Call of Duty Zombies Quotes

by Seven6five2

Quotes The Call of Duty Zombies Characters say In the Call of Duty franchise. Ranging From Maps on World at War to Black Ops III

4. Kino Der Toten

Tank Dempsey

Beginning

"No power, no glory."

— At the beginning.

"Aw, are you freakin' kidding me? No power!"

— At the beginning.

"Well well well. Look's like there ain't no power."

— At the beginning.

"Gonna have to get the power on, it's like déjà vu all over again."

— At the beginning.

"Yep, *sigh* just as I suspected. We need to get the power on."

— At the beginning.

"No power. How original."

— Beginning a match

Killing a Zombie

"Get back, you reekass nasty squag!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"Back off, meatmouth!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"You smell like a pool of shit, freakbag!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"Too close, brain-maggot!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"Move it! This ain't cuddle time!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"You get any closer, I'll gonna have to introduce you to my mother!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"Thank you! Drive-thru!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"Look at that mess I made...Oorah."

— After killing lots of zombies in a row.

"I gotta give ya credit zombie, you got no quit in ya!"

— Upon getting a kill.

"Die! Again! Bonebag!"

— Upon killing a legless/footless zombie.

"You're buried for good now!"

— Upon killing a legless/footless zombie.

"Stay dead, cheesehead!"

— Upon killing a legless/footless zombie.

"Finally put down where you belong!"

— Upon killing a legless/footless zombie.

"Uh-uh! Not a chance, stumpy!"

— Upon killing a legless/footless zombie.

"Motherless flesh-addict!"

— After a knife kill.

"I'm gonna do a jig in your insides, freakbag!"

— After a knife kill.

"Eat my blade, maggot-sack!"

— After a knife kill.

"Taste this, bone-junkie!"

— After a knife kill.

"RARGH!"

— After a knife kill.

"Die, DIE!"

— After a knife kill.

"Blew 'em to high hell!"

— After an explosive kill.

"AWESOME!"

— After an explosive kill.

"Not a chance, bonemaggots!"

— After an explosive kill.

"Hey, freak-bag! You need to learn when to die!"

— After an explosive kill.

"Gotta give him credit, he's not about to quit!"

— After an explosive kill.

"I guess they need to get blown up again!"

— After an explosive kill.

"Stupid undead flesh monkeys! You're dead already!"

— After an explosive kill.

"There's just somethin' so beautiful about blowin' shit up!"

— After an explosive kill.

"Blood-sucking gutter-slugs, are goin' out Dempsey-style!"

— After an explosive kill.

"Oo-fuckin'-rah!"

— After an explosive kill.

"Whoo-hoo! Haven't lost a touch!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Cracked him right in the dome!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"I should get twice the points for that shot!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Of course I skulled it! What else would I do?!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Slug to the skull! Nice."

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Hope you can appreciate a perfect shot!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"No head. No dinner. Awesome."

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Squish! Ha!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Pop! Right in the head!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Can't eat meat without a mouth!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Argh! Fuck me that smells!"

— After killing a Nova Crawler.

"Hey, zombies! What time you got there? Oh ho ho, sorry."

— Upon shooting a zombie's limb.

"Can't swing without that arm, pus-brain!"

— Upon shooting a zombie's limb.

"Wow! Blew that clean off. Hehe."

— Upon shooting a zombie's limb.

"They don't hold together so well, do they? (Laughs)"

— Upon shooting a zombie's limb.

"I HATE these stumpy skin-jerking flesh-junkies!"

— Upon making a crawler.

"Oh, what was that noise?"

— When noticing a Nova Crawler.

"Uh-oh. Sounds like we got some new friends coming to the party!"

— When noticing a Nova Crawler.

"Ah, great! Now what!?"

— When noticing a Nova Crawler.

"Shit! Gutter-slugs!"

— When noticing a Nova Crawler.

"Creepy little slime-balls raining from the sky. Great."

— When noticing a Nova Crawler.

"Richtofen! Lay off the sauerkraut, man!"

— After killing a Nova Crawler.

"How do ya like that, creepy crawler!"

— After killing a Nova Crawler.

"Argh! Those things need to see the sunshine every once in a while!"

— After killing a Nova Crawler.

"He just... he just blew all over the place! *laughs* Wow!"

— Upon getting a kill with Thundergun/Zeus Cannon.

"I think I'll just send that thing back to 1946!"

— Upon getting a kill with Thundergun/Zeus Cannon.

"Okay, woah! That was bad-ass!"

— Upon getting a kill with Thundergun/Zeus Cannon.

"Eat that, ya blood-drinkin' marro-monkeys!"

— Upon getting a kill with Thundergun/Zeus Cannon.

"Woo! What a blast!"

— Upon getting a kill with Thundergun/Zeus Cannon.

"*in advertising voice* Killing zombies in one simple step! Batteries not included."

— When getting multiple kills with the Thundergun/Zeus Cannon.

"Killing zombies since 1945! Ooh-Ra!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Die you undead flesh-whores!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Hey zombies, you're dying over here!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"More dead here than a goth party!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"You keep coming, I'll keep killing!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Just look at'em all die! Steeerike!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"WOOHOO!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Oh yeah! Feel it, meat-sacks!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Sure, leave it up to me to kill'em all!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Kickin' ass and gettin' paid! Two of my favourite things."

— Upon multiple kills.

"If I keep this up, I'm running out of zombies."

— Upon multiple kills.

"Time to do the death dance, baby!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Meet Tank Dempsey! Your worst nightmare!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"You're done-sky, freak-sack!"

— Upon getting a kill with a Ray Gun.

"Woah! That shit is far out, man. (Laughs)"

— Upon getting a kill with a Ray Gun.

"You got lit up!"

— Upon getting a kill with a Ray Gun.

"Here today, uh, gone today, too. (Laughs)"

— Upon getting a kill with a Ray Gun.

"Nope! No coming back from that."

— Upon getting a kill with a Ray Gun.

"Oh yeah, That little dude is badass!"

— Upon getting a kill with a Monkey Bomb.

"Get'em, monkey bones!."

— Upon getting a kill with a Monkey Bomb.

"That just never gets old."

— Upon getting a kill with a Monkey Bomb.

"Oh-Raaah!"

— Upon getting a kill with a Monkey Bomb.

"Always amazed of how cool this little guy is."

— Upon getting a kill with a Monkey Bomb.

Being hit by a ZombieEdit

"Eat it, ya nasty squag!"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.

"Die, you undead flesh-addict!"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.

"K to the I to the A, Zombitch!"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him, reference to status K.I.A (Killed in Action)

"You had no chance, bonemonkey!"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him

"Look out, freakbag! I bite back!"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him

"Get off of me!"

— Upon being hit by a legless/footless zombie.

"L'eggo of my boots, stumpy!"

— Upon being hit by a legless/footless zombie.

"Aw! You're gettin' pus all over my pants!"

— Upon being hit by a legless/footless zombie.

"You wanna lick my boots, freakbag?!"

— Upon being hit by a legless/footless zombie.

"Knee-biting maggot!"

— Upon being hit by a legless/footless zombie.

"Hand it with the humpy, stumpy!"

— Upon being hit by a legless/footless zombie.

Hellhound

"Ah great... this again!"

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"Bring on the dogs!"

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"I ain't gonna be any puppy's chew toy!"

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"Time to put you down puppy-dog!"

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"Fetch my grenade, devil voice!"

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"Fuck you, Fido!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"Down, boy!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"That's the last leg you'll ever hump!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"Damn! That was hot!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"Bad doggie!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"Woah! It just blew up!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

Downed or revived

"Fucker caught me napping!"

— When downed. He also says this quote in Der Riese.

"Man down, MAN DOWN!"

— When downed.

"My gun was jammed, else that wouldn't have happened."

— Said when being revived.

"Ahh shit, this is embarrassing!"

— When downed. He also says this quote in Der Riese.

"Someone wanna help me out here?"

— When downed.

"I hope you choke, meat-sack!"

— When downed. He also says this quote in Der Riese

"Lucky bone-sucking maggot-whores... they're really gonna pay now!"

— After being revived.

"Whatever... even a blind squirrel is right twice a day."

— After being revived.

"So they got a little lucky... WHAT?!"

— After being revived.

"Don't worry, just tripped."

— After being revived.

"Wait, I'm not turning yet, am I?"

