AN

This chapter practically wrote itself! It was a blast and I think it's the funniest one yet :D

Yuro and Rikuo are slightly out of character, but if you really think about it, maybe they're not. I mean, when Rikuo talks to Yoru, what does it look like to other people? Does he stare off in space? And Yoru might act differently when Rikuo is the only one to listen to him. We've only seen very few snippets of them talking. There might be lots more between them that we don't see, like everyday conversations that we the viewers/readers don't get to know about because it's just not important to the story. It's very possible that the two halves can talk to each other at all times, and not just when it's critical in a battle or figuring something out.

With that aside, sit back and enjoy the circus! LOL

Chapter 4

Mad Tea Party

Rikuo and the others stared at the closed screen doors with wide eyes after Kejoro had left to tend to the three bumbling fools who had fallen out of the tree.

"Your family sure hires some strange help for your house, Nura-kun." Kiyotsugu turned his attention back to their host.

"Oh! Yeah… They um… most of the help are foreigners." Rikuo cringed slightly at how completely terrible his excuse was.

They seemed to buy it though, "I sure hope they're all ok. That must have been a nasty fall." Kana's eyebrows were creased in worry for the people she'd seen get injured outside.

"They'll be fine." He smiled nervously, waving off her concern, "Those guys are a lot tougher than they look and anyway I have a... a relative that's visiting who's a doctor." Rikuo tried not to think about how angry Zen would be if he heard him use such a human term as 'doctor' when referring to him.

"Are you sure? I think the blue-haired one was a girl."

Shima turned back to look at the closed doors and made to move toward them, wanting to go outside. "A girl? We should see if she's alright."

Rikuo quickly blocked his path, waving his hands in front of him. "No no, everything's just fine. There are plenty of people in the house right now who can take care of them, so there's no need to worry."

"That's another two marks on the scoreboard for people who've mistaken Mezumaru for a girl." Yoru smirked and made a motion like he was using an imaginary pen to make two tally marks on an invisible wall in Rikuo's mind's eye.

The brown-haired teen had to fight back a laugh but he couldn't stop from grinning and making an undignified snorting sound, "You're not making this any easier for me, Yoru."

His other half grinned devilishly at the only person that could see him and shrugged nonchalantly, as if to say 'I'm a demon, what did you expect?'

Trying to ignore the strange faces that Rikuo had started making while staring into empty space, Tsurara sat down by the tea set, eager to help keep the humans distracted.

"Rikuo-kun is right. I'm sure they'll be fine! Let have some of the tea that Kej- um- Housekeeper-san made for us."

The yuki-onna tried to cover her near slip up by taking a quick drink from the hot tea cup in her hand – completely forgetting to use her powers to cool it first.

Rikuo and Kurotabou watched as her eyes doubled in size at the pain of something too hot for a snow maiden.

She covertly spit the burning liquid back into her cup without the humans noticing.

Her eyes started to water, "It's very delicious tea." The girl was unable to stop a sniffle. "You should all sit down and have some."

"Oikawa-san, are you crying?" Shima asked, concerned.

A tear did in fact fall free from her eye, but she wiped it away before it could turn into a pearl of ice. "It's just really good tea!" Her bottom lip trembled as her mouth was still in pain.

"Um… oh – ok." The blonde boy looked a little uncomfortable but sat down on the floor as well.

Rikuo glanced at the humans nervously and dropped himself down onto a floor cushion abruptly, wanting to get the attention off of Tsurara as soon as possible.

"Yes, we should drink this before it gets cold. There are cakes here too, so everyone please take a seat."

Kurotabou looked unsure of how to go about sitting on the floor in a skirt while the ignorant humans did as Rikuo suggested and sat around the tea set and served themselves drinks and pastries.

Yura had seen his uncertainty and tried to catch his attention while she was still standing.

She made sure he was looking at her from across the room without drawing any attention to them, and silently demonstrated how to sit down on the floor in her skirt that was similar in length to Kuro's.

The black monk nodded his head once in silent understanding and thanks and copied her movements until he was safely resting on the floor with his legs folded up beneath him, just as everyone sat at the formal clan meetings. If he had moved like he normally did in his monk garb, everyone would likely have ended up getting a look under the skirt that was far too short for his liking.

The assassin silently vowed to wear nothing but pants after his whole nightmare was over. He suddenly wanted nothing to do with the flowing robes of his usual attire.

Natsumi offered him a cup of tea with a smile, "So you said your name is Karina, right?"

