Sam looked to Dean, then his father with a sigh. He rolled his tongue around in his mouth, tasting blood. The fact that Ruby had abnormal strength still surprised him, but Sam wasn't exactly prepared to hit her back either. He didn't want to hurt whoever she was possessing. And Sam wasn't going to exorcise her either… She was still "good" in her own way. And God forbid John should ever see him use his powers. Sam was uncomfortable enough with the way Dean looked at him… He wondered how John would react when Sam told him about everything. Yeah dad, I know you told Dean you might have to kill me. I know about everything. I'm not even completely human. And yes, I use my powers. So, did you miss me dad?

"Well…"Dean huffed, breaking the awkward silence. " What a wonderful welcome. I always hated her…"

"She has her purpose…"Sam argued tiredly.

"Yeah, target practice," Dean vented. "Who does she think she is?"

"I don't know," Sam agreed. "But I'm sick of it." Sam looked to John, who hadn't said anything since Ruby left. "…Any comments dad?"

John looked a little stunned. "That was… interesting. So that is this 'good' demon that you were talking about?"

"Good and nice are two different things…"Sam sighed. " She will save your life, than bitch about it for weeks."

"I've noticed. So what is all this about a knife?"

"This knife," Dean gestured to Sam, who pulled it from a little sheath at his side. "Can kill Demons. It's silver, so it also serves its purpose otherwise, although we save it for exorcisms. It's like the colt."

"Ruby mentioned something about fixing the colt. You managed to fix it?"

"Ruby did this whole witchcraft thing and it works again." Dean shrugged. "Not that it will do us any good."

"And why is that?"

Sam hesitated. "It is now in the hands of Lilith, who makes Ruby look like Mary Poppins in comparison."

"What?!" John couldn't believe it. "You lost the colt?"

"It was stolen by a miss Bella Talbot, who is downstairs as we speak." Dean pointed down at the ground.

"Bella…"John paused. " Never heard of her. So this Bella character just handed over the colt to a demon?"

"She didn't have a choice," Sam said reluctantly. "Bella was on hell's doorstep with less than a day left and Lilith tricked her into thinking she was going to help."

"Still…"Dean grumbled.

"And who is Lilith?"

Sam paused, and Dean did the same. "She's the new Azazel," Sam said honestly. "She is doing anything she can to bring on the apocalypse. Anything. She holds all demon deals. All of them." Sam looked to John knowingly, then checked his watch. "So I don't know about you guys, but it's late, and I'm tired. Dad, we have tons of time to tell you all about how wonderful the world's become, but not tonight. I'll go get an extra cot from the people down in the lobby. You can have my bed for tonight."

"Thanks Sam." John gave his son a smile, which Sam returned, if not sadly.

"Yeah. No problem." Sam closed the door behind him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dean awoke to the sound of… nothing. He looked around. Why had he woken up? Sitting up, Dean found out. Castiel was standing near the door, waiting with quiet patience.

"Hello Dean." Castiel nodded his head in greeting, and Dean looked around. Sam and John were still asleep. "Don't worry," Castiel seemed to read Dean's thoughts. "They won't wake up while I'm here."

Dean looked to his father sleeping in the other bed. He still couldn't believe John was back! "Did… Did you do this?" He looked back to Castiel.

"Your father is one of the worlds best hunters." Castiel looked to John calmly. "He possesses skill and good judgment that many lack in these times."

"I know…."Dean answered impatiently. " I'm not sure where you're going with this. What does" –

"Did you think that you were the only useful one?" Castiel still didn't look at Dean. Dean hated how he was always so calm. "Yes, I dragged John out of hell."

"Why?"

"First of all, because he, like you, can help us stop Lilith from breaking the sixty six seals. And second of all, because he is your father." Castiel moved his eyes from John's face to Dean's.

Dean was confused. You brought him back because he's my father? "I still don't" –

"Recently you told me that I was foolish in going into an order blindly."

"I think the exact word I used was 'hammer'." I didn't say that exactly…
"But you meant it. And I replied by pointing out that you also would follow the words of your father without question. Am I speaking falsely?"

"No…"Dean looked to John, still expecting him to wake up any second now. " But I still don't get it. You brought my dad back so I will listen to him?"

