Ephemeral

"Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it." –Mark Twain

Trees. Trees and bugs. Trees, bugs, and mud. That's what my life consisted of during the last few days as Hina and I traipsed through the jungle searching fruitlessly for the rebels. Oh, and rain, but I'm sure that doesn't come as a big surprise.

In fact, I think Mother Nature has a vendetta against me because the rain had been worse those past few days than I had ever seen before. The rain fell in big drops from every direction, and I mean every direction. Hell, the water even came from below. I'm not exaggerating. Hina took me through this horrible area that was more swamp than forest, and when the rain came down, it would splash the putrid bog water up into my face.

I will freely admit that I whined all the way through that swamp until my mother finally gave up and led us back up to dry land. She tried to convince me that it was the easiest route we could take to the outskirts of Amegakure, which was supposedly the last known location of the rebels, but I wouldn't have it. I was not about to spend an indeterminate amount of time mucking through smelly water that reached just under my armpits. Just no.

Honestly, I couldn't have cared less that it would take us longer to reach the outskirts of Amegakure because of my petulance. The further we were from the rebels, the better. Sure, we'd probably have shelter and warm food and a decent place to sleep once we found them, but I would rather brave the cold and the potential to catch pneumonia than spend a night in the Akatsuki's company.

Supposedly, at this point in time they were just a group of kids intending to right the wrongs of a tyrannical government, but I knew what they were going to turn into and I didn't want to get involved. Most of all, I wanted to keep Hina far away from the future events; somehow, over the past three years I grew…attached to her. In a way, I became reliant on her for more than just basic survival needs such as food and shelter. I wanted, no, needed her emotional support. She became my rock in this chaotic world and I was resolved to cling to her like a shipwreck survivor to a life float. I didn't want her to get hurt and leave me alone. It was a selfish wish, but at that moment, I couldn't have cared less.

The rain steadily sprinkled from the heavy looking clouds above the forest canopy and the bugs around us made loud clicking noises as we sloshed past them through puddles of muddy water. It was a dreary day, made worse by the steadily declining temperatures.

I was about to beg Hina to stop for the afternoon so I could try to warm up my numb limbs when we heard rustling and creaking in the foliage directly to our right. My heart sped up and rapped against my chest in a frantic staccato as I froze into place, while Hina rushed over and wrapped her arms around my stiffened form.

The minute that passed by seemed like an eternity as we waited to see if the noise had been a threat. The rustling grew louder and we begun to hear the dull bass of a man's voice talking as he headed right for us and I couldn't resist the panicked urge to wrap my clammy, pale hand tightly around my mother's forearm for a sense of security.

Since that shinobi had died in front of me a few days ago, I couldn't seem to control my emotions- namely, my fear. Small noises, like the rustling of tree leaves in the wind or the cracking of a branch under my feet, would send my heart into frantic attacks and it would take a good amount of time and coaxing from my mother to calm me down.

I felt ridiculous for being so jumpy, but knowing that my life could be forfeit at any moment because of some ninja's negligence was a bit too much for me to handle. Really, just a stray kunai or attack could end my life quicker than it had been delivered into this world. I still had nightmares about those heart-wrenching screams from the dying Higurashi children. Hina and I could have easily been in their place if the battle had started on our side of the village, and that terrified me.

When the suspense reached a point where I was sure my heart would give out if I had to bear it even a moment longer, the man stepped into our field of vision. He was abruptly followed by a woman and two children before they all stopped in their tracks upon noticing our presence and started to watch us wearily.

If I had been in any state to comment, I would've probably cracked some smartass joke about how they looked like deer caught in headlights. Unfortunately, I'm sure my face rather looked like theirs, so I had no room to talk. Not that they would've understood the joke anyway.

In the brief moments that we all stood there defensively, I took the time to absorb their weathered appearances that reminded me of the townspeople in Yokoburi. Their clothes were ragged and snagged in places that I assume were caught on branches, and their malnourished bodies were filthy with mud, like they had been trudging through the forest for days.

For all appearances and purposes, they seemed like regular peasants to me, but newly developed paranoia nagged me to remain suspicious. It was almost too convenient that we had run into another traveling group way out here in the middle of the jungle. They could be undercover shinobi looking for strays, for all I knew.

The man seemed uncomfortable with waiting any longer in silence, so he spoke up to be heard over the rain, "Who're you?"

