Rated: T
Word Count: 2,126

I'm being led by my hand down a long hallway. Looking over at my companion, I discover it's Tegan. Seeing my see her seems to ignite her anger, and she strides faster, dragging me along behind her. I try to pry my fingers from her tight grasp, but to no avail. She just walks faster, her sneakers pounding the linoleum beneath us with a vengeance.
Finally, we reach a door. Tegan opens it and gives me a rough push forward, sending me stumbling over my own feet.
"Surprise!" a loud cacophony of cheerful noise surrounds me. Looking around, I see a myriad of familiar faces; my mom, Aunt Julie, both of my grandparents, Bruce and Emy, all looking bright and happy to see me. Even Tegan's expression has softened a bit. Streamers hang from the ceiling, and I look down to see the floor littered with confetti. Everyone seems to be gathered around a small table with a giant cake, paper plates, and a large collection of gifts sporting bright, reflective wrapping paper.
"What are all of you doing here?" I ask as my mom hugs me and fastens a conical party hat on my head. I look over at the table and see Emy cutting out a piece of the cake.
"We're here to congratulate you, Sara!" cries Julie before blowing a festive noise maker. "You've found love and we're all so happy for you!"
"Wait a second. Not so fast." I start to say, but Emy has cornered me and is feeding me cake. I swallow the sickly sweet stuff quickly and swat her hand away in annoyance. "What are you talking about? I'm not in love."
"Why of course you are dear." says my grandmother with a comforting smile. I realize I haven't seen her in years, so I run up to hug her tightly, and then do the same to my grandfather. I'm excited to see everyone I love all in one place, but something seems wrong. "You just had to find the right man. We all knew you'd eventually normalize."
"W-wait…normalize?"
"Yeah. Now that you're out of that silly phase of yours, you can be just like everybody else." I turn around to see the source of the voice is Bruce. He steps towards me and wraps me in a tight hug, but I push him away and quickly back up from my eerily smiling family, accidentally bumping into Tegan. She reels in disgust and spits at my feet.
"Traitor." She hisses and stalks to the opposite side of the room. Mom bustles over to me and puts her arm around my shoulders, restraining me from going after my sister.
"Don't let her upset you, Sara. She's just jealous she can't be more like you."
"I really don't think that's why she's upset. Let me go help her, mom."
"Emy!" barks my mom into the crowd of friends and family. "Come over here to congratulate Sara." Emy obediently shuffles over, cake still in her hands.
"Emily dear, why don't you talk with Sara while I take care of Tegan?" says my mother and strides off.
"Sara, it's so nice to see you here!"
"You too. Hey umm… why didn't everyone throw a party like this when we were together?"
"Oh that's a silly question. We all realized you're straight, so we threw you a reverse coming out party."
"I'm not straight! Is this about Shaun?"
"Yes, it is about him, and I'm really happy for you both. Now I understand why our marriage failed. It's not that either of us were unlovable, it's just that you were incapable of loving me because of your orientation."
"Jesus, Emy, I'm not straight. You of all people should know that. I'm a lesbian!"
"Sara, don't make a scene. We all knew the truth all along, especially me. Why do you think I got you that book?"
"I… I thought-"
"So, have you and Shaun set a date yet?"
"Wait… wait. I'm gay, everyone! I'm not straight! That's not who I am! Why won't any of you believe me?"
"Sara… sara!" Everyone starts converging on me, their faces all taking on the same terrible form. They're closing in on me… I can't breathe-

-
"Sara… SARA!" I feel strong arms shaking me. "Wake up!" It's Shaun's voice, pulling me out of the pool of drowsiness beneath me. I start to come awake, but the red, pulsing panic is still expanding rapidly in my throat. I still can't breathe. My mouth and eyes are forced open as I try desperately to gather oxygen into my seizing lungs.
"Puffer… top… pocket… suitcase." I manage to choke out. Shaun acts fact, springing from the bed buck naked and rifling through my suitcase under the bed. He rushes back to my side with the inhaler clutched in his hand and brings it to my inflamed face.
Shaun keeps his hand on mine as I press the button and feel my lungs expand with the gratifying coolness of the medication coursing down my inflamed throat.
When the attack has subsided, I cling to Shaun and tell him every detail of my horrible dream.
"I think you may have some internalized heterophobia, Sara." Shaun says after a long stretch of contemplative silence. I laugh lightly as his words and kiss his neck from my position resting on his shoulder. "No, but I'm serious. It's a huge transition for anyone. I understand."
"You keep saying that, but how could you possibly understand?"
"Well… I never told you this- it was way before I met you or Tegan. But, I almost fell in love with a guy."
"Almost?"
"Well, I guess I was in love with him. But, it didn't work out in the end. There were just too many forces working against us, one of them being that we were completely wrong for each other."
"What was his name?"
"Nick Garcia. We met in college."
"What did you do when you fell in love with him?"
"At first I just freaked out. He was my roommate at the time, so I put in for a transfer. Two weeks after we were switched, I realized what an asshole I'd been to him. I went to his room with this huge, expensive flower arrangement and apologized. We were together for a couple years before we went our separate ways."
"And what about before or after Nick? Did you ever find yourself attracted to men?"
"Nope. Just Nick."
"I think that's how it is with you. I've never wanted to be close to a guy romantically or sexually before now. I just can't wrap my brain around it."
"I think it's just a giant grey area that no one can really define."
"I agr-" my statement is cut off my the jarring sound of the alarm going off. Shaun reaches over to turn it off and turns back to me, laughing.
"Oh, god" I say suddenly.
"What is it?"
"I just remembered Tegan. She's going to freak out when she finds out about this."
"Wait… I thought you were Tegan."
"Shut up doofus. Make yourself useful and help me find my panties."