— After being revived.

Ammo

"Feeling light. Need the juice."

— When low ammo.

"Gonna need some juice soon!"

— When low ammo.

"Gotta get some more rounds."

— When low ammo.

"Need some more ammo."

— When out of ammo.

"Knee deep in zombie shit with no ammo! Glorious!"

— When out of ammo.

"Hey! Player! I need more ammo or we're going down!"

— When out of ammo.

"Hey! Player! Drop the chips and get me some ammo!"

— When out of ammo.

"I need to find some lead or I'm gonna get bored here!"

— When out of ammo.

"Damn! I'm outta juice!"

— When out of ammo.

"Gonna have to round up some rounds!"

— When low on ammo or out of ammo.

"I need more ammunition! Ahh! Ahh!"

— When low on ammo or out of ammo.

Buying weapons off the wallEdit

"The only thing better than an M16 is... well, two M16s!"

— After buying a M16 off the wall.

"Ah, the M16. 5.56 millimeter magazine-fed gas-operated sweetness... just like me."

— After buying a M16 off the wall.

"M16! Oh, it'll be a classic one day."

— After buying a M16 off the wall.

"The M16 *kiss*! One of my favourite deadly weapons."

— After buying a M16 off the wall.

"M-1-6. LOVE IT OR EAT IT!"

— After buying a M16 off the wall.

"Oh-rah! Tank's best friend."

— After buying a M16 off the wall.

"Wonder if they'll even know what hit them. Ha ha!"

— After buying a M14 off the wall.

"Little gun, lots of holes!"

— Buying a SMG off the wall

"I'm gonna spill their guts all over the place, haha!"

— After buying an Olympia off the wall.

"Hell yes!"

— After buying a Stakeout off the wall.

"Nothing like a SMG! haha."

— After buying an AK-74u off the wall.

"Rapid-fire sweetness!"

— After buying a MPL off the wall.

"Hey zombie! Wanna try out my new gun?"

— Buying an SMG off the wall

"Time to meet the butcher, meat-bags!"

— Buying a Bowie Knife.

"I'm gonna CUT'EM UP!"

— Buying a Bowie Knife.

"Oh sweet! Bowie Knife!"

— Buying a Bowie Knife.

"It's time to get up and personal."

— Buying a Bowie Knife.

"Time to carve the turkey."

— Buying a Bowie Knife.

Power-up

"Whoo! More shit to kill with!"

— Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"RE-JUICED!"

— Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"Ammunition on the house!"

— Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"Wait, we ARE keeping score?"

— Upon getting a Double Points power-up. A possible reference to a quote made in Der Riese.

"Shoot 'em up!"

— Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"Sweet!"

— Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"That'll keep'em out for a few."

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up

"Lock'em out."

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"Our asses are covered...for a moment anyway."

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"Aww, looks I'll have to wait till they break through again."

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"(Laughs) Sorry, meat-bags. You're stuck outside."

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"NUUUKE!"

— Upon getting a Nuke.

"KA-BOOOOM!"

— Upon getting a Nuke.

"BOOM FUCKING RAH, maggot-addicts!"

— Said upon getting a nuke.

"Eat that ya undead flesh monkeys!"

— Upon getting a Nuke.

"Man up Zombies, it's time to die."

— Upon getting Insta-Kill.

"Now, that's what I'm talkin' about!"

— Upon getting Insta-Kill.

"Ooh yeah, devil man!"

— Upon getting a Fire Sale.

"Fire Sale! Oh, yeah!"

— Upon getting a Fire Sale.

"Discounted killin'!"

— Upon getting a Fire Sale.

"Clean up on Isle 5!"

— Upon getting a Fire Sale.

"Fill your carts with discount parts!"

— Upon getting a Fire Sale.

"Attention freakbags, everything must go!"

— Upon getting a Fire Sale.

Perk-a-Cola

"Tastes like... fermented herring dipped in cat piss... blaugh."

— Upon drinking Quick Revive.

"Yeah, that hit the spot."

— Upon drinking Speed Cola.

"Reach for me, Jugger Girl. Oo-rah."

— Upon drinking Juggernog.

"Ugh, why is this stuff so damn chewy?"

— Upon drinking Double Tap Root Beer.

Pack-a-Punch

"Wonder if Richtofen has gears like those in his head."

— While waiting for Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"Man... I wish we could replace Richtofen with a hot chick, I'm getting lonely here."

— While waiting for Pack-a-Punch Machine. A possible reference to Richtofen's Grand Scheme.

"Yeah, Pack a punch, just like me."

— While waiting for Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"C'mon Pack-a-Punch, you better hurry up!"

— While waiting for Pack-a-Punch Machine. A reference to how players have a limited time to pack-a-punch and grab their gun before they teleport again.

"(Grunts)"

— While waiting for Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"Hell yeah, Dempsey gets an upgrade!"

— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"Bring it on, freak-sacks!"

— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"It's about time!"

— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"Those undead flesh-sacks are gonna get CREAMED!"

— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"They're about to get busted up real quick!"

— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"A fire-breathing shotgun? Tears me up just thinking about it!"

— After getting Hades from the Pack-a-Punch Machine

"A shotgun that breathes fire? Oh, you gotta be fuckin' killin' me!"

— After getting Hades from the Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"A fire-breathing shotgun!? BADASS!"

— After getting Hades from the Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"This has got to be the coolest thing I've even seen!"

— After getting Hades from the Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"As if I were badass enough already!"

— After getting Hades from the Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"So, let me get this straight. First, it blows a hole in their guts, then it burns the hell out of'em? Genius!"

— After getting Hades from the Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"(Laughs) Yeah, and I didn't think this couldn't get any more fun!"

— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

Mystery Box

"Time to die, bone-jaw!"

— After getting a Commando from Mystery Box.

"Little gun, lots of holes."

— After getting a Spectre from Mystery Box.

"This is gonna turn'em into red mist!"

— After getting a Spectre, SMG or possibly the Ray Gun from the Mystery Box.

"No more nice guy bone-jaw, I'm gonna kick your ass."

— After getting a SPAS-12 from Mystery Box.

"Time to make some noise!"

— After getting a HS-10 from Mystery Box.

"Oh ho, now this oughta be a good time."

— After getting a China Lake from Mystery Box.

"It's blow'em up buffet! And I'm packin' a main course!"

— After getting a Crossbow from Mystery Box.

"Hey, zombies! I have a little present for ya!"

— After getting a M72 LAW from Mystery Box.

"That's the ticket!"

— After getting a RPK from Mystery Box.

"I'm gonna open up on'em now!"

— After getting a HK21 from Mystery Box.

"This is good for taking names!"

— After getting a FAMAS from Mystery Box.

"It's slaughter time!"

— After getting a AUG from Mystery Box.

"I hope they're ready to get a gut full of slugs!"

— After getting a Galil from Mystery Box.

"You ready to party, gutter-slugs!?"

— After getting a G11 from Mystery Box.

"Can't wait to see what I can do with this! Oh-Rah!"

— After getting a Commando from Mystery Box.

"Rapid-fire lead-slinger! That's what I'm about!"

— After getting a RPK from Mystery Box.

"Well, I see the future hasn't changed anything! Fucking box!"

— After getting a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"That's just craptastic!"

— After getting a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"At least this thing doesn't cost real money!"

— After getting a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"*Laughs* Almost nothin'!"

— After getting a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"Good thing I've always got my FISTS!"

— After getting a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"If luck were a zombie, I'd kick his ass!"

— After getting a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"I've got two guns!? AWESOME!"

— After getting a duel CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"Oh yeah. Double the pain, freak-bags!"

— After getting a duel CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"Two guns! I must be in heaven."

— After getting a duel CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"Things just keep on gettin' better!"

— After getting a duel CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"(Sarcastic) Oh man, are you kiddin' me!? Two guns just ain't fair!"

— After getting a duel CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"Monkey! So glad to see you again, buddy!"

— After getting a Monkey Bomb from Mystery Box.

"Aww, what a cute little bundle of C4!"

— After getting a Monkey Bomb from Mystery Box.

"Monkey! It's just about party time for you!"

— After getting a Monkey Bomb from Mystery Box.

"Walkin' talkin' bundle ass kickin'! Why is that so familiar to me?"

— After getting a Monkey Bomb from Mystery Box.

"Those slimy flesh-bags are in for a wild time!"

