Poison and Wine

Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Revolution or its characters. I'm just borrowing them since NBC decided to throw them out with the bath water.

A/N: Thanks for all the wonderful comments about chapter 3. I'm glad people liked the kiss. I didn't see any complaints about the lack of dialogue, so apparently that wasn't a problem. I'm doing my best to keep up with people's comments. If I didn't reply to you, I'm sorry. Things have just been really crazy lately. My surgery went well—so yay! I've been resting in bed and scribbling away on paper. The rough draft of seven is done (and eight is nearly done) so I thought I'd update. Hope you enjoy. Please read and review. There is more traffic than reviewers, so please drop me a line. It really is encouraging.

When dawn came the next morning, Charlie had seen little in the way of sleep. Every time she fell under, her dreams were a storm of Sebastian Monroe. The feel of his hand on her, the taste of his mouth on hers, all combined for unrelenting dreams. Much of the night she had sat on the window seat staring out at the night, the cooler night air brushing her skin through the opened window. She'd finally fallen asleep with her head resting on her knees.

She had never felt so confused in her life. Admittedly, before last night Monroe was having her all twisted but she'd been able to ignore it as much as possible. But now…how could she go on pretending that her feelings weren't there, continue believing that, however inappropriate they were, at least they went unrequited?

Bass' kiss last night hadn't been from unrequited feelings. He had felt the same for her as she felt for him in that moment. Maybe all along. Was that why he was so focused on her sleeping with Connor? Had he been hurt as well as jealous? She had wanted to hurt him and she had. But she had thought it was in retaliation for the pain she felt thinking of him with Duncan had brought. Yet she was the one who had hurt herself that night.

Experiencing Bass' loss of control had cracked something in Charlie. That kiss had been the headiest encounter she'd ever had with a guy. She could only imagine what sleeping with Bass would do to her. But the strength of her reaction had been more than lust. Charlie could take or leave lust; it just was. Fun was fun but when it was done, that was it. But she couldn't stop thinking about a kiss. The kiss. It felt like it had been the only true kiss she'd ever had in her life. She desperately wanted to figure out all these entanglements that were tripping her up inside and was equally terrified of whatever answer they would bring.

Determined to ignore it—and working hard to convince herself it was the only sensible action to take about it—she left the inn after stealing a breakfast muffin that was left on the table. She was going to check on the horses. She wasn't sure what Monroe would want to do now if they had no idea what direction Connor had gone. Had he decided to give up the search and return to Austin and the war? Or would he just leave Texas all together, without his son and without going to war? What would she do if he did?

She knew what she would do. She would return to Austin and fight anyway. She would hate it, but she would fight without Bass at her side. And she would miss him always but she couldn't stop being who she was for him.

Bass watched her leave the inn. He hadn't slept at all the night before. Her taste, touch, smell, sounds haunted him. He hadn't been able to stay in the inn with nothing more than a wall separating them. He had spent the whole night thinking about what the kiss meant. It had been blinding that delicious way her mouth melded to his. He had never expected her to be so responsive.

In the first second after he had pulled her mouth to his, he had panicked. He hadn't exactly asked for permission to kiss her; hadn't even thought about it. The magnetic pull between them had overtaken him. Irrational jealousy had spurred him on. It was the second time he had caught Charlie in a compromising position. He had barely restrained himself from pummeling Connor, but it was only the fact that he was his son that had kept his fist from his face. But the stupid bastard last night had no such reprieve. He almost snapped his neck as he'd gripped him by the throat and dragged him forcefully out of Charlie's room.

Without him there to distract Monroe, he'd turned his black fury onto Charlie. He'd been rude and crass with her. He'd had a few bad moments over the night thinking about it. But his panic over her resistance had morphed when she had done anything but resist. She had pushed herself closer and pulled him deeper into her mouth by yanking his head down further.

Everything he'd used to keep a distance between them evaporated in her eager willingness. It was obvious that she was interested in him as he was her. Trying to figure out how she could be kept him up for part of the night too. He once said he'd never understand Charlotte Matheson and truer words were never said. For the briefest of moments Bass had let himself sink into the beautiful fantasy that Charlie would ever allow herself to belong to him. It wasn't the sex, though after the kiss Bass had no doubts that it would be incredible with her. In his mind, in that brief fantasy, they'd shared something else. Something stronger than just instinctual lust. They'd shared love.

And Bass knew that could never be. She was Miles' niece. Though after last night, it was becoming harder to associate her as anything other than an utterly, devastatingly beautiful and sexy woman. But Miles was his brother; he liked to think they could find a way to navigate a way to fix the thing between them that they both had broken. If he slept with Charlie just to satiate his desire, it would be irreparable. Charlotte was tempting and haunting, and clearly was attracted to him, but that didn't mean love.

