Shikamaru laid on his back trying to relax enough to fall asleep, but he wasn't having much luck. It was his first mission since the attack on Konoha. It had taken him almost a month to recover from his broken leg; there were so many in worse shape, that the medical-nins didn't have the chakra to waste on him. At least he had been able to use his brain to help out, even if he couldn't use his body. Shikamaru thought he would have gone mad if he couldn't have helped out at all.

Unfortunately, it was his brain that was getting him in trouble now. He was used to normally being able to just shut it off and go to sleep at the drop of a hat, but today that wasn't happening. He had even scheduled the watch based on it. His team consisted of Neji and Ino: Neji as the brawn, Ino the medic, and himself as the brain.

After being on a team with Ino for so many years, he knew that she needed some alone time before she could relax enough to sleep, so he had given her the first shift. Neji could sleep for short amounts of time, but did better if he could get his sleep all at once, so he had received the last. Shikamaru didn't mind the middle shift because he normally slept so easily, and the dead of night was a peaceful time to plan. It seemed like that was going to backfire on him tonight as he moved to get more comfortable.

"Can you quit fidgeting and go to bed?"

Shikamaru looked over toward Neji and saw the other boy staring at him with an exasperated look on his face. Shikamaru had thought that Neji had been sleeping for the past ½ hr. Looking back up at the ceiling of the tent Shikamaru let out a quiet, "I can't."

"Can't what? Stop fidgeting or sleep? "

Shikamaru closed his eyes and rubbed his face before giving the answer that was about to cause him grief. "Both."

Neji sniggered. "You can't sleep?"

"No."

"Shikamaru Nara can't sleep?" The laughter was still evident in Neji's voice.

Shikamaru gave Neji a few moments to calm down before he heard another snigger come from the boy. "It is not that funny Neji."

"Oh yes it is." Neji returned. "You are only known for two things; your big brain and your ability to sleep, and now you are telling me you can't sleep. It is hysterical, Shikamaru."

"Well blame the big brain. I just can't get it to shut off today."

"What do you normally do when this happens?" Neji asked. He figured, with Shikamaru's ability to analyze so much, so fast, and to such a degree, that this had to come up a lot.

"It doesn't really happen that often. Normally if I'm thinking too much to sleep, I am really not in a position to sleep." Shikamaru gave an exasperated sigh as he ran his hand across his face again. He really couldn't tell if he was frustrated with his inability to sleep, or embarrassed because Neji was witnessing a weakness.

Neji stared at his friend, watching the body movements that showed how uncomfortable he was with this, how Shikamaru refused to meet his eyes for more than one moment. Neji decided to throw out the offer he knew would be rejected. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Shikamaru glanced at Neji, then back up to the ceiling. He covered his eyes with the back of his hand as he contemplated the offer. Did he really want to share with Neji all his insecurities? To let Neji know that he was scared that this enemy might be to strong for them? That he would not be able to think of a way to keep them safe, and all would perish because he foolishly agreed to lead a team when he was so unsure of the outcome?

Konoha was so short on shinobi after Pain's attack, that Shikamaru did not have the luxury of padding his team the way he would like, or planning things out to the extent he was comfortable with. They needed to find out what was left of Akatsuki. If the information they had gathered was correct, they had still not reached the top yet, and his team had a good combination of abilities to try and find out what Akatsuki may still have in store.

Shikamaru had just closed his eyes and pushed his hand past his forehead in preparation for telling Neji that he was not up to talking when he felt a hand on his thigh. Opening his eyes, he saw Neji looming over him with a slight grin on his face.

"Maybe if not talk, then a distraction," Neji said before leaning in to claim Shikamaru's lips.

Shikamaru opened his mouth and immediately joined in the kiss; there was no shock, no hesitation. They had moved past that. Shikamaru knew that they should stop this; he really did like women, but this thing with Neji had become so comfortable. Both boys could lose themselves in the other, forget about the pain of the world around them. Lately their world had held so much pain. So he participated, ripping the shirt off the other boy's back so he could touch the skin there, lifting up so Neji could do the same, pushing Neji's pants down before taking off his own as Neji held himself above him, and, when he was done, he pulled Neji down flush, so they both moaned as their erections touched.

After a moment, Neji reclaimed Shikamaru's lips, pushing, almost frantic. He wanted no thought besides the touch of their bodies. When Neji felt Shikamaru push him back and to the side, Neji braced himself on his arms, arms strengthened with movements from a thousand strikes, a million; he had lost count of how many times he had used his family's jutsu.

Shikamaru snaked his hand down from where he had pushed on Neji's shoulder, dragging it over a nipple and past his abs until he wrapped it around both erections. He figured he must be a little sick in the head to enjoy Neji in this position so much. The older boy straining to keep position, while Shikamaru tried to get him to break, it was almost a challenge, similar to a game of Shoji: each move plotted in his brain, each small victory stored for next time.

Shikamaru used his other hand to drag down Neji's head for a kiss; he needed the distraction to keep Neji from guessing the little game he played. A particularly deep kiss, accompanied by a long stroke and a lift of Shikamaru's hips caused a shudder to rip through Neji. The older boy pulled back for a moment to regain control before giving a look to Shikamaru that warned that he knew what Shikamaru was up to and that it wouldn't work.

Shikamaru used that moment to pull out a stroke that he had used before with much success. Neji's head threw back on a silent moan; he dropped his hips for a moment crushing Shikamaru's hand in between them before pulling his hips back and leaning in for a charged kiss.

Once Neji knew he had switched Shikamaru's concentration from stroking them to the kiss, he started to move his lips across the boys face and to his ear. Shikamaru had his own weakness, and Neji licking, moaning, and breathing into his ear was it. He wasn't as oblivious to the game as Shikamaru seemed to think he was. The quickened pace of Shikamaru's stroking was a sure sign that the tables were turning.

Neji started to suck on Shikamaru's ear lobe as the boy let out muffled moans. Both boys started thrusting their hips to Shikamaru's fast, hard strokes. Shikamaru knew he was about to come and dug his nails into Neji's shoulder because he had found that a little pain was enough to send the boy over the edge, and sure enough it did.

Neji lowered himself to rest on Shikamaru as soon as Shikamaru's hand was free. It really did disgust him to have their seed smeared between them, and to know that the hand lying on his back was still covered in it. He did it anyway though, because for some reason it made him feel safe, as illogical as it was.

After a moment, Neji pulled back saying "I'll get a towel." When he turned around from having reached into his pack, it was to the sight of Shikamaru out cold. Neji just shook his head and cleaned the other boy up so that Ino wouldn't suspect. He managed to get Shikamaru's boxers back on, but gave up on the shirt and pants. He figured if Ino said anything, Shikamaru could just tell her it was hot. Then Neji laid down with a slight smile on his face and wondered if he was the victor this time.

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A/N: Ok it has finally happened, I've caved and am going to whore myself out for reviews. My last story while getting read, got no love. I guess I should be happy that I received no hatemail, but it just left me needy. Especially because this story, To Forgive Myself, is my poor little unread story that I am pretty proud of. So please, if you have a spare moment and you have enjoyed the preceeding, send some love. We must also remember to thank Ceile for her great beta work and having the patience to actually explain to me why I'm screwing up. I'm slightly dense you know.