Disclaimer: I own none of the movies, shows, songs, plays, or characters mentioned here. The only thing I own is this fanfic in itself.

Why One Should Not Anger Belarus

If I had decided to write about what I did today five hours ago, it would've been pretty boring. But, five hours ago, I was surfing around the internet, looking at "In Soviet Russia Jokes…" like, "In America, you pwn n00b; in Soviet Russia, n00b pwns YOU!" and, "In America, you update blog; in Soviet Russia, blog updates YOU!" So, I was happy LOLing at these jokes, until Belarus came into my room (Why she was in my house, I do not know), and got mad at me, to say the least. You know, since she thought that I thought that I was making fun of her "future husband". In her typical Belarus way, she threatened to stab me… But, then, she realized that she accidentally bought a spoon with her instead of a knife. So. she had to run back home and get it, but, not before shouting "I'LL BE BAAAAAAAAACK TO GET YOUUUUUUU!"

Luckily, Sweden, Finland, and Sealand stopped by just as she left. Apparently, Sweden and Finland were going to see "Mamma Mia!", but, they (meaning Sweden) wanted to "sp'nd s'm t'm l'n t'g'th'r" (approximate translation: "Spend some time alone together."), so, they were dropping Sealand off at our house to play Mario Kart and watch some episodes of "Power Rangers" or some other violent show that children are allowed to watch. I knew that if I went with them, then I could avoid Belarus. Finland said I could come, if I could pay for my ticket, but, I was so grateful that I offered to pay for all of us. Of course, I called Taiwan to see if she wanted to come, but she said that China forced her to watch him play in the "World Badminton on Unicycles Championship". At least she said I could come over later to watch a "late-night film" with her. Yay!

We happily went on our way, if happily counts as me sitting in boredom listening to them talk about furniture (I didn't know that there was a difference between futons and divans until now) and girls (well, Finland talking about girls and Sweden grumbling). Everything was going fine until Finland said that we should stop at McDonald's. Sweden and I didn't really want to, but since Finland was the one driving, he was apparently the one who got to pick where we got to eat. After we sat down in one of those tackily-coloured plastic booths to (not) enjoy our meals, we heard a too-familiar voice shout:

"OH MY GOODNESS, BELA! IT'S SUSAN, SEAWORLD, AND LATVIA! WE HAVE TO GO TALK TO THEM!"

Then, America (yes, he really thinks those are our names) and Belarus plopped down beside me in the tacky plastic booth. Yes, you read that right, America and Belarus. He explained that he asked her out because she looks "kind of like Supergirl", and that she decided to go out with him after he "threatened to heroically defeat Russia in an awesome (at that moment, Prussia popped out of nowhere saying that the word "awesome" is trademarked by him, then disappeared) battle of the ages". Belarus was glaring evilly at me, but, she couldn't stab me, not because she was afraid to stab me in public, but more because plastic knives aren't useful for stabbing people with.

This is when my day gets really weird, though. America invited us to watch the musical "South Pacific" with him and Belarus, which he directed, produced, re-wrote, and managed. And, he gave us tickets for free. Finland said that was fine, since he didn't really mind a change of plans, but, Sweden looked kind of sad. I don't know anything about musicals, so South Pacific was fine with me.

America's production of it was quite bizarre, to say the least. I guess I should've seen that coming, considering that the opening song was 50 Cents "In Da Club" Other things it contained include (yes, there will be unadulterated spoilers… but I have a feeling the real play is nothing like this, anyways):

The stars of the show were France and Denmark, playing a French unicorn-racing champion and a geisha, respectively… Who are lovers. Some of their "romantic duets" include "Man! I Feel like a Woman!" by Shania Twain, "The Bed Intruder Song", and what America claimed was the One Piece theme song.

Spain and South Italy played a mecha pilot and a Catholic schoolgirl, respectively… Who are lovers. Said mecha pilot fakes his death in a "Mecha Battle" with a hippie (played by Hong Kong), then flees to Mexico to make fake moustaches. Their love song is "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" by Green Day.

Denmark also had a solo entitled "I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair". His backup dancers, Iceland and Norway, are dressed as those octopus-brush-things you find at car washes, since that's where the scene takes place.

