Past

Jon deferred his spring semester. There was no way he could go back to school when his mother had so little time left. He would stay with her till the end and then wrap things up before heading back in the fall. And he had to go back, she had made him promise that he would get his degree no matter what. She warned him she would haunt him if necessary. He swore he won't defy her dying wish.

He got a part time job plowing driveways. It was a perfect fit since he was done early in the morning and then could drive his mother to her appointments. In exchange for his promise to go back to school he had made her agree to at least try treatment. Surgery was out of the question but the doctors had agreed to let her try a round of chemo. She hated it and it seemed to make her sicker and weaker than the tumor.

A month into the treatments the tests showed it was doing little to the tumor and Lyanna had begged him to let her stop. She did not want to spend her final weeks sleeping and vomiting. Jon had agreed even though it had broke his heart to finally accept there was no hope for a miracle.

Robb had come by and hung out with him when he had been home, but he had gone back to school the week after New Year's. During those same weeks Catelyn had come by frequently and would visit with Lyanna, but with the kids back in school and many of her charities kicking off the new year she had trouble finding the time. Without them Jon now felt overwhelmed and isolated.

Sansa however ended up being the answer to his prayers. Initially she had just come to bring food that Catelyn had cooked for them. But after the first couple of times it was if she sensed his need and she asked if she could stay and eat with them. Within days she started to bring over movies they could all watch together. Soon after that it was books that she had read. Lyanna would read them as well and they would discuss them on Thursday nights. Eventually Lyanna grew too tired for reading so Sansa began to read the books to her. Jon couldn't believe the love and patience she showed his mother.

Her presence allowed Jon to take a break mentally, it also allowed him to get out of the house to run errands. Initially those errands had been grocery shopping and filling medications. Towards the end they were to see a lawyer and the funeral director about making final arrangements.

As the end got closer and Lyanna began to sleep more and more, he and Sansa spent more and more time alone. She was the one person he could breakdown in front of, to voice his fears about what would happen once his mother was laid to rest.

It was February now. They had given Lyanna six to eight weeks. They were about to enter week eight. They had held off as long as possible, but hospice care would be starting Monday.

Sansa came into the kitchen. She had been reading to his mother who he assumed had fallen asleep. "I'm going to have to sell the house," he sighed as he opened yet another bill for the unsuccessful medical care his mother had received. His mother owned the house outright, which was the only silver lining here.

"Really? Isn't insurance helping?"

"Not really." He didn't want to tell her that his mother hadn't really had much in the way of health insurance. The plan offered by her crummy full time job barely covered anything, especially since it was the beginning of the year and their deductible had renewed. He had applied to get her on Medicaid but she likely would be dead before the paper work was processed.

"So what are you going to do?"

"Sell the house so I can bury her and pay her debts and then be homeless."

"Jon….."

"She's broke Sansa. She was sending me all the cash. She took out several credit cards and was paying the minimums just to get by. All so I could go to Northwestern. And for what? To become a doctor that can't do shit? To be like the ones that won't do anything for her?"

"That's not necessarily true. What if you are the doctor that figures out the cure?"

Jon looked at her and felt insulted by her naïve assertion. Sometimes he forgot she was only seventeen. He suddenly felt irrationally pissed off. What seventeen-year-old liked to spend her Friday nights reading to her brother's friend's mom while she died of cancer?

"Why are you here? Why do you keep coming here?" he said suddenly.

"I -,"

"You should stop coming here."

"What? Why? Jon, what did I do?"

"Nothing, you did nothing. Just like everyone else. Why did no one notice how tired she was? Did she tell your mom about the headaches? She'd been having them for over a year." Sansa tried to answer him, but he cut her off. "Even if she had I'm sure it was dismissed. Poor people problems right? Too stupid and poor to seek medical care. I suppose you think she deserves what is happening to her!"

"Stop it! Stop it!" Sansa screamed at him and began to cry. "This isn't my fault! This isn't your fault either!"

She stood before him sobbing. God he was such an asshole. He got up from the table and tried to embrace her. She pushed him away at first, but he persisted and finally got his arms around her.

"I'm sorry. Fuck, I'm so sorry. This has nothing to do with you. I'm such a dick," he told her, pleading with her to forgive him.

After a couple of minutes she stopped crying and he released her. She looked at him as she wiped her eyes. "I know you're angry Jon, but you can't turn on the people that care about you. The people that are trying to help."

"I know. I'm sorry," he said. He felt about two inches tall right now. His mother would be appalled with him. His face burned with shame. He turned to the sink to get a glass of water just so he didn't have to meet her gaze for a moment.

He drank the water slowly and looked out the window into the dark backyard. He could kick himself. He needed her help and he had ruined everything.

"Jon?" she asked softly.

He set the glass down slowly and turned back to her. He cringed waiting for the blow to come. He knew she was about to tell him it was probably best she stayed away for a while. She was waiting for him to look at her and when he did she finally spoke. "I have plans tomorrow, but is it ok if I come back Sunday afternoon?"

xxxxx

Present

"Well you're lucky this time," Sansa commented at she leaned closer to the window and continued to snap photos of the St Louis skyline.

"How's that you figure?" Jon asked perplexed.

