A/N: Thanks again to the following amazing ladies - ACEMCKEAN, my amazing beta... SUNSETWING, who is an endless source of inspiration and beta work, BEEGURL13, who has the most rockin' ideas for where I should elaborate more and Twilight44 who keeps me movin' and inspired. She also shared a song with me that reminded her of the beginning chapters of Ghosts of my Past... and had me absolutely sobbing. It is by Wade Hayes and it's called What I Meant to Say. (www DOT youtube DOT com/watch?v=RKIhDnIPR-E)
A/N 2: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters in it. I just borrow them from Stephenie Meyer and for that pleasure, I will be eternally grateful.
A/N 3: I wrote a one shot called What Happens In Vegas DOES NOT Stay In Vegas. It is entered in the Public Lovin' Contest. You can read my entry here: www DOT fanfiction DOT net/s/5907217/1/What_Happens_in_Vegas_DOES_NOT_stay_in_Vegas. Please go vote at publiclovincontest DOT blogspot DOT com.
Thanks. Now you've seen what happened from BPOV and what happened in EPOV... now see what happens NEXT!!!
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BPOV
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"Hello, Bella," he said, calmly.
I finished lowering Masen from the window, and pulled him behind me as I spun and faced the man who had broken my heart all those years ago.
"Edward!" I gasped.
Shit!! There goes the clean getaway!
"I didn't know," he said.
"I know," I said. "I just never expected to see you here."
"Mama," Masen interrupted. "Are we still going?"
"Not just yet," I said, kneeling down to talk to him. "Why don't you go and play on your ship."
"Can I?" he asked, his eyes flashing with excitement. He loved that ship!
"Yup," I said. "But I'm not going up to the crow's nest to rescue you this time if you get stuck."
He knew I would, I did it every time.
"Okay," he said as he bolted for his giant climbing structure.
"I'm going to leave," I told Edward, worried that my unintentional presence here was causing him issues. "We'll come back once you guys are gone. Jake and the crew can run this place in the meantime."
"Bella," he said.
The sound of my name, the name I hadn't heard in seven years, coming from his lips sent shivers down my spine. I loved the sound of my name on his lips. I found myself wondering what he had told everyone, and how much of me everyone had seen. Did they know about Masen? Was I as unwelcome in their lives as I had felt all those years ago?
"I haven't been Bella in a lot of years, Edward," I said finally. "It's Angela now."
If only he knew why.
"I'm so sorry," he said.
What for this time? For interrupting my perfect life? For abandoning me all those years ago? For what?
"I believe I've heard that before," I said, coldly. I needed to distance myself from him. I needed to keep every bit of myself in check.
"God... I was such an ass. I really need to explain," he said running his fingers through his hair just like Masen always did when he would get upset.
"No, you really don't," I said, almost panicking. "It's been a long time and it's... whatever."
"No, Bella, it's not," he said, as he stepped toward me, grabbing my arms gently and spinning me to face him. "You need to know what happened. You deserve that... and a lot more."
His touch brought back every memory, good and bad, of our time together. I wanted to lean into it and never let him go... and I wanted to run as far away as I could so he couldn't hurt me again, or worse, hurt Masen.
"I don't know if I can," I said, honestly. "I can't go there. As it is I have a ton of damage control to do here."
"What do you mean?" he asked looking genuinely confused.
"I've been Angela Webber since I walked out of that apartment seven years ago," I said. "Nobody knows me as anything else. Jake... Jake won't take it well."
"Is Jake your boyfriend?" he asked, sounding jealous. What right did he have to be jealous? Seriously! The man dumped my ass the second he found out I was pregnant!
"He'd like to be," I laughed bitterly. Jake wanted more than I could offer him, and was beginning to get more determined in his pursuit. "Let's just say I'm not the relationship type anymore."
"God, Bella... I'm so sorry," he said, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Look," I said. "I really can't deal with this right now. I need to take Masen away from here. He doesn't need to be front and center for the drama that is and will unfold. Plus, I need to get some perspective on things before I talk to you... or anyone else who is currently turning my guest house into a three ring circus."
"You'll come back?" he asked. "I won't leave until you do."
I looked at him, trying to judge how serious he was. Great! Dead serious!
"Fine," I said. "But I need to take Masen out of here. He doesn't need the confusion. It's been me and him alone for as long as he's known..."
"You've done a great job with him," he said. "He looks so good."
"He looks just like you!" I said with a laugh.
"That he does," he said, smiling.
Smiling??
"Somehow I didn't expect that to make you smile," I said.
"There's a lot that you don't know," he said. I looked into his eyes. The green eyes of my first love, of my only love, the spark that had been missing in every picture I had seen of him was there, but buried deep.
"Mama!" Masen called, pulling us out of our staring contest. "Watch!"
At that, Masen ran full speed, and launched himself off of a plank that was about six feet in the air, cannon-balling into a big foam pit below.
"Great job," I said to my son. "Ready to go now?"
"One more time?" he asked, clasping his hands together in a pleading gesture, and giving me the perfect puppy dog pout, the same one his father had used on me forever.
"Just one," I said. Who could say no to that pout?
He climbed out of the foam, happily and climbed up the cargo net, back onto the ship. He loved that thing.
"Please," Edward said. "I don't expect anything from you... and I'll even make sure that Esme and Alice keep their distance until you ask to speak to them. I just really need to talk to you."
Could I really talk to him? Should I? I was opening myself up to a world of hurt by agreeing, but was leaving myself with too many unanswered questions to deny him.
"Fine," I said, with a resigned sigh. "I am taking Masen into town to a friend's house for the night. We'll talk when I get back. Meet me at cabin twelve in two hours."
Masen launched himself off his pirate ship once again and climbed out, running over to where I stood with Edward. He looked up at me, his little cheeks flushed from his recent activity, then to Edward. He looked at him, speculatively and I found myself uncertain of my son's reaction.
