Chapter 4

An hour and a half later, Olivia parks the Impala at the edge of a paved lot at the top of a scenic overlook high above the Hudson River. It is late evening, and the temperature has dropped to a manageable eighty two degrees. Elliot and Olivia are the only two people in this spot which is part of a state park. Olivia turns off the air conditioning, puts the front windows down, then shuts off the car. Now she gets out and stretches her body a bit stiff from the drive and unusual seat.

"Just how did you find this spot Elliot, or do I even want to know?" Olivia asks, walking around to the front of the car.

Elliot chuckles, following Liv.

"No, it's not like that. Kathy doesn't know about this spot. Actually I used to camp in this park when I was a Boy Scout then as an Eagle Scout. I've been here a few times since, but not as much as I would like to." Elliot explains.

"Wow, Elliot the Boy Scout who likes to camp. I like this new piece of Elliot."

"Yeah I am not 100% City Boy after all Liv. Isn't this a beautiful view?"

"Yes, it is and so peaceful. It's perfect; it would be a great place to let go after a hard day."

Below the two detectives, the Hudson flows, its water glimmering in the late-day sun. Around it, life goes on; people move about in the hustle and bustle of their day in the noisy, crowed metropolis.

"We definitely have to come back here El" Olivia says, turning to her partner who is gazing down at the world below.

"Most definitely Olivia. We can make this our spot if you want?" Elliot replies, nervously kicking a small rock with his foot, still not looking at his partner.

"Ok. I mean, yeah, we can have lunch up here, relax after a hard case, or whatever" She replies.

Elliot finally turns to face his partner. Her face mirrors his in nervousness.

"Or whatever." He repeats.

The pair stand silent for a moment just looking at each other. Both have shy smiles upon their faces. Elliot fiddles with the hem of his shirt while Olivia twiddles her fingers.

"How about we check out some more channels on the satellite radio? I bet there are a few hundred" Elliot says, finally breaking the silence.

Olivia nods in agreement and they both get back into the car. As promised Elliot turns on the radio and begins scanning the stations again. The radio lands on a rock station playing "Don't Let Go" by Deepfield. Hearing the opening lines, Olivia places her hand upon Elliot's that is controlling the radio.

"This sounds familiar-Toni Braxton did this song. Ooh, I like this version too" Olivia states.

Elliot listens for a moment to the lyrics. The song seems to be talking directly to him and Olivia:

What's it gonna be cuz I can't pretend.

Will we ever be more than friends?

Hold me tight and don't let go.

Have the right to lose control; hold me tight and don't let go.

I often tell myself that we could be more than just friends.

I know that you think that if we move too soon it would only end.

I live in misery when you're not around.

I won't be satisfied till we're taking those vows.

CHORUS:

They'll be some love- makin', heart- breakin', soul-shakin'

They'll be some love-makin', heart-breakin', soul-shakin'

Runnin' in and out my life has got me so confused.

You gotta make the sacrifice, somebody's gotta choose.

And we can make it if we try, for the sake of you and I.

Together we can make it right.

REPEAT VERSE 1 and CHORUS-end.

The song resonates through the Impala as the pair listens intently. Olivia's hand has not yet left its place on top of Elliot's which is still on the radio. Once the song ends, Olivia's hand tightens upon Elliot's; his hand tightens around hers so they are now in effect holding hands. They bring their joined hands down to rest on the center console as the next song starts playing.

"Twelve years. You're still the longest relationship I have ever had with a man Elliot."

"And you're the best relationship I have ever had with a woman Olivia."

Upon hearing that, Olivia's eyes dart right to her partner. His face shows her he is telling her the absolute truth. A startling thought enters her mind like a lightning bolt. She feels around Elliot's left hand with her right one, noting at once the naked ring finger. Her expression changes to one of shock mixed with confusion.

"It was over just after the twins were born; we finally had the sense to legally end it recently" Elliot replies reading Olivia's mind.

"How recent?" she asks, her stomach beginning to grow a bit uneasy.

"The divorce has been finalized for a month, but we've been separated since the first time-we never had the separation reversed. Yes, I moved back, but it didn't last. Even after Eli was born it still was broken. We've been roommates since Eli was about six months old." Elliot explains.

Olivia is dumbfounded. She looks down at their still joined hands then back up at Elliot. She wonders just how she could have missed this. Elliot is her best friend. If she would have known this things would be so different. She pulls her hand from Elliot's and folds it with the other on her lap.

"I didn't notice, but you didn't tell me either. Why didn't you tell me Elliot?" Olivia asks, her voice growing louder.

"Because I am a chicken shit Olivia. I failed and I was too scared, ashamed, and embarrassed to tell you or anyone. I am sorry Olivia. I really am." Elliot tries to explain.

"But I am your partner, your best friend Elliot. You could have at least told me! I wouldn't have told anyone, you know that!"

"I know and again I am sorry."

"We have been partners for twelve years Elliot. Have you ever stopped to think about all that we have been through and what has happened to us in twelve years? Look at all the stake outs in the Crown Vic-hell we put over 200,000 miles on that car working leads, chasing perps, and running to and from scenes. And then there are times like with Gitano that truly tested us Elliot. You put me before the job then and I know you'd do it again in a heartbeat-so would I Elliot. But yet you can't tell me you got a divorce? Maybe I don't know you at all."

"I have thought about it Olivia. I have spent many sleepless nights thinking about you and me, this job, and these last twelve years. You're right; I will put you before the job time and time again. I can't help it Liv. I can't help how I feel" Elliot states, putting his head down into his hand.

"So it's true then. Back in Cragen's office when you agreed to love this car as much as you do me, you meant it-you love me don't you Elliot?"

Elliot remains silent. Never in a million years did he expect to actually have to admit to his love for Olivia to anyone, let alone directly to Olivia's face. He expected that he and Kathy would never last-they were too young and married for all the wrong reasons. He expected that he and Olivia would be partners for a long time from the first case they worked together. He also knew that he loved her from the first moment her laid his eyes upon her. Yet he never fathomed that they would become so close, he would fall so inescapably deeply in love with her, and that they would last this long. However, life has proven Elliot Stabler wrong once more.

"Yes I do Olivia, more than life itself" he finally answers though unable to actually look at her when he does.

"For how long?" Olivia asks.

"Since the moment I saw you walk into the squad room the very first time."

Olivia now falls silent, unable to comprehend what has unfolded before her. She can still remember the very first time she laid eyes upon Elliot Stabler. It was a Monday in early September twelve years ago. She had on a navy blue blouse and gray trousers that accented her ass just right. Her hair was much darker then, very close to her natural shade, yet is was about the length it is now. After speaking with Cragen she headed for the bull pen to find her new partner. Immediately she spotted him across the chaotic squad room; their eyes met. She smiled as she neared what would be their desks. He set down the papers in his hand and smiled back at her. He too had on a navy blue shirt with a light yellow tie and gray slacks.

"We matched that day. We both had on navy blue shirts and gray pants." Olivia says.

"Except that I had on a yellow tie. And I could tell you were new. You had this innocence about you- the job hadn't yet left its mark. Then, as soon as our eyes met and you smiled at me, something just changed. At that point I knew I loved this woman before me." Elliot continues.

"You felt it then too? I dismissed it at first. I thought it was just my nerves upon meeting my new partner in a new unit, but after that first case and especially once we really began to get to know each other I knew I was wrong. I loved you then and I love you now Elliot. And I always will" Olivia admits.

Author's Note: Ok, so the story is going in a bit different direction than I originally anticipated but I think it works. I have just one more chapter planned to tie up the rest of the loose ends. Hope you've enjoyed it up to this point.