Austria played a pimp, who was also Romano's father. He has many "illegitimate arm-children", including Thailand, who he had with Denmark (remember that Denmark is playing a geisha). And, Thailand was the host of Jackass.

France also had illegitimate children with Paris Hilton (Who was going to play herself, but, due to having a "busy schedule", had to be played by Ukraine).

The illegitimate children were supposed to be played by Wy and Canada, but, in this performance, Seborga replaced Canada since he "couldn't be found"… Which is odd, because I saw him wandering around the stage the whole time.

The intermission consisted of Belgium (cosplaying as Ramona Flowers from the "Scott Pilgrim" series) dancing to the "Caramelldansen", "Numa Numa", "Never Gonna Give You Up", "Levan Polkka", and some song by Flogging Molly.

The play ends after Denmark and France break up, because they learn about each other's illegitimate children. In the finale, the entire cast skipped off into the sunset, while Katy Perry's song "California Gurls" was playing in the background.

As we were leaving the theatre, America revealed that he was going to stage a production of the "Sound of Music", starring Switzerland and Japan, as well as write "American Dad: The Musical"… And asked me if I was interested in playing Steve. I said no, since I had no idea what he was really talking about. Then, he said that he is going to play Stan (the aforementioned "American Dad"), Tony is going to play Roger (an alien, I presume), Prussia is going to play Klaus (I have no idea who that is)… and Belarus is going to play Francine (who is Stan's wife). This idea did not settle at all well with Belarus, so she tried to tackle and strangle America. Sweden, Finland, and I left the scene as if nothing happened. I have to thank America some time for making Belarus forget that she wanted to kill me XD.

On our way back, we got stopped by a cop that looked suspiciously like England (it's not so easy to hide those eyebrows!). The cop then arrested Sweden and Finland for "illegally purchasing a trafficked child", namely Sealand. I was left walking home alone, but on the bright side, it was a nice day, so I quite enjoyed that walk.

When I got home, Lithuania asked me what happened, so I basically told him a very abridged version of what I'm writing now. He got all depressed and locked himself in his room to listen to "Forget You" (also known by a much ruder name) by Cee Lo Green on an endless loop, since the "only two people he ever loved have found happiness with each other, leaving [him] 'forever alone' ".

The only two people who had a good time today were Sealand and Latvia, it seems. Oh, I have to go to Taiwan's house now! Byeeeeeeeee~!

-Posted by EpicStonia at 10:12 P.M.

All Comments (16):

Maple-Polar-Bear: OMG! YOU SAW ME! YOU REMEMBER WHO I AM! I LUV U, BRO!

*****EpicStonia: Ummm… right… who are you again?

*****Maple-Polar-Bear: … Canada T_T.

THE_HERO: ur welcome, Latvia. :)

*****EpicStonia: How polite of you… but… HHHNNNNNG—I'M ESTONIA. E-S-T-O-N-I-A. Now I know how Canada feels.

*****PipesPipesPipesDa: I should thank you too, America. You got my creepy sister to chase after you, instead of me. I respect that.

*****THE_HERO: BELA IS HAWT! SHE IS NOT CREEPY! AND I AM HER EDWARD!

*****EpicStonia: I see what you did there. Eduard is my human name OTL.

KnivesGirl: I was at your house to attack Lithuania to stop asking me out. Since I'm to busy to kill you now, I might as well flame you. U SUCK AND U WILL NEVER HAVE ANY FRIENDS AND NO 1 WILL EVA LUV U!111

*****EpicStonia: Right… and I'm too busy to hide your comment XD.

KingOfNorthernEurope: How'd ya like my performance?

*****EpicStonia: I'm surprised you can sing soprano. That is all.

Trollface: tl;dr

Ninjamaid: Three more days left to make up your mind. And I would've really liked to see that musical :3.

*****Epic-Stonia: Don't remind me =_=. It's not as good as I made it sound XD

*****Ninjamaid: But my dear Austria is in it! *swoon*

(A/N: Wow! I think I got more reviews for the last chapter than I did for the other two combined! Please keep on reviewing, Estonia and I love reviews! :D Also, thanks to my beta-reader, Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin for her wonderful ideas concerning the musical! I feel bad for not being able to fit them all in T_T. If you're wondering, I didn't make up those "In Soviet Russia…" jokes, I found them on the "In Soviet Russia…" Wordpress Blog XD. )