I'd like to thank germanfanfictioner, annabellex2, Franshes, The Senate, Sir RCCS, winterschild11, and DeniseDEMD for taking the extra time to review. That means so much to me.
Chapter 4: Through Fear and Doubt
Jared sighed as he looked down at the blank page before him. He was sitting at a picnic table in the Palm Woods park, trying to clear his head. Kendall had finally announced that Inside Joke's second album was a go. They were recording new songs and still writing a few. Jared wanted to write a song for the album; however it was harder than he had thought it would be. This was something he wanted to do. He had written the song that had made Kendall like the band in the first place. Now he had to do it again, this was harder for some reason.
Jared sat back for a moment and tried let go. He needed to relax. Taking a few deep breaths, Jared picked up his pen again. He started writing, but it didn't seem right. He scribbled it out.
"Whatcha doin'?"
Jared looked up and saw Noah standing in front of him. He smiled weakly at his friend.
"Nothing," Jared sighed closing his notebook. Noah sat down next to him. "I was just trying to write a song but inspiration doesn't want to seem to hit me just yet."
"It'll come," Noah said, "maybe you just need Kyle around," he added quickly.
Jared looked over at Noah confused. What was he implying. Did he know? Jared wasn't sure, Noah was a hard book to read. He said one thing but meant another, but missed some of the obvious innuendos. Noah was complicated, yet so simple minded.
"Come on Jared, I see the way you two look at each other," Noah said.
"Noah," Jared started.
"Plus I walked in on you guys making out the other day. I forgot my sweater and came back to get it and well, let's just be glad I didn't send Roldy back for it," Noah said.
"Oh god, he'd have freaked and ran to Kendall," Jared said hanging his head.
"Something like that," Noah said nodding.
"What do you mean by that," Jared asked confused.
"Nothing, so is that why Kendall gave us those few weeks off at the beginning of summer?" Noah asked quickly changing the subject.
"Yeah," Jared nodded his head.
"How'd it happen?"
"I don't know. It just kind of did. I started liking him the more we hung out and I guess he felt the same, but I never thought we'd end up together. I mean we don't make any sense. He's just a kid and I'm...me," Jared sighed.
Jared was so messed up. He had never really had a serious relationship like Kyle had had with Lilly. He had never really dated someone for more than four or five months. He usually either got bored or did something stupid. Jared was far from perfect and he could not figure out what Kyle saw in him.
"Everyone deserves love Jared, even you," Noah said, "I won't say anything, but does he makes you happy?" He asked.
Jared thought about it for a moment. Kyle made him happy. Just the thought of the young blonde made him feel giddy. His stomach twisted and he got that all to familiar sensation he had just known was him falling for the blonde. Jared had fallen so many times before, only to fall flat on his face. He really hoped Kyle would catch him though. He wanted this to work more than anything. Everything just seemed to be working against them though.
"Happier than I've felt in a long time," Jared said finally. He hung his head. "Why do I always fall for the wrong guy?" He whined as he leaned against Noah.
"What makes him wrong?" Noah asked confused.
"Well for starters he's sixteen and I'm nineteen almost twenty and then his dad is our boss, and I could go on," Jared said.
"Don't fixate on the negative, be positive and let yourself be happy," Noah said pushing Jared off his shoulder with a laugh. "Now if you'll excuse me I've got a hot date with Mika Samuels, the new guys, from 6G," he said wiggling his eyebrows.
"Man-whore, what happened to Nicloe," Jared asked teasingly.
"She didn't like that I was seeing Taylor, so she dumped me. Mika has no problems with me seeing Taylor since we're not official or anything yet," Noah said with a shrug.
"Never one to settle are you?" Jared asked
"I'll settle when I find the one," Noah said smiling, "until then I don't see a problem."
Noah stood up and left, leaving Jared alone once more. Jared sighed and looked down at his notebook. Noah's words still replaying in his head, 'Don't fixate on the negative, be positive and let yourself be happy.'
