Where The Heart Is
Chapter 4
Disclaimer: I do not own Boy Meets World or any characters affiliated with the show.
A/N: Sorry for the wait, guys. Life is very busy lately. Warnings for mentions of physical and emotional child abuse and neglect. This chapter is partly inspired by music. Demi Lovato's song Shouldn't Come Back (She wrote it to her absentee father, and
it's an excellent song.) and an old Miley Cyrus song called I Hope You Find It. (It's from the movie The Last Song.) Hope you guys enjoy this chapter!
The time passed quickly that week, and soon enough it was the 21st of the month. Shawn had spent the previous weeks trying not to think about the upcoming phone call with his father. But by
the time the dreaded day came, he had panicked and rehearsed the possibilities a thousand times. There really is no good way to tell the abusive father that abandoned you that you didn't want him in your life.
Jon knew that Shawn was terrified. He could tell by the way the nightmares got worse and the way the teenager couldn't stay still. Shawn wasn't eating with his usual voracious appetite,
and he spent a lot of time in his room, just sitting on his bed staring up at the ceiling, apparently lost in thought. Jon's heart went out to the boy with whom he'd become so close. The situation was difficult for anybody, but especially a
child, to have to handle.
On the 21st of the month, Shawn was a terrified wreck, and Jon wasn't much better. He didn't want that bastard to talk to Shawn, even if he was the kid's father. He didn't deserve to talk to him anyway, not after everything he had done. But Jon knew he
had to be strong, for Shawn. No matter what the outcome of the conversation was, he had to keep the teenager safe.
At school, Shawn was unable to sit still for more than a few minutes. He fidgeted in his seat, got up to use the bathroom every ten minutes, and took the long way to all of his classes. After Mr. Feeny noticed Shawn not eating his lunch, he grew concerned.
Finally, Mr. Feeny told Shawn to come to his office. The teenager expected a stern lecture, but he didn't get it. Instead, Mr. Feeny motioned for him to sit down.
"Mr. Hunter. How have you been doing, in light of recent events?" Mr. Feeny asked, concerned.
"I'm fine, Mr. Feeny." Shawn muttered, clearly barely holding it together.
"I don't believe that you're being entirely honest with me. Or with yourself, for that matter." Feeny replied, looking at Shawn knowingly.
"I just – I just don't get it, Mr. Feeny. He's my dad, he's supposed to love me. But he doesn't, not really. I mean, he wouldn't hit me if he loved me, right?" Shawn asked desperately.
Mr. Feeny sighed. "Oh, Mr. Hunter. There are many different kinds of love."
Shawn frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Well, in this particular situation, the kinds of love in your life are the selfless love, the kind that you are blessed to have with the Matthews family and Mr. Turner; and the selfish love, the kind that you have experienced as a result of your
relationship with your father."
"I believe your father loves you as much as he is able. However, he is selfish with his love, putting others at risk with his behavior. Instead of putting his child first, he is putting his alcohol addiction before him. That is not the type of love
that you, as a growing young man, need." Mr. Feeny explained patiently.
Shawn reflected upon the older man's wise words. After a moment, he stood up. "Thank you, Mr. Feeny." He told him quietly.
"Anytime, Mr. Hunter. Anytime." Mr. Feeny smiled.
The rest of the day was uneventful. The evening came and Shawn had been anxiously pacing around the apartment once he came home from school. Jon tried to distract him by getting him to watch the football game, but Shawn wasn't able to sit down and relax.
He went to his room to lay down and stare at the ceiling and organize his thoughts.
When the phone rang, they both jumped at the sound. Jon's heart started beating faster than he thought was possible. Shawn stood up shakily and walked to the phone. He took a deep breath before he picked up the receiver.
"Hello?" Shawn asked quietly, his voice shaking badly. Jon signaled for Shawn to put the phone on speaker. Shawn nodded his understanding and pushed the button.
"Hey, there, Shawnie! How you doing there, big guy?" Chet Hunter's voice echoed across the silence of the room.
He didn't sound drunk, so Jon nodded his approval to continue the conversation. Shawn took another deep breath and said, "Dad, we need to talk."
If Chet noticed the seriousness of Shawn's tone, he didn't give any indication of it."Sure. What about?" He answered cheerfully.