There was a pregnant pause where I seriously thought Hina was going to snatch me up and run, but that worry was abated when she stated, "Travelers from Yokoburi. Who are you?"

I watched as the man's shoulders seemed to drain of the tension that had been holding them rigid and he turned to look at the woman who I assumed to be his wife with a relieved expression before calling over, "We're from Akisame, just south of Yokoburi, near the old-"

"I know where Akisame is," Hina snapped at the man, "why are you out here?"

He looked surprised by my mother's hostility, but he shouldn't have been in my opinion. Obviously, we weren't out here for vacation, and if this place really was locked in a war, then it was only natural to be suspicious of other travelers. "My family," the man stated gently, as if he was placating a wild beast, while he gestured to his companions, "is seeking protection near Amegakure. My name is Yamaguchi Kouta; this is my wife, Mei, and our two sons, Hiroki and Kenji."

My mother's arms loosened a bit around me as she lost some of her suspicion towards the strangers and she ushered us a bit closer to them so they wouldn't have to shout over the worsening rain.

"My name is Hina," my mother shared, with a grim expression on her face, "and this is Chieko, my daughter. We're also seeking protection near Amegakure."

Kouta smiled a bit, but it looked strained under the grey-tinted sunlight, "Where is your husband, Hina-san? He shouldn't leave you two alone out here."

Even an imbecile could feel the tension in the air at that point and I knew without looking that Hina's face was twisted into a scowl. I had tried a while ago to figure out who my father was and why Hina wasn't married, but it was like trying to talk to a brick wall. She was even more averse to talking about my father than she was about her issues with shinobi, and that was saying something.

"I am unmarried," was all Hina said as she struggled to maintain her composure. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Kouta's wife's face dawn with realization then condescension at my mother's admission. My hackles rose at her clear disdain towards Hina; it was like dealing with those cruel townswomen again. I made it my goal right then and there to keep an eye on that woman.

Kouta was much more flustered by her admission and he stammered a bit before he finally found the words to say, "O-Oh, I apologize! I thought that you were, well, since you have…You're traveling alone then?"

"Yes," my mother said tersely, and I could tell that she had every intention of moving on soon. She even started to push me to our left so we could go around the Yamaguchi family. I felt relieved; in any other circumstance, it would have been safer to travel in a large group, but here, that wasn't true. We'd make too much noise and we'd be far more noticeable in a large group. Since we were all civilians, or at least I thought we were, we'd be sitting ducks for any observant shinobi in the area. Easy targets.

"Wait," Kouta called as we passed them to go further into the forest, and I hoped that my mother would ignore him and keep moving. There was no such luck. She paused and turned around to look at the family with an annoyed expression, prompting him to spit out what he wanted to say.

"I can't knowingly let you travel by yourselves if we're all heading to the same place. It wouldn't be right." It felt as if I had swallowed something sour and I prayed to every god that would listen that my mother would be smart enough to dismiss Kouta's misplaced chivalry and move on.

"You are looking for the rebels then?" Hina cautiously asked, and I cringed internally. If they were loyalists, we would be royally screwed. They could run off and find a platoon of shinobi to slaughter us for our disloyalty to the current ruler.

"Yes, we are looking for them. We heard they were outside of Amegakure somewhere. I insist that you travel with us. I would feel much better than letting you chance traveling on your own. It's too dangerous for a woman and a child to be alone," Kouta gallantly stated, and I felt the urge to throttle him. I'm sure he wouldn't feel better when we were killed because of his 'graciousness'.

Then, to my absolute horror and disbelief, my mother bowed politely and accepted his offer. It was at that point that I couldn't stay silent any longer and sharply cut in to their pleasantries, "This is a bad idea. Mama, we need to stay on our own!"

Everyone's eyes turned to me as I spoke and Hina sighed, "Chieko-chan, we'll be safer this way. You'll have Hiroki-kun and Kenji-kun to play with while we travel. Won't that be nice?"

In the back of my mind, I was annoyed that she was still trying to get me to interact with kids my own age even while on the run, but at the moment, our safety was my top priority. "We won't be safer! This group is too big. The shinobi will see us and we'll be killed!"

Hina was about to answer me, with what I hoped would be an agreement to my logical argument, when Mei spoke up in her raspy tone, "My, your daughter is rather outspoken. It seems she's not aware that children should be seen and not heard."

