A/N: Thank you all so much for your reviews, favorites and follows! I hope you all had a good Valentine's Day, if you celebrate it. You can follow me on tumblr (nauticalparamour) where I post sneak peeks, story updates and answer questions. Huge thank you to Hollowg1rl and Kristeristerin for beta reading this chapter.
Please let me know what you thought of chapter four and be on the lookout for chapter five soon!
Although Fenrir's terms had been quite harsh, Hermione knew that there was no way that she was going to pass up the opportunity to learn from him. Despite still reacting badly to the transformation, his presence had been surprisingly calming for her wolf. She hadn't done nearly as much damage to herself as usual, and she knew that it was a step in the right direction.
Remus hadn't seen it the same way, saying that she seemed just as beat up having spent the night in the forest rather than in her room. She held her tongue anyway, not wanting to give away what she'd been up to with Fenrir, knowing that he would be very disappointed in her. She also didn't want to get into an argument with the older man about how it was all going to get better if she just gave it time.
Knowing that she didn't have much time to prepare, Hermione began to diligently fill the supplies of her little beaded bag, not knowing exactly what all she would need. Spending her time double brewing potions was time consuming but she got it done. She tucked away clothing and books, hoping that Remus wouldn't notice, and feeling glad that it was nearly summer, so she wouldn't have to take thicker clothing.
Finally, the day she was meant to meet Fenrir came, and Hermione knew that she had to break the news to her housemate. It would be too much for her to just disappear for three months and it might make Harry and the Weasleys actually notice something was up. It hadn't taken her long to come up with a plausible alibi.
Looking up from her eggs on toast, Hermione regarded the haggard looking werewolf, hair now more grey than blond. "I'm leaving for Australia today," she said simply, without emotion. "It's time that I start looking for my parents."
Remus stilled, his eyes snapping up to meet hers with suspicion. "What do you mean, you are going to Australia?" he questioned.
"I need to find my parents and bring them home," she told him again, hating bringing up the conversation. Her parents were a topic that she didn't care to think on too much, knowing that there was no way to reverse the spell that she'd placed on them. She had spent time mourning their loss privately, while she was on the run with Harry and Ron, but the ache never seemed to leave her. "Or at least, I have to try."
"No! I forbid it!" Remus shouted, pounding his hand on the table, the utensils bouncing from the force, making Hermione flinch. This was certainly the most intense she'd ever seen her former professor. "It's too dangerous, Hermione. You know that with our condition...I can't let you go off on your own like that."
"This is exactly why I left last Full Moon," Hermione lied, but hating the way that he always seemed to baby her. "I had to prove to myself that I could do it on my own, and I succeeded. Maybe I don't need you as much as you need me, Remus," she snarled, knowing that he took a lot of support from her presence, unwilling to be alone after Tonks and their child had died.
"You've tried once, Hermione. You are a danger to people everywhere if you don't have someone experienced guiding you along," Remus said, his voice sounding tired. "You think your family will understand what you've become? Most wizards and witches can't even accept werewolves into their society."
That did sting, Hermione thought bitterly. All this time, Remus had been lying to her, telling her that it would be all okay, when really he'd come to the same conclusion as she had. "I am not dangerous when I have the wolfsbane potion, and I have packed more than enough to get me through a couple of months."
"A couple of months?" he asked, incredulously. "I will not allow it, Hermione. End of discussion."
Hermione jutted out her jaw at her, unwilling to be cowed by the shell of a man. "I am leaving and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it, Remus. I am an adult, and I get to make my own decisions. Now, this is the end of the discussion. See you in a few months," she snarled, before banishing her plate and apparating away to that familiar place in the forest.
Crouching down, Hermione hugged her arms around her legs while she cried, huge sobs shaking her body. Was it really worth all of this trouble? She'd known for months now that the wizarding world would never see her as more than an out of control monster, but she'd still had a glimmer of hope that she would be the one to trailblaze, to make things different for werewolves. Now that she knew Remus saw it the same way, but still continued to lie anyway was like a dagger to the heart.
A hand on her back had her stilling immediately, embarrassed that Fenrir had been able to sneak up on her despite her superior senses. Looking up at him in shame, she wished that her (former?) enemy wasn't seeing her in such a weak and pitiful state. Instead, he used a hand to cup her jaw, making her look into his stormy blue eyes. "What's the matter, Hermione?" he questioned seriously.
Wiping at her cheeks to erase the evidence of her tears, Hermione gave him a bitter laugh. "Oh, Remus and I just had a fight when I told him I was leaving, that's all," Hermione frowned to the other man. "He seems to think that he has a say in what I do with my life and he isn't above hurtful comments to get his way."