Kurotabou accepted the cup and nodded slowly in response, talking in the softer voice he'd had all of two minutes to practice using with Kejoro before the humans had come into the parlor. "Yes."

"Nura-kun mentioned you've been out of the country, right?"

Rikuo noticed their interaction and jumped into the conversation so Kuro wouldn't have to talk very much in case he slipped up the forced treble of his voice.

"That's right! O-Oba… Oba-san…"

Rikuo stumbled over the word for calling Kurotabou his aunt, mostly because of the youkai in his head who seemed to have decided that he hadn't gotten in enough mischievous pranks lately.

"You should call Kuro 'Auntie'. He'd probably forget how to breathe."

"Yoru! Shut up! You're gonna make me laugh!"

Rikuo pressed on with what he was trying to say aloud after only a small pause.

"Oba-san has been in America." At least Rikuo was able to tell the cover story he came up with without mental interruption. "She's a geneticist. When she had completed her studies with her university here, she went abroad to work with one of the leading universities over there that have been focused on studying human genomic D.N.A. from parent to child."

Kurotabou couldn't help himself from looking at Rikuo as if the boy had just told Natsumi that the sky was purple.

He liked to think that he was more up-to-date with the humans of the time than most other youkai. But Kuro still had no more of a clue about what the hell a geneticist or D.N.A. was than the first time Rikuo told him his cover story idea an hour before - when the monk had been getting his hair mutilated by two girls he had since vowed never to be near again when they were armed with hair accessories.

Natsumi looked excited at what Rikuo had told her though, so she must have understood what he had said.

She clapped her hands together enthusiastically, "So you're a doctor then? That's so cool!"

Kuro wasn't sure if the lies Rikuo had told her would make someone a doctor if they were truths or not. He had thought that doctors were just what humans called the ones that helped the sick and injured, instead of calling them healers. But then again, maybe a D.N.A. was a kind of modern human sickness? He sure as hell didn't know.

He looked to Rikuo for help, but his master seemed to be distracted by staring off into space again.

"That's the best story you could come up with?" Yoru always let himself go and laugh more readily when the only one to witness it was his day self. It was important to look cool and in control in front of his subordinates after all - but he didn't need to be that way with Rikuo. "You really are terrible at lying. I shouldn't have gone to sleep while you were coming up with that one."

"Would you like to come out here and think up a better story?"

Yoru grinned wickedly, "Are you asking me to take over in front of your human friends? The sun's setting – I can if you really want me to."

Rikuo was quick to change his mind. "No-no-no, that's fine – please don't."

The youkai in his head started laughing again - he was having too much fun. His human half was always the best source of entertainment.

A few seconds had ticked by and Kuro couldn't get Rikuo to acknowledge that he needed some help, let alone what his master's suggested response to Natsumi should be.

So he answered her with an uncertain 'yes', which made her more excited and she started congratulating 'Karina' on being so smart and successful.

Yuki-Onna recovered enough from her incident with the tea to be able to talk without being in pain anymore. Seeing that Kuro needed help dealing with the inquisitive human girl, and Rikuo kept zoning out randomly, she scooted over toward them to distract Natsumi's attention away from the monk.

"Here, have some more tea." She refilled both of the tea cups from the pot, as well as Rikuo's who had snapped out of his inner dialogue enough to thank her.

Tsurara set the pot back down on the tray and asked Natsumi, "So what do you guys want to do this weekend? Like Rikuo-kun said, he'll be having relatives over, so I thought maybe we should all spend most of our time out of his house so he can see to his family."

Nearby them, Yura nodded her head and agreed to the snow maiden's attempt to get the humans as far away from the youkai party as possible. "Yes, we're already imposing enough as it is. We should stay out of the way of Nura-kun's familial obligations."

Kiyotsugu heard them and quickly swallowed his bite of cake. "Don't be ridiculous! Nura-kun has plenty of space. There are lots of places around here that we can stay without being a bother to his relatives."

Rikuo's eye twitched slightly and thought to himself, "You have no idea how much you're in the way just by being here."

Of course, even Rikuo's inner thoughts had an audience, "We could always dump Kiyotsugu off at the Bakenekoya. He'd be so happy to be around youkai, he'd never leave." Yoru told him with a wicked smile.

"He'd never leave because they'd probably eat him."

Tsurara tried again to reason with the obstinate Kiyo Cross Squad leader, when she was suddenly interrupted by the parlor doors that faced the inner hallway sliding open noisily.