"Hi," he said finally, extending his little hand politely. "I'm Masen Charles Webber."
"I'm Edward," Edward said, his eyes glistening as he shook his son's hand. "It's really nice to meet you."
I didn't miss the emphasis he placed on really.
"It's nice to meet you too," Masen said, smiling up at him, with his gap toothed grin. "You have the same kind of hair I do."
"I do," he said. Was it just my imagination or was he fighting the off tears?
"My mommy always rubs it when I'm sad. She says it reminds her of my daddy," Masen said. He would have to say that!!
"On that note, Young Man, it's time to get in the car," I said, my cheeks flushing red.
Why don't you just tell him that I still love him, Son???
"I hope to see you again really soon, Masen," Edward said, emotion coloring his tone.
The tears in Edward's eyes were undeniable now, and left me with so many questions. Why was he acting like this mattered to him? Like we mattered?
"Me too, Mr. Ed," Masen said.
Mr. Ed???
I burst out laughing as my son referred to him as a horse, and Edward laughed right along with me. God I missed that sound! Smiling, happy, laughing Edward had left my life almost three months before I walked out of his life for the final time, and hearing his laughter not, not forced or coerced, sent my head into a tailspin and had my stomach doing flip flops. How could he still get such a reaction out of me? Masen just looked up at us as though we'd both lost our minds. Maybe we had, then again, maybe we'd just entered the Twilight Zone!
"I'll see you soon," I said to him.
"Promise?" he asked, looking quite desperate.
"Yeah," I said. "Two hours, cabin twelve."
"I'll be waiting," he said.
Masen and I loaded into my Jeep, and buckled in. No sooner were we on the road, then I noticed the rest of Edward's family file out of the guest house, along with Jake and Seth, and stand next to Edward. From the looks of things, Alice and Esme were really giving him the gears.
Once they were out of sight, I adjusted my rearview mirror to look at my son, who, for all the craziness of the last ten minutes, looked remarkably calm. He noticed me looking at him and smiled at me, with his gap toothed crooked smile.
"I love you, Mama," he said.
"I love you too, Masen," I said, my eyes filling with tears.
He looked out the window again and I figured I might be safe from questions for a little while. I was wrong!
"How did you know Mr. Edward, Mama?" Masen asked.
Way to get right to the hard questions, Kid!
"What do you mean?" I asked him.
"Well," Masen said, "he isn't like other peoples that come here. Is he your friend?"
"Edward, was a very good friend of mine for a long time," I said.
"From when you lived with Grandpa Charlie?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said,tearing up a little as I thought of my father.
"I like him," Masen said.
"Me too," I said.
Masen was silent for a while while my Jeep navigated the small dirt roads. Once we turned onto the highway, I chanced another look at Masen in the rearview mirror. He had a puzzled look on his face, like he was trying to figure something out.
"What's up?" I asked him.
"Why didn't he call you Ang, like Jake does?" Masen asked.
"I'll tell you a secret," I told Masen. "My name hasn't always been Angela. I actually picked that name from a name that Edward used to call me."
"You did?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"What did your name used to be?" he asked.
"Bella," I said.
He pondered that for a minute and I could see him playing with the name on his lips, almost like he was trying it on.
"I like that," he said nodding his head. "So why did you chose Angela?"
"Edward used to call me angel, so when I was sad and decided I needed a new name I chose Angela," I told him.
"I think I like Bella better," Masen said.
"You do?" I asked, surprised.
"There is an Angela in my class and she pulls my hair," he said.
"And what did Mrs. Brown say about that?" I asked.
"She says that Angela has to say sorry," he said.
"That's very smart of Mrs. Brown," I said, liking the change of subject.
"Why were all those people mad, Mama?" he asked.
So much for that!
"They weren't really mad, just excited. They wanted to talk to Mama, because I haven't seen them in a very long time," I explained to Masen.
"But Jake didn't want to let them talk to you," he said with a frown.
"Jake is just worried about me, that's all," I said.
"Is that why he told Tyler that he couldn't come over anymore?" he asked.
Tyler was a local man that did odd jobs. He generally showed up once every month or two to see if there was anything he could do to help. I had jobs for him occasionally, but Jake and the other boys took care of most of it. I hadn't really thought about it, but I hadn't seen him in months.
"What do you mean, Mase?" I asked him.
"Last time Mr. Tyler came over and you got him to help fix the fireplace, he asked me if you and Jake kissed," Masen reported. "I said no, that Jake wasn't your boyfriend and he asked me if it was okay if he asked you to be his girlfriend."
Masen giggled and wrinkled his nose in disgust.
"I told him you only love my daddy," he said, but Jake heard him talking to me and got mad. Then he said a BAD word, Mama."
"What did he say?" I asked, stunned to be hearing about this now, when the fireplace had been repaired in February.
"I can't say it," Masen said.
"You can, if Mommy says it's okay," I told him.
"He said, 'Stay away from Angela or I will kick your sorry ass!'" Masen said trying to emulate Jake's gruff voice with his little musical one, before dissolving into giggles for the joy of being able to say a swear word.
"I see," I said.
"That wasn't very nice of Jake, was it Mama?" he asked, once he calmed down.
"No it wasn't," I said.
"He won't send Edward away, will he?" Masen asked.
I couldn't answer that question, because in all honesty I could see him try to do that. In fact, I knew he would. Before even considering what I was doing, I pulled a U-turn and sped back to the resort.
"What are we doing, Mommy," Masen asked.
"We're going back, but I need you to do Mommy a big favor," I told him.
"What?" he asks.
"I need you to stay in the car until I tell you it's okay to get out," I told him. "Can you do that?"
"Yes, Mommy," he said.
I took the narrow mud road faster than I ever had before and before I knew it, I was in front of the lodge. The place was packed with cars I had never seen before and there was a lot of shouting.
"Get your hands off my son," Emmett roared as I heard a child wailing.