Fenrir gave her a knowing look. "Enough thought about Lupin. He's half the werewolf you are. He's always been afraid of the wolf inside him," Fenrir said with a grin. "You are taking the steps to embrace the wolf. Now, you haven't been taking that poison, have you?"
Hermione forced herself not to shudder at his use of the word embrace...she would have chosen a different one, but she wasn't about to argue with someone as powerful as Fenrir. "I haven't taken it since the last Full Moon...one usually wouldn't start until a week before, but I did bring it with," Hermione said honestly. "Mostly just to try and convince Remus I wouldn't be a danger."
The man held out his hand expectantly. "Come, hand me the vials. We will dump them out," he explained.
Reluctantly, Hermione handed him all 21 vials that she'd prepared painstakingly. Watching as he uncorked each one and poured it on the forest floor, she tried not to be overcome by the sinking fear of losing her supposed lifeline. Once the last one was one was empty, Hermione returned the empty bottles to her beaded bag, barely able to choke out a thank you.
Fenrir must have noticed her discomfort because he was grinning at her with those sharp teeth once again. "Nervous?" he asked, offering her a hand to help her up.
"No, just...thinking about all that aconite wasted," Hermione lied to him. "It's a very expensive potion to make." Steeling herself, she decided that she would not be nervous. That she would trust Fenrir, no matter how preposterous that would have seemed to her a year prior. She'd tried it Remus's way for long enough and she was going to learn everything she could from someone who lived as a proper werewolf.
They started walking in the direction Fenrir seemed to have come from, generating tons of questions from Hermione. She wondered just what they were meant to do with their three months together. "So, what exactly do you do when you aren't transforming?" she asked, genuinely curious.
"Well, I tend to live fairly nomadically, mostly out of necessity," Fenrir explained. "I usually move after each transformation, out of the hopes that I won't be caught. But when I had a pack, we tended to stay in one spot."
Hermione grimmaced, thinking of what it must be like to be out in the woods, completely isolated. She thought of her time shut up with Remus in Grimmauld Place. "That must be very lonely. I'm sorry," she said honestly.
"Yes," Fenrir said, his voice a bit gruff. "It's not the way I'd like to live, but I know that someday, I will lead another pack," he murmured, looking at her out of the corner of his eye.
She resisted the urge the elbow him in the side, jokingly. She hoped that he didn't think she would be some part of his pack. They had a limited time together, and once she'd learned all that she could, she was going to return to the Wizarding World and get a job. Once she had her transformations under control the way that Greyback did, she just knew that she'd be able to handle holding a steady job. Finally looking forward to the future, Hermione happily followed Greyback along until they came upon his little shelter.
It wasn't much more than a glorified lean-to, with filled with furs that Hermione imagined he used to sleep on. There was a small fire pit, and it seemed as if he was working on smoking some meat in a makeshift cooker. In short, it left a lot to be desired.
Clearing her throat cautiously, Hermione found herself staring at Fenrir's chest, hating how much he embodied the big, bad wolf trope. "Um, Greyback, I was thinking...I've brought my tent with and well, it has to be more comfortable than sleeping in that," she pointed at his barely protected from the elements bed, hoping that she didn't offend the outdoorsman. "It's got bunk beds, from when the boys and I were on the run, if you want to take one."
Fenrir grinned down at her. "You don't want to share a bed for warmth?" he teased her, laughing at the pink color of her cheeks.
"No," Hermione said pointedly, the idea of sharing a bed with any man seeming foreign and exciting at the same time. "Besides, I don't think there'd be enough room for the both of us. Here, I'll show you," she babbled, eager to do something to save her some of the embarrassment of his forward suggestion.
It didn't take long for her to locate the tent, and with a flick of her wand, it was resized and open. Seeing as they'd shared dinner in the tent previously, Fenrir was already familiar with the enchantments, but he followed her inside to see the sleeping situation. He seemed happy enough to sleep with an actual roof over his head, and headed out to deconstruct the lean-to, covering the bottom bunk with the furs.
Once that was settled, Hermione showed him some of the other things that she'd brought with her from home, including all of the foodstuffs. The brunette got the impression that he was quite happy to live completely off the land, but he wasn't immune to the joy some wizarding comforts could bring. His eyes seemed to linger on the packet of liquorice wands, which had her hiding a smile. The idea of Greyback enjoying something so mundane seemed to shatter the illusion he'd crafted for himself.
Seeing that other side of him made the three months ahead of her seem far less daunting.
Hermione woke the morning of the Full Moon buzzing with energy. Being that she'd been sleeping in a bunk bed with Fenrir for the past fourteen nights meant that she had zero privacy and zero space to engage in some of the behaviors that she normally would have done in her bed late at night. She couldn't imagine something so embarrassing as being caught touching herself, even though she knew it would help burn off some of the extra nerves.
