A Lesson in Fear: Part I
The nightmares began shortly after the incident with the Hollow.
At first, they were nothing more than feelings of helplessness, but then quickly progressed into intense feelings of terror and the images of Grimmjow eating Koujaku's insides. Koujaku was averaging about three hours of sleep a night and it was beginning to show by the deep purple smudges under her eyes and the extreme lack of energy.
Grimmjow, surprisingly, was the first to notice this.
"You look like shit." he had commented from where he stood in the kitchen, watching as Koujaku stumbled bleary eyed out of her room. Koujaku jumped a little at the sound of his voice, but otherwise didn't respond in any way. The woman tromped tiredly into the living room, fixing her shirt collar where it was twisted uncomfortably around her neck.
"Well gee, thanks for that. Just what everyone wants to hear as soon as they wake up." She grunted, flopping onto the couch. Koujaku pulled a pillow over her face and tried to relax, feeling how tired her eyes, body and mind were. Her stomach was twisted in a combination of exhaustion and fear, making her constantly feel nauseous. Koujaku fought a wave of nausea and curled into a ball onto her side, her face pressing into the cool leather back of the couch.
"Hey, woman. Are you going to die?"
Grimmjow's voice appearing suddenly behind Koujaku made her jump, not expecting him to be right there as she fought not to vomit. The fear that she had felt that night returned, making Koujaku's heart pound wildly in her chest, the same feeling of runrunrun coming back full force.
"What? No, fuck off, Grimmjow. I don't feel good." she groused, curling into herself even farther. The woman could hear the coffee table creak from Grimmjow's weight settling on it. A part of Koujaku wanted to snap at Grimmjow to get off it, but the part of Koujaku that was absolutely petrified of him kept her silent.
"You're not sick." Grimmjow stated. His voice was blank and level, making it hard for Koujaku to tell what he was thinking or what he wanted.
"You're scared; absolutely terrified. I can smell it."
Koujaku remained motionless on the couch, her hands now beginning to shake. She hated feeling so helpless, too caught and consumed by her fear to even function properly. Koujaku rolled over to face Grimmjow slowly, holding the pillow between them as if it could protect her from him. Koujaku kept Grimmjow's gaze for a long time, remembering the teal markings around his eyes, the bone fragment on his cheek and the murderous aura of blood-lust he had been exuding.
"What are you?" Koujaku said at last, her voice strong despite the terror she felt. Grimmjow stared at her blankly for a moment before a grin split his face, sharp and feral as anything. He reminded Koujaku of a cat with a bird in its paw.
No... not a cat. Something bigger, more dangerous. A jaguar, perhaps, dragging a still kicking deer up its tree, no hope of escape.
"So you finally caught on, did you?" he stated, voice rumbling dangerously, like thunder in the distance. "What do you know about Hollows?" he asked, grin still splitting his face.
Koujaku frowned, confused. "They used to be people, but they never crossed over, so they became Hollows." she said. Grimmjow tilted his head from side to side, considering her answer.
"That's the general idea of it. Do you know what they eat?" Grimmjow's voice was a dangerous purr. Koujaku knew that he was getting a sick kick out of hearing Koujaku tell him the answer.
Koujaku gritted her teeth, the image of Grimmjow ripping out her throat fluttering through her mind again.
"Souls." she said at length.
"That's right. And when a Hollow eats enough souls, they ascend and become more powerful. If one even manages to rip off its mask, well, you get me."
Grimmjow's face had fallen once again into a blank mask, making it difficult for Koujaku to tell what he was thinking or what he was going to do. She had certainly wished that she had paid more attention to Kisuke and Ichigo when they were telling her about the Arrancar when they had appeared in the world of the living all those months ago. Even if she did pay attention, however, she would have no way of defending herself against one.
She didn't know if she wanted Grimmjow around any longer.
Koujaku expressed her concerns to Orihime a week after the incident with Grimmjow, Orihime standing at the stove cooking one of her weird meals while Koujaku lay on the floor near the table, staring blankly at the ceiling. Orihime's home was small and simple, but it felt very welcoming and warm – a stark contrast to Koujaku's home at the moment, which perpetually seemed cold and foreboding these days. Koujaku knew that if she ever felt lonely or lost, she could come to Orihime, who was always great company.
