Note: Sorry about the long update. I'm balancing this story, my one shot series, and another full length Frozen fic I'm working on (stay tuned for that)
The next day, the first thing Elsa did was knock on Anna's door, and when her sister opened it she looked like the ghost of their parents was standing there.
"You knocked on my door…" she said.
Elsa shuffled nervously.
"Yes I…I was hoping maybe you'd want to get lunch with me?" Elsa said.
Anna looked like a second pair of ghosts popped up next to the first one. But then her shock was replaced with immediate and quick spreading joy.
"Lunch? You and me?"
Elsa nodded and Anna practically bounced into the room mumbling about how she'd only be a minute, tripping over things, bumping into them. Elsa wondered if she should go in. She'd hadn't been in Anna's room since they shared it, though she'd gotten glances of the warzone of clothes always strewn across the floor.
They walked down together. Elsa was careful to never come in contact with Anna if she could help it, gloved as she may be. They went on the balcony off the ballroom where Kai set up a table and chairs for them.
"I like Queen Elsa," Anna laughed, "I get to talk to her."
Though Anna immediately caught the gravity of what she said and turned pale, and then a shade of red that turned her cheeks blotchy.
"I think I'm starting to like Queen Elsa better too," Elsa said.
And she meant it. She did feel freer, certainly more so than the years she spent locked away in her room. She felt lighter. And though she still wore her gloves like armor, she felt in more control than ever of her powers…mostly.
"How've you been fairing?" Elsa asked.
"Amazing," Anna sighed, "I've been all over town—with an escort of course—Hans and I spent all day yesterday in the town."
Ah, the conversation was taking a turn that Elsa immediately regretted. Between knowing what they'd done and hearing Anna talk about him made Elsa annoyed, she felt possessive, she never felt that way about anything before, let alone a person. And there was something to be said about Hans gallivanting around in the day with Anna and spending his nights in the dark parts of the castle with Elsa…
"You'd love town too you know," Anna said.
"I doubt that."
"Oh come on Elsa. You opened the gates, at least for the day. You actually talked to people, you're talking to me. Don't you think it's time to end the baby steps and just go for it? You'll have to go in town soon anyway," Anna said.
She had a point, but still.
"At some point I suppose," Elsa sighed.
Kai brought out their lunch of sandwiches and tea. The sun was beautiful today, and it was cooler than a July day ought to be but Elsa wasn't complaining at all. Large fluffy clouds rolled through the sky. There were the sounds of people in town milling about, the sounds of birds overhead.
"Why now?" Anna's voice break Elsa's thoughts.
"Beg pardon?"
"You ignored me for thirteen years why did you stop now?" Anna asked, "Is it because you're queen now. Was that just thirteen years of prepping for queen, alone?"
"Yes and no," Elsa said. There they were again in uncomfortable territory. And much like Hans, if Elsa gave Anna even the slightest opportunity to ask then she would ask. "Things were complicated back then. And they're less complicated now…I suppose. Or they will. And in time things will make sense."
"Elsa I'm eighteen years old, you're twenty-one, when does 'in time' end?" Anna asked. "I spent thirteen years knocking on your door begging you to come out and you didn't say a word to me and now you're inviting me out to lunch with you."
Elsa sipped her tea to give herself time to formulate a quick answer. She wasn't entirely sure herself why she was now inviting Anna out to lunch when her wiring her entire life had been to stay as far away from her as possible. Even now the streak of white in Anna's hair reminded her why she had to stay away.
"I'm not as afraid as I was before," Elsa said.
"Afraid of what?"
"A lot of things," Elsa said, "But I'm getting better."
And Elsa truly smiled. She wasn't sure why, but she allowed herself to feel light, lighter than she ever remembered feeling. Things felt okay for the first time in forever. And Anna smiled back at her, though she had a twinge of unease behind her eyes she seemed truly happy. They spent the rest of the afternoon talking and laughed. Elsa was even half tempted to ask her if she wanted to build a snowman.