Later-
Tegan's P.O.V.

Sara and Shaun are late for sound check, but they're practically useless anyway, joined at the hip and giggling like lunatic hyenas over practically nothing. When it comes time for our 30 minutes of quiet time before the show, they've both disappeared somewhere. No one knows for sure what's going on between them, but I've got a few guesses, and none of them are very pleasant ones.
Unable to stand the tension in the backstage area a moment longer, I head for the dressing room I'm sharing with Sara for some peace and quiet. As I open the door, I'm visually accosted by the unexpected sight of two people embracing and kissing furiously. At first, I irrationally think its Sara and Shaun, but I quickly realize it's one of our guitar tech guys and the merch girl going at it. Great- just what I wanted to see.
"Ahem!"
"Oh, shit. Oh my god. I'm so sorry Tegan we'll leave. Please don't fire me!" they both apologize profusely and leave as fast as possible. Too freaked out to stay in the room, I head for the bathroom. Tears starting to blur my vision, I storm into a small stall and close the latch behind me.
"Did you hear that?" Sara's voice sounds hushed and slightly scared.
"Hear what?"
"I thought someone came in."
"Hello! Is anyone here?" Shaun's voice echoes through the tiled bathroom. I gasp slightly as the sound of his booming voice and sit on the toilet seat, drawing my feet up from the floor and hugging my knees to my chest.
"See? It's nothing."
"How much time do we have?"
"20 minutes. Relax." I hear them start to make out. Suddenly, Sara gasps quietly.
"Mmm, Shaun. Your hands feel so good." Shaun moans lightly in response.
"Hey, we've got to be careful."
"Why? I want you."
"We used my only condom back at your room."
"Oh yeah, shit. I guess this will just have to wait until we can buy some more."
"Where would we even get those in India?"
"I have no idea. Do they even sell them here?"
"I don't know. Maybe Ted or Johnny has one."
"Fine, do whatever you have to. Just don't tell them we're having sex."
"So you're sure… you want to keep this a secret?"
"Yes, especially from Tegan. And you know Johnny and Ted can't keep a secret to save their lives."
"Why?"
"I don't know, really. I guess they're just terrible gossips."
"No, I mean why keep it a secret?"
"People don't need to know. It's our private business."
"You're ashamed of me, aren't you? You're embarrassed."
"Don't be stupid. I just don't want to upset Tegan. She's already under enough stress."
"Why would she be upset?"
"I don't know why. I just have a feeling she'd freak out, ok? Everything's so perfect; I just don't want to mess it up."
"Alright. I won't say anything as long as you don't want me to."
"Thanks I knew you'd understand. We've got ten minutes, I think we should leave before someone notices we're both gone."
"One for the road?"
"Of course." Sara says, and I hear them kiss again. Hearing this is almost too much to bear. Anger courses through me, and I fear it might explode out of my straining lungs. Luckily, I manage to contain the floor of emotions until Sara and Shaun have both left the washroom, at which point I burt into tears, sobbing and hugging my knees as I rock back and forth.
"Tegan? Tegan are you in here?" The low, familiar voice reaches my red, pulsing ears, and I open my wet eyes slowly.
"I-I'm in here, Emy." Her halting footsteps stop in front of the stall I'm occupying.
"What are you doing in here? Don't tell me you're sick again."
"No…" I hurriedly wipe my eyes and unlatch the stall door. Emy swings it open gingerly and gasps when she sees my red face and swollen eyes.
"God, what's wrong? Did you and Sara have a fight?"
"I guess you could say that." I mumble, and let her help me to my feet.
"We've got five minutes. Why don't you tell me about it?" I start to hesitate, but after splashing some cool water on my face and seeing Emy's calm, sympathetic expression, I spill my guts like a tourist with Delhi Belly.
"I can't say I didn't see this coming."
"What?" I cry in alarm at Emy's frankness.
"Oh, please Tegan. Even you aren't that clueless. Sara's had a crush on Shaun for months. Haven't you seen the way she looks at him? You know, I don't even think she realized herself it until now. And you know Shaun's always had a think for her."
"Well who the hell doesn't? She's gorgeous and successful and-"
"Tegan, listen to yourself! Maybe Sara's not the only person dealing with some confusing feelings."
"I don't know what I feel anymore. I don't know what to do."
"Start by talking things out with Sara." Emy's hand rests on my arm and I turn to smile in thanks and hug her warmly. She exits the bathroom and the smile slides off of my face, leaving behind a dark scowl brushing over my pale features. Oh, I'll be talking things over with Sara, but it won't be any touchy feely heart to heart event. I'm still angry, and I want revenge for how Sara has hurt me- for how little consideration she's had for me and my feelings. I want her to hurt too.