— After getting a Monkey Bomb from Mystery Box.

"*chuckles* Hey, Box! Fuck you!"

— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"You keep on laughin', little girl! When I find you! You're grounded!"

— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"Man! Why does it always do that to me!"

— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"Ah, I didn't want a new gun anyway!"

— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"Oh, of course! I get the damn teddy bear!"

— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"Can't roll the bet if I can't place the dice!"

— When trying to use the Mystery Box without enough points.

"Check out those cool lights and buttons...Hehe."

— After receiving the Thundergun.

"Oh yeah! BOOM!"

— After receiving the Thundergun.

"I'm gonna rock'em like Thor!"

— After receiving the Thundergun.

"I'm gonna flatin' the world with this! Oh-rah!"

— After receiving the Thundergun.

"Yup, this oughta bring the pain."

— After receiving the Thundergun.

"Oh, they are gonna dig this!"

— After Receiving the Ray Gun.

"(In a taunting voice) I got the Ray Gun! (Normal) Awesome!"

— After Receiving the Ray Gun.

"Alright Ray, it's you and me against the world."

— After receiving the Ray Gun.

"I love me the Ray Gun!"

— After Receiving the Ray Gun.

"I'm gonna make'em squirm!"

— After Receiving the Ray Gun.

"Sweet! Ray Gun!"

— After Receiving the Ray Gun.

Interactive

"Nice shot, Takeo!"

— When Takeo gets a headshot.

"Beautiful!"

— When Takeo gets a headshot.

"Perfect! As I would expect from a soldier like you!"

— When Takeo gets a headshot.

"Keep it up, Takeo! You're gonna be USMC honored!"

— When Takeo gets a headshot.

"Do it again, Tak!"

— When Takeo gets a headshot.

"Oh, you turned it's head inside out! OORAH!"

— When Takeo gets a headshot.

"We're coming, Takeo!"

— When Takeo is swarmed.

"Hang in, Tak! On the way!"

— When Takeo is swarmed.

"Covering fire on its way for ya, Tak!"

— When Takeo is swarmed.

"We gotta go help out Takeo!"

— When Takeo is swarmed.

"Takeo's in trouble! Gotta help him!"

— When Takeo is swarmed.

"Nice work, Takeo! But, you missed some."

— When Takeo makes a crawler.

"We have a knee-biter comin' in!"

— When Takeo makes a crawler.

"Watch out for the crawler!"

— When Takeo makes a crawler.

"You see what you did there, Takeo!"

— When Takeo makes a crawler.

"Hey! Takeo! Some of it's still alive!"

— When Takeo makes a crawler.

"Wind 'em up and let 'em loose, Takeo!"

— When Takeo gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Unleash the little guy, Takeo!"

— When Takeo gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Use the monkey, Takeo! I like its little song!"

— When Takeo gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Blow em' to hell, Takeo!"

— When Takeo gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Hey Takeo! Wind it up and see if Richtofen will chase it down!"

— When Takeo gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Lucky shot!"

— When Richtofen gets a headshot.

"Hehe, you must've been aiming at the other one."

— When Richtofen gets a headshot.

"Accidental discharge, Richtofen?"

— When Richtofen gets a headshot.

"Glad your luck hasn't run out, Richtofen."

— When Richtofen gets a headshot.

"I've made that shot before without a gun."

— When Richtofen gets a headshot.

"Richtofen's all surrounded! Let's leave him to his friends!"

— When Richtofen is swarmed.

"Hey, Richtofen! Stop dating and start shooting!"

— When Richtofen is swarmed.

"Yo, Richtofen. You find your MOTHER!?"

— When Richtofen is swarmed.

"Looks like you've got some fans there, Richtofen!"

— When Richtofen is swarmed.

"Richtofen's got zombies all over him! Must be that evil scent he puts out."

— When Richtofen is swarmed.

"Seriously, Richtofen, you gotta at least TRY to kill the thing!"

— When Richtofen makes a crawler.

"Thanks a ton, Doc. You just made a crawler!"

— When Richtofen makes a crawler.

"We got a stumpy comin' in, thanks to the Doctor!"

— When Richtofen makes a crawler.

"Not a lot of good can happen when the Doc is shootin'."

— When Richtofen makes a crawler.

"Stop playing, Richtofen! Kill it already!"

— When Richtofen makes a crawler.

"Quit trying to torture the zombies, Richtofen! You've done enough already!"

— When Richtofen makes a crawler.

"Ah, poor little monkey. All alone in Richtofen's hands."

— When Richtofen gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Look like Richtofen has multiplied!"

— When Richtofen gets the Monkey Bomb.

"I don't know what's worse. Richtofen with a gun or with the stuffed monkey."

— When Richtofen gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Hey, Richtofen. Wind it up and hold it for a while. I wanna see what happens!"

— When Richtofen gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Richtofen, stop playing with your monkey, man!"

— When Richtofen gets the Monkey Bomb.

Other

"Haha, and you thought I wouldn't find it."

— Upon entering the bathroom at first floor.

"No time for sugar, baby. I'm here to check the meter!"

— Upon entering the dressing room.

"Hey, check it out! I'm outside!"

— Upon gaining access to the alley.

"Alright, I always did want a spot on the big screen."

— After the power is turned on and then, entering the theater.

"Another easter egg. Ha! How do they do it."

— Upon entering the foyer.

"They're everywhere! Awesome."

— When swarmed by zombies.

"Time to die! Uh, you guys. Not me!"

— When swarmed by zombies.

"Hey, did Richtofen send you all!?"

— When swarmed by zombies.

"They're all around me! That's believe in the odds."

— When swarmed by zombies.

"Never saw a zombie swarm I didn't like."

— When swarmed by zombies.

"You corner at Dempsey, you'll get dead real quick."

— When swarmed by zombies.

"It's gonna take everyone of you to take me down!"

— When swarmed by zombies.

"Woo! Bring it on!"

— When swarmed by zombies.

"Die, you blood-sucking slack-jawed maggot-bags!"

— When swarmed by zombies.

"Aw, come on! Where's my backup!?"

— When swarmed by zombies.

"Ahh, just what I like! Multiple targets!"

— When swarmed by zombies.

"Lob the lead, freak-bags! You're all gonna die today!"

— When swarmed by zombies.

"Hey, I found all the zombies!"

— When swarmed by zombies.

"Let's see, a thousand zombies, one Dempsey. Yeah, that's probably fair."

— When swarmed by zombies.

"Is it just me or am I alone here? Hehe."

— When swarmed by zombies.

"Why is it always up to me!?"

— When swarmed by zombies.

Meteorite Quotes

"Looks like part of a meteor."

— After having the first piece of the meteor.

"Here's another one!"

— After found the second piece of the meteor.

"This has gotta be the last piece."

— After finding the last piece of the meteor.

"I found the hidden song. Awesome!"

— Upon activating the "115" song easter egg.

Portrait Quotes

"Ahh, a tale of two Dempseys. Starts slow, but, has a happy ending."

— After examining his portrait.

"Whoa, looks like Nikolai's put on a few pounds. What's he been eatin'?"

— After examining Nikolai's portrait.

"Awwwww, our little bundle of badass."

— After examining Takeo's portrait.

"His portrait's bigger than anyone elses. Must be trying to compensate for somethin'."

— Upon examining Richtofen's portrait.

"Hey, look! It's nobody!"

— After examining the blacked-out portrait.

Cut Quotes

"The Waffle! Killing zombies made easy in one single step. Batteries included."

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box. (Said in a very fast, commercial-sounding voice.)

"Hell yes! Bring it, you nasty squags!"

Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"Element 115. Concentrated to a single beam of pure badassery...wait...how the hell do I know that?"

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box. Note reference to the brainwashing effect caused by Element 115 on Takeo, Nikolai, and Dempsey.

"The DG-2... one slick piece of machinery."

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"Wonder Waffle...yeah. Thing 'o beauty."

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"Hey zombies! You like Waffles?"

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"Welcome to the party meatsacks!"

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"They got ZERO chance against me and the Wonder Waffle!"

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"You see that? HOLY SHIT BALLS!"

— Killing zombie/s with the Wunderwaffe DG-2

"Time to fry freakmaggots!"

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"BZZZ! ZAP! Woohoo!"

— Killing zombie/s with the Wunderwaffe DG-2

"Time to cook up some stench stakes! Haha!"