"Stay here," I reminded Masen as I threw myself out of the car.
The rest of the voices were a jumble of angry shouts mixed with pleading and crying. Before I even got into the mix I found a little girl, so obviously Emmett and Rose's daughter, crouched behind the bus tire, scared and crying.
"Come here, Sweetheart," I said, crouching down to her level. "I won't hurt you, I promise."
The very dirty little princess crawled out to me and buried her head against the crook of my neck.
"Too loud," she sobbed.
"Do me a favor and cover your ears for a minute," I said.
She pressed her tiny mud filled hands against her ears and I marched into the fray.
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?" I bellowed.
All movement ceased and I looked around to see that all my old gang was being restrained in some way, shape or form by Jake and seven new guys I had never met before. Two big, burly, native guys had Emmett pinned to the ground and another one had two of the children held in his arms. The other boy was pressed to Alice's side, as she was pressed up against the wall. I looked around and noticed Seth, Embry, Leah and Emily standing back against the wall, stunned by what was happening in front of them.
"LET THEM GO!" I ordered.
The men made no move to follow my orders.
I made my way over to Jake, who had Edward pressed against the floor.
"Let him go, Jake," I seethed. "Now!"
He did as he was told, glaring right at me, and Edward got off the floor quickly.
"Tell them to let these people go," I said, staring Jake straight in the eye, which was difficult as I was sixteen inches shorter than him.
"Do it," Jake said.
Emmett was off the floor in an instant, grabbing the two boys from the man that had held them. I was stunned that he didn't try to kill the man, but I guess his fatherly instinct to calm his child won... for the time being. Jasper moved quickly away from the man that had him pinned to take his son from Emmett and move to Alice's side. I watched as both of them comforted the boys in their arms.
"You all need to leave," I said to the guys that Jake had here.
"You heard her," Jake said, grinning. He obviously thought I meant the Edward and his family.
"I don't mean them, Jake. I mean your goons," I said, glaring at him.
"They're just trying to protect you," he said, shocked that I was defending the Cullens, Whitlocks and McCartys.
I motioned towards Rosalie, who was still mostly trapped behind one of the burly men, to come and take her daughter.
"Here's your Mama, Sweetie," I said to the little girl. She removed her mud caked hands from her ears and looked up at me for a second, then her eyes locked on Rose and she practically dove for her.
"Thank you," Rose said quietly as Izzy cuddled into her.
I didn't have a chance to respond to Rose as Jake's actions needed to be addressed. I didn't want him treating anyone, at any time, as he had treated the people that used to mean everything to me.
"I can protect myself just fine, Jacob Black," I seethed. "You have no right to bring these goons in here and threaten anyone! Do you understand?"
He glared at me for a moment.
"Sam," he said to the man that had pressed Alice and Esme into the wall. "You guys should go."
Sam simply nodded his head at the others and they walked out, muttering quiet apologies to the people that they had attacked moments earlier.
"Sorry," Sam said to me. "We were trying to help."
"Terrorizing women and children is not help," I said to him.
He lowered his head and nodded in acknowledgement, then he walked out after the rest of the guys. Jake started to follow him.
"Stay," I said to him, glaring at him for all I was worth.
"Carlisle," I said. "I have to apologize on behalf of my staff and myself. Are you still wanting to stay?"
"I think I speak for everyone when I say we definitely wish to stay," he said, smiling at me. The others all nodded in agreement.
"Emily, Leah," I said, calling the girls over. "Please make sure they each get the rooms we set for them on the second floor. Seth, Embry, you take care of the luggage, please."
The room was a buzz of activity as everyone started to move around. Alice, Rose and Esme seemed to be struggling with their desire to get set up, and their desire to talk to me.
"I will come and talk to you later," I said to them. "I have a lot to do first."
They nodded in acknowledgement and followed the girls up the stairs. Edward, however, did not follow the gang up the stairs and I shook my head. It was what I would have expected seven years ago... but now?
Edward, Jake and I were all standing, completely unmoving, while the others left. All at once, it seemed that the room had become deathly quiet. The only sounds I was aware of was my breathing, and the breathing of the two men in the room. The weight of the world suddenly seemed to land squarely on my shoulders as I realized that I was in the room, alone, with two of the most important men in my life.
Edward, my first everything and the father of my son. He was also the man who o threw us away like trash, took away the only family and friends I had during the worst time of my life and then suddenly showed up on my doorstep, acting like Masen and I were the best things he'd ever seen. Worse, he was the man who still held my heart, no matter what he'd done.
Then there was Jacob, my best friend, my own personal sunshine, the man who had picked up the shattered pieces of me when I was so broken and alone. He helped make this place the best and I knew he loved Masen. I also knew he wanted more out of our relationship, and I was both unwilling and unable to go there. You cannot go from looking at a man as your brother for years to seeing him as a romantic partner. It just can't happen.
I took a deep breath, which drew both men's eyes to me.
"Edward," I said, addressing him first, all the while hoping he wouldn't make me sorry for what I was about to ask. "Will you please go to my car and get Masen? Tell him his Mom said it was okay for him to get out now."
He looked between me and Jake for a moment before nodding his head. I smiled at him and handed him the keys to my Jeep.
No sooner had he left the room when Jake was up in my face.
"You're sending, HIM, to get Masen?" Jake asked incredulously.
"Yes, I am," I said, calmly. "And you really have no say in the matter."
"What say does he have?" Jake asked.
"None," I replied, angrily. "He is doing what I asked so that MY child isn't stuck sitting in the car any longer. I think we have enough traumatized children here right now, thanks to the stupid stunt you pulled."
I was so mad it felt like my blood was boiling. What right did Jake think he had? What the hell was his problem?
"If they would have just left, none of that would have happened," he said.
"And what?" I asked. "They would have just disappeared out of my life forever, forgotten where I am and all of this would have been no more than a bad dream?"