Castiel shook his head slowly. "You misunderstand me Dean. When I told you that I am not, in fact, a 'hammer', I also told you that I do not envy the weight on your shoulders." He looked pointedly to Sam, and Dean's eyes followed.

"Sam's a good person." Dean frowned at Sam. "So he's made a few mistakes…"

"I never made any accusations against your brother, Dean." Castiel argued. "I, unlike some of my brothers, smite no man without good reason. I know as well as you do the good in Sam's soul."

"Than what do you want us to do? Why are you here?"

"To tell you the truth." Castiel sighed, and Dean realized how much of a burden Castiel had on his shoulders also. "That I do not know everything. I do not know what will become of your brother, or this apocalypse." He hesitated. "War, genocide, plague… What you on earth have both caused and suffered is a trifle compared to what's coming to us all if we fail. We are both in the same boat here Dean. We are two soldiers trying to save this world from Lucifer. From hell… I think we both need the guidance of our fathers now."

Dean hesitated. "Thank you…"

Castiel looked around, as if sensing his surroundings for the first time. He frowned at the air, as if poison drifted throughout it. "A demon was here."

"Her," Dean started slowly, hesitating. "Her name is Ruby."

"And did you kill her?"

"No. We didn't need to." Dean tried a different course. "For more than a year now, she has been saving our lives. She kills other demons."

Pausing, Castiel seemed to contemplate this information. "Be careful Dean. This is not what you need right now."

"I know…"He looked up to say more, but Castiel was gone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam looked up to his reflection in the mirror, his hands on the sink. John and Dean were still asleep, and Sam figured he would try and steal the first shower before they woke up. The steam from the shower still filled the bathroom, and his bangs hung down in strings from his forehead. He pushed them back with a sigh, frowning. Dad was back. That was a good thing, wasn't it? Of course it is. It's dad! Somehow, Sam was more worried than ever. Dean had been resurrected because of Sam. That was the cold truth. Castiel had needed Dean to stop Sam from exorcising Demons with his mind. That was a low enough blow. Now John was back too? It wasn't Sam's fault that the demon of Samuel Hanes had been raised… What was he supposed to do, just sit there and let him bring on the end of the world? Of course Sam had to exorcise him… didn't he? Was this really necessary to send in "back up" or something? I'm trying Damnit! What the hell am I supposed to do?!

A sense of déjà vu hit Sam as he looked at his reflection. He had been here before, and it always came down to the secret. The secret, told unto Dean by dad, had changed everybody's lives forever. Especially Sam's. He loved his family to death, but they would never understand. Never. Dean didn't understand, and Dad wouldn't either.

A knocking emitted in the room, followed by Dean's voice. "Sam you going to take all day in there or what?"

Sam turned to look at the door. "Yeah, sorry. I didn't know anyone was up."

Dean must have heard the worry in Sam's voice, and he hesitated. "Alright."

When Sam opened the door, Dean greeted him with a nod.

"Where's dad?" Sam looked around.

"Out for a drive," Dean shrugged. "It's been a long time since he's been in the Impala. He promised to bring back coffee and breakfast."

"Sounds good." Sam got out of Dean's way, and turned on the TV. As usual, daytime TV offered Sam nothing but news.

"…And the young couple was found two miles from their grave beds, much to the dismay of local public officials…"The newscaster continued to mention that the couple were on their honeymoon when they had been murdered, and now their "relocated" corpses stunted local officials. Sam frowned. Possessions. The demons that had obviously possessed those poor people's bodies would be long gone by now, but Sam still felt himself shiver and clench his fists in anger. He hated demons more than anything else he had ever hunted, maybe out of spite because he had demon blood in him. But he wasn't one of them, no, he wasn't and never would be like them. That was probably the one thing he had in common with Ruby. They were both outcasts of their race. Sam wasn't even completely human. But still, Ruby was good. For the most part…

Sam suffered through more news of robberies, murders, kidnappings, and when he couldn't take it anymore, he shut off the TV. What had this world come to?

"Good to see you up," John opened the door with a smile. Because his clothes had been tattered and torn when he had appeared to Sam in that alley, Dean had given him a change of clothes to last him until they could buy him some new ones. But John had managed to salvage his leather jacket. It was scary how much Dean took after him. John handed him a bag from the local restaurant, and Sam pulled out a sandwich and coffee. "And I'm glad you boys took so good care of the car. I knew I was doing the right thing giving it to your brother."