-We Are-
Kyle sighed as he rested his chin on his hand. He was sitting with Miles, Jayda and Lucas in the cafeteria. Ever since he and Lilly broke up the group had split into two. Jayda and Lucas divided their time between both groups. Miles usually ate lunch with Kyle. Caleb and Leora usually sat with Lilly.
Kyle wasn't listening to the conversation going on around him. His thoughts were elsewhere. All he seemed to think about was Jared and how much he missed the bleached blonde right now. He had never felt this way before. With Lilly they had always been together. They rarely had time apart and maybe that had been downfall. There had never been time to miss one another. They were always there and on top of one another. That wasn't really a healthy relationship.
With Jared everything was different. They had been dating for almost three months now and Kyle had never been happier. There was just something about him. He was honest and funny. Jared wasn't always kind, be he tried to be unless you pissed him off. Once he was mad there was no calming him down. It was best to let him blow off steam, that usually turned out fun for the young blonde. Kyle and Jared had fooled around a bit, but Jared didn't want to have sex yet. He still seemed fixated on the age difference. All in all Kyle was happy with the way things were. He made Kyle just feel happy and more relaxed. He didn't feel pressured to be the perfect boyfriend, but he sure tried. He'd ask Jared on dates and he'd agree as long as they were somewhere they couldn't been seen. Kyle was just happy that Jared wanted to even date him.
Kyle had to lie to his dads, but they would never understand. They'd really go out of their way to keep him and Jared apart, if they knew. He didn't want that, so a secret relationship was the only way for now. Kyle had to think of a way to break it too them without them getting too mad. It had been almost three months and every scenario Kyle ran through in his mind turned out bad.
"Earth to Kyle."
Miles waved a had in front of Kyle's face. Kyle jumped startled slightly and looked over at his friend. He hadn't realize he had started spacing out.
"What was that?" Kyle asked.
"I asked if you wanted to go to the Zombie movie marathon they are having at theater across town tonight. It's gonna be Dead Rising, Deadwood, and Zombie Dairies. Jayda and Lucas are in and I'm sure we can convince Caleb to go as well," Miles said quickly.
"Uh what is today? Friday?" Kyle asked slowly. He pulled his phone out. He was sure Noah had asked him if he was going.
"Really you have plans already?" Miles asked sounding annoyed.
"Yes, well actually Noah wanted to go see that too," Kyle said making sure it was the same thing.
"Who's Noah? A special friend?" Lucas asked wiggling his eyebrows at the blonde.
"Just a friend, he's part of my dad's band Inside Joke. My dad manages them. He's really into Zombie movies and games. He's cool, mind if I invite him," Kyle asked.
"Just him?" Miles asked arching a brow at Kyle.
"Well if I invite Noah, he'll probably drag Roldy along and he'll beg Jared to go so he doesn't have to be alone when Noah ditches him and Matt won't want to be left out," Kyle said.
"Are they cool?" Lucas asked.
"Dude they're in a band and their famous. They are very cool," Kyle said.
"Sweet, the more the merrier," Lucas said with a smile.
Kyle looked over at Miles who didn't look too happy with him. He wasn't sure why, but Miles seemed to not be too happy with Kyle lately. Something was bugging his friend. Kyle felt bad for not knowing what it was. He wasn't being a very good friend lately. All his time had been devoted to Jared. He needed to stop and take a step back. He needed to spend some time with his friends before he lost them.
-We Are-
Cooper smiled as he watched Miri move about the living room playing with her toys. Cooper didn't have a class until afternoon. He was taking time to just spend some time with Miri.
Miri was over a year old now and getting good at walking. Talking was coming slowly. She babbled a lot and pointed to what she wanted. She was right on track with her development though. Doctors had been a bit skeptical at first, since she had been born prematurely, but she was doing fine.
"Da," Miri said pointing at Cooper. She ran over to him with a doll in her hand. She placed it in his lap.
"For me? Thank you Miri," Cooper said scooping the girl up in his arms. He kissed her on the cheek. Miri giggled and grabbed the doll. She stared babbling to it.
