Try to See it My Way
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.
A/N: Chapter 4 is ready to go. Sorry for the delay but I put all the blame on MIDTERMS. Once again a big thank you to fan-of-fans, 2 Guests, rmpcmfan, calzonaobessed, TodaysMadness26, 123a456e and Aaliayah13 for your reviews.
Here we go, enjoy.
Chapter 4
Emily had managed to avoid JJ for the next few weeks; she cancelled on their lunch plans and didn't set a date to reschedule. Although, when Emily was away with the cases she was on, she would always apologise and promise to take JJ out to make up for it. This time she just left the blonde a voicemail stating that she was away for work.
Even though the two girls had talked on the phone, after JJ announced her engagement, there was still some animosity between the two of them.
It was a bitch move and Emily knew it. But it was just too painful to be around JJ. She was constantly gushing, had a brighter smile than before, and would often look at her ring. Emily knew the blonde wasn't trying to gloat, but Emily just felt jealous because she wasn't able to put that same smile on her friends face.
Emily had just returned from another case, she worn out from trying to remain civil towards Hotch. As she dumped her bags down, she heard her phone ring, but instead of picking it up she waited for the answering machine to get it.
Internally she knew, or hoped, that it was JJ, but to quell her curiosity, she waited for the dial tone.
The first thing Emily heard was a sigh, and then the beautiful blonde's voice penetrated the room, "I should have known you wouldn't answer here either. Em, you've been screening my calls and you can't deny it. I just wish that…that you would tell me what's wrong. I haven't seen or heard from you in practically a month; last time we met up was for beginning wedding plans which was in January. Its March, we haven't gone this long without talking since you moved away with your mother when we were kids," another sigh filled the air, "If this is all from the engagement then….Well… Please just call me back Emily. I miss you…"
Of course the blonde would know that she was back from the case, Hotch had sent everyone home for the evening. He had said that they would spend all of tomorrow, finishing their reports and files for the case.
Emily couldn't take it. This pain that she had was deep within her chest. It felt like her heart was being pulled up her esophagus. She missed the blonde, but she knew if she continued to meet up with her, she would probably end up dying inside as soon as the blonde was married. It was torture for the brunette either way because JJ seemed to be the flame in the darkness that drew Emily.
So Emily walked into her room, changed from her work clothes into a more casual outfit and headed out the door. Hotch had said to get a good night sleep, but screw him! He had a beautiful woman to go home to and all Emily has is a vacant, cold condo.
But it was time Emily took matters into her own hands. She knows that you are the only one who has control of your fate. So she dashed outside, and while punching in a familiar number into her phone. Tonight would be a night that she finally did something for herself and the opinions of no one else mattered.
xXx
She had the blonde pushed up against the door of her condo. Emily didn't care who saw them. She forced her lips onto the smaller woman's causing the blonde respond in turn by putting her hands into the brunette's silky hair.
Emily's hands went to the blondes hips and she pulled them snug against her own. Then suddenly, Emily thrust her knee between the unsuspecting blonde's legs. This caused the blonde to moan into Emily's mouth as their tongues battled it out.
Emily began to work on the blonde's neck, move south. Then she started to undo the buttons of the woman's blouse, only to realise they were still on the door step.
"Let's head in," Emily whispered huskily, and the blonde complied.
They continued to kiss on the way to the couch. Emily sat down and pulled the blonde on to her lap. Emily began to play with the blonde's breast, and not to be outdone the blonde reached her hand between their merging bodies and cupped Emily's centre. This action caused the brunette to moan, "Jennifer!"
Then reality hit. The blonde stopped what she was doing and stared at Emily.
Emily looked into her blue eyes, but they were not the same eyes that she always been fantasizing about.
"Seriously Emily, that's the third time," the blonde whispered as she stood from Emily's lap, "I know that we just fool around but…"
Emily nodded her head, "Jackie, I'm sorry."
Jackie nodded her head, "I know, but I think its best if you go." Emily had been meeting up with Jackie for the better part of a year. The two women had met and tried to date but realised that they both were caught up on other people and were better as friends. Since the two women both lived busy lives and didn't often get the chance to meet someone they settled with a casual arrangement.. The brunette knew that this was her third strike and this pact may have run its course. With that she left the blonde's home.
When Emily had left her own house after hearing JJ's phone message, she had initially told the cab driver to take her to JJ's but, when she saw that it was after eleven o'clock, she faltered. She couldn't just interrupt JJ happy life and dump her feelings on the other woman. No, she had missed her chance.
This realisation was incredibly startling for Emily, and she told the cab driver to take her to the bar where she and Jackie had first met. Jackie had reminded Emily of JJ from the first moment she saw her, she had long blond hair and big blue eyes. She was curvier to JJ's athletic build, but she was the closest thing to JJ Emily could find.
The brunette knew that what she had been doing was inappropriate but both Jackie and herself were using each other to forget about the person they truly desired. But unrequited love can drive a person insane. Emily would sit there day after day, hoping that JJ would somehow return her feelings, but in the end all Emily did was ruin her own chances of finding love because she spent her time yearning for the attached straight girl. Fuck, could life get any worse.
xXx
Wednesday morning came much too early for Emily. She dragged herself into the BAU, looking rather tired. Morgan immediately noticed.
"Prentiss? Late night?" He threw in a wink. Morgan hoped that she had been out partying; she needed to get out more.
"Something like that," she sighed.
Derek grabbed Emily's arm before she could sit down, "Come with me Princess, we're going for a little walk to pick up some coffees and you're gonna explain to me why you look like shit."
"Jeez, you really know how to sweet talk a woman, huh?"
"I am a ladies man," he flirted with her.
Their banter never failed to amaze Emily. As the pair walked outside the FBI building, Derek turned to Emily and looked expectantly at her.
"I still just can't believe she's engaged…to Hotch! It's all my fault," Emily complained. Derek shook his head in protest, but Emily just continued, "Last night, I was going over to her place to tell her, that I'm in love with her but as soon as I go there I bailed. I knew Hotch would be there and I- you can't just go telling someone that you love them. Especially when they are engaged to your boss, or when they are your best friend and if you tell her you love her you can lose that friendship and you would rather have her as a friend then not at all."
Derek was stunned at Emily's rant. The brunette usually kept her feelings inside and never shared everything she was experiencing. "Em, the first step you can take is to tell her that you're gay. Then work from there…just get a little bit of this off your chest. JJ's your best friend she won't hate you."
Emily nodded, "I know… Want to know what I did last night after I left her house?"
Derek kept quiet because he knew it was a rhetorical question, he was going hear about it anyway.
"I met up with Jackie. I know I told you that we stopped "seeing" each other but shit happens. I figured sex could help me forget about JJ, if only for a minute but instead I called her Jennifer," Emily sighed, "Let's just say I didn't get any last night."
Derek grimaced, "I'm sorry girl." They picked up their coffees and headed back to the BAU.
As they were walking back into the bull pen, Emily ended her rant with "The worst part is that I shouldn't love her! It's one thing to have a crush on her, or to think she's beautiful, but Derek, I'm in love with her. I can't live or function without her in my life. I shouldn't be thinking about her, and that just makes me feel guilty for wanting her and Hotch to breakup."
"What? Why would you want that?" A shocked voice asked from behind them.
A/N: So this did not go where I planned at all. Actually the only thing I had wanted that as included in this chapter is the conversation with Derek. Oh well, shit happens.