"I'm just worried that he's going to eat me or something." Koujaku explained, an image of Grimmjow with blood covering his mouth and throat making her shiver. Orihime hummed from her spot at the stove, dicing leeks to put into her apricot and beef stew.
"I know Grimmjow-san doesn't seem like it, but he really has changed since the war between Aizen and Yawach." the younger woman said, voice airy but holding knowledge that Koujaku couldn't comprehend could come from one so young. "He's rude, and scary, and seems like he could rip your spine from your body," Koujaku lifted her head from her spot on the floor, one brow quirked at Orihime's choice of words. "But he has certainly changed from when he first fought Ichigo-kun, and even from when Ichigo-kun defeated Aizen."
Koujaku nibbled on the post of her lip piercing in thought.
"Grimmjow used to live there, right? In Hueco Mundo, I mean."
Orihime nodded her head, pouring the finished stew over a bowl of rice, one for her and one for Koujaku. Koujaku sat up and placed her elbows on the table, eyes following a barely-there pattern in the grain.
"How come he doesn't go back?" she asked, mixing the rice and stew together before taking a bite. Orihime took a bite of hers as well, taking time to chew, as if she were thinking about something.
"Well, when we were fighting in the last war with the Quincies, Grimmjow-san fought against one that poisoned him. He almost died, but Urahara-san and I were able to heal him just in time."
This came as a shock to Koujaku. Grimmjow seemed like the kind of guy that wouldn't die easily, and she couldn't even imagine what that must have been like.
"Grimmjow-san seemed to change after that. He said that he had no more business in Hueco Mundo, and didn't want to go back, but I think that he can't go back."
Koujaku looked from her bowl to Orihime, confused.
"What do you mean?"
Orihime shifted and wrung her hands together in thought. "Quincies use reiatsu to power their weapons, and the Quincy that Grimmjow-san was fighting poisoned him. It took Urahara-san and I so long to even find Grimmjow-san in all the rubble, that by the time we did get to him, he had changed as a result of it. I don't think that he can open the garganta to get back to Hueco Mundo."
"Why wouldn't Grimmjow be able to open up the garganta to get back in?" Koujaku asked. Orihime shrugged.
"I don't know, I never thought about it."
Koujaku pushed her stew and rice around in her bowl, turning something over in her mind. She didn't know very much about Quincies, or how they operated, but she did know that Quincies completely destroyed a hollow instead of cleansing it like a Soul Reaper did. Perhaps something similar happened to Grimmjow? Orihime had said that Grimmjow ingested some type of poison, so it was entirely plausible that it had done irreversible damage to him.
Maybe she would ask Kisuke about it the next time she went to the Shoten.
When Koujaku arrived home that night, she had expected Grimmjow to be lounging on the couch or moping about in his room. Her stomach knotted at the thought of Grimmjow being in her home, prowling around like a hungry cat. She should talk to Kisuke about finding different arrangements for him, maybe if that red haired Soul Reaper wasn't at he Shoten, Grimmjow could-
Whatever train of thought Koujaku was on came to a screeching halt when she heard the sound of glass crunching under her boot in the entrance way. Shards of glass and splintered wood littered the hallway, obviously coming from the table that used to sit next to the door. Koujku cautiously entered the living room, looking on in horror as she saw that the coffee table was broken completely in half and the couch was ripped to shreds, stuffing spilling out of deep gouges in the upholstery. The T.V was still mounted to the wall, but that didn't negate the fact that her home was an absolute and utter fucking wreck.
"What the fuck." Koujaku breathed, staring at her living room with her mouth hanging open stupidly. What on Earth happened in the short time she was gone? It looked like a bomb went off in her home. Grimmjow then sauntered into the room from the back hallway, something clasped in his right hand.
"Oh hey, you're home." He said casually, looking extremely proud of himself for some reason. Koujaku couldn't speak for a full minute, mouth opening and closing like a dying fish.
"What happened to my house?!" Koujaku roared, adrenaline making her heart pound. Grimmjow lifted his arm, the tail of a small mouse pinched between his pointer finger and thumb, the small creature struggling and squeaking feebly as it tried in vain to free itself of Grimmjow's hold.
