Chapter 4: Understanding

After returning to Skyhold, Mother Giselle asked the Inquisitor to meet privately. She had a letter for Dorian from his estranged father, to meet a family retainer at the inn in Redcliffe.

The inquisitor talked privately to Dorian and shared with him the news, and showed him the letter. She promised to come with and back him up in case it was a trap. Dorian acquiesced and agreed to make the journey, after they'd all had a nights rest.

The next morning they set out again, with Fenris and Iron Bull in tow. The last mission together was successful, so she had hopes this would further cement things between Fenris and Dorian.

They arrived in Redcliffe and the Inquisitor instructed Bull and Fenris to remain outside, while she and Dorian went in to see what this family retainer had to say. He didn't know why, but Fenris opted to disobey the Inquisitor. He was curious about what was going on, and so he made some excuse to Bull about going to gather some herbs from the hillside behind the Inn. Instead once he rounded the corner, he slipped quietly into the Inn through an open back window. Using some stealth techniques Isabella had taught him back in Kirkwall, he managed to quietly creep until he was able to hear the conversation.

He saw Dorian and the Inquisitor talking to what was clearly a Tevinter Magister, and Fenris seethed, at first feeling betrayed, until he heard Dorian call the Magister "Father." Dorian was clearly very angry at his father, and soon the truth came out. Dorian admitted to the Inquisitor that he preferred "the company of men," and for that his father had nearly succeeded in performing a dangerous blood ritual to try and change him.

Dorian's father tried in vain to apologize. He said he hadn't meant to drive his son away, and that he missed him. Dorian didn't want to hear it at first, but the Inquisitor calmed Dorian down enough to be willing to talk to his father, who appeared truly regretful of his own actions.

At that, the Inquisitor left to give them privacy, and Fenris chose to do the same. He came wandering back towards the front of the Inn, pretending he'd gone in search of some herbs in the hills, carrying a couple of stems of elfroot to back up this claim.

On the way back to Skyhold, Fenris' attitude towards Dorian seemed clearly changed, although Dorian took no notice. He was deep in thought over what had occurred, and what his father had said to him. They were too much alike, his father claimed, proud and stubborn.

Fenris recognized that Dorian had also suffered at the hands of the Tevinter Imperium, for daring to be different. Fenris knew how important breeding the "perfect mage" was to the Tevinter Imperium. For as near perfect of a specimen as Dorian was, his predilections were not to be tolerated, especially if he refused to marry and produce off-spring. The fact that Dorian had stood up for himself and refused to cow to the "ideals" of the imperium gave the elf a newfound respect for the mage.

Dorian secluded himself after they got back and the Inquisitor was the first to seek him out, to make sure he was alright. Fenris kept thinking about what he overheard. He wanted to confront Dorian with the information, but he knew that he shouldn't have been eavesdropping. He afraid that if Dorian found out, he may get angry with him for it. For the first time, Fenris really didn't want to upset the … man.

Fenris didn't know what to do, so he retreated to what he often did, with a bottle of alcohol in hand, he went to brood, alone.

He was still brooding several hours later when a knock came at his door.

"Come," Fenris said, brusquely.

The door opened and it was Dorian. "Fenris, let me be frank. I know you overheard my conversation with my father … you aren't quite as stealthy as you'd like to think," he said with a glint in his eye. Clearly Dorian wasn't angry over the transgression. "May I come in?"

Fenris waved his hand at a chair and bid him sit down.

"We've been at each other's throats, almost literally, since you arrived. I know what you've been through, Varric told me as much as he knew and I've guessed the rest. I can't blame you for hating everything I represent. Now you also know one of my deepest, darkest secrets as well. I'm hoping that perhaps, we could call a truce?" said Dorian, sounding hopeful. "I could really use a friend right now, and I would really like that friend to be you."

"I'm not much of a friend, if you hadn't noticed." Fenris said, calmly.

"Well, perhaps we can learn together, how to be friends?" suggested Dorian. He stood up, "Look, I won't push this, but, if you change your mind, you know where to find me."

Fenris watched Dorian leave and the room actually felt emptier without his presence. Something had begun to stir in Fenris. In truth, it had begun to stir weeks ago, but he kept repressing it with his anger and his hatred. He found he could no longer repress it, for all his anger and hate, towards Dorian at least, were gone.

Dorian was a very handsome man. This is a fact Fenris had taken a note of from the first meeting. Tall, tan, and muscular, always with a dashing smile on his lips. Dorian also wasn't like anyone he'd ever met from Tevinter before.

Fenris almost jumped up and ran after Dorian that night, but he feared his own reactions. His change of heart was something he had to think through and sleep on before he felt like he could act. It wasn't until the next afternoon, Fenris finally screwed up enough courage to seek out the ma .. Dorian.