In that moment, I could swear my blood was on fire with my fury at this woman who simultaneously insulted both me and my mother with her subtle criticism of Hina's parenting skills. I was ready to spit an insult back at the horrid woman when my mother coolly retorted, "She wouldn't be aware of such an outdated custom. I raised my daughter to live in the present."

Appreciation for my mother welled up inside me as I witnessed her handle the situation with unflappable efficiency. She was truly a force to be reckoned with when provoked; it was moments like those where I saw the woman underneath the exhaustion and hunger. It must've been what she was like before me, and that made me feel terribly guilty, like I had stolen a part of who she was.

Before I could sink into a miserable mess of self pity and guilt, Kouta interrupted the impending argument and insisted that they begin moving. He took the lead, followed by his wife, then his kids, and finally me and my mother in the back.

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The rain continued its constant din while we trekked towards our joint destination and all the while I shivered under the child-sized cloak my mother had given me when we first started our journey. We had been travelling for a few hours since we met in the forest, and the sun was finally beginning to set, so we were on the lookout for a large tree or cave that would provide shelter from the weather.

In the meantime, I was completely miserable. I was soaked despite the oiled cloak and my feet hurt from the constant traveling. I was also worried about potentially getting trench foot. I had been barefoot since we left Yokoburi and despite the cloth Hina bundled my feet in, they were damp most of the time. I had expressed this worry to my mother and she tried to assure me, but the expression on her face was enough to tip me off that she was as unsure as I was. I hoped that we would be able to find a cave, because I desperately wanted to dry out my feet, even if it was just for one night.

To Hina's relief, other than my occasional questions, I stayed quiet and avoided whining. That's not to say I didn't feel like it. Oh no, I had plenty to complain about. I just didn't want to give that Mei woman anymore fuel to criticize us. I watched her children unceasingly as we traveled to try and catch their flaws so I'd have ammunition to use against her if she started her nitpicking again. Unfortunately, other than the slump of their weary shoulders, nothing about Hiroki or Kenji was reproachable. To my distaste, they were perfectly behaved. Like little drones, I couldn't help but think snidely.

I knew I was beginning to get tetchy, but all the events from the past few days seemed to build up and I was past the point of caring. I couldn't care less what this irritatingly well-mannered family thought about me. I was tired and cold and damn it, everything ached. The longer the trip dragged on the more and more regret I had for asking about the rebels. I should have just kept my mouth shut.

We could have been snug in another dingy hut in some small town, far away from this family and not on a path to find the soon-to-be-terrorist rebels. Oh, how I hated my incessant curiosity sometimes. I spent the rest of the walk dreaming about the warmth of a fire and the shelter of our leaky hut back in Yokoburi until Kouta pointed out a cave that we could use for our camp.

I don't think I'd ever been so delighted to see a dark, slightly damp grotto before in my life. I moved to flop down onto the floor, but I was promptly ushered to the back of the small cave to sit near Hiroki and Kenji as the adults set up our camp.

Silence descended like a blanket over us three kids while I stared forward determinedly as Hiroki's eyes bore into the side of my head. I hoped that if I avoided eye contact, then he would keep his questions to himself. You know, like that rule about wildlife where you're supposed to avoid eye contact so you don't provoke the bear. I'm sorry to report that it didn't work.

"How old are you?" I guess it was too much to ask for the kid to leave me to sit in peace. I stayed quiet and willed him to take it as a hint to leave me alone. I heard nothing from him while I sat there and gradually I felt my shoulders droop a bit as I settled into a more comfortable position. That is until I felt a sharp jab in my side.

I whipped around to face Hiroki wrathfully and hissed, "What?" He stared at me with big beryl eyes, and if it hadn't been for the finger that was still extended to poke me in the side, he would have seemed the picture of innocence.

The kid was cute, I'd give him that, but I was not in the mood to play nice. "Leave me alone," I grumbled at him. Hiroki huffed exaggeratedly before scooting closer and invading my personal space.

"I'm seven and my brother is four. What's Yokoburi like? What games do you like to play? How old are you? What's your favorite food? I like soba, but Kenji likes dango more. Do you like soba too?"

I could only stare at Hiroki as he rattled questions off animatedly and mixed little comments around them. He kept going and going and I completely stopped listening after the first ten questions, but it seemed like he wasn't going to lose wind any time soon. I don't know why he even bothered asking me questions when he seemed to talk enough for the both of us.

