Disclaimer:This is a work offiction, a series of images from my owntwisted mind, a story that JK would probably flinch indisgustat if she were ever to set eyes on it.I am sick, something I know, and something I embrace. These characters do not belong to me but I will take full responsibility for thegrotesque thoughts and plotsthat ensue. I apologize in advance for the people I know I will offend.
This isSLASH, tender at times but mostly filled with angst. But do not be mistaken every moment, tender, passionate or angsty, sweaty and heated in filled with irrevocable and inconceivablelove.
The Last Marauder
Chapter Four
Of Broken Mirrors and Shattered Hearts
The fatal slip up that forever haunted Remus' mind was never forgotten, though it seemed that as quickly as it happened, to Sirius it was gone from his mind by the next morning, when he awoke with a terrible hang over. Remus had his suspicions though, as it would seem that the dog remembered the lecture he had received from Lily. He stopped drinking, and sleeping around, he even went back to his classes and pulled his grades up to where they had been in the previous years. Although with these changes he also dropped out of Arithmacy, something that only added to the discomfort in Remus' stomach.
In their seventh year Remus decided it was time.
The five of them sat in the common room, on the overstuffed couches. Lily's legs draped over James' legs as they played a muggle card game; Peter studying for NEWTs, asking a question every minute or so, sat at a table beside the couch and Sirius beside Remus on the floor as they battled it out in the most epic game of wizards chess to ever be played.
And well Remus watched Sirius' laughing face as his queen knocked the head off of Remus' king, Moony felt that it was indeed time. With his friends around him, all happy and aglow by the light of the flickering fireplace, as the night dwindled on, he could not think of a better time or a better place for his true self to finally come out.
"Hey guys," He said, interrupting Peter as he asked about a simple charm.
Lily's emerald eyes looked to him with a smile, and James peeked over his glasses, his messy hair falling in his eyes. "What's un Rem?" Sirius asked, using a nickname that had only started to stick this year.
He took a deep breath, suddenly feeling nerves well up in his throat, but he forced the words from his mouth, "I'm gay."
Peter's falling book was the first sound in the room, and Remus lowered his eyes to the chess board, scattered with the remains of broken pieces. "…wow," James' voice breathed.
Sirius on the other hand bore a huge grin, "What? Oh for the love of Merlin! This is whole new information that has never reached my ears before this fateful day," his voice was overly dramatic, and Remus had to chuckle. Leave it to Sirius to make a Joke out of any situation.
"You knew Sirius?" Lily's comforting voice sounded from the couch. She too wore a huge smile.
Padfoot scoffed, "Well I never! You think I knew about this?"
"He's known since fifth year… and James would too if he hadn't been so drunk," Lupin motioned to Lily's boyfriend who had long since dropped his cards and his eyebrows seemed to stuck trust up into his hair line.
"Well then it serves him right," she replied hopping from James' lap and pulling Remus up to hug him. "I'm so glad you told us Remus, I'm so proud of you."
"It explains a lot," Peter said quietly and James nodded in agreement.
"Yeah like why you never join in on certain conversations that we have… and you know you're still a virgin," James' added the last bit quickly when Lily turned to him with a pointed look at the first comment.
Sirius chuckled, and then attempted (albeit failed horribly) to cover it with a cough. Remus blushed brightly as Lily sat back down on the couch and he was left standing in front of them all. "Well I'm not exactly a virgin…" he mumbled and James jumped up, making an awkward squeaking noise in the back of his throat.
"Okay, okay! Yay you're gay! Thanks for trusting us, now no talking, alright? Okay, Lily I'm going to bed, nighty night," he kissed his girlfriend on the cheek before running off up the stone steps.
Peter muttered something and raced up after him, leaving only three of them in the common room. Lily chuckled and once more hugged Remus, "Don't worry about him Remmy, he'll come around, he's just shocked. Truthfully, I kind of had a feeling and I had told him a couple of times… he didn't believe me, but I swear he has no problem with it. Don't worry about it," she gave him a third and final hug, "good night boys," and then she was going up the stairs.
Sirius looked up at Remus, and smiled slightly, "Good for you," he whispered, brushing his hand lightly against the other's knuckles.
Remus sighed softly and sunk back to his knees. Things had finally gotten back to normal with Sirius and he was actually happy. Though Remus still woke up in a sweat once in a while when his dreams floated back to the memories of that auspicious afternoon when they had shared the most passionate kiss that Remus' had ever had.
"Thank you Pad… you don't know how much it means to me that you kept that secret for so long. Thank you, you are a good friend," he looked shyly at the handsome teen through his fringe.
Sirius gave his infamous smile and leaned in over the board to hug him. Remus closed his eyes and rested his chin on Sirius' shoulder, softly breathing in the scent on cigarette smoke and shampoo in his soft hair, and he murmured quietly, "You were smoking again."
Sirius chuckled, not letting go of his best friend, "Yeah… my only vice. Sorry."
Moony had no words, why was he apologizing? He had started smoking during his dark days of sixth year and the addiction stuck. There was no reason for him to apologize to Remus for such things. Unless he was apologizing for the actions that lead up to the addiction; in which case Remus was sick of the apologies for something he had long since forgiven.