Receiving a M2 Flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"Gotta light the grill!"

Receiving a M2 Flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"They're gotta get lit like Nikolai!"

Receiving a M2 Flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"I'm gonna burn'em to the ground."

Receiving a M2 Flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"I'm gonna make me some ashes!"

Receiving a M2 Flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"Mmm, bacon! (Laughs)"

Receiving a M2 Flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"BURN!"

— Killing zombie/s with the M2 Flamethrower

"That smells a little like popcorn."

— Killing zombie/s with the flamethrower

"Woo! You want fries with that?!"

— Killing zombie/s with the flamethrower

"Mmm. That's some well done meat right there."

— Killing zombie/s with the flamethrower

"Burn in hell, you skull sucking maggot!"

— Killing zombie/s with the flamethrower

Nikolai Belinski

Beginning

"Maybe someone should go turn on the power now."

— At the beginning.

"No power! Just like home."

— At the beginning.

"I think we need to do something about the power."

— At the beginning.

"Who didn't pay the electric bill?"

— At the beginning.

"We should go find the fuse box."

— At the beginning.

Killing a Zombie

"Out of my way piz-da!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"Move it! Coming through!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"You got puss on my new shirt!..I have to dry clean now!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"You capitalist pigdogs!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"It tried to take my vodka!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"Die by the hand of Nikolai! Hey, dat rhyme, heh..."

— Upon getting a kill when "Insta-Kill" is on.

"Die now, son of bitch!"

— Upon getting a kill when Insta-Kill is on.

"Do svidaniya, bitches!"

— Upon getting a kill when Insta-Kill is on. ("Do svidaniya" meaning "goodbye" in Russian.)

"Euuuaaaaghhhhhh!"

— Upon getting a kill when Insta-Kill is on.

"I'll drink to your death"

— Upon getting a kill when Insta-Kill is on.

"Now that's what I call a goulash!"

— Killing multiple zombies with an explosive weapon

"You fall like coddled bourgeois."

— When getting multiple kills

"I made a very big mess."

— When getting multiple kills

"No it's MY VODKA! MINE! MY OWN!"

— When getting multiple kills

"Death to you, demon-spawn!"

— When getting multiple kills

"I just killed a billion zombies! Why is no one helping?!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Good hellspawns! Die!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Like wheat before scythe."

— Upon multiple kills.

"Nikolai cannot die. Hey, that rhymes!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Hey guys, look what I did."

— Upon multiple kills.

"The Red Army cannot be overrun!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Ha! You cannot even beat a drunk Soviet!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"NEVER mess with a Soviet!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"No! No vodka for you!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"If that's all you got. Maybe, I'm not drinking enough."

— Upon multiple kills.

"STAY AWAY FROM MY VODKA! What? It's a classic!"

— After an explosive kill.

"This fucking gun is amazing!"

— Getting a kill with the Ray Gun

"That was satisfying."

— Getting a kill with the Ray Gun

"I've got more for you."

— Getting a kill with the Ray Gun

"No chance for you, hellpig!"

— Getting a kill with the Ray Gun

"No more drinks for you! You've been cut off. heh."

— Getting a kill with the Ray Gun

"They were here, now they're not. Such is life in the...ah, fuck it."

— After an explosive kill.

"Explosives make things so much easier."

— After an explosive kill.

"BOOM! You are dead!"

— After an explosive kill.

"Have a round on me! Get it? Because... never mind, fuck you."

— Upon getting a headshot.

"I can barely see, but that sounded like it hit his head!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Right between the glaza (eyes)!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Either I'm good or I'm drunk. I hit two zombies with one bullet!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Your misery has ended, comrade."

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Die AGAIN, hellpig!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Never mess with a Russian when drinks are on the line!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Somehow, I have good aim!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Poor Russian lost his head."

— Upon getting a headshot.

"My aim is straight. My vision is blurry."

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Don't slip in the slime!"

— Upon killing a Nova Crawler.

"What's that smell? Maybe I sharted."

— Upon killing a Nova Crawler.

"DIE slime thing, DIE! DIE!"

— Upon killing a Nova Crawler.

"You got slime on my uniform!"

— Upon killing a Nova Crawler.

"*sniffs* Ugh, that smells disgusting, like my fourth wife... She pretty though.. pretty and smelly, weird combo."

— Upon killing a Nova Crawler.

"Like the fist of Stalin... up your ass."

— Upon getting a kill with the Thundergun.

"Crushed under the might of the Red Army!"

— Upon getting a kill with the Thundergun.

"How do you like that, demons!"

— Upon getting a kill with the Thundergun.

"DIE, you filthy dogs!"

— Upon getting a kill with the Thundergun.

"Oh..They're splattered all over the place now."

— Upon getting a kill with the Thundergun.

"Nikolai cannot die! Hey, that rhymes!"

— After a knife kill.

"Die, demon hell-pigs!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"You left your arm behind!"

— After destroying a zombie's limb.

"He's half the zombie he used to be."

— After destroying a zombie's limb.

"Limbless creature, I still have no pity."

— After destroying a zombie's limb.

"He can't sip from his bottle anymore."

— After destroying a zombie's limb.

"I will put you out of your misery now."

— After destroying a zombie's limb.

"From Russia with great affection!"

— After killing a zombie, a reference to the movie From Russia with Love.

"Oh sure, you grovel, but you still cannot have any vodka!"

— Upon spawning a legless/footless zombie.

"Looks like I didn't get all of him."

— Upon spawning a legless/footless zombie.

"He is persistent, like begging peasant!"

— Upon spawning a legless/footless zombie.

"Hey! Look what you're doing to the floor!"

— Upon spawning a legless/footless zombie.

"He's crawling back to me, just like good woman. Heh."

— Upon spawning a legless/footless zombie.

"It pains me to kill you again, comrade."

— Upon getting a kill on a legless/footless zombie.

"That one isn't a problem anymore."

— Upon getting a kill on a legless/footless zombie.

"If only I had time to piss on you too."

— Upon getting a kill on a legless/footless zombie.

"Die, you filthy creature!"

— Upon getting a kill on a legless/footless zombie.

"Stand up and say that to my face!"

— Upon getting a kill on a legless/footless zombie.

"Screw all of you!"

— Upon getting a kill with the Monkey Bomb.

"I think the zombies hate you monkey!"

— Upon getting a kill with the Monkey Bomb.

"I can't believe that works."

— Upon getting a kill with the Monkey Bomb.

"I knew that monkey was good for something."

— Upon getting a kill with the Monkey Bomb.

"Good! That song was driving me nuts."

— Upon getting a kill with the Monkey Bomb. A reference to a similar quote in Der Riese.

Being hit by a ZombieEdit

"OW! My shins!"

— When getting attacked by a crawler.

"What was that? Oh, crawler!"

— When getting attacked by a crawler.

"Stay off my boots, hellpig!"

— When getting attacked by a crawler.

"Stop scratching me!"

— When getting attacked by a crawler.

"Get off of me, swine."

— When getting attacked by a crawler.

"Die, Satan's minions!"

— When getting attacked by a zombie.

"I like it rough, but not that rough!"

— When getting attacked by a zombie.

"You know how to say "owned" in Russian? OWNT!"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.

"No it's my vodka! MINE! MINE OWN!"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.

"No touchie! ...I have issue."

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.

"You are dead now! But you were dead before! Ah, fuck you!"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.

"You see what happens when you touch Nikolai?!"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.

Hellhound

"Let's play "Fetch the Grenade", demon spawn!"

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"Come cyka, I have vodka for you."

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"They are trying to fetch our souls again!"

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"You don't want my soul, it probably tastes like vodka. Mmm... vodka."

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"I think there are dogs coming now."

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"Die, helldog!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"Woof. Woof. Die, demon-spawn!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"Down, cyka!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound. (cyka Translates to Bitch in russian)

"No soul for you!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"*spits* Ugh...it got fur in my mouth"

— Killing a Hellhound

Down or revivedEdit

"I have made mess in trousers..."

— When downed.

"Maybe I have time for drink."

— When downed. A reference to a similar quote in Der Riese.

"Do not leave me to the maggots!"

— When downed. A reference to a similar quote in Der Riese.

"Oh, I feel stupid..."

— When downed. A reference to a similar quote in Der Riese.

"Come back! Nikolai can still fight!"