He just looked at me and huffed.
"They obviously wanted to see me. You have no ownership of me. It isn't for you to decide who I want to see and who I don't," I said. I was so angry at him, I could seriously beat him.
Jake was silent again for a moment.
"Don't think I haven't figured out who he is," Jake said, almost smugly.
"Good for you," I said. "Had you asked I would have told you."
"But they wanted to see you and Masen," he said.
"Then what right did you have to try to evict them?" I asked, staring at him, my anger reaching it's peak. "Did you ever ask yourself if I might have wanted to see them too? It is my choice to make, Jake."
"They were causing you problems, I assumed..." Jake began to explain.
"Sorta like you assumed with Tyler?" I asked.
Jake opened his mouth to speak but no words came out.
"Didn't think I'd ever hear about that, did you?" I asked angrily. "What did you say to my son to stop him from telling me?"
"Ang..." he said, almost pleading with me.
"Save it," I said, pinching the bridge of my nose to try to regain composure. It was a move I had learned from Edward in our time together, and still maintained to this very day when I was involved in a stressful situation. "I'm not in the mood to even bring that up. I am so disgusted in you for your behavior here today. There were kids here, Jake!"
"I told them to leave and they refused," he justified, using the same excuse again.
"Kids, Jake!" I said. "Damn it!"
"If they were so worried about their children..." he started.
"Don't!" I said angrily. "Do you think for a minute that any of those people would have put their children at risk for no reason? There is more at play here, and I, for one, intend to find out what it is."
"I should have just left them at the airport once I figured it out," he said. "Then this wouldn't be an issue."
"You don't think they would have called?" I said. "You aren't the one who gets to make the decisions."
"You ran out of here like a bat out of hell," he said. "What was I supposed to think? I decided to get them out of here."
"That isn't your call. This is my business. You are my employee! You do what I tell you to do!" I seethed, my anger was fading, but he needed to know that this was serious.
"Is that all I am, Angela? Or should I say, Bella?" he asked in an almost sneering tone.
"Jake," I said dropping my head slightly, sadness creeping into my entire being. "You're right. I haven't always been Angela, but I left Bella behind when I left the States."
"Did you kill someone?" he asked, trying to be playful.
"No," I said. "I just couldn't be that girl anymore."
"So this person you are here was a lie?" he asked.
"No. She may not have existed a month before I met you, but she is me," I said, trying to make him understand something that I wasn't sure I understood.
"Everything between us was a lie," he said.
"I have never lied to you! I didn't offer information at certain points, but I didn't lie," I said firmly.
"You lied the first moment you met me and introduced yourself as Angela Webber," he said angrily.
"No!" I said, tears beginning to form in my eyes as I thought about my last months as Bella Swan. "I made my choice to leave behind Bella Swan when I lost everything. I took the opportunity to start fresh and I did. I certainly wasn't about to say, hey I was Bella Swan now I'm Angela Webber. Let me tell you all about my former life that I am trying so desperately to forget!"
"But you didn't try, Ang... Bella," he said, his shoulders slumped in defeat. "You never let HIM go."
"I tried, Jake. God knows I tried," I said, tears streaming down my cheeks.
"So what? Now that he is back you're going to jump into his arms and ride off into the sunset?" he asked.
"No!" I said. "First, I'm certain that he doesn't feel the same. He didn't want me then and I'm sure he won't want me now. Second, I'm not the same person that walked out of the apartment all those years ago. She was declared dead this year and she is dead. There is no Bella Swan!"
"And what about me? I've been waiting for a chance with you for years, Ang. I waited for you to be ready," he said in an almost pleading tone.
"And I told you no. Many times. Jake you are my best friend. Isn't that enough?" I begged.
"How can you say that? How can you say I'm your best friend?" he asked. "Best friends share everything, yet you have so many secrets that you kept hidden. Are you going to tell me why you left? Are you going to tell me why I fell in love with Angela Webber and not Bella Swan?"
"No," I said, feeling completely defeated. "Honestly, I can't."
"The hell you can't," he yelled.
"Have you ever loved someone so much that you would give up everything for them?" I asked them.
"Everyday," he answered looking right at me.
Why couldn't I love him? It would be easy. I knew he would treat Masen and I so well. But my heart just couldn't see him that way.
"Then that's the only answer I can give you," I told him.
"That's bull shit," he said. "There had to be more!"
"No," Edward said from behind him, walking into the room with a sleeping Masen on his shoulder. "She is telling the truth. I...."
"Edward," I said, stopping him. I wasn't ready to hear any of this again right now, especially not in front of Jake, or Masen.
"What the hell do you know?" Jake seethed.
"Quiet!" I said to Jake, moving to take Masen from Edward.
I stared at both of them with my most menacing gaze.
"Can you guys be in the same room for five minutes without killing each other?" I asked as my baby boy simply curled himself into my body. He was so long and lanky now that he was beginning to dwarf my body with his size, but I loved the feel of his little body cuddled into mine. He already hated for me to kiss and hug him in public and I knew I wouldn't be able to do this for very much longer.
"I'm fine," Edward said.
"Whatever!" Jake said, walking across the room.
I moved to go into Masen's and my private quarters and laid him down on his bed. I knew I couldn't let him sleep long or the little monster would be up all night.
When I came back into the main room, Edward and Jake were engaged in a staring contest across the room.
"Edward," I said as I walked back into the room.
He looked at me, and smiled slightly.
"I need you to go upstairs. Make sure everyone is okay and keep them there until I have finished talking to Jake. I will talk to you, I just can't right now," I said.
"Bella..." he said.
"Bella is dead!" Jake said. "You fuckin' killed her."
"Jacob!" I seethed.
"It's fine," Edward said, dropping his head some. "I deserved that."
"No!" I said. "Jacob has no right to speak like that and he certainly doesn't speak for me."
Edward smiled softly at me and left the room, heading for the stairs.