He pulled the man (for that was what he truly was now) tighter and that was the moment, when Sirius didn't protest but instead sighed softly, Remus felt his broken heart slowly start to mend.
It was only the beginning.
Then suddenly and quite abruptly, Sirius jerked away, "Why don't we go to bed mate?" He stood up and turned his face away from Remus, clearing his throat loudly.
Remus nodded knowing that the moment couldn't have lasted forever in any case, and stood up, putting the fire out with a swish of his wand before going up the stairs, closely followed by Sirius behind him.
He didn't sleep soundly that night.
Over the next couple of weeks, while the rest of the Marauders and Lily sat studying for their NEWTs Sirius was constantly making excuses to be somewhere else. Never looking Remus in the eyes as he muttered something and almost running off in the opposite direction.
"Sounds like girl," Lily sang one sunny Friday afternoon when she, James and him were studying on the beach.
Remus blenched at the words. "What?"
"I agree Lil, he's been sneaking off all secret for a while now. She be pretty great."
"It's good that he's finally trying to have a relationship," she smiled dazzlingly at James, and they touches noses. Remus looked away and frowned. Could it be true?
It was. That night at dinner the four came into the great hall to find Sirius already there sitting with a girl they all knew, Jenna Bell. She was a smart girl with many friends in Slytherin, and she often caused trouble in classes. But she was pretty and athletic, as she was on the quidditch team with James and Sirius. Her smile was infectious, genuine and bright. Jenna was a great girl, and nothing like the type Sirius usually went out with.
Remus hated her. He thought it had to have been because she had a smug attitude, or maybe because her eyes were slightly lopsided… but he had a strong suspicion that it may have actually had something to do with the fact her hand intertwined with Sirius, her face was all too close to his and finally, the most painful realization, Sirius had a dark purple spot on his neck, right where his vein was throbbing. A place where only a year before Remus himself had left a mark.
"Well this is certainly interesting," Lily said with a smile as they all sat down.
Jenna smiled at the girl, "Well hello Evans, Lupin, Pettigrew, Potter. How are you?"
"Just fine Miss Bell. How about yourself?" James replied raising an eyebrow at Sirius.
She beamed, "Marvellous thank you."
"When did this start?" Lily asked looking to Sirius.
He smiled, "About two weeks ago, sorry I didn't tell you, we were taking things a little slow," he squeezed the girl's hand.
"Well they musta' sped up a bit, hey mate?" James chuckled motioning to the mark on Sirius' throat, earning an elbow in the side from Lily.
Remus all the while, ate fast and then quickly left, telling everyone that he needed to keep studying because he was awfully behind. He stayed in the library as late as he could, trying ever so hard not to cry out in frustration and pain as his thoughts drifted to the brunette that was occupying herself with his Sirius.
At about four in the morning he finally found himself stalking back up to his dorm into his bed, ignoring Sirius' empty one. He planned to sleep in the next day as late as he could, not wanting to see Sirius and his… merlin forbid girlfriend.
The very next day around one in the afternoon he woke up with a start, sitting straight up in his bed, panting heavily as his face dripped with sweat. He had been having the most incredible dream of his best friend, and he was jolted awake by a loud noise. It was like Déjà vu watching as Sirius lead Jenna Bell into the dorm room. Sure, she wasn't some big-boobed, blonde and giggly, but she was definitely not there to study.
"Sirius Black's bed… if only it could talk hey?" she said smiling suggestively and pulling off the sweater she wore, Sirius chuckled and ducked down to kiss her, pushing her back into one of the posters of his bed.
She moaned deeply and Remus was quick to move.
Determined not have a repeat of last time Remus got out of bed cursing loudly and stormed to the bathroom, slamming the door effectively. He splashed cold water on his face and yelled out in frustration. Why wouldn't this feeling just go away? He banged his fist against the mirror and cursed loudly when it shattered, breaking the skin across his knuckles.
Blood dripping from his hands he slid to the floor and let go of the tears he had been holding in for longer than he cared to think about. The love of his life was on the other side of the door with an actual nice girl who he might actually like, and even after his fall out last year Remus was actually mad at him for dating her, even though Sirius was actually trying to be happy for the first time in a while Remus was angry at him.
He groaned and slammed the back of his head against the tiled wall behind him. "Dammit why does this always happen," he muttered, still clutching his bleeding hand close to his chest.
The bathroom door was blasted open then and Moony looked up to see a very angry Sirius storming in. "What in the bloody hell is your problem Lupin?"
Remus brought his knees up to his head, concealing his broken face and bloody fist. "Leave me alone," he mumbled pathetically.
"No way! You could have said something instead of just slamming the flipping door! Jenna thinks you were pissed at her!" He continued to yell, getting closer and closer to the sobbing werewolf, finally he noted his convulsing shoulder and sharp intakes of breath and Sirius softened a bit, crouching down in front of his friend, a few feet in ahead of him. "Remus I'm sorry I didn't check if you were there, I wouldn't have brought her up if I had known."
The crying teen laughed in spite of himself, daring a glance up over his knees at Padfoot. "I wish you hadn't brought her up at all… it just reminds me of last year."
