4. Real Progress
"You daft little girl!" Aunt Bella's voice shrieked shrilly in my ears, the sound echoing in my head that longed for the silence it needed in the early morning hours. 8 AM was much too early for a class with your evil, somewhat insane aunt the day after your coming of age ball. Especially when the aunt in question started screaming after you confessed that your plan to help you get more insight in the mission failed miserably.
"Why, why couldn't you do it? What's so hard about it, he wasn't Crabbe or Goyle, was he?!" aunt Bella snapped at me. At times like these I almost pitied her victims. That is, if they hadn't been muggles or mudbloods or blood traitors. I looked down, attempting to study the cold basement floor.
"No aunt Bella. I'm sorry. I just… I felt nothing for him" I confessed, unsure of what else I could possibly say. Perhaps she would understand? The seconds after that I learned I was very wrong there.
"You felt nothing, Lucia? Is that what you think this is about? 'Feelings'?!" she laughed in an insane way that surely was not a sound produced by amusement, or at least not the normal kind of amusement. "Have I learned you nothing?! You are a Death Eater; you should scare away from absolutely NOTHING!"
I was starting to wish I had lied. Why had I been so foolish to tell her the truth? The reply was obvious; because I was worried and needed advice on what to do next. At the moment, though, there was no other option but to let aunt Bella's outburst wash over me.
"Potter has no use to an inexperienced, frightened, little girl!" she continued. "Why would he put his trust in someone like that?!"
There was a silence, so apparently she expected me to reply to that. "He would not, aunt Bellatrix" I said obediently, knowing that it was what she wanted to hear. "I would make a fool of myself like that" I added for extra credit.
"I'm glad you realise that, Lucia". She appeared to be content with my answer. "But there's nothing to do about it now, you'll have to do without the extra experience, I suppose."
"What? No! I must… there are other boys. Men", I protested. Failure was still not an option! I needed the experience; I could see that now I'd woken from my absurd fairy tale reverie.
"We're wasting too much time. The Dark Lord wants results, and soon" aunt Bella snapped. "You will see him tonight, and make some real progress".
As said as done. That same evening I found myself making a stroll in the park with the Boy Who Lived, Undesirable Number One, or, as I preferred to call him, Harry Potter. Again, I was surprised that he had agreed to come see me. Perhaps the kiss we shared last time had made an impression after all.
"I'm glad you came" I told him as we walked through the dark.
"You said that already" Harry replied curtly. I could tell he was still suspicious. I would probably be too, if the enemy suddenly appeared interested in me.
"Why did you come, Harry? You're obviously still very suspicious about me and my intentions, but if I wanted to do something bad to you I would have already done it last time wouldn't I? We were alone for quite some time then". My words appeared the have the required effect; by the frown on Potter's face I could see he was thinking over what I said.
"May be, Lucia, but you're still a Malfoy. I know your father, and your brother, have close connections to Voldemort"
"So that's what this is all about, then? My surname. Did we not discuss this last time too? I'm not too fond of déja-vu's, you know" I replied. Maybe I had to be a little nicer, or would that draw suspicion too? This was more difficult than anything I had ever done.
"You live with Death Eaters, that's not a small, unimportant little detail you know" said Harry. "You carry the Dark Mark".
"I always get judged by my family, while that's not at all fair. I only received the Mark because I was afraid of the consequences if I did not take it" I said, my eyes surely over bright in the moonlight.
"Well, maybe you're forced to do something evil to me because you're afraid of the consequences too" said Harry.
"That's not true, Harry" I said softly. He was dangerously close to the truth.
"How can I be sure?"
"You'll just have to take my word for it." The path we were walking on was barely visible, lit only by the nearly full moon. I was starting to think some 'real progress' would be rather hard, if Potter continued to have this attitude. "I don't think I can do anything about it, other than tell you that your suspicions are incorrect". For a while we walked in silence. I wondered what he was thinking, and if it was doing any good on my behalf.
"I don't even know why I came" Harry said suddenly, out of nothing. "But I was curious… I mean, last time was sort of, nice". Even in the dark I noticed a blush had crept up his face.
I managed a soft smile. "I thought so too. I was afraid to contact you again… Ginny."
"Last time you said you didn't care" Harry said confused.
"I didn't say I didn't care .I said she couldn't as long as she didn't know."
"We're not really together. I mean, we were for a while, but it was rather complicated" he explained, and I gladly noticed it was the first time he did not sound annoyed. Quite an accomplishment, but of course aunt Bella would not yet find it enough.
"I see" a smile played across my face, pale in the moonlight. "I'm afraid I can't promise you that we won't be complicated".