"Ang," Jake said starting across the room.
"Don't," I said. "I don't want you any closer. I'm so mad at you right now."
"We'll get past this. We always do," he soothed.
"I don't know. What the hell were you thinking?" I asked completely defeated by the man how had been my best friend for seven years.
"I was thinking that whoever these assholes were, were causing the woman I love pain... I hate it when you're hurting. I knew it was him the moment I laid eyes on him. I saw the picture you try to hide. You are still so in love with him," he said. "I hoped that by seeing him in person you would realize that he wasn't all that, but the look you gave him before you ran out... I knew that you still loved him. The only thing I could do was get them out of here before they could hurt you anymore."
"Jake," I said. "That wasn't your call."
"But you would have loved me," he said. "I just needed more time."
"You don't think that seven years is enough time?" I asked. "You don't think that if I was going to fall in love with you it would have happened by now?"
"Please, Ang!" he said. "Just try."
"I don't have a magic wand that will just suddenly make things appear that aren't there," I said.
He moved across the room and pulled me into his arms.
"Please?" he begged as he lowered his head to kiss me.
"No," I said, pushing him away. "I don't think of you like that. I never have and I never will."
He turned away and leaned his head against the wall so that his forehead was pressed against it.
"You won't even try," he said.
"No," I said. "You are my best friend Jake. It can't be more."
"It could. You just won't let it," he said sounding angry.
"Jake, you are a great guy, and some day, some woman will be very lucky to have you. It just won't be me. You deserve someone to love you with their whole heart and as much as I love you as my friend, that won't be me. You should cause some girl's heart to flutter at the sound of your name, or make her whole insides twist when you walk into the room. That can't be me," I said, my eyes tearing up.
"Are you sure? I will wait for you," he said. "I can be patient."
"Don't you think I know my own heart?" I asked him.
"Do you?" he asked, turning to face me, staring deeply into my eyes.
I looked at him, really looked at him. He was a handsome man, looking so much younger than he was, not that twenty-six is old. He had beautiful, soulful, dark eyes and a heart of pure gold, but he wasn't mine. He didn't make my heart leap, or my knees turn to jelly.
"I do," I said finally.
"So tell me. Tell me how it is," he said. "I need to know."
"Edward was my first everything. I swore when I arrived to live in the small Podunk town with my father that I wouldn't get attached to anything or anyone, but the moment our eyes met, that was all out the window. My heart was his before he even opened his mouth!" I said.
He didn't interrupt me at all, he just simply watched me and listened.
"And as for what made me leave?" I continued. "He was horrible to me. He went from treating me like an angel to treating me like shit. And as much as I hated him for that, I still loved him. I hated myself for loving him, but it was there. It's still there."
"I can see it in his eyes when he looks at you. He wants you back. Are you going to give in and welcome him back with open arms? What if he decides you're not worth it again?" he asked.
"No," I said. "The fact that I love him... It doesn't mean that we can go back to where we were... Even if it was something that he wants... I have too much riding on it," I said.
"Then give me a chance. You know I love Masen. You know I love you! I know what he did to you, and you have to know. I would never hurt you like that. I would never leave you," he said.
"Jacob. Don't do this!" I said. "You are my friend. I need my friend. It isn't romantic for me and it never will be."
"So that's it then?" he asked, completely defeated, finally understanding that he and I would never be romantically involved.
"I can't love you that way, Jake," I said. "I've been in love. I know what passion and fire feel like. I don't feel any of that for you."
"You haven't let yourself!" he said. "You are so trapped by your feeling for a man that threw you away! Please?"
"I can't," I said.
"Then I can't stay," he said. "I can't be your best friend and take a front row seat to watch you fall in love again, with someone who has already hurt you so badly once. I need to go."
"And you just said you wouldn't leave," I said.
"I can't stay and allow you to trample my heart. I'm not that strong! And it's time for me to be true to myself. If I stay I will wait for you. I will hold out hope that Pretty Boy will screw up and somehow you'll finally see me as more than your friend. I can't do that anymore. You won't even try to be what I want, what I need... I can't be what you need. I'm sorry," he said as tears streamed down his face. He walked over and kissed my forehead before he turned and strode out of the room.
My stomach clenched and my knees trembled as I moved to a chair and let the tears take over. Somehow I had just chased my best friend away, and I knew that he wouldn't be coming back. Yet I couldn't regret it. I needed to set him free to find his own true love.
I let his words wash over me once more, and so many things he said hit home. Was I really holding out hope for Edward?
"Umm, Angela," Leah said from behind me.
I dried my eyes and turned to face her.
"Is that still what I should call you?" she asked, smiling softly.
That did it. The tears started to fall again, completely unchecked.
"I'm sorry," Leah said. "I didn't mean to make you cry."
"It's not you, Leah," I said with a small laugh as I worked to brush away the tears again. "It's been a pretty crazy day."
"I think that's what people call an understatement," she said.
"True," I laughed.
"So?" she asked.
"You can call me whatever you want," I said. "I kinda like hearing my real name... It makes this all mine."
"Where did Jake go?" she asked.
"Probably to pack," I said, softly.
"It is time," she said.
"It is," I agreed, surprised she felt that way.
"He wasn't fair to you. Friends don't put friends on the spot. You were honest and up front with him always and he couldn't accept that. It's on him, not on you," Leah said.
"I don't know. Maybe I should have done more," I said.
"He knew you didn't feel the same," Leah said. "There was nothing more that could be done for him."
"I just hate that he's leaving," I said. "I know I hurt him."
"And he needed both," she said. "If you had been nice and said you'd try or that you'd think about it, he'd never leave."
"Hey," I said suddenly. "How did you know what we talked about?"
She flushed deep red, and on her dark complexion that isn't an easy thing to do.
"I was listening," she said. "I just didn't want him to take advantage of you while you are going through all this turmoil."
"So you know who Edward is then?" I asked her.