Later that night Elsa went to her room. She changed from her day gown and into her nightgown. She let her hair down from its bun and let it hang in a French braid. Then she promptly put on her dressing gown, slipper flats, and padded out into the hallway to steal away to the library.
She closed the door behind her. She walked over to the fireplace where she crouched close and threw a lit match in. She watched from afar as the fire engulfed the logs. Wary of the heat she situated herself in the chaise lounge farthest from the fireplace, tilting her book in the path of the light.
Stacked around her were many other books, many she had read before, many she had not. Reading was not something that came easy to Elsa, as much as she may like it. She learned at a young age that words liked to jump and jumble about on the page, making it difficult to read.
Nevertheless she picked up right where she left off on Paradise Lost.
She kept at it for a long time. With the world outside dark, she had no way to know for how long she was there. The cracking of embers told her the fire was still going, though she did not notice as the light died down.
That's when she heard a shuffle on the carpet behind her.
"Forgive me, Elsa."
Elsa knew the voice for Hans' immediately. She looked to see him dressed down in only his breeches and untucked dress shirt from dinner. Even his hair was not neatly sitting on his head. And it was only in taking in his own casual appearance that Elsa became very aware of her own.
She gasped and quickly pulled her dressing gown closed and tucked her legs under herself. And it was with horror she noticed the worst part of all: she was gloveless.
"No please," he said, turning his head as to not look directly at her, "No cause for alarm. Forgive my uh…casual appearance."
Elsa knew she ought to tell him off for coming in unannounced, though granted it was the middle of the night in a library. She also knew she ought to leave, or tell him to but she didn't do that either. How scandalized her mother would have been to learn her daughter received a man in the middle of the night in nothing but her night gown and dressing gown to protect her modesty.
However the glove situation was a problem as Elsa quickly became agitated with her hands bare in the presence of another person. She did her best to pull them in on herself. Despite this effort, the temperature of the room did start to dip.
"What can I do for you sir?" she asked as kindly as she could muster under the awkward circumstances.
"Nothing, Majesty. Except perhaps to forgive my intrusion," he said. At her use of 'sir' he had tacked back on the use of 'Majesty'. Elsa frowned.
"No, it's fine…Hans," she said, "It is forgiven," she smiled.
"Well then…I'll just…" He awkwardly turned to leave in a manner that reminded Elsa far too much of Anna. She watched him bump into one of her book stacks, mutter out an apology.
"If we can share a balcony, I see no reason we can't share a library," Elsa said taking pity on him. This was the first time she'd seen him be anything but graceful and charming. Well, perhaps this version of Hans was a different kind of charming…
He smiled, relieved.
"Thank you. It seems we've been sharing quite a few things lately."
It did not go unnoticed that the chair he picked was the one farthest from Elsa's own. And while she was thankful for that and not surprised, something about it tugged at her in an irritating way. She thought immediately of Anna spending the entire day with him and something in her didn't sit well. From the corner of her eye she watched him leaf through her piles of books, careful not to disturb the hair ribbons sitting in them as place markers.
"You read a lot of books at once," he said.
"I find it difficult to focus for too long on a single book," she said.
"You seemed to have been doing fine with that one for a while," he nodded towards the one in her hands. But then he immediately turned crimson, Elsa had never seen a man blush before, "I—not that I was watching…just that…"
Just that he had been watching her. There was something highly improper in that and yet Elsa once again found herself not caring. Well, it wasn't that she didn't care it's just that it bothered her less than she knew it should. And than in itself bothered Elsa.
Everything about this situation was screaming in Elsa's ear. She thought of the magic. She had not spend large amounts of time with other people who were not her parents or Kai. Hans was the first person she'd been around gloveless in years. And somehow this felt more intimate than the kiss they'd shared in this very room. And on top of it she was hardly dressed. Her heart was pounding. This was a bad idea. She should go. She should make him go.
