Chapter 4

I sighed with relief as I entered my car. I was finally alone! My parents were already out of the Newton's driveway. I tried not to look back as I drove away...I didn't want to see Mike after that.

The drive home was painfully long. At least, it seemed that way. I still couldn't believe what had happened up in Mike's room. It was making me a little sick to my stomach. How could he just do that without asking me? Worse than that, I felt sicker yet at the thought of what I had done to him. What Mike had done didn't even come close to the horrible deed I committed in return. All I wanted to do was get home and put an end to this horrible night. At least this time I knew that tomorrow certainly couldn't get any worse.

...

I got up in the morning and began my usual routine: shower, clothes, breakfast, contacts, then head to school. I arrived rather early again this morning. I didn't have any work to distract me today, which, unfortunately, left me alone with my thoughts. As much as I tried to avoid it my thoughts wondered to the previous night and my big mistake. How was I going to face Mike today? All I wanted was to shrivel up and die, right there in my car. I could always skip school today...and every day this week. All I have to do is hit the gas and I'm out of here. I shoved that thought from my mind just about as quickly as it had come. It would help for a while but I couldn't run forever. I have to face my problems eventually.

Then another thought occurred to me. I didn't have to come back. I could just keep driving until my car ran out of gas; that would be my new home. I could probably get a good distance away from here. No one would miss me. It was perfect!

I was pulled from my thoughts when I heard a tap on my window. It had come from my passenger window. I looked up and was face to face with exactly the person I had wanted to avoid today. Mike. The memory of the previous night came into my mind full blast.

...(flashback to the previous night...cue funky flashback effects)

He started to lean in and I knew exactly where he wanted to go with this. I couldn't believe this was happening. Dammit! Mike really wasn't going to make this easy on me.

I was in complete and total shock at the situation. I couldn't even begin to react in the way I should have. Mike had started to kiss me! Every part of me screamed to make him stop. I could hear the little voice in my head yelling at me to punch him with as much force as I could. The voice wanted me to punch him over and over to make him stop.

As much as I wanted to listen to those voices, I just couldn't bring myself to listen. This was partly my fault. I knew this was coming and I just refused to say anything to poor Mike. I had to put an end to this kiss though. I put my hands up and pushed Mike away. His face was flushed and he was breathing quite heavily. It was only then that I realized that I was in the same condition...for a very different reason though. Mike spoke up first.

"Whats wrong? I...thought...well, I mean...was that not okay?" He was stammering. I'm sure he had gotten very nervous by my actions. This was going to be harder than I thought it would.

"Look, that was just...well, I mean." Dammit! I NEVER stammer. Damn him to hell. Breathe Edward...just Breathe. "Mike...I think you have something all wrong. I just...I don't think I can do this."

"Oh." He seemed to be digesting that. So far so good. "Was that too fast? I don't want to scare you off. I really like you Edward." There goes that. He just isn't understanding what I want to say...which is reasonable considering that I really wasn't SAYING what I really wanted to tell him anyway. I had better try this again.

"Mike, look, what I want to say is...I don't really think...I mean..." This isn't working. I'm just saying the same thing over and over. "Mike, I think we want different things." That was a little better.

"Well, what do you want? I mean, do I have it all wrong? I kinda thought you might have a thing for me too. I mean, you never said anything otherwise." Ouch. That was exactly what I didn't want to hear; confirmation of my hand in all this. Where do I go from here?

"Well, I guess what I want is...for this to slow down first of all." I had meant that I wanted to slow down this conversation. This was getting out of control and I needed a little breather to compose myself. Once again, my actions had given Mike the wrong impression.

"So, this is just too fast? Look, I'll slow it down. I'll do whatever you want me to do. I'll go as fast or as slow as you want." He was smiling again. I had lost all control of the situation. What else can I do? Tell him that I don't like him? Thats not really true. I like him as a friend...a little deep down but I do. Do I tell him I don't like guys at all like that and that he had gotten it all wrong? As true as that statement is, I can't say that to him. He didn't mean any harm. If anything, he did help a little. I don't think I need to worry about the questioning of my sexuality anymore. Men just aren't for me, I know that now.

My mouth was moving and sounds were coming out of it before I knew it. It was too late for me to stop it. "I would appreciate that Mike. I just need time." Then, as if things weren't bad enough, for some unknown reason I leaned in and gave him a little peck on the cheek.

WHAT THE HELL WAS I DOING!That had come completely out of nowhere. All I wanted to do was let him down gently, spare his feelings a little bit. All of a sudden, it was as if someone had entered my mind and just planted those words and that gesture into my head without my knowledge. This is bad...worse than anything that had happened in this horrible town yet.

Mike obviously took that as "I like you but I just want to wait a little." He had a huge grin plastered on his face. If I could actually hear thoughts, I imagined Mike's would sound somewhat like "Yes! He likes me back!." This was horrible. I had given him the impression that I liked him back when I truly didn't. This is probably the worst thing I could have done. Sooner or later I would have to break his heart. It would only be that much worse now that he thought I felt the same way about him. I just wanted to shrivel up and die right there.

...(end flashback,cue funky flashback sequence again)

Mike was tapping on my passenger window. He was signaling for me to unlock the door to let him in. Against my better judgment, I let him in. He sat down and eyed me somewhat suspiciously. He was making sure that I was okay after last night. I wish that I was okay. I felt awful for what I had done.

"Morning Edward. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine. Thank you for inviting me and my family to dinner last night by the way."