— When downed. A reference to a similar quote in Der Riese.

"Wha-what? I was only taking a nap!"

— After being revived.

"You see what happened to me? There were thousands!"

— After being revived.

"All right, all right, I'll get up all ready, sheesh... *quietly* like mother."

— After being revived.

"What? Is breaktime over now?"

— After being revived.

"How do you say... "thank you" in Idiot?"

— After being revived.

Ammo

"Getting low on ammunition!"

— When low on ammo.

"Running low on ammo! I'm drunk..."

— When low ammo.

"Greedy capitalist dogs! Give me ammo!"

— When low of ammo

"Why am I always needing more ammo?"

— When low of ammo.

"If I don't find ammo, I will have to kill them with my breath!"

— When low of ammo.

"It's that clicking again! Oh, ammo!"

— When out of ammo.

"Hey, where is all the ammo at?"

— When out of ammo.

"I'm out of ammo! Maybe I should just drink instead... piss on someone..."

— When out of ammo.

"When did I run out of ammo?"

— When out of ammo.

"Why is no one caring about my lack of ammo?"

— When out of ammo.

Buying weapons off the wall

"Holding this up makes my arms so tired."

— After getting a sniper rifle or M14 from the Mystery Box.

"Hey... snipers may wear diapers, but we get all the ladies. eh? Hey hey."

— Upon buying an M14 off the wall.

"I can camp somewhere and not have to move so much. Good. I get tired."

— Upon buying an M14 off the wall.

"Alright, who wants to try and take me?"

— After buying any SMG off the wall.

"Eheheh. Come baby...we do the 59, eh? He he..."

— After buying any SMG from the wall.

"This is "nice and light"..."

— After buying any SMG off the wall.

"This will make demon-holes nicely!"

— After buying any SMG from the wall. (These SMG lines above are also said when getting a SMG from the Mystery Box.)

"A shotgun, now I just need a shot glass! He he!"

— After buying an Olympia off the wall.

"Please, I have no job!"

— When attempt to buy a weapon without requisite points.

"Such quality manufacturing. Must come from Motherland."

— When buying the Bowie Knife

"I will stab them in the back, like Stalin did me."

— When buying the Bowie Knife

"This weapon makes me happy."

— When buying the Bowie Knife

"I will cut them, like a filthy capitalist pig!"

— When buying the Bowie Knife

"What a sturdy piece of equipment!"

— When buying the Bowie Knife

Power-up

"Just what the doctor ordered."

— Upon receiving a Max Ammo power-up.

"Why am I so heavy now?"

— Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"This is proper socialist reform!"

— Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"It is happy hour!"

— Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"Vodka for everybody!"

— Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"Capitalism. If you can't beat them. Meh."

— Upon getting a Fire-Sale power-up

"If this were Russian, it would be free. Just big lines."

— Upon getting a Fire-Sale power-up

"Ugh, these lights are making me sick."

— Upon getting a Fire-Sale power-up

"What is happening? That music sucks. I need another drink."

— Upon getting a Fire Sale power-up.

"A Fire-Sale. I hope they have vodka."

— Upon getting a Fire Sale power-up.

"Salut!"

— Upon getting the Nuke power-up

"Nikolai is coming for you!"

— Upon getting an Insta-Kill power-up.

"Taste communist aggression, filthy wormtrain!"

— Upon getting an Insta-Kill power-up.

"I drink to the nuclear bomb!"

— Upon getting the Nuke power-up

"Die, demon hellpigs!"

— Upon getting a Nuke power-up.

"Oh good, I don't have to do anything."

— Upon getting the Carpenter power-up.

"That will keep em' out for a while."

— Upon getting the Carpenter power-up.

"Did you guys hear that voice?"

— Upon getting the Carpenter power-up.

"Stay out, helldogs!"

— Upon getting the Carpenter power-up.

"Thank you, disembodied girl voice."

— Upon getting the Carpenter power-up.

Perk-a-Cola

"I think Dempsey is right. It is a bit fishy."

— Upon drinking Quick Revive.

"Reach for vodka tooooniiiiggghhht..."

— Upon drinking Juggernog. (Said in song of "Jugger-Nog" tune.)

"Why can I see so clearly now?"

— Upon drinking Speed Cola.

"My tap is now doubled, but not my vodka!"

— When Double Tap Root Beer is bought.

Pack-a-Punch

"Uhh, this is like standing in grocery line!"

— While waiting for Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"This better be good. It cost enough!"

— While waiting for Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"Hurry hurry hurry hurry hurry! Come on!"

— Putting a gun in the Pack-A-Punch machine

"Waiting is good! I can have more drink!"

— Putting a gun in the Pack-A-Punch machine

"*snores* Eh, fuck you."

— Putting a gun in the Pack-A-Punch machine

"This Soviet is ready to fight now!"

— After receiving a H115 Oscillator.

"I will hold the demon-spawn at bay with this!"

— After receiving a H115 Oscillator.

"HK Goodness!"

— After receiving a H115 Oscillator.

"Die demon-spawn!"

— After receiving a H115 Oscillator.

"What I wouldn't give for two of these, heh."

— After receiving a H115 Oscillator.

"May you rest in pieces, zombies!"

— After receiving a H115 Oscillator.

"Don't worry guys! Nikolai is coming for you!"

— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"Oh, I like, it's pretty!"

— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"Such power, so smooth! And this upgraded weapon is nice too..."

— Upon receiving a Pack-A-Punched weapon.

"Heh, a weapon suitable for a Soviet."

— Upon receiving a Pack-A-Punched weapon.

"Da-BOOM!"

— Upon receiving a Pack-A-Punched weapon.

"Exactly what I need!"

— Upon receiving a Pack-A-Punched weapon.

"Oh I like! It's pretty!"

— Upon receiving a Pack-A-Punched weapon.

Mystery Box

"Got ninety-nine problems, but a gun ain't one, da!"

— After getting an Assault Rifle from Mystery Box. (Also said when buying an M16) and a reference to "99 Problems", a song by Jay-Z.

"Beats a hammer and sickle every time."

— After getting an Assault Rifle from Mystery Box. (Also said when buying an M16. Actually in all the lines below.)

"Ohhh, look it how shiny she is."

— After getting an Assault Rifle from Mystery Box.

"A toast to a brilliant weapon."

— After getting an Assault Rifle from Mystery Box.

"This should help me protect my vodka."

— After getting an Assault Rifle from Mystery Box.

"Hello zombies, I am coming for you!"

— After getting an Assault Rifle from Mystery Box.

"More bullets, more drinks. This is not so bad."

— After getting an Assault Rifle from Mystery Box.

"HA! THIS is the FN falafel! I like!"

After getting a FN FAL from Mystery Box.

"Magnificent!"

— After getting a FN FAL from Mystery Box.

"I love this FN gun! Get it? Cause it's a FN? like... fuck!"

— After getting a FN FAL from Mystery Box.

"I wish they had more vodka to go with falafel."

— After getting a FN FAL from Mystery Box.

"Aw! I got the FN FAIL! Heh Heh. Get it?"

— After getting the FN FAL from the Mystery Box

"This FN FAL is good weapon, no?"

— After getting a FN FAL from Mystery Box.

"I like this."

— After getting a FN FAL from Mystery Box.

"They stand no chance against this Soviet."

— After getting a shotgun from the Mystery Box (also said after buying an Olympia or a Stakeout in the lines below.)

"Time to die now, zombies!"

— After getting a shotgun from the Mystery Box

"Nikolai will show them the way back to hell now!"

— After getting a shotgun from the Mystery Box

"A weapon like this will end them in a hurry!"

— After getting a shotgun from the Mystery Box

"12 gauge fury!"

— After getting a shotgun from the Mystery Box

"Hello beautiful, I will 'cock' you gently."

— After getting a sniper rifle from Mystery Box. (Also said when buying an M14 off the wall.)

"Now, I can keep my pants from getting bloodier. Hehey."

— After getting a sniper rifle from Mystery Box.

"A sniper rifle makes for much cleaner killing."

— After getting a sniper rifle from Mystery Box.

"I never met an MG I didn't like"

— Upon getting an SMG from the Mystery Box. (Also said when buying an SMG from the Mystery Box.)

"Ugh, this is terrible weapon."

After getting a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"Why? Why do you treat me like this?"

— After getting a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"Come box, share with me your treasures, not your junk!"