Though I hated to admit it, he reminded me slightly of my older brother. He was equally as talkative, but somehow less irritating than Hiroki. The reminder of my goofy, overprotective brother made my heart clench. I could still picture the slightly crooked smile he'd make whenever he was up to no good and the messy brown hair that he never bothered to tame.

The last time I saw him, we were lounging on our mom's couch watching reruns of a cheesy daytime drama and he had refused to share his cheesy poofs with me, all the while giving me that shit eating grin of his. I remember being irritated, but now all I could feel was affection for his playful antics. I missed his horrible pun-filled jokes and his relentless teasing. It only took me dying and being reincarnated into a humorless world to make me realize how much I loved it.

Regret. It was a terrible feeling, but I couldn't seem to escape it no matter how hard I tried. Regret for suggesting that we find someone to protect us. Regret for going to the beach that day so long ago. Regret for taking the love of my family for granted. The feeling followed me wherever I went, like a rain cloud casting a shadow upon my muted happiness.

"Hey, are you listening to me?" I snapped out of my brooding and studied the accusing expression on Hiroki's face before letting out a small laugh. His annoyance looked more like a drenched kitten than anything else, and the humor I felt seemed to lighten the heavy burden on my shoulders a little bit.

"Are you finally done talking?" I teased him lightly. I supposed it wouldn't hurt to humor his questions a bit.

I had expected him to puff up and act even more annoyed by my ribbing, but instead he just laughed it off and stared at me expectantly. It took a moment for me to realize that he was expecting me to answer all the questions he had just rattled off at me.

"Um," I started, wracking my brain trying to remember what exactly he had wanted to know, "I'm three years old. Yokoburi was boring, and I don't play games."

"What food do you like?" Hiroki prompted enthusiastically as it became clear I wasn't going to say more.

"Uh, I like rice," I mumbled ineloquently as I tried to scrounge up a food that would be recognizable in this land. Somehow, I didn't think cheese lasagna was a common dish around here. Everyone would be much more fat and happy if it was.

"Rice?" Hiroki whined, as if it was blasphemous that I'd like the staple food. "Don't you like meat? Dad says that if I eat lots of meat and vegetables, then I'll grow to be a strong shinobi. Isn't that great?"

"Sure, kid," I agreed, if only to get the conversation to end, "meat is great."

"I'll be the best ninja ever!" Hiroki practically shouted in my ear. Any delusions I had developed earlier about Hiroki being a quiet and well-behaved child were shot as I learned his true nature. Children should be seen and not heard, my ass.

"Don't you want to be a ninja too…uh, what's your name again?" Hiroki interrupted my train of thought as he shoved his face closer to mine.

"It's Chieko. And no, I don't want to be a shinobi," I grumbled as I pushed his face back out of my personal bubble. The kid didn't seem to understand that I didn't want him mouth-breathing near my face.

"What?!" And he was up in my face again. "What do you mean you don't want to be a ninja? You could be a pretty kunoichi! Why wouldn't you want that?"

"Look," I grunted as I scooted as far as I could away from him in the confined space, "I just don't want to be a ninja. I don't want to kill people as a part of my job."

"But they said it'll give us honor and glory!" Hiroki countered, and I could tell it was propaganda fed to him from the military recruiters. It looked like they started their brainwashing early in Akisame, because I hadn't seen a single ninja in Yokoburi before the attack that had annihilated it.

"None of that matters if you're dead, does it?" I asserted, my eyes narrowed as I stared Hiroki down. I don't know why I even bothered to argue with him. He wasn't my concern. If he wanted to run off and get himself killed, what would I care? The problem was that I did care. He was a seven year old chatterbox of a boy with big ambitions. His dream shouldn't have consisted of becoming a paid killer for his fractured country.

A loud clatter came from the front of the cave, followed by a loud sigh from Kouta as he beckoned for us kids to come closer. Kenji, who I had completely forgotten about during my heated conversation with Hiroki, toddled past us and headed for the adults.

I then became aware of the strong shivers that wracked my body, so I hurried over the small fire that Kouta had set up from the dry wood they carried with them. The warmth felt delicious on my damp, chilled skin as I got closer and when I reached the empty space next to Hina, I plopped down and put my feet as close to the fire as I dared.

Our group's meager dinner of mystery-meat jerky and some type of edible tubers went by without much ado, and before I knew it we were settling in to sleep for the night. The rain continued in the background and I focused on its constant pattering as I cuddled into Hina's side for extra warmth.