Harry chuckled, genuinely. "No, but I hardly think anything can manage to not be complicated for me at the moment"
I smiled at him, and suddenly noticed we had stood still. Now on our second date things were a little less strange and new, it made me feel at least slightly more comfortable.
"So Ginny's not your girlfriend?" I dared ask. Harry shook his head. "No, Ginny's not my girlfriend".
"That's good. I mean, convenient. I mean…I'm babbling, am I?".
Harry smiled a little before he nodded. We continued to walk. Subconsciously, I linked my arm through his. He didn't seem to mind.
"I don't do anything for the Dark Lord if I can help it" I said. It was a good thing I was born with the ability to lie. Not to everyone, though; certain family members seemed to be able to look straight into my soul, but that might also be because I had not yet learned any occlumency.
"And can you?" asked Harry.
"Can I what?" I asked, rather puzzled.
"Help it."
"Oh… I suppose. I do try, you know. I've not been on any sort of mission ever since my birthday". This, at least was true. Well, not any mission besides this one, but I could not tell him that, naturally.
"That's good then." It was quite obvious Harry didn't know how to respond or what to say. He was as anti-Death Eater as possible, and now he was having a date with one.
"Harry, when are you going to trust me?" I asked softly, unable to stand the uncomfortable silence any longer.
'I don't know, Lucia" he replied earnestly. "I really want to believe you, but it's hard to trust anybody these days"
I looked down at the ground. "I understand. The same goes for me. If I didn't trust you I'd expect you to draw your wand on me any second now".
"I wouldn't do that" Harry said. "You know I wouldn't, don't you?"
"You did last time" I reminded him only half-serious. And we were back to being quiet again.
"Let's have a seat here" he suggested, nodding at a small wooden bench under a big tree. I was glad he was taking at least some sort of initiative and followed him there. As I sat down beside him I subtly let me arm brush against his. It felt nice. Somewhere in the back of my head I was aware that it shouldn't, this was merely business, after all.
I let out a soft sigh, praying for anything to happen that would make this easier. It felt so awkward, but I didn't know what to talk about.
"Look. Lucia. I'm not so great with these…things"
"These things?"
"Date, I mean. I'm awful at it, as I'm sure you've noticed".
I smiled in relief at this epiphany. "Oh! But that's fine, Harry! I'm not good at it either". We shared a smile and a laugh; it looked like the ice was broken at last.
"I thought you were rather good last time, you know, when we…" an actual grin had appeared on Harry's face, his green eyes lighting up in the pale moonlight. I felt a warm blush creeping up on my face again.
"Thank you" I replied with a smile.
"So maybe… we could… do it again. To see if we can even improve things". Harry was blushing too now.
"I wouldn't mind that". Before I had a chance to say anything else his lips had found mine and the world appeared to exist only of us. No Dark Lord, no Order of the Phoenix, no Death Eaters. Just Harry and I. Everything came to us naturally at that point, it did not seem to matter that neither of us had much experience. Somehow I had put my arms around his neck and my fingers were running through his untidy black hair. When he put his hands on my waist everything seemed to be perfect, the way it should be. Of course I should not be thinking like that. This was work, the mission. I could be happy though, for I was making some definite progress here.
I liked the feeling of Harry's warm breath on my face. The moment was so sweet it almost made me forget it wasn't real. Well, it was real for him. For me it was all a lie.
I let his lips move to kiss my neck, exploring till he found the spot that drew a little moan from me. This was so different than it had been with Blaise, yet it should have been the other way around. I should not be enjoying my private time with the Undesirable Number One.
"What are you thinking about?" Harry whispered in my ear, stroking a few strands of blond hair out of my face.
"You. You're sweet" I replied, leaning in to his embrace.
"So are you" Harry said with a slight chuckle. "And pretty" his voice had dropped to a whisper again.
I smiled softly. "Thank you." I let my hands rest on his shoulders as we shared another kiss. I thought we could stay there for hours, just kissing like that, a few innocent touches… It couldn't last forever though, I should have known.
"I have to go…" Harry announced after a while. At least he did sound like he regretted it. "Ron and Hermione will be worried; they don't know where I went"
My fingers ran through his hair a last time that evening, before I nodded. He removed his hands from my sides involuntarily, and I supposed that was a rather good thing.
"I have to see you again soon" I whispered in his ear. The dubious content of the word 'have' here did not go unnoticed by me.
Harry nodded. "Yes. Soon." It appeared as if I had completely caught him off guard by our little intimacies. Perhaps this was what aunt Bella meant by 'real progress'? Perhaps he was falling in love with me at last.