He would not risk his brother for lust.

Plus he doubted he could just settle for simple sex with her. She opened up things inside of him he had thought were long dead. Being close to her without real intimacy would probably just push him over the edge again. He feared he would hurt her when he grew to resent what she could never give him. Charlie would never be free to give him her heart because of Rachel, Ben and Danny. He was only asking for himself to be kicked around by thinking he could settle for scraps or thinking he could ever convince her to give him more than her body.

Bass watched her leave the inn and head in the direction of the stables. Instead of following after her he entered the inn. They were going to leave Abilene today. Before the kiss with Charlotte, Bass had been thinking about what his next move would be. They had lost the trail to Connor and they could traipse across Texas trying to track him and in the meantime Miles could face serious trouble on the warfront.

The idea of his brother being at war without him hadn't settled well with him. If he went along with what Texas (and apparently Miles) planned, news would reach Connor. He would know to find Bass back east at the head of the Republic again. If Connor wanted to have a relationship with him, it would be up to him. He hoped word would reach Connor and he would return. Bass didn't want to lose what little there was left of his family. But family also included Miles. It always had and always would. And his brother was asking for his help.

Besides he knew that Charlie wouldn't stay out of the battle for long. The thought of her on the front lines where he couldn't watch out for her had sent a spike of fear in his heart. No, he could not leave her. He may never have her, but he couldn't abandon her either. Life apart from her and life with her and yet without her would be two different kinds of hell he would be doomed to. He picked the hell he could more easily live with.

He was repacking his bag when a knock sounded on his door. He opened it and saw Charlie standing there. "What do you want Charlie?"

"Can I come in?"

He wanted to say no but instead stepped out of the way to let her in. As she passed him the smell of her soap—vanilla and lavender—overtook him and his hand squeezed the door handle to resist reaching out and running his fingers through her beautiful blonde locks.

"I have something you need to hear," she said after he'd shut the door.

"Like what?"

"I think I have a lead on Connor," she said with a victorious smile.

Bass hadn't expected that. He'd expected recriminations about his behavior last night. This had been the last thing he'd expected. It also threw all his plans into disarray. "How?"

"You remember the guy you threw out of my room last night? His name is Jace and he is an apprentice blacksmith. I ran into him down at the stables. He wanted to make sure I was okay after last night," Charlie explained. "He wanted to know if the lunatic who had barged into my room had hurt me. I told him that you were upset because you thought I was forgetting what we were in town for. I told him we were trying to find someone. He didn't recognize Connor but he did recognize Neville's description. He thought Neville was a bit crazy."

"Get to the point, Charlie," Bass said. He was using most of his energies to not react to the news that she'd spent the morning with lover boy from last night.

"He said that Neville passed through here a couple days ago and left with a small group heading up north to Guthrie. Connor may have been in the group," Charlie explained. "If we head out today we can maybe catch up to him in a week." When Bass didn't say anything but kept staring at a spot on the wall over her head she became worried. She thought he'd be relieved to know that he was closer to finding Connor. "Is something wrong?"

Bass heaved a sigh. "Damn it."

"I'm sorry?"

"After we lost track of him, I'd decided we needed to get back to Austin. But now…"

"Now we'll keep going on, right?" Charlie asked.

"Yeah," Bass said. "I'm debating about sending you back to Austin with some Rangers."

"Excuse me?" Charlie said unamused. "You don't get to tell me what to do."

"You said Guthrie. I can follow him to there without help. Miles' letter said he needed help," Bass said. He might as well have split himself in pieces because a piece wanted to find his son, back up his brother and protect his not-really-his girl. The thought of separating from her felt like drinking acid. But he knew that Miles would look out for her.

"If this is about last night—"

"Last night was a mistake," Bass said. But it hadn't felt wrong, it had felt amazing.

If he had slapped her, Charlie would have felt less pain than his handful of words brought her. She hadn't expected sweeping declarations of love, but complete disregard hadn't been planned for either. But if there was anything in this world that Charlotte Matheson excelled at, it was dealing when people left or disappointed her. So she tucked away whatever pain his callous disregard brought. "I won't argue with you. But I'm still going to Guthrie. I will be the one decide when I go back to Austin. And I won't be going with any Texas Ranger bodyguard either."

"Damn it, Charlie," Bass bit off.

"It's not up for discussion. Any of it. I'm going to go pack my bag and settle up with the innkeeper. Since it appears you are all ready, you can go prep the horses. I will meet you there," Charlie said before walking out of the room.

Bass knew nothing could ever come between them. But damn if her lack of protest hadn't stung.