The day's events left me emotionally drained and I felt weary to the bone. The cherry on top, though, was that I felt almost as homesick as I had when I first arrived in this world. Hiroki's similarity to my brother was almost too much for my heart to handle and I longed for something, anything, from home to give me comfort.

I closed my eyes and tried to picture my old house, complete with the rickety bench on the front porch and my mom's bizarre collection of wiener dog artwork. My mother had been a strange woman. She hated dogs, but she loved wiener dog artwork and she had a penchant for singing off-key, regardless of the song type. It had caused me quite a bit of embarrassment during my teenage years when she'd randomly burst into an out-of-tune rendition of a pop song around my friends, but eventually I grew to accept it as one of the not-quite-loveable traits of my mom.

There was one song though, that always reminded me of her. When I was little, I would spend hours sitting with my mom in our tiny kitchen while she baked miscellaneous sweets, all the while singing "You are my Sunshine" over and over again. I had that song memorized inside and out, and it offered me a bit of solace that despite all the things I had gone through, I could still recall the lyrics. I drifted off to sleep with the distant melody playing in my mind with a small smile on my lips.

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We started the next day of exhausting travel in the grey light of dawn, and to my consternation, Hiroki stuck to my side like my own personal barnacle. It seemed even my surly demeanor from the night before wasn't enough to scare him off because he chattered at me nonstop for the entire first half of the day.

Kouta took up the head of the group and remained oblivious to the barbs that his wife and my mother shot at each other during their 'conversation'. The only one of us that remained relatively undisturbed was Kenji, and I found myself envious of him. I'd have much preferred his silent company over his loudmouthed brother's.

"And I'll learn to use kunai and I'll be super awesome!" I tuned back into Hiroki's rant as he continued to ramble excitedly about how wonderful his life as a shinobi would be. I couldn't help but be annoyed.

"Will you ever stop talking?" I groaned a bit too loudly, as Hina shot a warning look at me over her shoulder. I had just about had it with Hiroki. Every time I tried to tactfully edge away from him, he just followed me like a shadow, all the while maintaining his constant babble on topics I didn't care about. I was tempted to move near Mei because she was certain to shut him up, but I didn't want to deal with her criticism. I preferred to avoid her special brand of attention, if at all possible.

"Aren't you excited? We'll get to meet the rebels and they'll teach us how to fight! I can't wait to beat up bad guys!" Hiroki continued as if I hadn't said a word. The boy had a one track mind.

"No," I stated resolutely, "there are better things out there than fighting."

He paused in his tirade, and then looked at me like I was some alien creature- which might actually not be too far off the mark. "Nu uh!" Oh, the classic childish comeback, real cute. "Fighting is awesome. You get to beat bad guys and save princesses if you fight!"

"Whatever. Believe what you want," I sighed in response. There was no winning against Hiroki. He was more pigheaded than anyone I had ever met before.

I turned my head around to face forward and focused on following the adults. As usual, we were drenched by the cold rain and the trees loomed above us like sentinels on watch. I was getting sick of seeing trees, mud, and bugs. It was with that thought that I noticed that other than the sloshing noises as we made as we traveled through the mud puddles and the din of the rain, there were no other noises. The forest was eerily quiet- absent of all the usual screeches of exotic birds and the chirping of the bugs.

Highly suspicious at that point and with my nerves set on edge, I picked up the pace to walk alongside my mother, Hiroki following closely behind.

"Mama," I whispered, tugging on her sleeve, "the bugs are quiet. There's something wrong."

As Hina glanced around us surreptitiously, I felt extremely grateful for having her as my mother. Instead of blowing off my observation as the irrational fear of a three year old girl, she took me seriously and made her own scan of our surroundings. Everything about our current situation screamed that there was something wrong, and I could tell Hina agreed by the way her eyebrows knitted together in thought.

The only warning we received for the impending danger was a loud crack as a woman's body crashed right through the middle of a tree and landed on the ground just feet away from us. Mei let out an awful screech and I knew then that any chance we had of hiding was shot by her impulsive reaction. Whoever had attacked the woman- kunoichi, I corrected myself as I noticed the glint of metal on a sash around her waist -would know we were there.

