Renny: If anyone wants to know why Matt and Pedro don't know how babies are made, just ask me and I'll let you know- happily, since it won't be explained in this. Maybe some other fic . . . I dunno.
Matt: You were thinking Brave New World, but you've already blown that, haven't you?
Renny: Yup. This fic's actually looking at being my only modern completed fic (modern as in not made when I couldn't write for shit). So there's gonna be a cause for celebration after the fifth chapter!
Matt: This should be interesting . . .
Renny: Fuck yourself. Disclaimer!
Matt: Renny doesn't own Po5.
Renny: On with the show!
OOOOOO
31- Pedro needs to be encouraged to wear shoes or slippers, otherwise he'll walk around barefoot
"I am not used to wearing these things." Pedro said, dropping his slippers onto the kitchen table.
Richard quickly sweeped them off. "No footwear on the table. And that's why you have to wear them, so you can get used to them." he explained.
"Yes, and I used to wear old tyres instead of this footwear." Pedro said coldly. "I refuse to wear these. I like barefoot better."
"Pedro, please, you don't know what's been on the ground." Richard sighed. "You might walk through glass, or piss, or anything. You could get a disease!"
Pedro gave him a flat look.
" . . . And I just realised that's basically impossible, but you get my point." Richard corrected himself.
"No, I do not."
Richard buried his head in his hands.
32- Matt sometimes copies Pedro for shits and giggles, so force something on his feet
"Matt."
"Uh-huh?"
"Where are your shoes?"
"Somewhere."
"Put them on before we go out, Matt."
"Oh so Pedro's allowed to go commado and I'm not, how is that fair?"
"Do you even know what going commando means?"
"Jamie said it was going barefoot."
"I'm gonna kill that kid one day."
33- Stop Scott and Jamie walking around without shirts
"Why do I have to deal with four boys who refuse to wear their clothes properly?" Richard wondered.
Jamie just grinned at him. Scott ignored him completely and wandered over to the sofa, sitting next to Scarlett, who had no reaction to him at all.
They were all used to it by now.
Didn't stop Richard from trying.
"Put your shirts on." he ordered.
"Nope." Scott and Jamie answered in unison.
34- Stop them from walking around without trousers too
"I thought you'd be wearing My Little Pony undies, Jamie." Scarlett mused, as Richard choked on his beer.
"Nah, those aren't mine." Jamie shrugged.
"They're mine." Scott glared at her. "You got a problem with that?"
"I love MLP, why would I have a problem with it?"
"You wanna binge-watch it sometime?"
"Hell yes."
Seriously. Why did Richard have to deal with these kids. He was so glad Scarlett wasn't following their example (and thank god Matt and Pedro only refused to wear shoes).
35- Also stop them from walking around totally naked
Matt shrieked and fell off his chair, Pedro froze up completely, Scarlett just stared, and Richard had had enough.
"Put some fucking clothes on, you two!" he shouted, standing up.
"It's hot!" Jamie complained.
"That does not give you a reason to walk around naked!"
"Yes it does." Scott said. "We thought it was too hot for clothes."
"Oh my god, will you please stop flashing us!?" Scarlett screamed, covering her and Pedro's eyes. She couldn't do the same for Matt, but he seemed to be smartly hiding under the table.
36- If any of them starts to chant 'Richard Richard Richard' over and over again, they probably want something
It was bad enough when it was one of them, but two or more at the same time (or close enough) and Richard knew they were conspiring against him.
And when it was all five of them, he knew he should probably start running for the nearest hospital. It might help if they knew in advance who he was.
37- Matt and Pedro sometimes ask for piggy back rides, so just say yes or they'll never shut up
"To the stables!" Pedro cried happily.
"You mean the kitchen?" Richard frowned.
" . . . I'm calling them stables for now, stay in character."
"What character, I'm a fucking horse . . ." Richard muttered.
How did he get roped into this? Oh yeah, Pedro wouldn't shut up. The things he did for these kids . . .
38- If you see Matt and Pedro riding Scott and Jamie like horses, don't question it
The first time, Richard had thought he'd been drunk off his ass. So he'd gotten Professor Chambers and had asked her to look as well, and when she said she could see the same thing, they'd both gone out and asked what the hell they were doing.
Jamie told him it was a horse race, and he and Scott- as the biggest- were pretending to be the horses. Obviously, Matt and Pedro were the jockeys. And were clearly enjoying it.
The fifth time, Richard had thought he'd been drunk again, and it was only when Lohan had confirmed it that, once again, Richard realised there was yet another 'race' going on.
Richard eventually learned not to ask why. It was just one of those things.
39- If you see Scarlett refereeing the 'race', ignore it and move on
And then Matt somehow convinced Scarlett to 'referee' their 'horse races'.
If Richard didn't already drink so much damn beer, he'd have gone mad ages ago.
40- If Scarlett starts trying to sabotage the 'race', stop what they're all doing
"What do you have to say for yourself?" Richard asked.
"Don't referee for the races when it's raining?" Scarlett suggested with a sheepish grin.
Richard folded his arms.
"Don't try and make Scott or Jamie slip when they've got Matt or Pedro on their backs." Scarlett corrected herself moodily.
"And what about the lightning?"
"Don't scare Pedro just so he'll lose."
"And the snow?"
"Same for Scott."
"Good. Now get rid of this damn rainstorm, I can barely see my own hand."
OOOOOO
Renny: I know in the series Matt's actually nothing like this, and he probably does know half the shit I've put him down as not knowing, but I like having him as an innocent little shit who can 'blackmail' Richard into getting him more manga or whatever.
Matt: That's a slight contradiction in my character right there.
Renny: Yeah, I also like contradicting characters. Innocent kids who can manipulate people twice their age. Read and review!