"Not that I didn't know the second I laid eyes on him," she said rolling her eyes. "If Masen looked anymore like him, he'd be a clone."
"I have to get Mase up, or he'll be up all night. I'm not going to say anything to him yet. He deserves to know but I want him to get past all the turmoil, and losing Jake before I spring this on him. He's had a lot of upheaval in the last little bit," I said.
"That he has," she said, then paused. "Did you really climb out the window?"
"Yeah," I said with a laugh. "I told Masen we were going on an adventure. That said, I better call Krista and let her and Spencer know we aren't going to make it."
"Sounds like a plan," she said. "I'm going to prep dinner and Seth will prepare the spit for the salmon cook out."
"Thanks Leah," I said, hugging her. "You're a good friend."
"You too, Bella," she said, grinning at the fact that she was using my real name.
She wandered into the kitchen and I went into my private quarters to wake Masen. I needed to tell him that Jake was leaving and ask him how he was feeling with all the craziness.
"Hey, Little Man," I said, sitting down on his bed.
"Hi, Mama," he said, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.
"You fell asleep in the car," I said to him as he snuggled onto my lap. I held him close and ran my fingers through his hair.
"And Edward came to get me out," he said.
"Yeah," I said.
"Is everything better?" he asked.
"Sorta," I said, honestly.
"What's the matter, Mama?" he asked, looking up at me with worried eyes.
"Jake and I had a fight and Jake has decided it was time for him to move away," I said.
"Oh," Masen said, frowning. "He doesn't love us anymore?"
"He loves you. He loves you very much. You were always his special buddy," I said.
"Then why is he going?" he asked.
"Well, he wanted me to love him like a Mommy loves a Daddy," I said. "But I couldn't. I love him like a friend."
"So you don't want to sleep in his bed?" Masen asked, making me blanche considerably.
"That's one way of saying it," I said.
"I'm glad," Masen said.
"What are you glad about?" I asked him.
"Well, if you loved Jake, then you couldn't love my daddy anymore," he said.
"No matter what, I will always love your daddy," I told him. "Do you remember why?"
"Yeah," he said, giggling as I tickled his sides softly. "Because he gave you the bestest present ever, me!"
"You are so smart," I said to him, tapping the tip of his nose. "How did you ever get so smart?"
"I have the best Mama, that's why," he said wrapping both of his little arms around me.
Tears sprang to my eyes at my son's unexpected answer to that question. I hugged him tight and wouldn't have ever let go if he didn't start to wiggle.
"I hear the fire pit," he said, perking up. "Who's doin' it?"
"Seth," I replied.
"Can I help him? Pleeeaase?" he asked.
"Put your coat and boots on and off you go," I said to him.
"Yippee," he said.
"I'll be upstairs talking to the guests. When you're done, go find Leah and Emily and I'm sure they'll let you have a little snack before dinner," I told him.
"Thank you, Mama," he said stepping into his boots.
"Then can I play with the kids later?" he asked.
"I'll ask their parents," I said. "They might be tired from their big trip."
He ran off after that and I heard him calling Seth. Seth adored Masen so I knew he'd be fine. Now I needed to make my way up to talk to the people I hadn't seen in more than seven years.
My stomach was full of butterflies as I made my way towards the stairs. As I got to the landing, all four doors were closed. I knocked on the one I knew was set up for Carlisle and Esme.
"Bella," Esme said as she opened the door, and pulled me into a hug in one fell movement.
"Hi," I said quietly.
"You have no clue how long we've looked for you," she said. "How are you?"
"My life is in complete chaos," I said, "but I am happy to see you."
"I know you are going to talk to Edward still, so I won't say much," she said. "We've missed you so much, Sweetheart."
"I missed you guys too," I said.
"Will you talk to us again after you've spoken with Edward?" she asked.
"I think so," I said.
"I only saw Masen briefly. He... He is... Oh, Bella, he is just so sweet," she said, bursting into tears.
"Thanks," I said, tears streaming down my own cheeks.
Carlisle stepped up then and pulled me into a hug too.
"Don't run from us, again. No matter what. We love you for you and we want to be a part of your life," he said.
"Thanks," I said as I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.
"I wish you had never run, but I understand why you did. He told us he was awful to you," Carlisle said.
"He told you?" I asked.
"Not everything right away. He didn't confess anything about Masen or why until after Jasper saw you in Seattle," Esme said.
"Jasper saw me? I thought... I didn't think he had," I said.
"He did, he came racing after you as fast as he could with little Charlie in tow but missed you," Esme said.
"But... Why did you..." I began to ask, not really comprehending that they were looking for me.
"Once you didn't show up at the airport, Alice called Edward to see where you two were. He just said that you were gone and that it was all his fault. We flew out there right away. We knew about Jenks, but you made such an impression on him that he wouldn't disclose anything," Carlisle said. "He isn't the kind of guy that you can just go to the police about so... I guess Edward offered him a quarter million before we even got there to tell him anything. He refused and he threatened to kill Edward if the police ever tracked him down."
"What?" I asked.
"When I visited him after Edward's second confession, I offered him a million," Carlisle said causing my mouth to gape. "He still wouldn't budge. He told me the same thing he told Edward, and then added the fact that he wouldn't mind making Edward disappear too if we didn't stop visiting. Apparently Edward had gone to beg quite a few times over the years."
"I didn't even think... I didn't know that you guys were even looking... or that you had any clue Masen existed," I said.
"Masen or no Masen, we were looking for you," Esme said. "We love you, Honey."
"Oh," I responded.
"Look, we just unloaded a pile of information on you and most of that probably wasn't ours to tell. Will you promise to still talk to Edward. He hasn't been the same, not since you left," Esme said. "You both need the air cleared, and the only way that can happen is if you really listen to him. He was wrong and he knows it, and he has regretted it every day since."
"Now, go say hi to the girls," Esme said. "They have been itching to get their arms around you since they knew who you were."