"I heard we had a special guest!" Nurarihyon declared from the entryway.

He glanced over the faces that all looked up at him until his eyes landed on 'Karina'.

Kurotabou looked up at the supreme commander and Nurarihyon stared back.

There was about three seconds of dead silence before the Lord of Pandemonium started howling with laughter.

It felt like a literal punch in the face to Kurotabou, who understood immediately that the Nura-gumi leader had seen right through his disguise. In his shock and humiliation, he dropped the fresh cup of hot tea right in his lap.

Kuro's eyes widened and watered at the pain as he gritted his teeth to keep from yelling - because if he did, there was no doubt that it would be a very un-feminine shout.

The monk's reaction and facial expressions made Nurarihyon laugh harder and double over, needing to lean on the wall for support.

Before the humans could start asking questions or make any moves to help 'Karina' clean up the hot tea, Tsurara employed a fool proof distraction.

"LOOK! I saw youkai in the ceiling!" She pointed dramatically to a crack in the ceiling tiles on the opposite end of the room. Every one of the ignorant humans whipped their heads around to look where she was pointing.

There were the sounds of several pairs of tiny feet scurrying away hurriedly above the room as well as a barely audible cry of "Yuki-Onna, You traitor!"

The humans jumped up in excitement and tried to look up through the dark opening.

"She's right!"

"I heard them too!"

"Oh no! They're running away!"

While they were busy, Tsurara quickly blew icy wind on the hot tea in Kuro's lap. But as usual, she couldn't quite use just the right amount of her powers. However, a frozen skirt was much better than a Kurotabou ice sculpture – so at least her control was getting better.

Yoru was laughing just as badly as Nurarihyon but Rikuo was able to ignore both of them and quickly removed his haori coat, throwing it over the icy garment and covering it from view before the others could see. The monk was already shivering and his skin had turned two shades whiter, but he resolutely kept from making any sound or movement that would return the humans attention to him.

Yura had immediately sensed when the first few youkai had gathered above them, which had only been a few minutes after she and the humans had come with Rikuo to the parlor. So she had already known that they had been there and now she had to tell a lie of her own.

She jumped to her feet, "The sneaky youkai must have been masking their youki from me! Hurry after them!"

The naive members of the Kiyo Cross Squad rushed out of the room, trying to listen for the running youkai.

Yura left after them but stopped long enough to tell Rikuo, "Don't worry. I'll make sure they don't really find any youkai. You get things settled here." She nodded politely toward Rikuo's grandfather, whose laughter had lessened enough for him to at least be able to nod back at her between chuckles.

"Yuki-Onna, can you please go get a dry and warm outfit for Kurotabou." Rikuo saw no point in using the alias name since the only ones left in hearing range already knew the secret.

Nurarihyon snorted again while Tsurara stood up to go do as she was asked, "Yes waka. I'll be right back." As she left, she made sure to close the screen doors behind her so the remaining three could talk in private.

"I have no idea what this is about," The supreme commander gestured at Kuro's outfit, stifling more laughter, "But it's the funniest thing I've seen in ages."

The monk bowed his head and his words stuttered and his teeth chattered from his too cold body temperature, "S-Soudaish-sho, this-s-sn't what it looks-s like."

He snickered, "Really? Because it looks to me like you're passing yourself off as a woman Kurotabou. It also looks like you're actually doing a good job of it. The only reason you didn't fool me too is because I've known you so well and for countless decades."

Nurarihyon stood up straighter, looking more like the leader he was then a cackling old fool, "Not only that, but before you swore your loyalty to Rikuo, you swore your loyalty to me." He grinned and chuckled again, being completely unable to stay serious about the whole situation. "I know who my past and present subordinates are, even if they're in disguise."

Rikuo jumped in to do the explaining since the entire fiasco was his fault. "Jii-chan, Kuro's doing this as a favor for me. I sort of backed myself into a corner with a bad lie I told my friends."

Tsurara eventually returned with dry clothes for Kuro, which he changed into in the empty adjacent room.

Rikuo was just finishing up telling Nurarihyon the whole story when Kuro returned.

He came back into the parlor wearing a cream colored knitted sweater with a girlish brown leather vest over it and a brown mini skirt, which he considered to be a much more evil garment than the pleated skirt. But thankfully, the ice maiden had brought a pair black leggings that went down to his ankles for him to wear underneath the dreaded mini skirt. He also had on a fluffy black scarf around his neck and the same pair of loose socks as before, since they hadn't gotten wet.

