Chapter 4

Ryan woke to the sound of his phone going off. As he reached for it he realized that he had fallen asleep in his chair. When he finally had his phone in his hand he saw that the call was coming from Horatio, "Hello".

"Ryan, is everything all right?"

Ryan could hear panic in his voice, "Yeah, everything is ok, why?"

"It's 9am and you hadn't come into work yet, I was just worried".

Ryan looked at the clock on the wall; which confirmed the time. He had overslept somehow. "Sorry, Horatio, I guess I overslept. I'll be there soon".

Horatio could hear that Ryan was not yet awake. "Take your time son, there is no need to rush. Come in when you can".

"Sure, ok". Ryan ended the call and put his phone down. A feeling of discomfort suddenly gripped his insides as he sat back in the chair. He wasn't sure where the feelings were coming from, but he knew it has something to do with the fact that he had overslept. This was something he never did except when there was something wrong in his life. He knew he had been sleep deprived lately and the extra sleep was good for him, but it was never a good sign for him to be late.

He got up from the chair and tried to shake the feeling off. When that didn't work he decided to hop into the shower.

He leaned into the shower wall as the warm water flowed over his body. He closed his eyes as he felt his muscles relax. The water did wonders to his ever active mind and he was soon feeling better.

After getting dressed he looked at himself in the mirror. What he saw he didn't like. This was not who he was, or who he use to be. He had to stop thinking about the past and just get on with his life. Maybe what happened to him was just what he needed and he should accept it. He wasn't getting any younger, in fact he was about to turn a year older. His birthday was in a few days and maybe he should just allow his life to change instead of fighting it. Maybe he could now have the life he saw others have and often wanted. So why was he letting this bother him. So they didn't know he existed before the triangle killer took him, so they ignored him in favor of the other CSI. What did any of that matter? What mattered now was that they did see him and seemed to like him. So what if they had to notice him out of pity. The point was that they saw him and that was all that mattered.

He turned his back from the mirror and covered his face with his hands. His head was starting to hurt from the sudden onslaught of feelings that were now oozing out of his brain. He had been having a lot of moments like this lately and he was tired of them. One minute he was feeling sorry for himself and the next he was convinced he could embrace the change and start something new.

He turned back to the mirror and flung water from his cup onto the image of his face. The distortion of his face in the mirror was enough to get his head straight again.

He finished getting ready and headed out the door.

He had remembered to take the alternate route today since some of the roads were still under repair from the recent rain. The drive into work at this time of day seemed more relaxing than it did when he normally drove to work. He was used to traveling at all hours of the day for the job, but his normal hours were still on first shift.

He grabbed one of the few parking spots that was left and walked toward the building. He smiled at the few people who were walking around outside but kept on moving to avoid being stopped. He just wanted to get inside, grab his stuff and work on the case that Horatio had given him. He was actually eager to find answers to the questions he had come up with on the case. There were things that didn't add up and he was planning on testing some of his theories before presenting it to the lawyer.

He was surprised by the flutter of activity in the building today. It must be the reason that the parking lot was so filled up. When he finally saw someone he knew he went over to ask what it was all about.

"Hey Mike, what's with all the people today?"

Mike, one of the lab techs, turned around when he heard his name, "Oh hey Ryan, there's some training going on. People from all around the city are here for it. They've been talking about it for the past couple of weeks; I'm surprised you didn't know about it".

"Thanks Mike", he turned and continued toward the lab.

When Mike saw Ryan walking away he remembered that there was no way he would have known about the training because he hadn't been here. He silently kicked himself for being so absent minded before going about his own work.

Ryan passed several more people he knew but no one bothered to stop him and ask him how he was doing today. They had waved at him when they saw he was looking at them, but that was about it. For a brief second it felt like old times, but he didn't have any more time to think about it as he ran right into Natalia.

Natalia had her arms full as she was getting ready for the training and hadn't even looked where she was going. Before she knew who she ran into she let out a grumbled reply, "Hey, watch where you're going?" When she looked at whom was one the ground covered in her paperwork she immediately apologized as she reached down to help him up, "Ryan, oh I am so sorry, I didn't see you. Here let me help you up"

Ryan took the offered hand and got back up on his own feet. He felt a little embarrassed at having been pushed down on the ground so easily. It reminded him once again that he needed to get back to the gym and work out. "Thanks, I guess I could have been watching where I was going too?"

"No Ryan, it was totally my fault". She started brushing off some invisible fuzz from his jacket as she continued, "Are you sure you are ok? Do you want to come in and sit down for a minute?"

Ryan felt fine and didn't think he needed to sit down, "No, I'm fine, here let me help you pick this up?" He started to bend down to pick up the fallen paper but found himself being stopped.

Natalia saw what he was reaching for and knew he had to be stopped before he saw what it was, "No Ryan, I can get this myself".

"No, it's no trouble Natalia, here let me help".

She didn't know what to do and in a moment of desperation grabbed his hand, "No Ryan, I don't need your help. I really need to get to class. Maybe you should go and find Horatio; I think he was looking for you earlier".

Ryan was stunned when he felt her grab his hand away. She was gentle about it, but it had seemed to come out of nowhere. He could see something in her eyes, but he wasn't sure what it meant. He thought it was best to just let it go, "Ok Natalia, if you don't need my help then I'll go find Horatio".

