Trigger warning: this chapter covers some sensitive topics, so please read with care.
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Emma picked at her sesame seed bagel. She looked over the table to Mary Margaret, who was staring at her cup of coffee. They had been in this meeting for an hour and a half. Mr. Gold, and Dr. Hopper had come over to the Charmings to talk about what to do next. David and Mr. Gold were going over all of the security footage, trying to find something, anything that could help them identify the attacker and fretting about Killian.
"Are you sure he didn't say anything?" Mr. Gold asked David for the millionth time. David nodded, "Yes. I am sure, he didn't say a word last night."
"And this morning?"
"He told us nothing happened, that he was fine. But he's not. Obviously." David answered.
"We can't have that. We can't have a bomb that's going to go off any second. What if he hurts himself? Or one of us? And He wouldn't let you touch him?"
"Give him some time, Gold. If he was attacked, he'll need a few days to come to terms with it." Emma said.
"But we don't have time. Even with the Wicked Witch gone, we still have a lot of damage control to do. We've already wasted a good part of today." David relented.
Emma nodded. There were still the missing dwarves, and she knew she had to fix whatever was going on with her and Regina. Since Marion returned, Robin Hood gone back into the forest to be with his wife, and Regina had refused to come out of her house.
"Then we start fixing things." Dr. Hopper chimed in, and they all looked at him, Emma had forgotten he was there. Dr. Hopper sighed, and then continued;
"We do what we always do, but we remain respectful of Killian's space. We do what makes him comfortable and no more. We can make this work."
"How?"
"We know that touching him is a trigger, and so is asking him what happened. We all know Killian is sensitive about certain topics, we'll just add this to the list." Dr. Hopper stated, and they all knew it was true. They all knew Killian's hard past.
"The ever growing list." David mumbled under his breath.
"Anyway, we'll treat today like it was any other day. Forget that it happened, never talk about it again. Saying that, I would like us to form into two groups. One will continue looking for signs of Killian's attacker, the other will go out into the woods and see if the Merry Men saw anything last night. All of us." Gold said, looking from Emma, to Snow, to David and then to Dr. Hopper.
Emma nodded, "I'll get him?" She asked.
"Remember, nothing happened." David reminded her Emma nodded, and then stood up and walked towards the exit.
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Emma knocked on Hook's door, which had remained closed despite their invitation for him to join the meeting.
"Killian? Hey Killian? It's Emma. David would like us all to meet at the station to start damage control on the town. Would you like to walk down with me?" After a few moments, the door opened, and Killian emerged,
"Hey Love, sure, I'm always ready to get to work!" he said, in the same too bright toned voice he used earlier, before Snow had tried to touch him. He shouldered his way past Emma and limped down the hallway.
"I'd like to see Storeybrook functioning like a real town, finally. You know, after Cora, and the Wicked Witch and all, it'll be nice to live normally for just a while." he said as he twisted his hook with his good hand.
"That's good. Come on, let's get down to the station." She said, giving him a smile.
He smiled back, "Sure thing."
As they walked over, Emma tried not to notice how even though Killian was talking again, his hand shook slightly as he fidgeted with his hook. One thing that Emma had learned over the years was that Killian was very good at hiding his emotions. He never let anything get to him, and he was doing it now, talking a mile per minute about everything and anything as they walked towards the station, and not looking her in the eye. The brittle disharmony that he had displayed earlier when Snow had tried to touch him was still there, and that worried Emma more than anything else.
"So," Killian's boots clicked as he walked into the station where they were all waiting for them.
"Now that I'm here, lets get down to business, what are going to fix first? The portal? We should really get out there soon though, I would like to make sure that portal is actually closed before anything else gets through."
David exchanged a look with Emma, they had already planned everything out; she was going to stay here with Killian and watch him, while David took the second group out to talk to the Merry Men.
"Good Morning. Please sit, we have to talk. Let me tell you our plans for today. " David said, Hook nodded, keeping his face determinedly calm as he sat down on the edge of a desk, "First, we have decided that you are going to stay here with Emma and continue looking through the security footage."
Killian paused for a moment, then nodded, "That's a great idea! Well planned out, just as always" he answered in a too bright toned voice
" Second, Dr. Hopper and I are going to go talk with the Merry Men. And lastly, Snow is going to go with Belle and Mr. Gold to see if they can do any research on that open portal and you can stay here. Take it easy, rest a bit, and help Emma with the station files." David said, and he did not add since you are obviously not well enough to be walking around outside.
Killian nodded, and Emma tensed, hoping that Killian would agree, that he would not shake and stutter like he had done before, but Killian just smiled and said "Seems fair enough."