"Well, first of all, Dad…I just want you to know that…" Shawn paused for a second. "That I hope you find it. Whatever you're looking for. And I hope it's everything you
wanted, and everything you ever dreamed of, and even more than that. And I hope you're happy, wherever you are. I wanted you to know that. And nothing's ever going to change that. Ever. Okay?"
Silence. Then – "Alrighty, there, Slim Jim. I hope so too. Anything else?"
Shawn swallowed hard. "Yeah…uhmm… I've spent a lot of time in my room lately. Just sort of thinking, you know?"
Chet paused for a minute. "Why is that, Shawnie?" The man asked. Jon held his breath.
"You know the reason why." Shawn stated in a serious tone. Traces of the hurt and anger he felt was evident in his defeated tone.
For a moment, the only sound was that of Jon and Chet's labored breaths. Shawn almost stopped breathing for a minute. He had no idea what his father's response would be, and he wasn't so sure
he wanted to know.
After a minute of silence, Shawn figured that his father was not going to answer. So he continued. "Maybe… Maybe you shouldn't come back to me." Shawn's voice cracked in the middle
of his sentence.
"Shawnie?" Chet asked, the possibility slowly dawning on him. He had always known this moment would come.
"I'm tired of being so sad. I'm tired of obsessing about why you don't love me. I'm tired of crying in my room, alone. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of feeling so mad I could punch something. I'm tired of wishing that you would come back and that we
would be this perfect family. Because you and Mom aren't coming back. Ever. And I need to face that. I already have." Once he started, he couldn't stop himself. The words were spilling out of his mouth as fast as he could speak them.
"I'm trying really hard to forget everything. The beatings, the hunger, the fear. Everything that you missed out on because you were passed out drunk. I think it should get easier, right?
But it doesn't. I was only a kid." Shawn's voice was shaking almost as violently as he was. "I was only a kid." He repeated in disbelief at the situation.
"Shawnie... I'm so sorry." Chet pleaded. "I was drunk. I didn't know what I was doing! I love you, Slim Jim! And I promise, I'm comin' home soon. We'll be together before you know it. We'll…"
"Stop it! Right now, Dad!" Shawn almost yelled. "You're only gonna let me down." He sighed as there was silence on both of their parts.
"Dad. I know you love me." Shawn began, gentler this time. "But it a selfish kind of love. You love me when you're not drunk. But you don't love me enough to stay sober."
He took another deep breath. "The Matthews, and Feeny, and Eli and especially Jon love me in the way I'm supposed to be loved. They love me enough to take care of me, and then some. They love me no matter what. Jon loves me so much that he's
willing to give up an awesome bachelor life just to take someone as messed up as me in, not just for a temporary thing, but forever." Shawn nervously paused to listen for his father's reaction.
"This is the best place for me, Dad." He told him.
Chet was quiet for a while. When he finally answered, his voice was choked with tears. All he said was, "You're right." He inhaled deeply. "That's where you belong. I would be wrong to take you away from that guardian of yours. Sound like
he really loves you, Slim Jim."
"I do." Jon said, making Shawn look up in surprise at hearing his voice. He had been quiet the whole time that Shawn and Chet were talking, but now he felt the need to speak. "Chet, I'll send the papers my lawyer gave to me for you to sign
in the mail. I asked him to mail it to the motel. Any concerns you have can go through him. His name is Ryan Ganovski." He kept his voice civil, but barely.
"Alright." Chet said gruffly, then hung up the phone quickly, trying not to get emotional.
Shawn burst into sobs and fell to the floor, clutching the phone in his hand. Jon grabbed him and just held him for a while, as the strongest person he ever knew broke down in his arms. Jon
was almost crying himself, but he stayed strong for his little buddy.
"I know this is hard, kiddo, but I am so proud of you. You're the best, Shawn. You're so amazing, little buddy.. You did a great job." Jon gently told him. "It's gonna be okay.
We'll get through this together, just like I said before. We're a family. That's what families do."
He hugged him tighter. "I love you, kiddo."
"I love you, too." Shawn answered, his voice slightly muffled by Jon's embrace. He hugged his guardian back tightly, almost as if he was afraid to let go.