Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Harry Potter, nor will I ever own it.

Author's Note: Thank you for all of the wonderful reviews and to everyone who added my story to their favorites or followed my story! I really appreciate knowing that people are reading this and enjoying it! I'm so sorry that it's taken so long to get this next chapter out! Going to school and having a job is rather tough and I feel like I haven't had a break at all! I'm going to try and update as often as I can for the next two weeks until school starts, though! Anyways… here is chapter four! Happy reading!

{ always }

Begin Again
Chapter Four

James' POV

James was absolutely furious. Lily had wanted nothing to do with him even though he was saving her life! For Merlin's sake his fiancée was terrified of him! He had to leave so Remus could get her out! Then, of course, as soon as Remus had put Lily to sleep and carried her out of the cell he wouldn't even let James carry her. He wanted to rip Lily out of the werewolf's arms but Sirius had held him back. They had gone back the way they came, but ran into Snivellus as they were leaving. He wasn't paying attention, being too engrossed in a duel with Frank and James had sent a rather nasty stunning charm in his direction. James had grinned smugly when Snivellus crumpled to the ground and got hit with whatever spell Frank had thrown at him. Sirius had given him a thumbs up, but Remus had turned around and glared at him. That had been hours ago, though. They were currently at Order Headquarters and James was allowed nowhere near his fiancée. Madame Pomfrey was running spells on her to make sure she was alright and since Remus was studying under her, he got to be in there, too. Not James, though. He had to wait outside knowing every precious second away from Lily was just that much longer she was going without the love potion. He shot to his feet when the door opened and stared at Remus, whose eyes were guarded.

"What is it? Is Lily okay?" James asked.

"After some rest, she'll be fine," Remus paused and studied James for a moment, "We found traces of a love potion in her system."

James froze for half a second before he recovered, "That greasy slime ball must have given her some. You know he's always wanted her."

"It's not recent. It's fading because it was leaving her system. Her symptoms were similar to someone going through withdrawal," Remus glared at James, "Is that why she was suddenly interested in you? Because you were giving her love potions?"

"When can I see her?" James asked, ignoring Remus' question.

"You can't," Remus said flatly, "The love potion will be out of her system in a few days. If you don't tell her, I will."

He pushed past James rather roughly and James wanted to whip out his wand and hex that bastard to the next century. He stormed to the room Lily was being kept in and opened the door, only to be met with a glaring medi-witch. James turned on the charm but Madame Pomfrey only crossed her arms over her chest and tapped her foot. He couldn't even see around her to Lily. His hands itched for his wand, but he kept his anger in check and turned on his heel, walking away from his fiancée. He couldn't deal with this right now. He was way too close to losing Lily. He had to get her back. He would do whatever it took. He made his way upstairs to the room that he was sharing with Sirius. Slamming the door shut, he cast a silencing charm around the room and collapsed on his bed.

"How's Lily?" Sirius asked.

"They won't let me near her," James spat, "They found traces of the love potion I've been giving her in their checks."

"They can trace that stuff?" Sirius sounded surprised.

James growled, "Apparently so. Now the love potion is going to wear off in a few days and I can't get close enough to give her more. I'm going to lose her, padfoot!"

Sirius grinned, "Have no fear, my friend! They don't know that I know so just give me the potion and I'll slip it to her!"

"You'd do that for me?" James asked.

"Of course I would! You're my best mate," Sirius clapped his hand on James' shoulder.

For the first time in a month, James had some hope that everything would go back to the way it should. Lily would be his and he'd take care of Snivellus himself. Everything would have been so perfect if Lily hadn't been captured by Death Eaters. They would have been married a few days ago and would have had beautiful children and lived happily ever after. Now he was struggling to get Lily back and had that greasy git to deal with as well. He knew it was going to be difficult, but he had faith that Sirius could slip her the love potion and that everything was going to be okay.