— After getting a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"Ugh, Useless."

— After Getting a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box

"Ugh, I have better luck when I am drunk!"

— After getting a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box

"Look out, zombies! Now, I can hit more of you!"

After getting Dual CZ75s from the Mystery Box.

"Ah, two guns are better than one! And one is better than, uh... what?"

— After getting Dual CZ75s from the Mystery Box.

"I will be able to take them out gangsta' style now!"

— After getting Dual CZ75s from the Mystery Box.

"Either I'm drunk, or I'm holding two guns!"

— Said after getting Dual CZ75s from the Mystery Box.

"How am I supposed to hold my vodka if I have to carry both of these?"

— Said after getting Dual CZ75s from the Mystery Box.

"This makes Nikolai very happy, like after first date! ...I bring home flower!"

— After getting a China Lake, M72 LAW, or Crossbow from Mystery Box.

"I will make Stalin proud!"

— After getting a China Lake, M72 LAW, or Crossbow from Mystery Box.

"This looks like fun!"

— After getting a China Lake, M72 LAW, or Crossbow from Mystery Box.

"Must've drank so much, I went to the future! Heh."

— After getting a Ray Gun from Mystery Box.

"It's like finding extra vodka in your pocket."

— After getting a Ray Gun from Mystery Box.

"Such power... Such pride! It must be Russian made!"

— Upon receiving the Thundergun

"Hello Ray. Would you like to taste my vodka?"

— After getting a Ray Gun from Mystery Box.

"This must come from outer space, no?"

— After getting a Ray Gun from Mystery Box

"Oooo, It's the Ray Gun! Hehehehe."

— After getting a Ray Gun from Mystery Box

"First it takes my money, then it disappears... just like my fourth wife!"

— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"This little girl and her games. It's a sign of bad parenting."

— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"Does anyone else hear that or is it just me?"

— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"Either I'm drunk or that box is flying around?"

— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"Why hasn't somebody tried nailing this down?!"

— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"Oh well, maybe I'll just sit here and nap."

— When trying to use Mystery Box without requisite points.

"Fuck you, monkey!"

— After receiving a Monkey Bomb.

"No, Monkey, you may not have any vodka."

— After getting a Monkey Bomb from the Mystery Box.

"Aiiiii...I think it's taunting me. I don't like monkey. Remind me of circus in Bagrationovsk."

— After getting a Monkey Bomb from the Mystery Box.("Bagrationovsk" is a city in Russia.)

"I don't like it's beady little eyes."

— After getting a Monkey Bomb from the Mystery Box.

"Why do play this annoying song, monkey?!"

— After getting a Monkey Bomb from the Mystery Box.

"This must be vodka-powered."

— After obtaining Thundergun from the Mystery Box.

"Well, this looks new."

— After obtaining Thundergun from the Mystery Box.

"Such pride, such power. Must be Russian made."

— After obtaining Thundergun from the Mystery Box.

"Does this come with a cupholder?"

— After obtaining Thundergun from the Mystery Box.

"I really like these gadgets."

— After obtaining Thundergun from the Mystery Box.

Interactive

"Oorah, Dempsey!"

— When Dempsey gets a headshot

"That was a shot deserving a toast."

— When Dempsey gets a headshot

"Good shooting, Tank. Next wife, I call you."

— When Dempsey gets a headshot

"Maybe,I give you a small taste of vodka someday. Someday."

— When Dempsey gets a headshot

"I admire your aim Tank, but not your sobriety."

— When Tank gets multiple headshots.

"Back, hellpigs!"

— When Dempsey is swarmed

"On my way, Dempsey, but you owe me some vodka in return!"

— When Dempsey is swarmed

"Why are you not sharing, you fucking capitalist?!"

— When Dempsey is swarmed

"Dempsey is surrounded!"

— When Dempsey is swarmed

"Dempsey, maybe try giving 'em something and then, they go away!"

— When Dempsey is swarmed

"Nice shot Dempsey! But you missed a little bit."

— When Dempsey makes a crawler

"Watch for the crawler, Dempsey!"

— When Dempsey makes a crawler

"There is a crawler on the loose!"

— When Dempsey makes a crawler

"Dempsey, you made a crawler."

— When Dempsey makes a crawler

"He's not altogether dead yet, Dempsey."

— When Dempsey makes a crawler

"Dempsey, watch out for that evil monkey! He freak me out."

— When Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb

"Watch out, Dempsey. It bites!"

— When Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb

"Dempsey and monkey sitting in a tree. G. I spelled it right, right?"

— When Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Set him loose, so it dies!"

— When Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb.

"I like your monkey, Dempsey. But, not that little monster."

— When Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb.

"So what, Takeo?"

— When Takeo gets a headshot

"Luck favors the weak."

— When Takeo gets a headshot

"You were 3 feet away. Big deal."

— When Takeo gets a headshot

"My little sister shoots better than you, Takeo!"

— When Takeo gets a headshot

"Let's throw a parade for our mighty but tiny warrior."

— When Takeo gets a headshot. Replaces "Bushido" with "but tiny."

"I'll come to your rescue, but only because you owe me from last time!"

— When Takeo is swarmed

"Takeo, you've made friends."

— When Takeo is swarmed

"Did they steal your sense of humor, Takeo?"

— When Takeo is swarmed

"Oh, look! Our Mighty Bushido Warrior is surrounded again! *high pitched* Hehyiiii!"

— Upon seeing Takeo chased by a swarm of Zombies. (The "hehyi" is said, taunting Takeo's Japanese sayings.)

"They must be attracted to your "honor!""

— Upon seeing Takeo chased by a swarm of Zombies

"Try killing it next time, Takeo!"

— When Takeo makes a crawler

"You never finish anything."

— When Takeo makes a crawler

"There's is more to kill still."

— When Takeo makes a crawler

"We have a crawler, Thanks to Takeo."

— When Takeo makes a crawler

"Thank you for sharing your misery, Takeo."

— When Takeo makes a crawler

"Not so honorable, are you, Takeo."

— When Takeo makes a crawler

"Maybe the evil monkey will eat YOU, Takeo!"

— When Takeo gets the Monkey Bomb

"I hate you both."

— When Takeo gets the Monkey Bomb

"The Mighty Warrior and his little doll."

— When Takeo gets the Monkey Bomb

"Look out, Takeo. The monkey might wind YOU up! *laughs*"

— When Takeo gets the Monkey Bomb

"heh. You guys make perfect couple. You are both ugly. Love to see your kids. *chuckles*"

— When Takeo gets the Monkey Bomb

Other

"What! I did something?"

— Upon getting a Xbox 360 achievement/Playstation 3 Trophy.

"That should keep them out while I drink."

When boarding a window.

"The film must've been shit, this place is full of stiffs!"

— Upon turning on the power.

"Uh, uh-oh. That sounds like trouble."

— When the Crawler Zombies spawn/turning on the power.

"Oh so. What's all that noise? It's making my headache worse!"

— When the Crawler Zombies spawn/turning on the power.

"Do you guys hear all that racket?"

— When the Crawler Zombies spawn/turning on the power.

"Now, it's going to happen."

— When the Crawler Zombies spawn/turning on the power.

"Perfect. More things to chase me around."

— When the Crawler Zombies spawn/turning on the power.

"Perfect, I shall piss in style here!"

— Upon entering the bathroom in first floor.

"Another dark alley, I know this well."

— Upon gaining access to the alley.

"Dempsey, I think you left your blush!"

— Upon gaining access to the dressing room.

"This place looks like my first apartment. Just less blood."

— Upon gaining access to the foyer.

"What?! That stripper must have stolen my money!"

— Trying to use a door/Perk-A-Cola/Pack-A-Punch without enough points

"Oh I found a rock, great."

— After finding the first piece of the meteor.

"I found another rock... but no vodka!"

— After finding the second piece of the meteor.

"Here's the last piece. What do I win?"

— After finding the third/last piece of the meteor.

"Hey Hey, I found something neat!"

— When he activates the musical easter egg

"Well, they do say the screen puts on ten pounds."

— After examining his portrait.

"Hey Dempsey! I think they got your bad side!"

— After examining Dempsey's portrait.

"I hate you, Takeo."

— After examining Takeo's portrait.

"Richtofen looks a little younger in this painting."

— After examining Richtofen's portrait.

"Hey! Someone stole the image from this picture!"

— After examining the blacked-out portrait.