"There was a mouse, but I caught it." was all he said, extending the tiny creature out, as if he were trying to give it to Koujaku. Koujaku absently held her hand out with her palm up, blinking slowly at the mouse after Grimmjow placed it in her hand. The poor thing looked winded and a bit in shock, resting with its back against her fingers. Koujaku only turned and opened the sliding glass door that led to the back yard and placed the mouse in one of the bushes lining the walkway.
"What are you doing?" Grimmjow started, hackles raised as if he were getting ready to fight. Koujaku whipped around, a feral look in her eye that made the Arrancar stop dead in his tracks. Koujaku's lips were pulled back from her teeth and her hands were fisted at her sides, arms bent slightly at the elbow. Her shoulders were raised ever so slightly and her entire body was taut, pulled tighter than a drum.
If Grimmjow was a jaguar, Koujaku was a wolf, each currently circling the other and squaring up for a fight.
Completely forgetting her fear, Koujaku marched right up to Grimmjow, tilting her head up to look him in the eyes as she took a large fistful of his jacket and shook him like a ragdoll.
"Motherfucker, you best get to cleaning this house before I kill you and leave you in a box on Kisuke's front porch!"
For someone that was a good five inches shorter than Grimmjow, Koujaku certainly knew how to throw her weight around and make the taller male comply with her demands without getting a word in edgewise.
It was well known among Koujaku's friends that she and her father absolutely did not get a long.
Grimmjow hadn't ever taken the time to even consider that Koujaku had any other family apart from her grandmother. Hollows, after all, did not have mothers or fathers or siblings, so the thought was not one that Grimmjow would have entertained had he not met the man himself.
Hato was shorter than Grimmjow, with broad shoulders and a perpetual frown on his face, as if he had just stepped in dog shit and wanted to blame and maim the closest person for it. He had the same black hair and red eyes as Koujaku, but his eyes didn't hold the same range of emotions as his daughters. They were cold, and devoid of any emotion but contempt.
Grimmjow knew immediately that this man was dangerous, and he did not like him one bit.
Koujaku stood in front of her father, her hands tucked carelessly in the pockets of her jacket, but Grimmjow could see the tightness in her shoulder and the barely-there flicker of movement in her eyes that told him she was assessing the man before her for any signs of danger.
"I see that you haven't considered my offer." He said, staring Koujaku in the eye. Koujaku stared defiantly back, not one to back down from a fight or argument.
"No." Was all Koujaku said, eyes narrowed. Hato signed, a long breath releasing from his nose, as if he were expecting Koujaku's answer but was still disappointed all the same.
"That's too bad. I really would have liked for you to join the business. You're good at it."
Grimmjow didn't know what this 'business' was that Koujaku was good at, but he knew it was a sore subject by the way every muscle in the woman's body tightened immediately, as if she were a split second away from leaping over the coffee table to fight her old man.
"I'm not going to be your drug peddling scapegoat anymore." Koujaku growled, face absolutely livid. The muscle in her forearm jumped and twitched.
"I am your father, and you will do as I command." Hato said, voice loud but not yelling. Koujaku scoffed and shifted her weight to one hip.
"If you need to tell me to listen to you just because you're my father, you've already lost." she said calmly, her head tilted back in a way told Grimmjow that she knew she had already won. Hato tsked and stared at Koujaku for a full minute before turning on his heel to leave.
"You're going to regret this, Koujaku." he said. Koujaku didn't say anything and simply let the man leave, staring blankly at the living room window afterward. Grimmjow could smell the fear on Koujaku, acrid and pungent, as if someone had cracked a rotten egg in the room. He didn't understand why she would be so absolutely terrified of her father, but judging by how she shook where she stood it must have been intense. She wasn't even this scared of Grimmjow after she had seen him kill that hollow a few weeks prior.
What was it about this man that would make Koujaku so absolutely terrified of him?
Holy moley, I am so sorry. I kind of forgot what I was doing with this. Have this chapter, even though it's a bit rushed.
Also, thank you to those that have favorited, followed and reviewed this story, it means a lot to hear back from you guys!
I'm glad that you guys are liking the dynamic between Koujaku and the other characters, as well as Koujaku herself! I have a lot of fun writing her!
Who knows when the next update will be. I'm in the process of moving and trying to transfer to another store within my company, so things are definitely going to be hectic, but I promise not to keep you guys waiting for another like, eight months!