{ always }

Lily's POV

Lily's head was pounding. The kind of pounding that felt like her entire head was vibrating. She let out a soft groan and slowly blinked her eyes open. The light in the room was blinding and Lily squinted, lifting her arm up to cover her eyes. She felt heavy and weak, her mouth was dry and she hurt everywhere. Her eyes slowly adjusted to the bright lights and she took in her surroundings. She was in a warm, cozy room. The walls were painted baby blue and the cream colored curtains were pulled shut. There was a dark oak dresser to her left and a desk to her right. She gingerly sat up and rubbed her fingers against her temples. How did she get here? The last thing she remembered was the cell. After a few moments, her eyes widened as she remembered that James, Sirius and Remus had come to save her. Her stomach twisted painfully as she thought of James. He must have been so worried about her! When she thought of asking to see him, she blanched. Why was she so against seeing him? He was her fiancée, she should be thrilled that she could see him again, but a heavy weight settled in her stomach and she hastily pushed him out of her mind. She jumped when the door opened but relaxed slightly when Madam Pomfrey stood in the doorway.

"Oh thank goodness you're awake!"

The medi-witch hustled to Lily's bedside and began waving her wand, muttering spells under her breath. Lily was suddenly uneasy with Madam Pomfrey's close proximity, but she did her best to squash the feeling. This is the same woman who had been fixing her up since she was eleven for Merlin's sake! When she was done, Lily slumped down against the pillows and pulled the blankets up to her chin, trying to protect herself somehow.

"Well you seem to be recovering rather well. Mr. Snape seemed to have done quite a good job keeping you as healthy as he could," she said.

"Severus?" Lily asked, "Is he here?"

"He stopped by a few hours ago to make sure you were alright," Madame Pomfrey smiled at Lily, "He had a meeting to attend with the rest of the Order but he should return shortly."

"What about James?" Lily asked hesitantly.

Madame Pomfrey pursed her lips, "Don't you worry about Mr. Potter, love. You just rest."

Lily was almost relieved that Madame Pomfrey didn't try to bring James into the room. For some reason she just didn't want to see him. She knew she still cared about him, but it wasn't the same way she felt before the attack. Before she was captured she had this burning desire, this need to be around him constantly, like she couldn't breathe without him. Being away from him was literally painful and she hated it. She could still feel that pull, somewhere in the back of her mind, but it wasn't as strong now and she felt… free. She had never felt so dependent on a person in her entire life until she fell in love with James. She had never even felt like that with Severus and she had thought he was the one. While James was possessive and slightly controlling, she knew it was only because he was trying to protect her. When she had loved Severus… she had felt cherished and wanted and loved. While James made her feel like that, too, there was something… off about it. Thinking about all of this just made her head hurt more and she just wanted to sleep, but sleep wouldn't come. She had been locked up in that cell for far too long and she needed to walk around. She kicked the covers off and swung her legs over the side of the bed. She put them on the floor and tested her weight.

"Miss. Evans, you really mustn't get out of bed!" Madame Pomfrey chided.

"I was locked in that cell for Merlin knows how long," Lily sighed, "I just want to walk around. Please, Madame Pomfrey?"

Madame Pomfrey watched Lily through narrowed eyes before she sighed, "Alright, fine. Let me find a strength regenerating potion first."

Lily nodded and watched as Madame Pomfrey disappeared through a door, which Lily saw was a bathroom, and rummage through the cupboards. She came back out a few seconds later with a light green potion and handed it to Lily. With a grateful smile, Lily took the potion and drained it in a few gulps. Almost immediately, her body didn't feel so heavy and she felt strength return to her limbs. With a grateful smile at Madame Pomfrey, Lily pushed herself off of the bed and let her legs get reacquainted with her weight. Once she was sure she would be fine, she took a few shaky steps to the door and walked out into the hallway. She knew they had to be at an Order safe house, she just didn't know which one. She knew that all of the safe houses had a garden out back so she made her way to the back of the house. Once outside, she breathed in the fresh air and felt the grass between her toes. It was invigorating. She walked into the garden a few steps before sitting on the grass and leaning against the giant oak tree that took up most of the yard. She didn't know how long she was out there when she felt eyes on her. Hugging her arms around her tightly, she turned her head and found Severus standing on the patio.

"I'm glad that you're awake," he said softly.

"I have you to thank for that, I'm sure," Lily replied.