When they had finished with the meeting, David stood up. "Well, might as well get started before it gets too hot. Rumple-sorry, Mr. Gold, Snow and Belle go to the shop, see what you can find, Emma, you know what to do. And Killian, we'll see you in a bit." he stated, and then motioned for Dr. Hopper to follow him out the door.
Belle and Mr. Gold whispered quietly to each other in the corner while Snow fussed over baby Neal. "I'm going to drop him off at Granny's, before we start." she said.
She turned to Emma and Hook "You will be okay here for a little while?" she asked, mainly to Killian. He nodded, "I will be just fi-alright. I'll be alright. Just go, enjoy the sun. And good luck with finding things."
After the group left, Emma turned to her friend, who had been sitting on the desk, refusing to look anybody in the eye or say anything. It was so unlike his character to be this quiet, and Emma felt a pang of worry reverb in her chest. They had to find out who did this.
"Killian..." Emma started, and she waiting until Killian was looking in her direction before she continued.
"Killian, look at me." she asked, hoping, praying that Killian would finally look her in the eye. Their eyes met for a second and then her looked away from her and she realized that his eyes were glassy.
"You okay?" she asked
He shrugged his shoulders, and stared at the floor. He crossed his arms over his chest and stared at his feet and Emma suddenly felt like taking him here was a bad idea.
"Do you want me to take you back to the Charming's" she asked.
Killian shook his head, "I'm fine." he repeated in a small whisper.
Emma nodded, "Okay." she said, feeling slightly lost on what to do now.
They sat in silence for a few monents, each not looking at each other. Finally, after what seemed like hours, instead of a few minutes, she turned to the computer and turned it on.
" Let's start in on those security files, shall we." she said, turning towards Killian.
"Yeah." he replied in a hollow voice after a moment, "Sounds like a plan."
Then silence. Killian shivered and pulled his arms in tighter and Emma watched helplessly as he tried to pull himself away from what she could only assume were memories of what happened to him, an event that he still refused to talk about.
"Killian?" she asked
Killian's head jerked up, and he clutched his hook with his good hand.
"Sorry." he mumbled, and he put his hand up to his face. Emma was startled to see that her friend was battling for composure. Killian had always been the strong one, never wearing his emotions on his sleeves, or voicing his own troubles. He had always been there for Emma, always with an answer and a solution.
"No, it's alright." then Emma sat up straighter, she suddenly had an idea. Maybe if he had some busywork to do, it would help clear his mind of whatever was troubling him.
"Come on, I can set you up in the office with the caller transcripts. You can go through and see if any of the missing dwarves called." she suggested. Killian nodded, the pushed himself up to standing.
"Good they were in trouble, this would be the first place they would call. " he said, almost normally and then he strode over the office without waiting for Emma.
Emma got up stiffly and followed him, very aware of the sudden change of behavior, and very aware that her friend was still limping. She followed Killian to the office, and laughed as she watched him fumble over the telephone.
"Have you ever done this before?" she asked lightly
"What? Oh, no. It probably has to do with the fact that I'm a pirate." Killian replied with a smirk.
"Yeah. I can see that. The transcripts are actually over here." She said, and pointed to the machine that printed them.
"All you have to do is read them" Emma said, bringing them over to Killian, but making sure she kept some distance between them, now knowing that her friend didn't like being in close contact with anyone. If Killian noticed it, he didn't say anything. They looked at the papers for a moment, and then Emma turned on the desk lamp so they could see better.
"Electricity. It never ceases to amaze me." Killian muttered, staring at the light.
Emma watched Killian as the sudden light highlighted his face, making the bruise appear deeper and darker than it was. He moved slightly, and his shirt shifted revealing his neck and part of his collarbone, and several dark oval shaped bruises, nearly as dark as the one on his face.
Emma took a deep breathe, and then asked, "How did you get those bruises. They look painful." Killian froze for a few moments, and then he shrugged and shook his head.
"Not sure, probably during the night, I don't remember."
He's lying.
"Are you sure? What about the one of your cheek, did they do that to you?"
Killian paused again, like he was battling internally about whether he should say anything or not and then he gave the slightest of nods.
Emma leaned over the coffee table and put one hand on his arm, the one with the hook, only as a gesture of reassurance.
"You know you can tell me what happened, right? I swear I won't let anybody else know." Killian moved his arm out of Emma's grip.
"I know, Em. It's just-" he sighed and closed his eyes, squeezing them tight.
He took a deep breath, than said "Im fine. Just a little spooked. Nothing like this has ever happened to me, I-" he broke off with a wince but it only lasted a few seconds before he gave a small smile, "You always hear about it, I guess-I didn't expect it ever to be me."