Wasting no time at all, Hina snatched my hand and dragged me off with her into the woods at a frantic pace. It felt like my heart was in my throat and I couldn't breathe properly as I struggled to match my mother's pace. She was practically pulling me behind her because my short legs couldn't keep up. The panic and terror I felt knowing that shinobi, the source of many nightmares, were nearby threatened to override my common sense and I had to actively resist the urge to curl into a ball to hide from the world.

We got some distance away when I finally realized that Hiroki had followed us through the jungle away from his family. He looked as bad as I felt as he panted for air and seemed on the verge of collapsing to the ground from the exhaustion of our impromptu sprint. Hina slowed down to a walk nearby the trunk of a massive banyan tree, and turned to look at Hiroki and me with a stern expression.

"We have to hide. You two need to keep quiet until I say it's safe. That means you, Hiroki," She eyed him, before moving to usher us into the cover of the dangling banyan roots. We were a foot away from precious cover when a kunai knife cut into the ground in front of us and a man's voiced called out lackadaisically, "I wouldn't do that if I were you."

Hiroki scooted closer to me as we turned to face the ninja while he stared at us with bored, hooded eyes. "You see," the man drawled, "Hanzo-sama clearly said that there would be no traveling in this part of the Land of Rain."

He paused, as if waiting for us to reply before continuing, "And yet, here you are. What shall I do?"

Every muscle in my tiny body was tensed with anxiety; despite this man's seemingly mellow attitude, I could tell there was something off about him. He resembled a cat playing with its prey before killing it.

The shinobi cracked his neck while he reached into a pouch at his waist and pulled out something that looked similar to a carving knife. He looked up at the sky, as if contemplating the position of the veiled sun before strutting closer to our huddled forms. "I've got a bit of time, so let's have a bit of fun," he grinned as he reached out his arm to grab me from my mother's grasp.

In the blink of an eye, the sadistic shinobi was blasted away from us by a large spurt of water, and a cluster of knives flew past us towards the ninja. Without a second thought, Hina grabbed both Hiroki and me and hustled us away from the battle as fast as she could while remaining low to the ground.

Bits of debris and knives were falling around us and I prayed that I would get out of there alive. With Hiroki's hand grasped in my left hand as he followed behind us and my right hand clasped in my mother's, I kept my eyes on the ground below and tried not to think about the knives flying around that could slice through my spinal cord at any second. It was no easy task.

Every second felt like a millennium and when we could see a line of thick trees a bit ahead that we could escape behind, the relief I experienced was overwhelming. It was my second brush with death in the past month and I had been lucky enough to survive it.

I was so busy basking in the relief of surviving this second incident that I almost missed Hiroki's hand loosening around mine. I turned my head to urge him to move faster when I saw it. His face was streaked with mud and everything would have been normal if not for the knife buried into his side. It was gushing blood, and I knew that it must have hit something vital.

I yanked my hand out of Hina's clutch immediately, despite her protests and kneeled onto the ground next to Hiroki. Frantically, I pushed my hands against his side around the blade, knowing better than to pull it out, and tried to block the freely flowing blood.

"Chieko-chan," Hina whispered to me pityingly, "it's too late. We can't help him."

It seemed so callous of her to say that, and I desperately wanted to deny it, but I knew she was right. There was nothing we could do. That didn't mean he had to die alone though. Hiroki's eyes were full of terror and pain and there were tears welled up in his eyes. I didn't have the heart to walk away from this little boy on his death bed, especially when I knew how frightening it was to experience.

Struggling to hold back tears, I removed my blood coated hands from his side and grasped his hand tightly to offer some form of comfort. I tried to not focus on the blood that was starting to seep out of the corner of his mouth, but it was almost impossible. It stood out starkly against his pale skin and I would have stared at it mindlessly if he hadn't chosen to speak up.

"I guess…I guess I won't get to save princesses or fight bad guys," He choked out around wet coughs with a small grimace. I almost let out a hysterical giggle at his statement even though it wasn't the slightest bit funny. Even on his death bed, Hiroki was focused on his goal of becoming a ninja. It was like some form of cosmic irony that he would still dream of being a shinobi, even after getting fatally injured by one.

Silence spanned between us as I struggled to find the right words to say to him. I tightened my grip a little bit on his hand and hoped it would convey what words could not. Hina had stopped insistently tugging on my shoulder to get me to move, and I assume she realized that I intended to be there with Hiroki until the last second.

