the characters mentioned in the title (no, I'm not naming them all again)
Words only true Star Wars fans understand:
BARC speeder: Speeder used by the Clone army (Biker Advanced Recon Commando)
STAP: Flying speeder used by Battle Droids (Single Troop Aerial Platform)
Gundark: Some sort of monster with four arms and two tiny legs. Obi and Ani once fell into a nest of those before episode II, and Luke looked strong enough to fight one after his bacta tank treatment. (They're only mentioned in the films, but I think they do appear in the Clone Wars series)
Elctrostaff: The magnaguard's weapon, an electric staff that is lightsaber-resistant
Buzz droid: Those droids from the separatists that sabotage your ship while you're flying it
Note: This is not the battle of Kashyyyk! It is a battle on Kashyyyk, but not the one where Yoda is at the moment of Order 66.
Note #2: I know Boba Fett was still a kid during the Clone Wars, but anachronisms are probably the least unrealistic things in this song. Just imagine his fully grown, cool version.
oo0O0oo
OBI-WAN KENOBI:
Of the awful battle of the Clones and the Battle Droids
Together with some account of the participation of the Jedi and Sith
And the intervention of the great Boba Fett!
-o-
The Clones and the Battle Droids, everyone knows,
Are cloned and fabricated passionate foes
It is always the same, wherever one goes
And the Jedi and Sith (although most people say
the former don't like fighting, 'cause it's not Jedi way)
Will now, once again, all join in to the fray
And they
CLONES:
BARC
BARC
BARC
BARC
BARC!
BARC!
BARC!
BARC!
OBI-WAN:
Until you heard them louder than a gundark
-o-
Now, on the occasion of which I shall speak
There was a battle going on on Kashyyyk
(Because the droids somehow thought Wookiees are weak)
The big Chewbacca was away from the planet
I don't know the reason, but most people think
He slipped in to Mos Eisley Cantina for a drink.
-o-
And no one at all was about on the beach
When a clone met battle droid with a small screech
They did not open fire, or exactly retreat
But they got on their speeders and picked up some speed
And flew on their
CLONE:
BARC!
DROID:
STAP!
CLONE:
BARC!
DROID:
STAP!
STAP!
CLONE:
BARC?
DROID:
STAP!
CLONE:
BARC?
OBI-WAN:
Until you heard them louder than a gundark
And they
CLONE:
BARC!
DROID:
STAP!
CLONE:
BARC!
DROID:
STAP!
STAP!
CLONE:
BARC!
DROID:
STAP!
CLONE:
BARC!
OBI-WAN:
Until you heard them louder than a gundark
-o-
Now the clone, although people may say what they please
Is not really born, but made in factories
And so all the clones, when they heard the uproar
Some took out their guns, some a detonator
There were surely five thousand, more likely a score
And together they started to fire and fight
And jumped out of dropships in the middle of flight
But a terrible aim is what battle droids have,
Though magnaguards fight with an electrostaff
DROIDS:
There are droids of the Trade Federation
The battle droids and the buzz droids
The magnaguards in our space station
And also the destroyer droids
So if there's a dispute on taxation
We will send out an army of droids
OBI-WAN:
And to those that are all trying to avoid
That the droids win on our own terrain
DROIDS:
That my name it is 2B4 battle droid,
And you better not do it again!
OBI-WAN:
And the Clone Commander troops are powerful fighters
And they washed their armor to make them look whiter
And so they stepped out fighting for every border
Not knowing a thing of the 66th order
-o-
Then the Jedi and Sith stayed no longer indoors,
But some with their lightsaber, some with the Force,
Joined in to the din with the
JEDI:
Light side!
SITH:
Dark side!
JEDI:
Light!
SITH:
Dark!
JEDI:
Light!
SITH :
Dark!
OBI-WAN:
Until you heard them louder than a gundark
DROIDS:
Droideka
Droideka
Droideka
Droideka
Droideka
Droideka
Destroyer droid!
OBI-WAN:
Until you heard them louder than a gundark!
-o-
When these bold armies together assembled
The space traffic stopped, even hyperspace trembled!
And some of the wookiees were so much alarmed
That some of the droids became (literally) disarmed!
When suddenly out from a small treehouse flat,
Why who should fly out but
ALL:
The great Boba Fett!
(Boba Fett flies through the air and stupidly smashes against the side of a sail barge)
(Obi-Wan wants to help him stand up but he refuses to be helped by a Jedi)
OBI-WAN:
His eyes couldn't be seen 'cause of his fearsome helmet
(Boba shoots at Obi-Wan, but he dodges)
He gave a big yawn, heard over the whole planet
And when he looked out through the window of the Slave I
You never saw anything cooler!
BOBA FETT:
Hey, Obi-Wan!
(Shoots rope around Obi-Wan, who just cuts through it with his lightsaber)
And what with the sight of his armor and blasters
The Jedi Padawans all fled to their Masters
He looked to the sky and he turned on his jet-
pack and every last one of them fled for the Fett
-o-
And when the clone troopers returned to their fleet
There wasn't a single bantha left to eat
ALL:
All deals and all bounties to the great Boba Fett!
oo0O0oo
A/N: No, I don't think clones actually eat bantha.
To my good friend Razell: You said you wanted an Amani Jedi so many times, I went back to my Jedi Knights song and put an Amani Knight between all the other species.
I'm out of ideas now, so feel free to leave a suggestion! Razell already suggested 'The Naming of Darths', but every idea is welcome!