"And you guys really had no clue I was here?" I asked, clarifying that point.
"Not at all," Carlisle said. "My friend Dr. Bill Copeland came to stay a year and a half ago with his wife..."
"Melanie!" Bella said with a smile.
"Right," Carlisle said. "When Edward came to Seattle I said the gang needed a chance to reconnect after all that had happened and he suggested the lodge and even made the arrangements."
"I see," I said, pondering the coincidence that landed all these people back on my doorstep.
"Now go talk to those girls," Esme said.
I was quickly shooed out into the hall and moved down to Alice's door. I gave a quick knock on the door.
"Bella," Alice squealed, launching herself into my arms.
"Hey, Fashion Forward Mama," I said.
"What?" she asked, looking at me with wide eyes.
I smiled at her.
"How long have you been following?" she asked.
"I found you just after Cullen was born," I said.
"So after I saw you in Seattle?" Jasper asked.
"Yeah I saw you with Charlie and I wanted to know how everything turned out for all of you guys," I said.
"It worked," she said to Jasper and he smiled at her.
"What did?" I asked, completely confused.
"Alice wrote that with you in mind. Hoping that somehow you would find it and maybe contact her, Jasper said.
"No, I couldn't," I said. "I didn't know what had been said. I didn't know that you'd even seen me that day. I couldn't just... I couldn't."
"Edward is such an ass!" Alice said with a harrumph.
"I don't even want to go there," I said.
"I know. You will talk to him, right?" she asked.
"I will," I said. "For Masen."
"Speaking of Masen, where is he?" Jasper asked from behind her. "The boys are over with em and Rose but they are dying to get on that pirate ship."
"So are you and Emmett," Alice said with a giggle.
"Agreed," Jasper said.
"Go for it," I said. "It is adult friendly... just watch the crow's nest. Mase likes to go up, but he is too scared to climb down and I have to rescue him every time."
"Is Masen outside?" Jasper asked.
"Yeah," I said. "He's helping Seth set up the fire pit for tonight's salmon feast."
"Can we take him to play with the kids?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said, smiling at him. "He'd like that. But Jazz... he doesn't know anything about all of you yet. He's just losing a very good friend and I need to give him a little time before I spring this all on him."
"No problem," Jasper said. "I'll threaten Em too so he keeps his trap shut."
"Thanks," I said.
Jasper went out to the hall and knocked on Rose and Em's door. The thundering sound of kids came as soon as the door was opened.
"Bella's in talking to Ali," Jasper said.
"Out of my way, Man," Emmett said and the next thing I knew, Emmett had me in a monster bear hug.
"Bellie!" he crooned as he squished me to within an inch of my life. I couldn't even find it in myself to fight. I didn't want to.
"Put her down you big oaf," Rose said, from some unknown place in the room. Then I heard the resounding smack as she slapped the back of his head. I guess some things never change.
"It's so good to see you, Bellie," Emmett said, with tears in his eyes.
"You too, Em," I said, wiping mine. "I hear you guys are ready to go swashbuckling."
"You betcha! Masen won't have a problem with that will he?" Emmett asked.
"No. He'll love the opportunity to play with the kids. Just make sure he includes Izzy. He tends to forget girls exist," I said.
"That's fine," Rose said, smiling at me. "When Izzy is with these guys she forgets she's a girl too."
"Hey, Rosie Posie," I said turning to her. Her eyes were completely filled with tears. For some reason I was the only one who could ever call her that.
"God, how I've missed you," she said clutching me to her in an Emmett worthy hug.
"I missed you too," I said sniffling.
"Don't ever run from us again,please," she said. "We need you."
"I promise," I said.
"Have you talked to Edward yet?" she asked.
"Not really," I said. "I was planning on it before Jake pulled his stupid shit."
"What was his beef?" Rose asked.
"He has been asking me to see him as more than a friend for years now. I constantly turned him down. I just don't... He was a friend, I couldn't ever see him as anything more," I said. "He figured out who Edward was right away."
"Actually Edward thought he was hitting on him with the way Jake stared at him," Alice added with a giggle.
"Then when he saw the way I stared at him... he got jealous I guess, of the history... and he decided it was best to get you guys away from Masen and I... he went about it the wrong way," I said.
"So what now?" Rose asked.
"He gave me an ultimatum. Either I try to see him as more than a friend or he leaves," I said, tears in my eyes yet again. "I refused."
"So he's going?" Alice asked.
"Yeah," I said. "And I was worried about Mase... but I think I'm gonna need to worry about some other stuff even more."
"Like?" Alice asked.
"Introducing him to his father," I said. "He knows a lot about him... But I lead him to believe some things that weren't true and I need to fix those before I tell him that Edward is his dad, if Edward even wants me to."
"Talk to Edward, Bella," Rose said. "He really needs to tell you a whole pile of shit and he's the only one who can."
"I will," I said. "Maybe after dinner."
"You really shouldn't wait," Alice said. "The sooner the truth is out there the better."
"I guess," I said.
"When do your next guests arrive?" Alice asked. "Since I assume we are the only ones here right now."
"Four cabins tomorrow and three the next day," I said.
"So now is the best time," Alice said. "If you put it off...."
"I know," I said. "I just didn't expect Masen to have to be here for this."
"We'll watch him," Alice said.
"That's fine," I said. "But I think I'll get Emily to stay in my place tonight with him, that way he has all his normal bedtime routines. I'll stay with Leah when Edward and I are finished talking if it's too late."
"You sure?"
"Yeah," I said. "I'll go make arrangements with Emily and then find Edward."
"I think I'm gonna put some runners on and go play pirate ship," Alice said with a grin.
"Have fun," I said.
"I'll go too," Rose said. "There should be an adult there to supervise."
I giggled and hugged them both before I made my way downstairs to the kitchen. Em and Leah were both supportive of my decision and decided to pack us some food while I made my way out back to see the kids all playing on the pirate ship and let Masen know that Em was going to stay with him tonight.