"Richtofen, your children are becoming annoying!"

— Upon being chased by a swarm of Zombies.

"Why do they insist on picking on me?!"

— Upon being chased by a swarm of Zombies.

"You capitalist hellpigs, DIE!"

— Upon being chased by a swarm of Zombies.

"Meet the fury of the Red Army!"

— Upon being chased by a swarm of Zombies.

"You didn't bring enough hellpigs to take on a Soviet!"

— Upon being chased by a swarm of Zombies.

"I am surrounded by hellpigs!"

— Upon being chased by a swarm of Zombies.

"I think they're all trying to steal my vodka!"

— Upon being chased by a swarm of Zombies.

"Either I'm surrounded or I'm seeing double!"

— Upon being chased by a swarm of Zombies.

"Come quickly! I'm surrounded!"

— Upon being chased by a swarm of Zombies.

"Bad hellpigs, BAD!"

— Upon being chased by a swarm of Zombies.

"Come, let's dance to your butchka!"

— Upon being chased by a swarm of Zombies.

"I think I'm alone now. There doesn't seem to be anyone around. They're all around me now!"

— Upon being chased by a swarm of Zombies. A reference to "I Think We're Alone Now", by multiple artists.

"You Bolshevik dogs!"

— Upon being chased by a swarm of Zombies.

"*sniffs* Alright, Which one of you crap your pants."

— Upon being chased by a swarm of Zombies.

"I gotta move or they'll take me down!"

— Upon being chased by a swarm of Zombies.

Cut Quotes

"Anyone else smell bacon?"

— Upon killing a zombie with the M2 Flamethrower

"You DIE!"

— Upon killing a zombie with a flamethrower

"You are on fire, hellpig!"

— Upon killing a zombie with a flamethrower

"All this fire is making me sweat. Sweat vodka!"

— Upon killing a zombie with a flamethrower

"Taste the flames of hell!"

— Upon killing a zombie with a flamethrower

"Ey! It's a flamethrower!"

— Receiving a flamethrower from the Mystery Box

"Let's see if I can light my breath on fire. No,no,no,no! Come! Come look! This is funny!"

— Receiving a flamethrower from the Mystery Box

"Anyone need a light?"

— Receiving a flamethrower from the Mystery Box

"Da. Same weapon I used to kill my- oh- no, that was something else. I used iron."

— Receiving a flamethrower from the Mystery Box

"Hey Dempsey, I found a flamethrower. Jealous?"

— Receiving a flamethrower from the Mystery Box

"Hoho. Is it just me or is it getting hot in here. *chuckles*"

— Receiving a flamethrower from the Mystery Box

"Oh great! It's the Wonderfulwaffle!"

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"Hellpigs! I am coming!"

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"Now, this gun makes Nikolai a very happy cossack!"

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"This has more power than Moscow Electric Company!"

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"This ALMOST as strong as the best Russian vodka."

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"I have more for you!"

— Upon killing a zombie with the Wunderwaffe DG-2

"Taste the power of the Red Menace!"

— Upon killing a zombie with the Wunderwaffe DG-2

"Electrocution! Just like the gulag! What fun. Good times."

— Upon killing a zombie with the Wunderwaffe DG-2

"Ha! You die like the dogs that you are."

— Upon killing a zombie with the Wunderwaffe DG-2

"Heh, I think I saw his bone for a split-second."

— Upon killing a zombie with the Wunderwaffe DG-2

Takeo Masaki

Beginning

"We need to bring light to this dark place."

— At the beginning.

"This place is dark. We need to find the light!"

— At the beginning.

"There seems to be no power!"

— At the beginning.

"There is no power now! Perhaps there never was."

— At the beginning.

"We should go find the power box."

— At the beginning.

Killing a zombie

"Your teeth will not cut into my flesh!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"Keep your hands to yourself, monster!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"You will not feel the flesh of the honorable!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"Always counter your enemy's movements!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"Your evil cannot infect the honorable!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"Daah, I'm soaked with your blood!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"My personal space must be preserved!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"You will never touch me, hell-beast!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"Shi-Ne!"

— Upon getting a knife kill. "Shi-Ne" means "die" in Japanese.

"My honor is bigger than yours!"

— Upon getting a knife kill.

"Now you die!"

— Upon getting a knife kill.

"Die, Monster!"

— Upon getting a knife kill.

"I send you to your ancestors!"

— Upon getting a knife kill.

"You die with no honor!"

— Upon getting a knife kill.

"Hyah!"

— Upon getting a knife kill.

"Die, foul creatures!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"I will not stop until you are all destroyed!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Return to darkness!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Continuance is strength, so I shall continue!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"When I am finished, none shall remain!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"You bring me great honor!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"There is no victory, only death!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"You cannot survive this!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Die, cursed beasts!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Feel the fist of the emperor!"

— Upon an explosive kill.

"Amazing!"

— Upon an explosive kill.

"With the force of one thousand wombats, YOU DIE!"

— Upon an explosive kill.

"You explode with honour!"

— Upon an explosive kill.

"You all kneel before the emperor!"

— Upon an explosive kill.

"Takeo one, Zombie zero!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"That is one for Takeo, zero for zombie!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Hmm. Impressive."

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Their head vanishes, then death."

— Upon getting a headshot.

"No supper for you!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"That is perfect training!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"I cannot allow you to stare at me!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Now your head is a threat to no one!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"You cannot harm us without a mouth!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"The beast never knew what hit him!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Eat my vengeance!"

— Upon killing a crawler.

"You are purified!"

— Upon killing a crawler.

"I take great pleasure in ending you!"

— Upon killing a crawler.

"There is no tomorrow for you!"

— Upon killing a crawler.

"I have taken care of the crawler!"

— Upon killing a crawler.

"Ugh, that thing could not ever have been human!"

— Upon killing a Nova Crawler.

"Argh! Smells like rotten sushi!"

— Upon killing a Nova Crawler.

"You have been purified!"

— Upon killing a Nova Crawler.

"I will rid the Earth of this plague!"

— Upon killing a Nova Crawler.

"Back to nothing with you!"

— Upon killing a Nova Crawler.

""(Japanese Verbs)""

— Upon getting a kill with Thundergun/Zeus Cannon.

"By the might of a thousand thunder claps!"

— Upon getting a kill with Thundergun/Zeus Cannon.

"You have been vanquished!"

— Upon getting a kill with Thundergun/Zeus Cannon.

"Die a thousand deaths!"

— Upon getting a kill with Thundergun/Zeus Cannon.

"You will be destroyed!"

— Upon getting a kill with Thundergun/Zeus Cannon.

"Pew pew, pew pew, hahahahaha!"

— Upon getting a kill with Ray Gun.

"Your soul will not survive this!"

— Upon getting a kill with Ray Gun.

"You are eviscerated!"

— Upon getting a kill with Ray Gun.

"Such power!"

— Upon getting a kill with Ray Gun.

"You have been deemed unworthy!"

— Upon getting a kill with Ray Gun.

"The path of the unholy is always trumped by the pure!"

— Upon getting a kill with a Monkey Bomb.

"Taste the honor!"

— Upon getting a kill with a Monkey Bomb.

"Ahh, as fierce as he is cute!"

— Upon getting a kill with a Monkey Bomb.

"With honor you die, monkey."

— Upon getting a kill with a Monkey Bomb.

"Those stupid beasts!"

— Upon getting a kill with a Monkey Bomb.

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

— Upon shooting a limb off.

"My honour is bigger than yours!"

— Upon shooting a limb off.

"It is rotting from the inside!"

— Upon shooting a limb off.

"No more meat for you!"

— Upon shooting a limb off.

"Give him a hand! (laughs)"

— Upon shooting a limb off.

"Its evil persists!"

— Upon making a legless zombie.

"That creature is possessed!"

— Upon making a legless zombie.

"Die, evil beast!"

— Upon making a legless zombie.

"Eat death, beast!"

— Upon making a legless zombie.

"You don't have enough honor to die!"

— Upon making a legless zombie.

Being hit by a Zombie

"You kill me? No! I kill you!"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.

"Not on this day, tormented soul!"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.

"You had an unhappy ending! Ha ha ha!"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.

"Your strike was weak!"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.

"You lack focus!"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.

"Crawler!"

— Upon being hit by a legless/footless zombie.

"Get Back!"