Cooper couldn't help but smile as he watched his daughter. She was growing up so fast. In the blink of an eye she went from barely doing anything to doing everything. One day she couldn't even lift herself from the floor, and now she hardly touched the floor when she ran. She was advancing so much, and Adam was missing it.
Cooper mentally cursed himself. He didn't want to think about Adam anymore. There was a chance he would never see Adam again. Adam had left and that was all there was too it. That was what Cooper had to tell himself. He had to force himself to be mad at Adam, when all he wanted was for Adam to come back. He needed closure, he just wasn't sure how to get it.
-We Are-
Kendall yawned as he looked over some of the news on the boys, if you could call rag mags news. As their manager it was his job to make sure they had good press and to try and stop the bad press. There was nothing but favorable reviews for the boys.
"You read that trash?"
Kendall looked up at Penelope. She was grinning at him. Kendall arched a brow in silent question.
"Why the gossip magazines?" Penelope asked.
"I gotta make sure my boys are getting good press, even if it's just gossip," Kendall said, "now what can I help you with Pen?" He asked.
"Well, Hawk Records is trying to make a come back. Hawk's son wants to make a name for himself. He's trying to steal the boys. I hear he's got someone in the Palm Woods scouting them out," Penelope said quickly.
"Let him try all he wants, the boys won't turn on me," Kendall said cockily. Penelope smiled and nodded her head. "Do you doubt them?" Kendall asked curiously
"I know those boys are loyal, but all it takes is a pretty face to lure them away," Penelope said.
"Don't worry I have faith in the boys," Kendall said. Penelope nodded her head and turned to leave. She stopped.
"Kelly also wanted me to give this to you," Penelope said walking over to his desk and setting a folder down. "The boys are getting popular. People want them touring again," she said.
"I know that's why we're working on some new music," Kendall said.
"No they really want them, look at some of the emails Kelly's gotten," Penelope said as she walked away.
Kendall grabbed the folder and started leafing through the papers in there. There were lots of request for the boys to open for other bands or tour with them. Kendall was a little surprised at how in demand the boys were.
-We Are-
"Lillian Mitchell," Leora sing songed as she walked into the smart girls bedroom. Lilly was sitting on her bed reading a book. She glanced up at her friend and realized she wasn't alone. Rion was with her as well.
"What's up?" Lilly asked.
"Since the guys and Jay are going to that Zombie thing I was wondering if you wanted to go to the mall with me and Ri," Leora said falling down onto Lilly's bed beside her.
"I don't know, I kind of just wanted to spend a night in," Lilly said slowly.
"Come on Lil, let's go have some fun," Rion said.
"I don't really feel like going out," Lilly said, "that shouldn't stop you guys though. Go have fun," she added.
"Boo! Party pooper, come on," Leora said snatching Lilly's book. "All you ever seem to do lately, is stay home and read or do home work. What happened to my best friend," Leora asked.
"I don't know what you mean. I just don't feel like going out," Lilly said.
"Come on Lil, live a little," Leora said poking Lilly in the side. Lilly squirmed away and glared at Leora. She wasn't in the mood for this.
"Is this still about Kyle? I thought you were over it," Leora asked sitting up and looking at Lilly. "He's not worth your happiness Lil. I mean you can't let what he did hold you back. There is someone out there for you and you'll never find them if you sit here at home," she said.
"It's not about Kyle. It's...I just don't want to go out," Lilly said with finality in her voice. She wasn't going to argue right now.
"Whatever, stay in read your dumb book," Leora said tossing it onto the bed and jumping up. "Come on Rion let's leave her to wallow in self pity. Maybe we can join the guys after all," she said.
Leora left the room. Rion glance apologetically at Lilly and followed the blonde girl from the room.
Lilly sat there glaring at the door. She didn't want to admit Leora was right, but she was. This was still about Kyle. She was still hurting and all she wanted to do was stay in and be alone. Every time she saw Kyle she felt like her chest was collapsing in on her and she couldn't breathe. She hated to admit it, but she was still in love with Kyle.
Lilly hung her head in silent shame. Fear was a big part her life now. She lived in fear of being hurt and doubt of never being happy again. She needed to get over this somehow. There had to be a light at the end of the tunnel, even if she couldn't see it now.
