All he ever wanted to be was a warrior.
He left Heatherpaw for that. Some mornings he wakes with his pelt pressed to Cinderheart and misses brown tabby fur for a few brief moments while the dreams fade and the sun edges over the entrance to the den to light the smokey grey tabby beside him.
He grows smoothly into large paws and broad shoulders, his bright pelt and stocky body are as much ThunderClan as any of his Clanmates. When his father introduces him to Ashfoot, he is cautiously polite and watches his words so he tells her nothing that would betray his Clan. He is Lionblaze of ThunderClan, being too friendly with the deputy of another Clan is against the warrior code. This loyalty is not the reason he avoids Heathertail with downcast eyes and slick fur.
As a warrior, he is not blind to his mistakes. He made few friends as an apprentice. While Cinderheart suns with Brackenfur and Hollyleaf, Lionblaze follows his brother out of camp to pick herbs. Jayfeather says he hunts alone too often, but most of the cats their age are annoying and Lionblaze has little bond with his mentor. He was too stubborn and his mentor too shy to cultivate the tenuous relationship they shared. Brambleclaw has noticed as well, and Lionblaze finds himself on dawn border patrols and nighttime hunts with cats he rarely talks too.
Once, his paws are drawn to the WindClan border, where his father hunts too often. Crowfeather only looks at him from his perch in the trees, and Lionblaze pauses to search for scent drifting from the moor. Their eyes meet, both remembering the scent of WindClan. His father says nothing, but he shakes his golden pelt, remembers grey tabby fur, and finds mice to bring back to camp. He has heard enough to know that loving a cat in another Clan is still taboo and will always be difficult. He does not venture that far twice.
When Cinderheart mentions his sister spends longer out of camp each day, Lionblaze is ashamed to realize he hadn't noticed. He spends too long in dark forests to settle a mind which has thought about borders and codes for too long, too long to know which cat will bring his sister back, too long too sacrifice training for family.
Tigerstar scorned his mourning for Heathertail and love for Cinderheart alike and only Hawkfrost's words were sharper than his claws. Lionblaze listens to them and wonders if Firestar ever saw another cat in Brambleclaw's shoulders or his stripes. It is only when he unsheathes his claws and nearly kills his deputy that he realizes his true mistake. He cannot be a warrior of two Clans.
It does not matter if he is the strongest warrior in the forest. It does not matter if he is deputy of ThunderClan or leader of WindClan or oldest elder in all the Clans if all he ever works for is power.
Lionblaze curls around Cinderheart and inhales the familiar scent of the warriors den. He pushes aside the instinctual prickle of unease at the dark tabby shoulders at the center of the den and loves eyes that are too dark to belong to underground caverns and blue heather and the smell of rabbit.