A wet sounding sputter coughed out of Hiroki's mouth as he tried to force the words out as he looked at me desperately, "I don't want to die here." His plea broke my heart and I couldn't hold the tears back any longer. They dripped down my face in miserable streams, hot with anguish.

I knew he needed something to console him, anything to help him think past the pain and the hopelessness so I told him, "I know. You'll go somewhere better though- somewhere where you'll be happy and safe and you'll get to see your mom and dad and Kenji again." I was babbling by the end of it around my sobs, but I hoped he would understand what I was trying to say. I didn't know if what I said was true, but I hoped, prayed, that he would be spared what I was going through. He deserved peace and happiness, not this relentless guilt and worry and grief.

The rasps coming from his chest were becoming worse and I knew he was on his last leg. Hiroki looked me in the eyes and I felt his hand start to go limp, but he had something he needed to say. "Chieko-chan," he garbled around mouthfuls of blood, "please, could you please do it for me?"

I was confused as to what he wanted me to do, but I didn't have to wait much longer for him to say, "I-I can't do it, but you can. You'd make a good ninja…and…" he trailed off his thoughts.

Struggling to find the words to answer, I looked around the area, dully noting that I couldn't hear sounds of the battle any longer, and when I looked back down, he wasn't breathing anymore. A choked, ghastly sound wrenched itself from my throat and I felt the urge to scream. No matter how much I wanted to though, I couldn't. My mouth was ajar with a silent wail and I barely registered it when Hina wrapped her arms around me and buried my face into her chest.

Despair drooped itself over my shoulders like a heavy, cold shawl and I gasped for breath around my shuddering sobs. I couldn't understand why it affected me so badly. I barely knew Hiroki for more than a day; I didn't even cry when that other man died in front of me in Yokoburi. Yet, despite knowing all that logically, it didn't stop the grief and guilt from rearing its ugly head.

I had been so busy rejoicing the fact that I had gotten away unscathed from yet another encounter with shinobi when right behind me, Hiroki had been stabbed. I was so selfish. I should have moved faster or switched places or made Hina lead us a different way. A thousand different scenarios popped into my head on how I could have prevented Hiroki's death and each one made the burden of guilt heavier.

Then there was his last wish. He wanted me to become a shinobi- to become a person that contradicted every belief that I held. All because his life was snuffed out before he even had a chance. A lifetime's worth of choices and mistakes and achievements and hopes and dreams were eliminated when the last light left his eyes. And it was caused by a ninja, the very thing Hiroki dreamed of becoming.

"Hey, are you two alright?" The sound of a young man's voice drifted over to me, and slowly I raised my face to look over at him. His spiky, bright auburn hair and blue eyes seemed painfully familiar, but I was too immersed in my sadness to care.

The friendly grin on his face faded as he took in the sight of Hiroki's prone body covered in blood until it disappeared. He rubbed the back of his neck in a nervous gesture. "Oh, I didn't realize," he stuttered out as he took in my stricken face and my bloodied hands still clasped around Hiroki's limp one, "I'm so sorry for your loss."

Unbidden anger rose within me. Here was a man who might have been the one to throw the knife that was buried in Hiroki's side and all he could say was 'I'm sorry for your loss'? I was furious at this shinobi's lack of remorse. It didn't matter to me that it probably was an accident or that he probably saved our lives from the sadistic loyalist. All I knew was that a precious life- the life of a seven year old boy who could have gotten married and had kids and many happy memories –was snatched away from this world. I knew, in that moment, that I couldn't do it. I couldn't complete Hiroki's last wish.

All I could do was apologize over and over again to Hiroki's spirit and hope that he found it in his heart to forgive me for my selfishness.

Hello! Thanks for reading chapter 3! I hope that you enjoyed it, despite the nice, depressing ending. It sucked to kill off Hiroki because he was pretty fun to write; alas, it was necessary. This chapter is a bit longer than the others to make up for the possible delay in updating in these next few weeks. School has begun and I've saddled myself with a whopping 16 units. That plus work will make my free time almost nonexistent. Lucky me. =/

Anyway, I'd like to thank everyone who took the time to review last chapter! I appreciated reading each and every one of your comments and I loved hearing your thoughts about the themes running central through the storyline. You guys are awesome! :)

I sincerely hope that I can live up to your expectations on how Metanoia is progressing and I look forward to hearing what you think about this chapter!

Thanks again!

Amai