An idiots guide to living with robots

by gothgirl1313

Formerly Words to the Wise and How not to be killed by the giant alien robots. Hopefully, this will be the last title change. An insightful set of rules for surviving any time spent with the autobots. From flying wrenches to confetti cannons, this guide cuts through the insanity and shows you how to survive. Good luck! T for language.

4. 16-20

Heyo!

Review. people! Reviews are love. But I also need ideas. So, reviews can be lovely ideas.

Thanks to sexyandiknowitninja, answerthecall, and skyrimplayer for your awesome reviews. And no account, whoever you are, that's fine, as long as it isn't posted anywhere else.

On with the chapter!

16. Never throw a wrench back at Ratchet.

-Sideswipe once again managed to annoy Ratchet-

-For the third time in the same day-

-So Ratchet grabbed a trusty wrench and clocked him with it-

-He really does have impeccable aim-

-Well, Sideswipe got an idea-

-As Ratchet turned, Sideswipe grabbed the wrench and heaved it back at Ratchet-

-Turns out, he has good aim as well. It nailed Ratchet in the back of the helm, effectively knocking him out-

-Sideswipe stared at him in disbelief before turning to me-

-Quickly, he transformed, opening his door. When I hesitated, he spoke to me-

-"Trixie, c'mon! I don't wanna be here when he wakes up!"-

-Just then, Ratchet moaned from the floor-

-Suddenly, the seatbelt reached out and grabbed my arm, pulling me inside and closing the door-

-Ratchet growled and began to get up-

-Geez, if looks could kill!-

-At this point, my loving guardian seat belted me in -

-After all, safety first!-

-Before he took off at speeds I didn't know existed-

-Luckily, we managed to ditch the Hatchet, since he was still pretty out of it-

-Unluckily, it took me three hours to get to puke off Sideswipe's floormat-

17. "Dumb ways to die" is banned

-I was minding my own business, listening to my ipod in the rec room-

-When Bumblebee comes in and asks me what i'm doing-

-I tell him I'm listening to dumb ways to die-

-His eyes dimmed slightly, as he looked it up-

-When they brightened again, I recognized the mischievous glint-

-It was the EXACT same look Sides gets before he and Sunny pull a prank-

-Adding to my concerns, he comes to ur room later in the night-

-Sunny's there too, since he shares a room with Sides. Then, I have my own room, which is connected to theirs by a small living room-

-Bee whispers something to them, and they both start to grin wickedly-

-The next day, I'm walking along, when suddenly the PA system starts blaring 'Dumb ways to die'-

-By the end of the song, everybody was relieved it was over.-

-But then it started playing-

-AGAIN-

-And after that?-

-AGAIN-

-And you guessed it! AGAIN after that-

-It took about that long for everybody to realize it was playing on a loop-

-This was ended abruptly, by Ironhide walking into the control room and shooting the PA system-

-Then, they looked at the security video, and saw the culprits-

-Currently, Sam and I are without cars and guardians-

-Bee, Sides, and Sunny are running for their lives from Ironhide, Ratchet, and the rest of the base.-

18. Sunstreaker's name is not "Lemon Head"

-Sideswipe thought of the nickname when he saw me eating a box of lemon heads-

-He began immediately calling his brother that-

-Then it started to catch on-

-Sunstreaker didn't like being called Sunny. He really hates Lemon Head-

-But now, the ENTIRE base was calling him that-

-He was starting to go a little nutsy-

-Finally he decided enough was enough when Optimus called him by his nickname-

-He charged into the rec room and tackled Sides-

-I started hitting him with a baseball bat, trying to keep him from killing my guardian-

-But he was REALLY REALLY pissed, and he ignored it-

-Poor Sideswipe. Bumblebee had to help him limp to Ratchet-

-Ratchet was not amused with the amount of work he had to do-

-He nicely told Sunstreaker that later on-

-By wrenching him in the head-

19. Screwdrivers are not weapons.

-I was mad at him-

-Again-

-I really don't even remember what he did, but I was PISSED-

-Sideswipe was standing in our living room, pleading with me to forgive him-

-But I was angry-

-I just wanted him to shut up!-

-So, I grabbed the nearest thing, which was a screwdriver-

-And I threw it at him as hard as I could, turning my back on him after I did so-

-I knew something was wrong when he cut off mid-sentence with a pained gasp-

-Apparently, I had thrown the screwdriver thru a crack in his armor and into his internal wires-

-Which is apparently very painful-

-Poor Sideswipe. It wasn't even his fault, but Ratchet threw a wrench at him anyways, because apparently the screwdriver was difficult to remove-

-How come everytime I get mad at him I regret it? -

20. I am not allowed to have window markers.

-This one was entirely my fault-

-I shared my idea with Siders, and he drove me to the store to get some supplies-

-Then, we waited for the right time-

-Ironhide was recharging in his vehicle mode-

-We moved in-

-A minute later, Ironhide had 'I'M ONLY SPEEDING BECAUSE I REALLY HAVE TO POOP' written on his back window in bold red lettering-

-Then we saw Optimus-

-He was also recharging in his alt mode-

-Sides looked at me. "I got this one" he said-

-I watched in awe as he went up to Optimus with a bleach white marker-

-Then he started to write on Optimus's windshield-

-Just as he finished and stepped back, Optimus woke up and began to transform-

-Everybody stared at their leader in complete shock-

-Because he had 'I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT' written on his windshield, right on his chest-

-Me and Sides inconspicuously hid the markers behind our back-

-Optimus still doesn't know why everyone was laughing at him.