"Dumbledore came up with most of the plan and even then I had to pretend to still be on the Dark Lord's side," Severus sneered, "Potter, Black and Lupin were the ones that saved you."

Lily tilted her head to the side and studied Severus closely for a few minutes, "But they wouldn't have found me if it wasn't for you. Thank you, Sev."

Severus only inclined his head slightly and stood on the patio awkwardly. Lily smiled gratefully at him and pat the ground next to her. Walking slowly, Severus sat down next to Lily. He kept plenty of space between them so he wouldn't make her uncomfortable and they sat quietly for a few moments, enjoying the silence. Lily was secretly glad for his presence. He was always like her rock, strong and unyielding, even in the worst of times. She couldn't understand what had happened to break them apart when they had been so close. Even if he had called her that fowl name she should have forgiven him and she didn't know where her sudden hatred for him had stemmed from. She watched him out of the corner of her eyes. His dark hair obscured some of his face, but she could see how pale his skin was, how dark the circles were under his eyes. She wanted to feel his smooth skin under her fingertips but didn't want to overstep her boundaries. She couldn't understand why it was his comfort and strength that she wanted when she knew it should be James' that she sought. Yet she couldn't force herself to want anything to do with him.

"Sev," Lily said, breaking the silence, "I'm sorry about what happened to us… in school. I don't know why I acted the way that I did."

Severus sighed and turned to look at Lily, "It's in the past. What's done is done… all we can do now is move forward."

"I would like that," Lily smiled at Severus.

There was a commotion behind them coming from inside the house that made them both turn in that direction. People were shouting and soon James came into view, followed by Remus. It was obvious that Remus was trying to keep him away from Lily and that James wasn't cooperating. As soon as James stepped outside and saw Severus so close to Lily, he snarled and drew his wand. Almost immediately, Lily drew into herself and pulled her legs to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. She could hear Severus' soft baritone but couldn't make out what he was saying. She focused on the sound of his voice and before she knew it, James had fired off some spell in Severus' direction and she let out a scream. James was by her side in an instant, caressing her face and smoothing her hair back. A part of her wanted to lean into his embrace and the other part of her wanted to shudder at the contact. When James tried to kiss her, she turned her face away from his so he only kissed her on the cheek. She unconsciously scrambled away from him, pressing her back into the hard bark of the tree.

"Are you stupid?!" she heard Severus hiss, "She doesn't like being touched!"

"I'm her fiancée!" James argued, "Of course she wants me to touch her!"

"She was tortured, Potter! Physically and mentally! You really think she wants to come into contact with anyone right now?!" Severus' voice was rising and Lily only pressed herself against the tree more, trying to make herself invisible.

"I'm sure you played a part in it!" James shouted, "Wanted to finally know what it feels like to have her!"

"No!" Lily half shrieked, her eyes wide, "Severus never… he never… hurt me!"

"That's enough, James."

The four occupants of the garden turned to look at Dumbledore. His eyes flashed dangerously as he looked at James and Dumbledore held his gaze for a few moments. Afterwards, he beckoned Remus and James back into the house. James cast a furtive glance over his shoulder at Lily and glared at Severus before following Remus and Dumbledore back into the house. Lily slowly let herself relax once they were out of sight and looked up at Severus. He slowly lifted a hand up and held it next to Lily's cheek, a question in his eyes. She gave him a slight nod and Severus cupped her cheek in his hand and Lily automatically leaned into his touch, reaching up to grab his hand in hers. She had no reservations when it came to Severus. She needed his touch and his strength. It made her feel safe. It had always made her feel safe.

{ always }

Author's Note: Sorry it's a short chapter guys! I just wanted to give you something and when I started writing I was having a bit of writer's block. I want your opinion on whether or not Sirius should be successful in slipping Lily the love potion again. I have a few scenarios going in my head for either way, but I wanted your opinion! Yes or no to the love potion? Also, to those of you who think that Lily's feelings are developing too fast… you have to remember that in this story, she was in love with Severus before their big fight… that's when James found the opportunity to slip her the love potion and has been administering it ever since. With the love potion fading from her system, those feelings of love for Severus are slamming back into her as well as the disgust she once felt for James!