Back at Spencer's I allowed my friends to comfort me. Or to believe they were anyways. But in all honesty, I barely heard them, my mind was racing and my thoughts swirled tumultuously. They kept mumbling reassurances and placing their hands on my back to rub it lightly. I just nodded and tried to appear sufficiently comforted. They kept asking me what had happened before they got there, to which I replied that nothing had happened. I had decided that it was best to omit the kiss and deny my feelings, saying that I was heartbroken and knew it had all been a lie. The heartbroken part wasn't a lie. But the look in Ezra's eyes told me that it had all been very real. And I knew it was the realest thing in my life right now.
Throughout the whole ordeal, my mind continued to spin, forming a plan. And when it came to me I acted on it instantly.
"I'm exhausted," I declared, cutting off whatever Hanna had been talking about.
"I bet," Emily replied with a sympathetic frown.
"C'mon," Spencer said, placing her arm around my waist and leading me up the stairs.
She helped me to her bed, though I really didn't need help. Then they all surrounded me, and, unable to divert their attempts to continue their comforting, I resigned myself to accepting their care. I was wedged between Spencer and Emily, with Hanna sitting by my feet.
Unable to carry out my plan, I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep. At some point I drifted off, but when I woke up I found that my friends were also asleep. I wiggled experimentally to test their various levels of unconsciousness. Only Emily so much as moved but I could tell she was sound asleep.
I crept off the bed and down the stairs, pulling my phone out of my pocket and texting Ezra, asking him to meet me a few blocks from Spencer's house. His response came almost instantly, saying that he was already on his way.
The door creaked painfully on its hinges as I tried to pull it open and I winced. I paused, listening for any shuffling that might mean my friends were awake, hearing none, I tiptoed out the door closing it silently behind me.
I arrived at the rendezvous point and waited, but not very long. Headlights swept across my face, the car itself pulling up to the curb and stopping.
The passenger side door was pushed open and Ezra smiled charmingly, "Get in."
I obeyed hesitantly, looking around and then quickly sliding into the passenger side.
He reached for my hand, trying to twine our fingers together. I promptly pulled away, "Don't act like everything is back to normal Ezra."
He frowned in confusion, deep lines etching themselves into his forehead, "Then why did you text me?" The confusion was as evident in his voice as it was on his face. A hand ran through my hair in frustration as I looked over at him, "Because we need to talk about why you did what you did."
"I already told you," he mumbled, looking out the window in frustration, "I didn't have a choice."
Anger danced dangerously in my irises as I turned to look at him, my voice hushed as my body trembled, "And I already told you that there's always a choice. So how about you tell me the truth for once." My voice raised gradually, venom leaking into my words as I spat them at him.
He sighed as his forehead came to rest on the steering wheel, his eyes closing sadly, he remained silent.
An angry breath brushed past my lips as I moved to open the car door, intending to leave, but suddenly his strong hand captured my wrist. I look to him furiously, but the steam dissipated as I saw the broken panic in his crystal eyes. "Please?" He implored in a choked whisper. Again I felt the odd sensation in my chest, it had become familiar recently, my heart tore itself apart within me. I nodded slowly, situating myself back into the seat, "Are you going to tell me the truth?" I inquired in a whisper, eyeing his hand as it clutched my wrist.
He nodded in response to my question, pursing his lips dejectedly. A loud sigh skittered past his lips as he wet them to speak, " I didn't want anything to do with any of this. But... But they threatened Malcolm. And I.. I just couldn't take that chance. I never meant for anyone to get hurt, in anyway. But I had to keep him safe." His voice quieted as he struggled through his explanation.
My eyes rolled slowly to look at his face as tears welled in them. My voice came out in a whisper as a physical manifestation of my emotion dripped down my cheek, "Ezra... I'm so sorry." I placed my hand lightly on his arm, feeling as if a hole had been punched through my stomach. The guilt ate me alive, so I simply threw myself into his arms, trying to suffocate the feelings that wouldn't leave. We sat like that for some time, clinging to each other like frightened children to their mothers. But as light began to creep into the sky I knew I had to go.
Kissing Ezra's cheek tenderly, I finally relinquished my hold on him, " I'm sorry I wouldn't listen to you." I whispered guiltily. But he shook his head, dismissing my apology, "I did terrible things," his voice broke slightly but he swallowed hard and continued, "I'm lucky that you're even speaking to me."
I shifted in my seat, emitting a light sigh as I looked down at my hands and my head bobbed sadly,"It wasn't your fault, I see that now, but I need to go." My eyes flickered to the windshield as light quickly illuminated the still partially darkened sky.
Nodding, he slowly looked up into my eyes, "When can I see you again?"
I ran my tongue over my lips before my teeth clenched my bottom one between them, "I'll text you as soon as I leave Spencer's later."
His face brightened at my words, warming my heart, the worried lines smoothing until they vanished from his visage.
"Thank you," he whispered warmly.
Smiling sadly I got out of the car and disappeared around the corner, racing back to Spencer's before my absence was discovered.