Fenris found him in the mage's library, studying some ancient Tevinter tome. The other mages, knowing him by reputation, gave Fenris a wide berth, but he took no notice of them.

"Dorian, I have come to apologize. I judged you too harshly when we first met. For that I am sorry," Fenris confessed. "I still know that I will make an unfit friend, but if you need someone to talk to, I'm here to listen."

A warm smile crept over Dorian's face. "Come, let us go somewhere more private," he suggested.

They climbed up to an unused room on one of the battlements, one where Dorian knew there were some furnishings for sitting – a couple of chairs, a couch and an old bed. On the way they grabbed a bottle of wine as well. This would be a difficult conversation for both of them and the alcohol would help dull the edges.

Dorian shared with Fenris what his life had been like after his father found out about his predilections, and how his movements were restricted. His parents had planned many parties for him, with many lovely girls as guests, in the hopes that perhaps one would suit him.

"My father never understood, living a lie … it festers inside of you, like poison." Dorian said with a sigh, taking a swig of the wine. "You have to fight for what's in your heart."

Fenris sat in a chair opposite Dorian, seeing sadness cloud his handsome face.

"I can't forgive him for what he did. I won't." Dorian continued. "Out of desperation, he tried to change me. I wouldn't put on a show, marry the girl, and keep everything unsavory private and locked away. Selfish, I suppose, not wanting to spend my entire life screaming on the inside."

Dorian's voice began to crack, deeper sadness reflected in his eyes. Fenris didn't know what to say and just kept quiet, letting the mage get everything off his chest.

"He was going to do a blood ritual. Alter my mind, make me … acceptable," Dorian said, nearly spitting out the last word.

Fenris growled at the last statement, "would the ritual have actually succeeded?" he asked.

"Maybe," Dorian said with a sad sigh, "it could also have left me a drooling vegetable. It crushed me to think he found that absurd risk preferable to scandal. Part of me had always hoped he hadn't really wanted to go through with it. If he had … I can't imagine what sort of person I'd be now. I wouldn't like that Dorian."

Dorian sighed, eyes blinking away tears that were threatening to crest, and took a long swig from the wine bottle. Dorian couldn't hold back his emotions much more and he slid to the floor, convulsing in sobs. Fenris slid to the floor and wrapped his arms around Dorian, pulling his head into his lap and just held him.

Fenris' finally understood why Dorian abhorred blood magic so thoroughly. "I don't think I'd like that Dorian much either," Fenris said softly.

Dorian looked up at the elf, "I thought you didn't much like this Dorian either?"

"I think I'm starting to like this Dorian, much more than I could have thought possible," Fenris confessed.

Dorian smiled at that and sat up, looking into Fenris' beautiful emerald eyes.

"So, now you know why I ran from Tevinter," Dorian began, "and I know Varric told me most of what happened, but I know he likes to embellish. Care to share why you ran? Besides the obvious being a slave part of course."

Then Fenris poured out his story, in his own words, describing his first waking memory of excruciating pain, as the lyrium was carved into his flesh. Dorian visibly winced at that.

Fenris continued to explain, detailing the abuses he had been made to suffer at the hands of Denarius and his apprentice Hadriana. It hadn't been bad enough that Fenris had to endure the lyrium ritual, and had to live the life of a compliant slave. Fenris also admitted that he had been raped, repeatedly, not only by Denarius, but by various guests at parties that Denarius would host.

Upon that admission, Dorian was overcome with the desire to wrap his arms around Fenris protectively. Fenris allowed it, although Dorian could sense the tension his touch caused, so he eased himself away again.

Dorian admitted he knew of Denarius. His … appetites … were well known and the Pavus family did not approve of such treatment, of either slave or servant, and so they never attended those parties or engaged in such depravity. Unfortunately Denarius was well connected and powerful, so he was allowed to get away with such atrocities.

Dorian noticed Fenris noticeably shudder, most likely from having to recall those horrible memories of his past. Without thinking, Dorian reached out again to Fenris, feeling the need to comfort him. Fenris' lyrium veins flared to life, and this time he jumped up, away from Dorian, out of pure instinct.

Dorian backed away. "I'm sorry, I didn't think …"

For a second the old Fenris emerged, "No, you DIDN'T think!" he spat, full of anger. Then the lyrium veins dimmed and he regained his demeanor.

"I'm sorry," said Fenris, "I did warn you I would make an unfit friend."

"Let's leave it here for now, and perhaps meet again tomorrow to talk more?" Dorian asked.

"Yes, I think I'd like that," said Fenris, with a half-smile. "Just keep your hands to yourself."