Chapter 4

He gazed, eyes still adjusting to the new light, at his fellow victors for the first round of the exam. His vision was half filled by the sight of the person he quickly realised to be the 'beanbag woman' that his late friend the Cheese Child had warned him about.

"Uhhh, excuse me!? I didn't give you my consent to be looked at, shitlord!" Her bright red hair, cut short enough to give the impression that everything triggers her, shone in the hot summer sun like burnished brass. She quickly went back to typing on her laptop to update her Tumblr, typing something about men being oversexed beasts who need to keep their hate speech off of her campus. Yeah whatever lady bet you would've friendzoned me anyway.

After rotating his neck for some time to escape from the tub of lard that sat in front of him, he noticed the second victor. A small girl, no older than 15, with blue hair in twintails down to her ankles. She wore a Japanese schoolgirl outfit, like something out of an anime. She stood with her legs apart and her right hand up to her face, and made a 'V' with her fingers that she looked through. As soon as Dawkins made eye contact with her, she blushed, quickly turned on some speakers she hid in a bush, and began to dance.

~~Nazonazo mitai ni chikyuugi wo tokiakashitara
minna de doko made mo ikeru ne

wakuwaku shitai to negainagara sugoshiteta yo
kanaete kureta no wa dare nano?

jikan no hate made Boooon!

*WARP de LOOP na kono omoi wa
nani mo kamo wo makikonda souzou de asobou

aru hareta hi no koto
mahou ijou no yukai ga
kagirinaku furisosogu fukanou janai wa
ashita mata au toki warainagara HUMMING
ureshisa wo atsumeyou
kantan nanda yo konna no
oikakete ne tsukamaete mite
ooki na yume & yume suki deshou?~~

Once her song had finished, she was left out of breath and sweating from the impassioned dance beneath the sun's rays.

"S-so, what did you think?" She asked a stunned Dawkins.

Reflecting for a moment, saw his chance to find love in this exam. "Why hello my sweet orchid, wonderful day no? I did quite enjoy your little display, your skills in the dance are almost equal to my skills in conversational chess. Rook to Pawn, my sweet dove."

"So you liked it? SUUUUGOIIIIIII ONII-CHAN! Watashi wa Claire desu, but my friends call me Sakura, Seventh Blade of the Oda Clan! After my village was burned to the ground by the evil Takedas, I swore to seek vengeance and honour for my family! I trained for years to develop my ultra-secret technique, so powerful I took an oath to only use it on those who slaughtered my family! Wanna see?" She excitedly asked.

"Of course my delightful swan, I would adore observing your fine battle skills this day." She lept up 20 feet in the air, and withdrew the two blades she kept sheathed in a daisho on her hip.

"Ima, fukushū no ha wa, karera no niku kara no watashi no teki no hifu o hikisakimasu!" She cleaved through a nearby tree like it was nothing, forcing the bark and leaves to disintegrate leaving a bare wooden skeleton of arboreal agony. The tree was in fact an ent, and it got up and ran away at speed for several metres before collapsing and twitching before succumbing to the pain, all way screaming in shock. "Gomen'nasai!" Claire-san shouted as she sheathed her blade. Dawkins, petrified of this girl who seemed to have actual powers, lay on the floor clutching his fedora. He quickly crawled away out of fear and without realising he bumped into the third victor's legs.

"Could you not do that?" A voice above him said. He looked up to see a woman in roughly her 30s, with blonde natural hair and glasses in front of her unimpressed expression. Dawkins quickly rose to his feet and sized up this other victor. She wore a white button-up shirt and a plain black skirt, with sensible dress shoes. His examining her only peeved her more. "Yeah if you're gonna check me out at least have a decent line to make me sarcastically chuckle, thanks."

"Oh but my sweet lady, I am not like other guys! Where they may be interested in such frivolous trivialities as looks, I am only interested in one thing my precious marmoset, your mind." He tipped his fedora. "Dawkins, your friend and knight, if need be of course m'lady. May I have the pleasure of hearing your name, pure rose?"

"Delia. Delia Smith. Now please get the hell away from me, your BO is making me want to gag. Don't make me show you what my 'oh so precious mind' can do." Stunned but not beaten, he tried again.

"Please my beauty, tell me what your mind can do. It's all I'm interested in." She dragged a sigh on for almost 10 seconds before answering.

"Okay asshat, see that building in the distance there?" She gestured to a small hovel some hundred metres away.

"Why yes, of course my-OH MY FALSE DEITY ONLY BELIEVED IN BY MINDLESS SHEEP!" The building which was happily sitting there, old couple playfully bickering inside, had suddenly become a very large explosion. By the time the smoke had cleared all that was left was a large ditch and some small fires.

"That mind you're so interested in? It makes things explode. Now, get the hell away from me, dumbass. Unless you want to go on an adventure in many different directions at the same time." Oh crap, I'm gonna be killed! I gotta get the hell out of here, no MLP figure is worth getting flayed, blown up, or crushed! Just then the mustached gentleman spoke.

"Now we will be moving onto the second phase of the examination. Just a reminder that because you have made it this far, there will be no leaving until the exam has been completed. Come along you bunch of freaks." He began to walk onward, and the others followed him. Dawkins looked to the ground and prayed to the One True Intellectual Being. Please my Lord, don't make it be the fat one who kills me!

Thank you all my dear readers for making this the NUMBER 1 FEDORA THEMED STORY ON THE HUNTERXHUNTER PART OF THIS WEBSITE WOOOO WE DID IT YEAAAHHHH (P.S. edited because the formatting was chewed up and spat out by the cyber powers-that-be)