Year Four

The breeze blew gently, rustling the leaves above. Severus glanced up and noticed the tips of some of the leaves were starting to turn. Mid-September in Scotland was a beautiful time of year, and most of the students at Hogwarts were enjoying it thoroughly.

Severus, however, had his face buried in his favorite textbook, his mum's old Potions tome. He had found it over the summer, and even though he wouldn't be taking Advanced Potions for two more years, he wanted to practice and learn more than the other students. He not only wrote changes to the text on the pages, but the margins were filled with his scrawl as he worked on spells, an art he had been honing the past year.

He glared at some silly Hufflepuff girls who were sitting about ten meters away and laughing raucously. While others were content to run around, giggle, and play, Severus had better things to do. Teenagers shouldn't be acting like such children, anyway. If he was going to be the powerful and respected wizard he wanted to be as an adult, he needed to focus on expanding his knowledge and skills.

Lily, for all her cleverness and intelligence, seemed easily distracted by the frivolity of the mainstream. Severus couldn't understand why she would want to waste her time on hanging around a bunch of giggly girls who wanted to chat about fashion and boys. As for style, Lily could look good wearing anything as far as Severus was concerned, and could there really be any question about dating when the topic came up? Severus inwardly hoped not. He knew that loads of boys had their eyes on Lily, including that obnoxious git, Potter, but luckily for Severus, Lily didn't seem to notice, and she especially found Potter as annoying as ever.

Returning his concentration to his book, Severus was startled a few minutes later when someone suddenly plopped down next to him and thumped him on the back. His defenses instantly raised, Severus lifted his wand and pointed it directly into the face of his assailant.

"Jeez, Severus! What's the matter with you?"

Seeing that it was only Lily, Severus relented and pocketed his wand.

"Oh, it's you," he said. "You shouldn't do that, Lily. I thought you were an attacker."

Lily would have laughed had this incident occurred several months ago, but this wasn't the first time Severus had nearly hexed her.

"You really ought to lighten up, Sev. Must you think everyone is out to get you? You act like you're paranoid, like you can't trust anyone."

Severus frowned. "Very few people are worthy of my trust; you know that, Lily. And perhaps you should stop surprising me with your presence in such a way if you don't want to be accidentally hexed."

"Where's your sense of fun?" Lily asked, a note of teasing in her voice. She thought a change in approach might loosen her tightly-coiled friend up some.

"I am having fun," Severus insisted, motioning toward his book.

"Oh, really?" Lily inquired skeptically, grabbing his Potions text from him.

"Hey!" Severus protested, but Lily held it away.

"I like Potions just as much as you, Sev, but this is ridiculous. You've been buried in books, especially this one, all summer. And what's this? Cretum-?" she started to read.

"It's nothing," Severus lied, knowing Lily would dislike his spells.

"Looks like a spell to me," Lily said. "Should I try it on you and see what it does if it's nothing?"

"No, why would you want to do that?" asked Severus, scowling deeply.

"Because it does do something, and I'd like to find out what these spells are you've been inventing. It's not a good idea to be playing around with magic, Severus. It's dangerous."

Lily was starting to lecture. She was all about rules and pleasing the professors, much to Severus's ire. Of course he was a good student and wished to equally please the teachers and not purposefully break rules like Potter and his mates, but there were times when he felt the rules were insufficient for him. He could make his own spells and could write better Potions directions than the idiot who had published the textbook. He had to prove himself more than capable, and since it seemed Potter was bent on ruining his dream, he would just have to make his own way and work all the harder. Lily couldn't understand that. Neither could she understand how good it felt tobe admired when so few actually took a minute of their time to bother with him, unless it was to make some rude remark about his appearance.

"It's not dangerous, okay?" Severus spat, grabbing back his book and stowing it protectively in his bag. "All it does is make the victim's toenails grow. Wilkes, Rosier, and I tried it out-"

"Tried it out? On whom?" Lily demanded.

Severus realized he had said too much. "It doesn't matter. It's a harmless spell."

"It's not approved, and any hex is not harmless, Severus."

Severus stood. Why couldn't Lily see the brilliance in his creations like his house mates? Why couldn't she be impressed by his Potions and Dark Arts knowledge? Instead, all she seemed to want to do was nag him and be a bother.

"I don't have time for this," Severus said, closing up. "I need to study uninterrupted."

"Well, I'm sorry to have bothered you then," Lily retorted. "Go find your Slytherin mates and show them your amazing handiwork. I'm sure they'll appreciate finding another unsuspecting victim for them to practice their… your… spells on!"

Severus was stunned. Lily had never spoken to him in that manner before. Sure, they had had their differences, but she had never insinuated that his house mates were his friends. He wanted to make things right between them, but instead, the words were wrenched from his mouth before he knew what he was saying.

"Maybe I will. At least they appreciate my spells!"

"And do you know who these people are, Severus? Truly? What they stand for?"

Severus shrugged, pretending to not be bothered. He knew what they stood for and who they were. The term Mudblood had been thrown around more and more, and Severus wasn't stopping them these days, although he never uttered the word himself.

"Why don't you go find your little girlfriends then," Severus said hotly, "since you seem to be surrounded by them all the time nowadays. I bet the lot of you are nattering on about how you can impress the star Quidditch player, Potter."

"What's Potter got to do with it?" Lily asked, confused.

"Are you blind, Lily? Are you the only one who doesn't see the way he looks at you?" Severus spluttered.

"How many times do I have to tell you I don't like Potter, Severus? I also don't like your 'friends.'"

"They aren't my friends," Severus mumbled, starting to deflate. They only ever hang around me because they want something I have, and I do their homework to get them to respect me.

"Then why hang around them?" Lily asked, calming down.

"Because… because… I don't know."

But Severus knew. He simply left his true thoughts to himself: You're my only friend.

A year ago, he wouldn't have had any problem admitting it. Why was it so hard to now?

Lily sighed. "I don't want to fight with you, Sev. I came to find you to spend some time with you. It seems harder and harder to do that these days."

Severus wanted to retort and blame Lily for choosing to be with others over him more often, but he kept silent.

"I don't want to fight, either. Let's… let's walk, shall we?" he offered.

Lily nodded. She tentatively reached for his hand, and he awkwardly took it. Caught between being deeply in love with the young woman beside him and with his ideals to be someone important, Severus somehow managed to let Lily win again.

Up next: Year Five