Sirius took a deep breath, lowered his gaze and stood up straight. "Remus this is about the Betty incident isn't it?"
He raised his head sharply. Sirius wasn't supposed to remember anything about that day. Did this mean he remembered the kiss as well? "I don't know what you're talking about," he hissed, pulling his knees in tighter.
"Remus you know exactly what I'm talking about!"
"Shut up!"
"We kissed Moony!"
"Be quiet Black!"
"We kissed and I can never forget about it, I can never ever let go of the feeling I had in that moment. I was so weak and broken and then you were there and we were kissing and I felt better and complete and everything was okay!" His voice was loud, but quaky and with every word he came closer and closer to Moony. "It was the best kiss I've ever had its driving me insane and I don't know what to do! Remus, what should I do?" He was still yelling then and Remus only wished that the bathroom's walls concealed the voice from the common room down stairs.
Sirius was panting, his fisted clenched, eyebrows woven tightly together. He looked like he wanted to beat something. And Remus was at a loss for thoughts. He had no idea what to do with this knowledge. How was he supposed to deal with this? What did it even mean…
He stood up tersely, ignoring the throbbing pain in his hand and the blood that soaked his shirt. All he cared about in that moment was Sirius Black. With one hand he grabbed the collard of the man's shirt and dragged him in, switching their places he pinned the taller man to the bathroom wall. They were chest to chest, thigh to thigh, and all Remus was worrying about was his hope that somewhere buried deep within those grey eyes he would find the passion and longing he yearned for.
"You can do this for starters," Remus muttered in a moment of strength before firmly pressing his lips to Sirius', relishing in the taste of freshly brushed teeth and not alcohol and cigarettes like he remembered so vividly.
Sirius complied almost immediately, trying to gain control in the situation as his tongue battled for the dominance that Remus knew all too well he was bound to hand over some time. But not now, now was the time to show him how angry and pissed he was at the oblivious man before him. He took a moment to rip the shirt from Sirius' shoulders, discarding his bloody one in the process before bringing his lips back to Padfoot's.
Similar to their last encounter Remus began nibbling on the dog's lower lip, caressing it harshly with his teeth, he could hardly withstand the little noises that Sirius was making. They were driving him insane, but he wanted more.
Sirius took the opportunity during Remus' moment of weakness to throw the smaller teen against the wall, swapping their places completely, and forcing his sharp knee in between Moony's legs, enticing a hiss and groan from the werewolf's lips, before he could think Remus found that his hands were pinned firmly above his head, leaving him more exposed than he cared to be.
It was only when Sirius noticed the blood running down Remus' arm that he finally stopped, "What in Merlin's name?" He exclaimed, taking Remus' hand in his own.
There were four cuts, all deep, all flowing and all with pieces of glad ingrained within. He hissed when Sirius dragged him to the sink by the injured hand, and turned the tap on letting warm water fall over it.
"That hurts," he mumbled, still flushed.
Sirius looked Remus in the face and smirked, "Sorry, but you're gunna have to put up with for a minute you git. This could be seriously hurt… and trust me I know serious when I see serious."
Lupin had to laugh at the pun and allowed the man to clean the wound, "I need to take you to Madame Pomfrey Remmy, this is looking pretty grim." Remus nodded, wondering if he had dreamed the intimate moment the two had shared only moments ago.
Madame Pomfrey gave him a long lecture, but with a wave of her wand, and a few sprits of mysterious smelling potions he was good as new. No scars to worry about. When they returned the mirror was repaired.
Later that evening Sirius came to the common room where Remus sat with James and Lily looking a little disgruntled. "Well that lasted long," he said as he slumped down on the couch next to them.
"What did?" Lily questioned.
"Jenna."
"Pad you ended things?" James sounded disappointed.
"Yup, whatever though," he looked to Remus who was staring at him wide eyed, "You wanna play a round of wizard's chess?"
For hours they sat there playing game after game, long after the other two had gone to bed, until finally Remus stops the game. "Sirius what's going on?"
The seventeen year old animagus looked up at him, "I don't know. I'm having troubled forming these thoughts in my mind. None of it is working Rem, I don't know what to do about it," he lowered his gaze.
Moony reach up to him, gently touching his cheek, "I need to know what this means," he whispered, hope welling up painfully in his chest.
"I think I'm in love with you Remus Lupin, and I don't know what to do with it."
It was that moment, that exact moment that would forever stay fresh in the mind of said Remus Lupin. It the flickering light of the smouldering coals in the fireplace, the warm malevolent glow gave a sense of foreboding intimacy to the two men. That was the very moment their destined began to intertwine together in a woven mess of love, passion and dark twisted things that the future was sure to hold. Never would they be able to break the ties that Sirius had ultimately placed. They were forever together, even in separation.
"I love you too Sirius Black," he whispered, and then they kissed. Soft and sweet unlike any other. They pressed together in desperation, and need.
They went to bed that night, only a few moments later and they lay on their own beds, staring at each other, and slowly they drifted into a good, restful sleep.
So another chapter come and gone. What do you think? Yes they are together! Now we get into the rough stuff… be prepared!