"The windows are too small to make you pose," she teased as she moved to the other side to photograph the river.

He laughed softly in response. The view from the top of the arch was amazing. He was glad neither of them were claustrophobic or they would have never been able to survive the tram ride up here.

When Sansa had had her fill of it they made their way back down and proceeded to Pyp's apartment. He lived in one of the suburbs west of the city in a one-bedroom apartment. He even had a balcony. It over looked a parking lot, but since Jon had actually anticipated a dirty studio it all seemed rather pleasant.

Pyp had greeted them downstairs and showed them up. He remembered Sansa and offered his sympathy for her recent tragedy. He told them he had deep cleaned especially for them. They all laughed over that. Then things had gotten awkward.

"So I figured I'll sleep on the couch and you two can take the bed," he offered.

"Oh, um… we're not back together," Jon replied at the same time Sansa had answered, "That's very kind of you."

"Oh, I mean, no thanks," Sansa said as she flushed with embarrassment.

"No, it's fine," Jon said trying to smooth it over. He didn't mind sharing the bed with her but he hadn't wanted to presume she would be ok with it.

"I could sleep on the couch and you two could take the bed," she offered.

Pyp laughed to break the tension. "Actually, I snore horribly."

"It's true," Jon confirmed. "Do you remember when Grenn shoved tampons up your nose to try and make you stop?"

"Yeah and I woke up choking, thinking a spider or something was up there because of the strings. My screaming woke up the whole floor."

"I did always wonder where he'd gotten those from," Jon laughed.

They started to laugh harder remembering the incident and Pyp's sad attempt to fight Grenn. It broke the tension and Sansa relaxed. In the end they agreed she and Jon would share the bed while Pyp took the couch.

While Jon showered, Sansa excused herself to the patio to check her phone. She had several text from both Robb and Arya. Arya reiterated that she was leaving and she hoped Sansa would do the right thing. Sansa sighed, Arya could be so selfish sometimes. Though she wondered if she was being too harsh, her sister had done what she could when Catelyn first got sick. It was less than Sansa, but she'd tried at least.

Robb was pleading with her to call, he claimed he was going to call the cops soon if he didn't hear from her. She took a deep breath and dialed her brother. He answered on the second ring.

"Are you really ok?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Where are you? I'll come get you."

"No you won't. I'm not ready to come home yet. How's Bran?"

"How's Bran?! Are you serious right now?"

"I'm almost always serious Robb, that's half the problem. And yes, I want to know how he is doing."

"Why did you run away? How could you just take off like that? What with everything going on. You just ran away in the middle of their funeral."

The pleasantries were clearly over. Now that he knew she was ok she could tell he was allowing himself to be furious.

"I have a pregnant wife, a brother in the hospital and two sisters that have just fled the state. This is completely unfair."

"You're right. It is unfair. It was also unfair that I basically quit school and took care of mom this pass year. You got to finish school, you got to get married, to have your life. What do I have Robb? Do you expect me to care for Bran as well?"

"Here we go, Sansa the martyr. You choose to quit school, none of us asked you to do that."

Sansa scoffed coldly at that. He was right, no one had expressly asked. But Robb had on numerous occasions after their mother got sick, made a point of telling her everything that their father had told him in confidence. How hard things were getting for him, how stressed he was and how depressed Catelyn seemed. He told Robb he was starting to have his own health concerns from the stress. And if that hadn't been awful enough, Robb had made a point of always sighing heavily and commenting how they all should do more. Though the conversations always ended with him complaining about the stresses of wedding planning and law school. Initially Sansa had been sympathetic, defended him to Arya even. But in the last several months she had started to realize her brother had essentially emotionally manipulated her.

"Not this time," she muttered under her breath before quickly asking, "So are you going to tell me about Bran or not?" Now was not the time to have it out with him.

"He's stable, still in the coma."

"Please make sure you keep me updated."

"When are you coming home?"

"I don't know."

There was a long pause and Sansa wondered if he might have hung up. She looked at the phone to confirm it was still connected. "Are you planning to come home?" Robb finally asked.

"I don't know," Sansa whispered. She knew she likely would, but for now she didn't want to commit to anything.

"Ok Sansa, ok," Robb sighed. He sounded resigned, as if he was giving up on her. "Just tell me that you are safe. Are you with someone safe? You aren't doing this alone are you?"

She was surprised he didn't know she was with Jon, she had assumed he knew. "I'm fine. I'll be safe."

"Alright. I guess your decision is made then," Robb said.

"I love you." Robb scoffed softly. "I know you're mad, and that's fine. But I need to do this," she finished.

"What is 'this' exactly Sansa?"

At that moment Jon opened the patio door and stepped out onto the patio. She looked at him and held a finger to her lips.

"I don't know yet," she responded. She knew she was answering that question for herself just as much as for Robb. "But I'll call you again when I figure it out."

"Sansa -,"

"Bye Robb."

She ended the call and looked at Jon. She felt overwhelmed and confused about so many things now.

"So…." he drawled out.

"Everything's fine," she lied.

"You sure?"

She gave him a nod and then moved passed him into the house. She went into the bathroom and turned the shower on and sat on the edge of the tub. As the tears began to fall she prayed the sound of the water would drown out her sobs.