"How the hell do you get down from here?" Emmett asked as soon as I appeared, much to the delight of the others, who were laughing hysterically at his plight. Poor Emmett was sitting up in the crow's nest with Izzy on his lap, looking for an easy way down. "I'd like to see you try this Whitlock!" he growled, sending more laughter through the gang.
"My Mama can do it," Masen cheered. "She's the bestest."
I climbed onto the ship and up the cargo net that led to the crows nest. It was wobbly as all hell and I knew Emmett was probably nervous to try to navigate it when his little princess.
"Hi Izzy," I said as I appeared on the platform next to them.
"Hi," she said smiling at me.
"Want some help getting down?" I asked.
"That's why I called Daddy," she said with a frown on her little face.
"Well daddy doesn't know the secret like I do," I said. "If you want to climb on, I'll have you down in a jiffy."
"Careful Swan," Emmett growled. "Don't be pulling any of that klutzy stuff with my baby girl."
"Fine, Emmett," I said. "You go down first so you can catch her at the bottom if anything happens."
Emmett agreed and moved slowly to the cargo net and started his slow decent down the ropes.
"Now, Izzy," I said to his little daughter. "Are you ready to go the easy way?"
She nodded her head and smiled.
There were two poles that looked more like supports than anything, but if you straddled them, you could use them as a slide. Masen was afraid to go down on his own so I had to climb up and slide down with him every time, even though he could do it himself.
Izzy cuddled to my front and wrapped her legs round my waist. I stood up and went to move towards the slide.
"Careful Swan," Emmett said from the bottom of the cargo net. "That will be much harder with my kid holding onto you."
"Watch and learn, Em," I said as I threw my leg over the bar slide and leaned back a little. Izzy and I slid quickly down the poles and I heard nothing else except for the little giggles she made as we went down.
When I got to the ground, Jasper, Rose and Alice were all in fits of giggles, while Emmett scowled at me.
"You could have told me there was another way," he said.
"And you shouldn't assume that I would willingly put a child at risk," I said with a mock scowl. "I haven't been klutzy since I was a teenager! Pregnancy has a way of making you more aware of your center of gravity and then carrying precious cargo...."
"I hear ya," Emmett said, as the others managed to regain their composure.
"Good," I said.
"You were awesome, Mom," Masen said running up to me.
"Thanks, Bud," I said. "Hey can I talk to you for a minute?"
"But I want to play with the kids," he said.
"It's just quick," I promised.
"Okay," he said rolling his eyes in a very Edward maneuver.
We walked off to the side for a bit and I crouched down with him. "I need to get some stuff done tonight so Emily is going to stay with you."
"But can't I play with the kids?" he asked.
"You can," I said. "I even told Emily that all of you can get the bean bags out and watch a movie on the big screen in the den before bed."
The big screen was a wall projection unit that broadcast videos on a seventy inch screen. It was mighty impressive and Masen's favorite thing to do.
"Can we watch Up? He asked.
"I don't see why not," I said. "Emily and Leah even promised to make movie snacks!"
"YAY!!" he cheered.
"Okay," I said. "Can I get a hug before I go?"
He jumped into my arms and gave me a big hug.
"I love you, Mama," he said sweetly.
"I love you too. Now go play with your new friends," I said.
"Okay!" he said, running off and joining everyone else. Carlisle and Esme had walked out to watch the kids play. Jasper was up in the crow's nest with Cullen, attempting the slide while Alice and Rose were playing with the kids on the ship, Emmett discovered the joys of the plank and I smiled as he cannon-balled off into the foam. I liked having my family back, and it didn't feel weird at all.
Now Edward was another story. I still loved him, that was a fact I couldn't deny, but he hurt me more than I'd ever been hurt before. Now the others had all alluded to the fact that he had his reasons and had been quick to try to change things, but my heart... I didn't know if I could hear what he had to say. I didn't know if it would change anything.
I walked into the kitchen and picked up the bag of food Leah had set out for us and skipped the bottle of wine. I would not allow alcohol to color anything that was going to be said. Instead, I grabbed a couple of cans of pop and a few bottles of water. I left the bags on the front desk so we could grab them on our way out and trudged up to the second floor to knock on Edward's door.
"I didn't think you were coming," he said to me softly.
"I said I would," I replied. "It just took a while to get everything squared away."
"Oh," he said, looking extremely uncomfortable.
"We don't have to do this," I said, wanting to ease his discomfort.
Damn it! Why did his feelings still matter to me?
"No," he said. "I want to... I need to."
We stood there for a moment and the uncomfortable silence was strangling. The tension between us was so thick it could have been cut with a knife and I found myself wanting to be anywhere but next to Edward. A root canal? Sure. Elective surgery? Why not.
"Ready to go?" I asked trying to get past it.
"To the cabin?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said. "It's the one place we won't be interrupted."
"I'd like that," he said. "Do I need anything?"
"I don't think so," I said. "I got us some food and there's a gas fireplace there so we'll be warm."
"Let me just grab my bag and we can go," he said, grabbing a small laptop case off the desk. "Lead the way."
I walked down the stairs and stopped to grab the food. Edward saw what I was about to do and grabbed it for me. His gentlemanly ways were back, and I wasn't sure how I felt about that.
We walked at a slowly and silently towards the cabin that I had chosen for this meeting. I honestly don't know why I chose this one. It was secluded from the others and had the best view. I often rented it out to honeymooners and others on romantic getaways, so why did I choose this cabin of all places to talk to the man that had shattered my heart?
"This is it," I said, finally breaking the silence as we approached the cabin.
"Nice," he said.
I unlocked the door and turned on the lights. As I entered the living room, I moved to the gas fireplace to turn it on.
"So," I said. "This is it."
"Yeah, he said, running his fingers through his hair. "It is."