-We Are-
Kyle followed Miles and Jayda into the theater. They bought their tickets and they headed to the concession stand where Lucas, Caleb, Leora and Rion were already waiting for them. Kyle was confused to see the girls they. They had turned down the offer to go earlier.
"Le? Rion? What do we owe the pleasure?" Miles asked walking over to Rion and pecking her on the cheek.
"Just cause we're girls doesn't mean we don't like Zombie movies," Leora said. Rion nodded her head in agreement.
"Awesome, glad you could make it," Miles said.
"Way to ruin guys night Le," Kyle said shaking his head.
"Guys night? I'm a guy now?" Jayda asked.
"Relax, it'll be fine," Lucas said with a smile. "We're gonna be watching zombie movies. It's gonna be awesome."
"Kyle!"
Kyle looked up and saw Noah running towards him grinning. Roldy, Jared, and Matt were behind him. They were all shaking they're heads. Noah was a bit much at times. Kyle smiled as he looked at Jared. His heart skipped a beat and his pulse started racing. Jared smiled back at him.
"Hey Noah, glad you could make it," Kyle said laughing. The other three joined them and Kyle made introductions. Everyone greeted one another.
Soon snacks were bought everyone was making their way into the theater they were early so the theater wasn't completely packed. There was enough room for the group to sit together in two rows on the isle. Miles, Kyle, Jared, Noah, Roldy and Matt sat behind Caleb, Leora, Rion, Jayda, and Lucas. Kyle managed to sit between Miles and Jared. He glanced at Jared and gave him a small smile, which Jared returned.
The group started chatting amongst themselves for a bit. The marathon didn't start for another half hour still. The theater was filling up pretty quickly.
"So you guys, like, work for Kyle's dad right?" Miles asked turning to look at the four on he other side of Kyle.
"Yeah, we're in a band and we are in pretty high demand," Noah said cockily.
"Yeah, Kendall and Kelly are talking about sending us on tour with Icsis and TBA," Roldy said.
"TBA sucks," Kyle said quickly. This was an argument he and Jared had had many times. His mind had not been changed no matter how hard Jared tried. He looked at Jared who was looking at him. He couldn't read his expression.
"No they don't," Caleb said turning to face Kyle having heard his comment.
"Sorry Caleb I know Jackie is your cousin and all but their music sucks," Kyle said unapologetically.
"I guess that's your opinion, it's wrong, but it's your opinion," Caleb said.
"So funny," Kyle said sticking his tongue out at Caleb. "But think about it all they sing is either songs about being mad or cheesy love songs," he said.
"News flash that's like every band out there," Miles said.
"I agree, but they over play it and rehash the same thing with different words. I'm sorry Caleb, I made this opinion before I even knew Jackie was your cousin," Kyle said.
"It's ok Kyle, everyone is entitled to their opinions," Caleb said.
"Cheesy love songs?" Jared asked.
"Just about all love songs are cheesy," Kyle said.
"As fun as listening to Kyle express his opinions on music, how about a subject change?" Rion suggested.
"Another tour? Didn't you guys just get off tour?" Leora asked turning to the guys.
"Back in April, it was a short tour though," Jared replied.
"But apparently that concert we did with your dads really got us noticed," Noah said.
"Now everybody wants us. We've got the BTR seal of approval," Matt said.
"If Kendall signs the contract we could be touring as soon as next month," Roldy said.
"Cool, I'll bet it'll be fun," Kyle said looking at Jared. This was news to him. The bleached blonde hadn't mentioned it before. Maybe he didn't care as much as Kyle had thought.
-We Are-
Kendall sighed as he fell down on the couch next to James. They had the house all to themselves for the night. Kyle and Leora were out to the movies and it was a movie marathon at that. They wouldn't be home for several hours. Kendall had managed to talk his mother into watching Jenny for the night as well. She was always willing to watch her granddaughter.
"So what shall we do?" Kendall asked pulling the brunette close to him.
