I think I'll do another raunchy fic after this one ;) They're fun to write!

Enjoy! And thank you for the reviews! I really really appreciate them! :D

Disclaimer: I do not own GMW.

Title: Hart of Gold
Pairings&Characters: Maya, implied Joshaya, implied Lucaya (if you squint)
Genre: Romance, Hurt/Comfort, AU
Rating: T for Testamonies
Summary: Maya gets closure in a letter to Josh.

Based off of Heart of Gold by Ashlyne Huff (a great ass song. You guys should check it out)

This "version/personality" of Josh was inspired by quorra laraex's version of Josh in wmd, emu. I loved the way she wrote him and it felt surprisingly natural for him, so I'm borrowing that persona for the purpose of this vignette.

Dear Joshua Gabriel Matthews,

My boyfriend told me I needed actual closure and catharsis from our past clusterfuck of a failed attempt at a real relationship. And I told him this was the stupidest idea ever. But in the end, I caved. So here goes nothing:

I promise I'm not trying to trash you or become an ex-zilla and bad mouth you for all the shit you put me through.

I just have some things I want to say to you.

Josh, I'll never forget the day you showed up at Topanga's and suddenly asked me out. Honestly, I can definitely say with all the crazy shit going on with my life, that had been one of the greatest days of my life.

For that, I thank you.

I'll never forget the way you looked past my crazy nerves on that first date (and our second and third dates and fourth dates) and ignored my idiotic stuttering and blushing and even overlooked me dropping soda on your crotch and then trying to clean it up with my hand.

I'll never forget our first kiss in the park as you walked me home on that gorgeous, perfect moonlit night.

I'll never forget how gradually, we weren't just dating and became something more. I called you my boyfriend and you called me your girlfriend and no one questioned it. We just were.

I'll never forget how you just filled my life with a happiness I thought I would never find with anyone else. The times we spent together were honestly some of the best I can ever recall.

I'll never forget our first serious fight after you accidentally kissed that girl at a graduation party.

I'll never forget the night we spent together after that fight curled up in your bed, breathing as one.

And I'll never forget how once you got to college, we slowly drifted apart.

I'll never forget how texting every second of every day, talking on the phone for hours, weekend visits and skyping every evening turned into answering texts after three hours and then never responding again, a phone call once a week, monthly visits, and skyping only right before breaks.

I'll never forget how I had to find out from your parents that you were seeing someone else.

I'll never forget how when I confronted you, you blew me off and threw me aside, like I was just a tissue that had run its course. How you told me I was too immature for you. How you tore down everything that made me who I am. How you gutted me and bled me out for the world to see.

I'll never forget how desperate I became to hold on to you and changed myself so that you could stay with me. Clung desperately to some pathetic false hope that if I made myself into your perfect girl, you'd stay with me. Changed everything I believed in and became weak willed just so that you could still look at me that way that you do that makes my heart jump and stomach feel butterflies.

I'll never forget how you strung me along for another year, making me think that you loved me and that you wanted to be with me, when all the while, you were keeping me on a leash, calling me over like a damn dog anytime you wanted to play.

I'll never forget how stupid I felt when I saw your texts to your girlfriend saying I was just this kid that was obsessed with you.

I'll never forget how you just ignored me after that, pretending I didn't exist and coldly asked me to delete your number.

I'll never forget the way I lost my smile, my vivacity, my ferocity.

I'll never forget the way I spent days, weeks, months believing I would never be good enough for anyone. Could never be good enough for anyone if I was myself.

You know, looking back, I was blind as a bat and stubborn as a mule. I was warned not to fall for your charms. I was warned that things wouldn't last because you would never be serious about a girl who idolized and obsessed over you. I was warned that the relationship would never work. I was warned that I would become your chew toy and would get tossed in the trash as soon as you were bored. I should have opened my eyes. I mean, I was a high school scrub, and you were in college. There was no way that shit would have ever worked out.

Either way, I almost lost myself in our relationship.

Surprisingly, the last person I ever thought could stop me from losing myself helped me. He took me out of the city with him, away from all the bad memories and soiled spots. He helped me realize my worth again. He helped me find my spunk and my voice. He showed me that there was someone out there who loved the real me. Someone who loved every part of me: physical, emotional, mental, imperfections, flaws, and all.

But most importantly: He helped me realize you're everything I can live my life without.

And for that, I will always love him.

Anyway, you might be wondering what the point of this letter is.

Well here's the truth:

You lost something great when you dumped me.

Do what you like with whoever you want, but trust me. Eventually? You're going to realize that you want it back.

That you want my kisses.

That you want my attention.

That you want my heart.

That you want my love.

That you want me.

But whenever that time comes, you'll always be too late.

I'm never going to be yours again.

And trust me.

You're going to miss this Hart of Gold.

Sincerely,

Maya Penelope Hart