"No problem." There was something he wanted to say, that much I could tell. He just didn't seem to know how to say whatever it is. I know what that's like. Just spit it out Mike.

"Mike, is there something that you wanted to say?"

"Well...yea. Look, I just wanted to say sorry for doing that last night. I should have asked first. I'm just not very good at this whole...well, anyway, sorry."

"Don't worry about it. Just..." I was still at a loss for words. Why can't I just say what I mean...what I want to say.

Mike was smiling again as he said something that I wished he hadn't. "Well, I guess I'll be sure to ask next time I try to kiss you." One step forward and two steps back. This was going just where I didn't want it to. "Although, from what happened last night, this seems to be okay." He leaned in and gave me a peck on the cheek just as I had done to him the previous night. I really wish I could throw up on command. I would have done it on him right then and there. Maybe that would scare him off once and for all.

"I'll see you at lunch Edward." Mike had gotten up and was heading towards the building. Not that many students had arrived yet but I could tell it was probably close enough to class time that I could head inside. I grabbed my bag and headed for trig. This was going to be another one of those days, wasn't it?

...

Lunch came much to fast. I was heading to the door when I noticed that Mike had come to walk with me to lunch from my class. I didn't even try to say anything, mental or otherwise. This was all entirely my fault. I had made my bed and I would lie in it.

Mike decided to move his seat from across from me to right next to me. I tried to ignore the closeness between us, something that was not easy to do. I almost got away from lunch hour without anything bad happening. Of course, that could never happen. My life just doesn't work that way.

I was seated at the end of our table. Near the end of our lunch, someone had started to run from the cafeteria for some reason. He had slipped right next to our table and started to go down. On his way, the book he was carrying went straight for my face. As the boy caught himself on our table last minute, I was pushed back and my ass landed on the floor. My legs were still up in the seat. Of course, everyone in the cafeteria had seen the entire event.

Once he realized what had happened, Mike stood to help me up. He began to ask if I was alright before he looked into my face. Once our eyes met, he stopped dead in his tracks.

"Mike...is something wrong?"

"Your...your eye." The book had hit my eye. I must have had some sort of mark. I wondered how bad it could be.

"What is it? Am I bleeding?"

"Your eye...it's green." It took me a minute before I realized what had happened. When I finally understood, I was horrified. My contact had fallen out. Mike couldn't stop staring into my now green eye. It was working that dazzling effect on him that I wanted to avoid. Well, there goes that lie. It was good while it lasted. I pulled my other contact from my eye and threw it into the trash.

"Well, I guess you know now. My eyes are green. No big deal."

"Yeah." I don't think he really heard me. All he saw were my eyes. A lot of people were looking at them. I personally didn't understand the fascination. Everyone has eyes. Stupid dazzling green eyes.

People had begun to leave the cafeteria. It was almost time for next hour. I tried to pull Mike from his daze and started walking to biology. Mike was walking a little closer than he normally did. He was probably trying to get a better look at his new favorite part of my anatomy. At least it kept him from talking

Now, on top of dealing with Mike later, I had to spend another hour with the demon lab partner. I went in and sat down at my seat. She was already there in her seat. Mike was so distracted that he almost followed me to my seat. He noticed and turned back to his seat. I was fully prepared to just tune out the world for the next hour. That is, until I noticed the girl named Bella actually looking at me today.

She didn't look bored and annoyed today, like she had yesterday. She looked intrigued and interested. Bella was, just like Mike had been doing, staring at my deep green eyes. It actually took her a moment to realize that my eyes had focused on her now. Instead of looking away like I thought she would have, she straightened up and put a small smile on her face. I was shocked to hear her speak.

"Hi. Look, I realize that I was a little rude yesterday. It was just a bad day for me. Can we start over? I'm Bella Cullen. You're Edward Masen, correct?" I think my mouth must have fallen open. I closed it quickly and looked at Bella with a bewildered expression.

"Yes, I'm Edward." I didn't know what to say. What do you say to someone who was giving you death glares the day before? Thankfully, she was willing to make conversation today.

"Welcome to Forks. I realize that this is about three days late but, well, you know the saying."

"Ummm, thanks."

"You're that Mike Newton's boyfriend, aren't you?" She had a strange smile on her face as she said that. It was amused but in a strange way. It was as if she knew something that I didn't.

"I wouldn't necessarily say that we're..." I didn't know what to say to that. She shrugged it off and continued on.

"Look, I'm curious so I have to ask. Weren't your eyes a different color yesterday? I would have remembered eyes that green." I couldn't help but think that was the reason behind her talking to me in the first place.

"I normally wear colored contacts. They fell out today so..."

"I see." I realized that we were getting somewhat close now. Bella then tensed up and leaned away from me very quickly. She looked a little strained. What happened? Everything was going so well.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Just forget it, okay?" The class started at that point and I couldn't press for more information. Everything was going so well. All of a sudden the demon lab partner was back. What the hell!?

...

I was ready to bolt for my car after last hour. I didn't to see anyone or have to make any type of conversation. Unfortunately, Mike was once again waiting by my car. I went over with a plan in my head to get out of here as quickly and painlessly as possible. I just couldn't handle anything else today. I wasn't ready for what happened next.

"Hey, Edward, can I ask you something?"

"Umm, sure." Get it over with and get out of here, was all I was thinking.

"Well, I just wanted to know...would you..."

"Come on Mike, Just say it." I wish I wouldn't have said that. What he said next made my head spin. Why was this happening to me?