"I am so sorry, Killian."
"I just-man I've messed up. I'm sorry this happened, and you all got dragged into it. I've already ruined everything. If you want me to leave, I'll just go—" Killian asked
" Ruined? Leave? Killian, no! We just want to make sure you are okay." She said
"You're going to be fine. I promise." Emma repeated, touching the spot next to Killian's hand and smiling at her friend. Killian flinched his hand away, then mumbled "sorry" softly.
"You have nothing to be sorry about. It's okay." Emma said, "But, it might be helpful to me, to all of us, actually if you told us some more details about what happened the other night. Where were you when they attacked? Could you see who they were? Anything to help find them." she added, looking hopefully up at her friend.
Killian paused for a moment, then let out a deep breath.
"Okay. Okay, I'll-I'll try to tell you but you have to swear that you won't tell anybody. Nobody can know." he said
Emma nodded, "I promise."
"No one can know."
"It'll just be me. No one else will know." Emma confirmed
"Alright." Killian took a shaky breathe, "Well, I-I- was walking back up from the-the-thing-the dock-. It was kinda dark out, I was so stupid to think it was finally safe to walk back on my own, and they came…..they surrounded. No….No..-" he started, and then winced and stopped.
"This is too hard. I can't, I can't tell you-" he said, his hand went up to his hair.
"Yes you can. Killian? Listen to me. You can do this. It'll all get better once you tell me, I promise." Ed said
"Okay. Okay, okay okay." Killian sat up straighter in the chair.
"I was attacked. It came out of no where, there were three of them. Men. They drugged me, put a sack over my head, and dragged me away. We walked for a long time and….and…the next think I knew I was being thrown into the ground. It was so dark. There were voices, talking….and asking me questions about you and the dark one. Something about this fellow named Ruber, and Camelot. I can't remember. I couldn't make much sense of it though my head was still hazy. They left me alone for a bit, but then a few of them came back. But they-they didn't want my money, or—or anything. They wanted-wanted me. They ripping-I tried to stop them. I didn't want it, I kept telling them no. But they wouldn't stop. I couldn't make them stop—-"
Killian broke off again with a wince, and Emma saw that his hand was shaking, and suddenly she knew exactly what happened to Killian. It all made sense now, why he wouldn't let any of them touch him, why he was so ashamed of what happened.
Killian took a couple deep breaths, and he started pacing and talking again. "When he realized what they were doing he made them stop, but it was too late. Then everything got very hazy, I don't…I don't remember. Next thing I knew I was back on the street where they found me. I don't know if I escaped or if they let me go. It was all too hazy.
"Oh. Killian. I am so sorry." was all Emma could say. She remembered back to what Dr. Whale had said, This wasn't a just random act of violence, this was an act of hate. Whomever did this was skilled in the means of torture. He has bruises, and cuts that were put there purposefully to cause pain and distress. Whomever did this wanted information from him.
She wanted to as him more but then she realized that Killian just needed her to be there for him. It was a miracle he was even talking about what happened. Atleast they knew a few things now.
"Your going to get through this, I promise. No one has to know, just me." Emma said. Killian nodded, then looked up at her.
"How can I? I can't make it stop. Look at me, I'm shaking, just from remembering it. It won't stop. How can I do anything when I'm like this?" he said, eyes welling with tears.
"This is a normal reaction, I promise. Believe me, I know what it feels like. It will pass." She told him, trying to be reassuring.
"You think so?" Killian asked, looking up at her.
"I know so. And don't you dare run away. We're going to work through this, together."
Killian nodded, and then smiled a little bit. "Thank you, for listening. And for understanding."
"Of course. We watch out for each other in this town. It's the only way we can survive." Emma answered, and reached her hand out to pat Killian on the arm, only to stop when she saw Killian flinch.
"Sorry. I'm sorry— no touching, I forgot." she said, putting her hand down.
"It's alright. I'm sorry, I don't know why it's so hard to stop. I'll get over it."
"Take your time, no one is rushing you." Emma said, "If it's alright with you, we can tell the others that you prefer not to be touched-without going into details, of course-, it might make it easier on all of us if we knew about it."
Killian thought for a moment, and then finally nodded. " I guess so. But they can't know. They can't know that I, I grown man, was attacked-and helpless against them." Killian said, a brittle tinge lacing his words.
"It's okay. It's okay, they won't know. I promise. Nobody will know, or find out. It will stay between you and me, I promise." Emma confirmed with a sad smile. Then she pointed back to the transcripts.
"Let me show you how these work."
And then their work begun.
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