She was nervous to try transforming without the wolfsbane potion, but she was ready to follow all of Fenrir's directions, same as she'd been doing so far. She'd spent most of her time so far learning to clean animal caracasses that Fenrir hunted down, and then prepare them for cooking or drying. It was unpleasant at first, but now she approached it with a bit of detachment. He promised her that he'd teach her to hunt, too, but only after she'd put some muscle back on, as he frequently reminded her she was too weak to go on long runs or walks, which irritated her and only made her more determined to eat more. It was odd, each hard fought meal seemed much more palatable than the carefully prepared meals that Remus had given her.
Logically, she could accept that it was useful to learn these kind of skills. Who knew when Harry would decide that she'd overstayed her welcome at Grimmauld Place? There was a real chance that she could end up with nowhere to stay, and being able to take care of herself made sense.
Still, survival skills were not the reason that she'd come to Fenrir in the first place. The anticipation of her first ever transformation without the use of the wolfsbane potion made her basically useless all day. She nearly shouted for joy when she finally felt the temperature drop, knowing that moonrise was not that far off. She wasn't eager to go through the change, but she was ready to just get it over with.
When it was time to prepare, she met Fenrir in the little clearing and automatically removed her clothes the same as she did every Full Moon. There was something that just felt right about being naked and out in nature, something that made her wolf sing. Despite her better judgement, she found herself cautiously looking at Fenrir's body, all muscle and sinew, the look of a predator. Some small part of herself wanted to run her hand up the hot skin that covered his arms, his chest.
Unfortunately, he caught her staring in curiosity, making her blush. Usually, he'd tease her with some kind of bawdy comment, but he instead scolded her. "You need to get your mind right, Hermione," he said gruffly. "Focus on the transformation you are about to go through."
By the time the moon rose, she didn't need to be reminded. The pain was blinding hot, same as usual, making her clench her jaw in agony. But then, Fenrir was there next to her, wrapping her an embrace to help hold her up. "It's okay, don't fight it," he whispered into her ear, coaching her through the change. "Embrace the pain and let the wolf have control. I know it's hard, but you have to trust me." Against her better judgement, she forced herself to relax, giving up all the fight that she had. Immediately she felt the wolf inside her purring with delight.
And then, the world went black.
Hermione woke the morning after the Full Moon flat on her back next to Fenrir's larger body. Her whole body felt sore, but she could tell that something was different. Wiggling her toes, she didn't find any evidence of stress on her bones.
She sat up rapidly, sucking in a breath when she got a bit dizzy. Once that had passed, she looked over her body eagerly, running her hands over her rib cage and legs, but finding no cuts, wounds or gashes. It hadn't been easy, but it was certainly better. She couldn't stop the grin from spreading across her face.
"So?" Fenrir said expectantly from next to her, his blue eyes looking her up and down for any sign of discomfort, and without any lascivious intent. "How was it?"
"I'm still very sore, but I didn't tear myself to shreds either," Hermione croaked, her vocal cords a bit sore. Had she been up all night howling? "And I have to say that not knowing what I did last night is disconcerting. I don't remember anything after you told me to let go."
Fenrir nodded. "That will take some time to get used to," he explained. "The more transformations that you go through, the less pain there will be on making. Just think of it like exercising your muscles," he said, before standing and walking to over to where his clothes were waiting, turning away so that he could pull on his jeans with some dignity.
Hermione tried not to look at his back side, instead scrambling to find her own clothes. "And the memory loss? Even though I hated the transformations before, the wolfsbane allowed me to at least remember what I'd done. What if I'd attacked someone?"
"Give your wolf a chance," Fenrir said, turning to face her once more. "Once you become more in tune with it, you will begin to remember things, but right now the wolf is on the defensive, because of the wolfsbane you've been poisoning it with. You don't have to worry about what you did last night. Mostly just enjoyed being a wolf - howling, lots of running around, and you even tried to catch a squirrel," he told her with a chuckle.
"Good to know." She felt her cheeks go a bit pink in embarrassment. That didn't sound so bad, she supposed. But at the same time, she wondered if Fenrir would tell her if she'd mauled some campers that she'd come across. Still, it was promising to hear that she might actually learn to remember what she'd done while in wolf form. After all, Fenrir certainly could, so why wouldn't she be able to?
Fenrir looked at her with a smirk. "Get some rest today, because you were up all night," he instructed. "Tomorrow, we will move to a new location."
Hermione did not need to be told twice and hustled inside the tent to get a bit more rest.