"Somebody's in a good mood." Sam smiled, and John took a seat beside him on the other bed.

"Why wouldn't I be?" John took a big sip of his coffee. "I'm alive and with my son's again, just like the good old days. This is a miracle."

"Yeah, it is," Sam agreed, taking a bit of his sandwich. Except for the "good old days" part.

"So…"John turned to face Sam, looking at him expectantly.

"So…"Sam nodded uncomfortably. What?

"How…"John frowned for a second, looking Sam over. " You look good kid. How have you been doing?"

Sam was taken by surprise. He didn't' want to lie, but he thought that Dean should be there when the shit hit the fan. "Er… I don't know what to say dad," he admitted. "Everything, I guess. That's not a very good answer, is it?"

"No, not really." John hesitated. "I know we really didn't part on the best of terms and all" –

"Dad, don't even say that," Sam argued. "Water under a bridge. I mean, we always fight, it's just who we are."

"Well I'm sorry I never said a proper goodbye to you Sam." John continued. "I know I've always been tough on you, and that we do fight a lot. I would have said something if I could."

"I know. It's … It's okay dad." But you did say something, to Dean. How hard is it to just say "Good job son. Good fight!"?

John didn't seem satisfied, but he let the subject drop. "I was wondering," He looked around the room awkwardly, and Sam was somehow comforted that he wasn't the only one in this situation. "What Ruby meant when she said that Winchesters were like cockroaches. She said that 'you kill them and they just pop out of the gutter' or something like that. Did… Did something else happen Sam?" He looked up to meet Sam's eyes. How could Sam lie to that? Not that he ever planned too…

"Yeah," Sam frowned, nodding at the ground. "Quite a bit happened actually."

"I was almost afraid you would say that."

"Well I guess the first thing you should know…"Sam shuffled a little bit, adjusting his position sitting on the bed. "I know what you told Dean, the day you died." Sam still didn't look up.

John was quiet. "For how long?"

"A few years now," Sam sighed. "I want you to know that I don't blame you. I" –

"Sam…"John clearly wanted to shut Sam up, but didn't know what to say.

"No! Just listen. I need to say this. Dad, you were doing the right thing. You are always thinking in our best interests and" –

"Well it didn't feel like it at the time."

Sam paused. He had probably never seen his dad show this much vulnerability in a long time. But of course, as is the true Winchester way, it would be gone in a matter of seconds. "I know. I know you were doing what you thought is right. I just…"He hesitated again. "I just wish you would have told me, you know… I mean, I'm sure it would have been better finding out that way."

"As opposed to what?" John looked up. "How, er, did you find out?"

"I managed to get the secret out of Dean," Sam admitted. "But most of it I found out on my own."

John sighed, pausing.

"Dad…"Sam scowled, ignoring John's eyes. " How long did you know? About me."

Sighing again, John took another sip of his coffee. "A very long time Sam."

"And you didn't care?" Sam looked down to his own drink, and forced down a gulp to steady himself. "I mean, how could you live with that?"

"Of course I care Sam." John shook his head sadly. "How could I not? You're my son, my blood. I love you. Of course I care."

Your blood? Are you sure? Sam didn't say anything for a minute. "I just wish you could have told me. I've always been a freak, but it wasn't exactly comforting to learn the truth from yellow-eyes himself."

John's frown deepened, and he hesitated. "How?"

"You don't want to know. I think he called it 'instant replay'."

"Sam…"John sighed deeply, looking down. " I'm sorry. I wish I had told you. It was just…"

"How did you find out?" The thought had just come to Sam. Now he really wanted to know.

John didn't say anything. Maybe Sam should ask again later…

"Do you ever wish she had told you upfront? Mom, I mean. About what happened."

John finally looked up. "Mary? What does she have to do with all this?"

Sam was shocked. "I thought you knew about the deal!"

"What deal?"

Sam took another, deeper swig of his coffee. Oh boy… "I guess we have a lot to talk about dad."

"Looks like. So what's this about a deal?"

"Kind of runs in the family I guess…"Sam changed the subject. Both his and his brother's deaths and deals were a discussion for later. "Dad," Sam looked up to meet his father's eyes. "You weren't the first hunter in the family."