A line had been crossed that they couldn't come back from even if he left right now and they never saw each other again.
Elsa returned to her book while he picked up one from her pile and began hurriedly turning pages, clearly in search of something. Elsa pointed her eyes in his direction discretely watching him. Whatever he was looking for he must have found what he was looking for because the feverish page turning stopped and he smiled at the page. He read the passage muttered and to himself.
"The Count of Monte Cristo?" Elsa asked aloud as she read the title, not realizing until she said it that it had been out loud. He looked up.
"I never actually read it myself," he said, "But I had Klaus read it to me when he was willing. This was always my favorite passage: 'Life is a storm, my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered against the rocks the next. What makes a man is what you do when that storm comes. You must look at that storm and shout: Do your worst, for I will do mine!'"
Elsa thought the words over. She'd never read it and yet something in her shuddered thinking of her powers, thinking of a wounded Anna, and how quickly that night had turned. One moment in the sun, the next against the rocks.
"Why that passage?" Elsa asked.
He hesitated.
"My life at home has not exactly been charmed. Often times having twelve older brothers can feel like basking in the sun and then being thrown onto the shore. I heard this when I was a young boy and decided it was who I wanted to become. The kind of man who shouted at the storms life could bring."
It was a far deeper and more serious answer than she expected to get, and clearly than he expected to give considering the way he shied back into the book after finishing.
"What about you?" he asked from the safety of the book, "You said yourself you can't read for long periods of time, what has you so captivated in Paradise Lost?"
"It's human," Elsa said. He furrowed his brows and she leaned in closer to point to the page, "Even evil, the most awful evil, can be human, can have feelings and emotions. And if a villain can do all that, then perhaps there is room for redemption."
"And what would a princess or even a queen want to know about evil?" he asked.
"A lot of things," Elsa said, suddenly very aware of her exposed hands. Hans became aware of them too.
"I've only ever seen you with gloves on," he said. "Your hands are…" he looked like he was ready to grab them. She prayed he wouldn't, "Lovely." He didn't.
But that didn't stop the blush. And in the dim firelight there was nowhere to hide it. The majority of their interactions until now had been joking and light, even the drunken kiss, but this had trespassed into somewhere far more serious, far more solemn. And yet Elsa felt more comfortable in the library in this moment than she did spending years in her room.
"'The mind is its own place and can make a heav'n of hell and hell of heav'n'," Elsa quoted.
"And what does it mean to you?" Hans asked.
"It means what my life has been like for a very long time," Elsa sighed.
"Were you cast out of heaven as well Elsa?" he asked with a smile, clearly teasing.
"You'd be surprised…"
She stopped there though. If she went too far he would ask, and he would ask. She should get to bed, or safety, which was it? Both. But he was watching her, his eyes were very soft but there were equally serious. It was clear what he wanted. And it would be a lie to say she did not want to too. But she thought of her hands, she thought of how Anna was taken with Hans. It would be a betrayal.
But, for a few very brief seconds, she did not care. And that was all it took.
Once he saw her eyes were reflecting his own thoughts back at him he got up from his chair, sat down on her chaise, cupped her face, and they were kissing again. This kiss was calm as the other one had been but there was more pulling on lips, even the accidental nip of teeth. She hazard to bring her on hands overtop his, resting on his cheek.
Her bare, dangerous skin was touching his. Her hands were cold she knew but the kiss was so warm. She should pull her hands away. She should quit while she was ahead. Her hands went to his chest and gently pulled him away just enough for his forehead to rest against hers.
They didn't say anything for a long time after that. Eventually Elsa bid him goodnight and exited the room with a smile on her face. In her room the emotion she had stored up in the library released and a snowfall immediately came down from the ceiling. She didn't care though, it continued as she crawled into bed to sleep.
It was only when her head hit the pillow and she was close to drifting off that she remembered the biggest problem…Anna.