Kurotabou hated the entire outfit so much.

Nurarihyon turned to look at the assassin's new outfit with a huge grin – obviously trying to keep from bursting out in laughter again.

"So you see, Kuro's doing me a huge favor, and we need to keep this a secret from the other youkai too. If they find out, they'll tease him about it and he's already going to have to put up with a lot, doing this at my request. So please don't tell anyone about this Jii-chan." Rikuo pleaded with his grandfather.

The elder feigned an expression of consideration, "I don't know… Letting everyone know that Kurotabou runs around in women's clothing sounds like it would be a lot of fun." He was the supreme commander of ten thousand demons – he wouldn't be doing his job if didn't annoy, embarrass and generally make life harder for others in some way.

The three knew him well enough that they could easily tell that he was most likely just teasing, but Kurotabou was so desperate to keep the secret that he knowingly played into the charade anyway. He wanted to do absolutely everything possible to keep anyone else from knowing.

He bowed low on the floor before the commander, "Please Soudaisho! Please don't tell anyone. I've never requested anything of you before."

Nurarihyon laughed lightly, "You've never asked me for anything before? What about every time we all get drunk here at the house and you ask to smoke my pipe?"

Kuro raised his head to look up, "That – um…"

"Or what about that one big party a long time ago, when you and Aotabou were so drunk that you both thought it would be hilarious if Rihan and I swapped kimonos because we looked so much alike. Neither of you would shut up about it until we did." Nurarihyon snorted, "I looked terrible in his green haori."

"I… um… I don't actually remember that."

The commander grinned mischievously and looked up in thought, "Oh, that's right. By the time we did end up swapping outfits, you had already blacked out. So the three of us stripped you of everything but your undergarments and hid your clothes."

Rikuo and Tsurara exchanged awkward glances, as if they were reasserting that they had heard correctly.

"But we didn't actually hide your clothes until after we used ink to draw profane words and drawings all over you and dumped you off in one of the women's community sleeping quarters." Nurarihyon's devilish smile was huge.

Kuro hid his red face as much as he could behind his hair, "… That part… does sound familiar."

"And then there was that one time we were all drunk and you asked-"

"Please Soudaisho! No more humiliating stories!"

Nurarihyon laughed, "That just now, was a request you made sober."

Kurotabou let his head fall the few inches to bang his forehead on the floor.

The supreme commander decided to finally give his faithful follower a break. "Oh relax Kurotabou. I was just having some fun. I promise I'm not going to tell anybody that 'the girl from Tono' that everyone has been talking is actually you."

The monk looked up, gratitude clearly written on his face. "Thank you Soudaisho! Hearing you say that is a great relief."

Nurarihyon's mischievous grin returned. "In front of everyone else, I'll behave the same way around 'Karina' as I would any other youkai woman."

Realizing what he might mean, Kuro's face paled and the weight that had been temporarily lifted from his shoulders was replaced by a boulder.

He should have known better. Nurarihyon was the supreme commander of mischief and prank loving demons after all.

AN

Mwahahaha poor Kuro!

JUST TO BE CLEAR - whatever dirty thing you're thinking Nurarihyon is implying - it's most likely not what he's plotting. Nurarihyon will be playing the role of instigator. As in, "Oh yeah Kubinashi/Aotabou/Ryoutaneko/whoever-asks-me-for-an-opinion you totally have a chance with that Karina girl. You should go flirt with her and ask her out right now!"

He'll also do just a little innocent flirting with 'Karina' in front of the youkai for the sole purpose of making poor Kuro uncomfortable when he can't really do anything about it while he's still in his disguise. However, when he and 'Karina' are in front Rikuo's human friends, he'll be embarrassing Kuro in a totally different way! Since 'Karina' is supposed to be Rikuo's aunt, this means they will be pretending that 'Karina' is Nurarihyon's daughter and sister to the late Rihan. So the embarrassment that 'dear old dad' will put on Kuro will go something along the lines of, "Oh Karina-chan, remember when you were four and you put your brother's underwear on your head and pretended you were a superhero?"

Mwahaha *Aachi is totally evil*

I love Kuro though! I give him lots of hugs after I put him through the abuse of each chapter!

Oh and can't you just imagine a drunk, young Nurarihyon and his equally plastered accomplices pulling Frat boy pranks on their passed out drinking buddies? No matter what century it was, I can totally imagine them doing that. It just sounds like their kind of thing.

Please review!