He never looked back as he walked away.

Natalia felt awful about what just happened, but she needed to get to the training room. Today was the only day they were offering this class and she really wanted to get there before the room filled up. Plus she really wanted to talk to some of the people from the other stations before the training started. She was working on something and needed to know if they would help her out with it. She made a mental note to find Ryan later on after class.

Ryan never did go and find Horatio. Instead he just went straight to his desk to get his notes and the case file. Today was so different than yesterday, but he attributed it to the class that was going on. It seemed like just about everyone was going, which made him wonder why it hadn't been mentioned to him earlier.

He was planning on heading out to do some field work of his own when a few other coworkers came into the room. They were talking amongst themselves, but when they saw him they quickly stopped. If he read their faces correctly, it looked like they had just been caught doing something wrong. "Hey Tony, hey Andrea, what's up?"

As soon as they saw Ryan they stopped talking. He was the last person they had hoped to run into.

Tony replaced the silence with a reply, "Hey Ryan, what are you doing here? I thought you were not coming in today?"

Ryan thought their response was odd, "No, I was just a little late. So you two looks like you were talking about something good, I didn't mean to interrupt you".

Seeing no one else in the office Tony started pushing Andrea toward the door, "Oh, that's ok Ryan, we were done talking anyway. Well we gotta go. There holding a class and we don't want to miss it".

Ryan sat at his desk wondering what that had been all about. He was beginning to wonder if they had figured out he was going to accept their friendship spawned from their recent concern and had suddenly changed their minds. He was beginning to wonder that about everyone he had encountered or for that matter didn't encounter today. How could he go from one day being the talk of the town where everyone wanted to be around you to one who no one had time for? Maybe he was just reading too much into all of this since he was still tired.

Ryan grabbed his stuff and headed out the door. The hallway was suddenly empty where only moments before it had been filled with people. He didn't have time to worry about this. He wanted to head out and get started on his work.

On his way out he finally ran into Horatio. The man didn't look pleased at all to see him. If anything he looked angry, but then again he knew that Horatio often looked one way but really felt another way.

"Hey Horatio, I was just heading out to work on the case".

"That can wait Ryan; I need to talk to you".

Ryan didn't like the sound of this, but he followed his boss as they headed to his office.

Horatio motioned for Ryan to sit down, "Have a seat Ryan".

Ryan took the seat but didn't say anything.

Horatio took his seat before explaining anything, "Ryan, I'm afraid I am going to have to pull you off the case. Some new and unexpected events have occurred and the case is now with another team".

Ryan was confused but he remained silent until Horatio was finished.

"The lawyer involved in the case was murdered last night and I have given the case to another team to work on. This was unexpected, but since they responded to the scene last night I thought it best to let them continue. What I want from you is to give what notes you had to the officer in charge. They will continue where you left off and see if there is still a chance to prove the guy's innocence".

Ryan didn't know if Horatio was finished but didn't care, "Why would you give this to another team. I am more than capable of handling this case Horatio".

Horatio had expected Ryan to be mad, "I know that you are capable of handling this, but since they already got started I figured it was best to let them have the rest of the case. There will be other work for you to do".

Ryan wasn't convinced, "Does it have anything to do with the class that is going on. Am I no longer qualified to do my job or take some additional classes?" Ryan hadn't meant to lash out, but it was something that had been at the boiling point for a while and the heat finally got to be too much.

"You are more than qualified to do your job Ryan. As for the class, I just didn't see the need for you to attend the session today".

Ryan had nothing more to add to the conversation. The accumulation of feelings was starting to mix together and he no longer felt like he was in control. He had felt like this before on a few occasions and knew that it never led to anything good. It was best if he just got up and left for the day.

Horatio noticed the change in Ryan's mood. "Ryan, please sit down, I'm not done yet".

"Look Horatio, I'm not feeling very good at the moment. I think that I need to just go home and rest".

Concerned filled Horatio's eyes, "Ryan, what is going on?"

"You know Horatio; I'm beginning to think I wasn't ready to come back to work". He suddenly felt the need to sit down.

Horatio got up from his chair and went over to Ryan's side, "Ryan, I understand what you are going through, but I think the best thing for you is to get back into your routine. It's the only way you are going to be able to put this behind you?"

Ryan looked up at Horatio, "Then why are you taking me off the case?"

Horatio leaned up against his desk, "I just don't want to give you too much right away. I know what this can do to a person and rushing into things isn't always the best thing to do".

"Well I appreciate it, but I think I can handle it. I don't want special treatment just because of what happened to me".

"I'm not giving you any special attention, I am just thinking about what's best for the case right now. And what's best is that the other team works on the case". He knew this sounded harsh, but he couldn't tell him the real reason for taking him off the case.

Ryan finally figured out what this was all about. Horatio just wanted to protect the case and that was why he wanted the other team to work on it. It was also probably the reason why he wasn't attending the class today, he wasn't good enough. He stood back up and faced Horatio, "Well then, what do you want me doing today?

Horatio didn't miss the hint of anger in Ryan's voice, but he was just looking out for the young man as best as he could, "I want you to work on some paperwork that needs to get finished".

Ryan accepted his new task with silence. He left Horatio's office and headed for the records department.

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