"You it's been awhile since we had the house alone, why don't I cook you something nice," James said slowly, "give me an hour and you can catch up on your sports and then after dinner, maybe a movie or something," he said with a flirty wink. Kendall grinned and pulled the James into a kiss. James jumped up and Kendall playfully smacked his ass.
"Not yet," James said giving the blonde another wink. "I'll be back I have some shopping to do," he said as he left the living room.
Kendall sat there with a smile. This night was shaping up nicely. He'd have a nice home date night with James.
-We Are-
Layla nervously played with the hem of her shirt. She was debating asking Logan about going to the Icsis concert since Carlos was working late. She wasn't sure what he was going to say. Him and Carlos had let her go with Millie and her parents to a concert last year, but this was different. This time Erika, her girlfriend would be there.
"Uh, dad," Layla said slowly.
"What's up Lay?" Logan asked.
"Um I've got a question," Layla said slowly. She still wasn't sure how to ask.
"What is it?" Logan asked.
"Ok so uh, Erika got tickets to see Icsis in concert and she got extra tickets for me and Millie. Can I go?" Layla asked.
"When and Where Lay," Logan asked.
"Well, they couldn't get tickets to the LA show it sold out to quickly. Hey had to get tickets to the Sacramento show. It would most likely be an over night thing," Layla said quickly.
"Ok, let me talk to your papi, and Erika's parents and I will let you know," Logan said.
"Ok sounds fair," Layla said nodding her head. She left the room and pulled her cell phone out to text Millie and Erika, she didn't have a definite answer, but she had asked. She was sure they would let her go.
-We Are-
Kendall looked to his side. James was laying against him sleeping. James had cooked him a nice dinner. Shrimp pasta with a tomato sauce. It had been delicious. Afterwards they had decided to watch a movie. Half way through James had fallen asleep.
Kendall was trying to decide on if he wanted to wake James or not. He looked so peaceful and deserved a rest. James was working hard at making a comeback. He had been working his butt off the last few weeks. He had done three shoots already and had two more planned next week. On top of all that he tried his best to take care of Jenny when Kendall was working and Miri when Cooper needed it. James deserved a break.
James seemed to have other ideas as he started to stir. He looked up at the blonde. He gave him a small smile.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep on you," James said softly as he sat up running his eyes. "Is it over?"
"Yeah, it's ok babe, you were tired," Kendall said pressing a kiss to his cheek. James smiled and turned to kiss the blonde on the lips. Kendall grinned and kissed back. It was a slow, sweet, and full of love.
"I love you Ken," James sighed. Kendall grinned and returned the words to him. He leaned in and captured his lips for another kiss. James wrapped his arms around Kendall's neck.
The phone started ringing. James parted with Kendall to look at it. Kendall grabbed his face and guided face back to his. James tried to pull away but Kendall wouldn't let him.
"Leave it if it's important they'll leave a message or call back," Kendall said as their answering machine picked up. Kendall and James paused to listen for a moment.
"Uh...dad, pops it's me...Adam. I just wanted to call and let you know I'm ok..."
Kendall and James shared a look before jumping up to grab the phone. They managed to knock it to the floor as Adam continued.
"I'm fine. I just need some time to myself. Don't worry, I'm fine...so yeah, bye."
James grabbed the phone and pressed the talk buton. "Adam?" All he heard was dial tone. James cursed to himself before turning to face Kendall.
"I am sorry James," Kendall said quickly. He didn't see anger in his eyes but something else.
"He's ok," James said smiling. He walked up to the blonde and hugged him. "He's fine," he said.
"James we don't know for sure," Kendall said.
"Look at the number he called from its a Minnesota number," James said handing the phone to Kendall. "He either with my mom or my dad," he said breathing a sight of relief.
"Probably your mom, she babies them so bad," Kendall said feeling a weight lift off his chest. Adam was ok, that was the best news he had heard in awhile.
So much going on. Jared and Kyle are fighting with their feelings for one another. Inside Joke might go on tour? Will that affect their relationship? Cooper is slowly moving on, will he get the closure he needs? Kendall and James know Adam is safe, will he come back?
Always
OUTOFMYMIND