— Upon being hit by a legless/footless zombie.

"Look out for the short zombie!"

— Upon being hit by a legless/footless zombie.

"Watch your feet!"

— Upon being hit by a legless/footless zombie.

"Stay off my uniform!"

— Upon being hit by a legless/footless zombie.

Hellhound

"I fear no dog!"

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"We have truly angered hell!"

— At the begginning of a Hellhound round.

"Hell has sent its hounds!"

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"These Hell-beasts must be destroyed!"

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"You may not take me!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"Die, demon-spawn!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"Die, dog!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"You cannot take that which is not yours!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"You are vanquished!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

Downed or revived

"I require assistance!"

— When downed.

"Is this how it ends?"

— When downed.

"This is not how I wish to die!"

— When downed.

"This is without reason!"

— When downed.

"This cannot be!"

— When downed.

"I have fallen into darkness!"

— When downed.

"Your karma has approved"

— After being revived.

"You have much honor..."

— After being revived.

"Nana korobi, ya oki."

— After being revived. A Japanese proverb meaning "fall seven times, stand up eight."

"Even monkeys fall from trees!"

— After being downed.

"Meditation time over!"

— After being revived.

Ammo

"My weapon is low on honour."

— When low on ammo.

"I will soon need ammunition."

— When low on ammo.

"This weapon will be useless without bullets!"

— When low on ammo.

"I should go look for more ammunition."

— When low on ammo.

"Where is my ammunition?"

— When low on ammo.

"Need more ammunition!"

— When low ammo

"A true warrior needs no weapon!"

— When out of ammo.

"I have no ammo. I have no honor."

— When out of ammo.

"Vengeance waits for no ammunition!"

— When out of ammo.

"I will use my bare hands!"

— When out of ammo.

"I am still better off with the Arisaka."

— When out of ammo.

Buying weapons off the wall

"I will fire honor at them mightily!"

— After buying an SMG off the wall.

"I will show them the path!"

— After buying an SMG off the wall.

"I need more honor!"

— When trying to buy a weapon without requisite points.

"This weapon is lighter than a feather, but more than twice as deadly."

— After buying an SMG off of the wall.

"One by one, I shall curse them from afar!"

— After buying the M14 off of the wall.

"It's almost a katana."

— Upon buying the Bowie Knife.

"Shiny!"

— Upon buying the Bowie Knife.

"An honorable weapon."

— Upon buying the Bowie Knife.

"Sometimes, I like to keep them close."

— Upon buying the Bowie Knife.

"I will stab with perfection!"

— Upon buying the Bowie Knife.

Power-ups

"Oh... blessings come from above!"

— Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up

"The tide tips in our favour!"

— Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"The spirits come to aid us!"

— Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"Double the honor!"

— Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"Now we can continue the fight!"

— Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"The path of the virtuous gives great gifts!"

— Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"The unholy shall kneel before the might of the honorable!"

— Upon getting an Insta-Kill power-up.

"I am possessed by the power of the EMPEROR!"

— Upon getting an Insta-Kill power-up.

"You will feel the power in my veins!"

— Upon getting an Insta-Kill power-up.

"That will hold them up for a while."

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"This gives us time to prime."

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"The stake that sticks out gets hammered down!"

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"Quick, kill as many as you can!"

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up

"That will keep them out for a thousand year- er, uh, well, a few seconds."

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"Let the light of a thousand suns purify your souls!"

— Upon getting a Nuke power-up.

"Destruction rains on the unholy!"

— Upon getting a Nuke power-up.

"...Nice timing!"

— Upon getting a Nuke power-up.

"What is a fire sale?"

— Upon getting a Fire Sale power-up.

"We will take this a sign!"

— Upon getting a Fire Sale power-up.

"If we move quickly, we will be rewarded!"

— Upon getting a Fire Sale power-up.

"There is little time to grab a deal, ha ha!"

— Upon getting a Fire Sale power-up.

"To the box!"

— Upon getting a Fire Sale power-up.

Perk-a-Colas

"Hmm, a drink that requires a... mature palette."

— Upon drinking Quick Revive.

"Speed Cola speeds up your life!"

— Upon drinking Speed Cola, said in a quite fast voice.

"I am fast shooting Eastern cowboy!"

— Upon drinking Double Tap Root Beer.

"Ahhh. This water is a pure delight!"

— Upon drinking Juggernog.

Pack-a-Punch

"Consequences will never be the same!"

— After putting a weapon inside the Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"A true warrior forges his own bread!"

— After putting a weapon inside the Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"Patience is a virtue of the honorable!"

— After putting a weapon inside the Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"May the weapon be blessed... by the ancestor!"

— After putting a weapon inside the Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"I will honor this machine, by slaying many..."

— After putting a weapon inside the Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"This will make a weapon that will honor my ancestors."

— After putting a weapon inside the Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"A weapon is an extension of ones ownself."

— After taking a newly upgraded weapon out of the Pack-a-Punch.

"Much better"

— Receiving a weapon from the Pack a Punch Machine

"Now with more honor!"

— Receiving a weapon from the Pack a Punch Machine

"This will keep them at bay."

Receiving a weapon from the Pack a Punch Machine

"A weapon is an extension of one's own honor."

Receiving a weapon from the Pack a Punch Machine

"The weapon of the victorious!"

Receiving a weapon from the Pack a Punch Machine

"Now this is what I'm talking about!"

— Receiving a weapon from the Pack a Punch Machine

Mystery Box

"I cannot be defeated!...Probably..."

— After getting an AUG from Mystery Box.

"I will turn them into red mist!"

— After getting an LMG from Mystery Box.

"Now they die!"

— After getting an LMG from Mystery Box.

"The damned will be destroyed!"

— After getting an LMG from Mystery Box.

"Their annihilation would please the emperor!"

— After getting an LMG from Mystery Box.

"This cursed plague ends here!"

— After getting an LMG from Mystery Box.

"Ahh... a weapon fit for a warror!"

— After getting an LMG from Mystery Box.

"They will fall before me!"

— After getting an LMG from Mystery Box.

"This is lighter than a feather, but more than twice as deadly!"

— After getting an SMG from Mystery Box.

"Ahhh... The bullets will rain upon the demon spawn!"

— After getting an SMG from Mystery Box.

"With this SMG, I bring death!"

— After getting an SMG from Mystery Box.

"I will fire honor at them mightily!"

— After getting an SMG from Mystery Box.

"I will fire honor at them mightily!"

— After getting an SMG from Mystery Box.

"Hmm... A fine weapon."

— After getting a Sniper Rifle from Mystery Box.

"They will not expect my ambush!"

— After getting a Sniper Rifle from Mystery Box. A reference to how Japanese soldiers ambushed soldiers in WWII.

"They will die without honor!"

— After getting a Sniper Rifle from Mystery Box.

"One by one, I will curse them from afar!"

— After getting a Sniper Rifle from Mystery Box.

"Ahh... A useful weapon!"

— After getting a Sniper Rifle from Mystery Box.

"I will steal what honor they have left!"

— After getting a Sniper Rifle from Mystery Box.

"This does not suit a warrior!"

— After getting a CZ75 or a Python from Mystery Box.

"A worthless weapon, from an honor-less box!"

— After getting a CZ75 or a Python from Mystery Box.

"I see the box still dispenses dishonor!"

— After getting a CZ75 or a Python from Mystery Box.

"Mmm. If only this box had honor!"

— After getting a CZ75 or a Python from Mystery Box.

"This is unacceptable!"

— After getting a CZ75 or a Python from Mystery Box.

"Double the honor!"

— After getting dual CZ75's from Mystery Box.

"Ahh, 2 guns is a good thing, for me!"

— After getting dual CZ75's from Mystery Box.

"I have more firepower!"

— After getting dual CZ75's from Mystery Box.

"Their disease will be forgotten!"

— After getting dual CZ75's from Mystery Box.

"I will bring the wrath of the emperor down upon them!"

— After getting dual CZ75's from Mystery Box.

"I will blast them apart!"

— After getting a shotgun from Mystery Box.

"They will feel my anger with every destroyed limb!"

— After getting a shotgun from Mystery Box.

"They will be zen..."

— After getting a shotgun from Mystery Box.

"I shatter their souls!"

— After getting a shotgun from Mystery Box.

"Now these beasts will be destroyed!"

— After getting a shotgun from Mystery Box.

"I will end their suffering!"

— After getting a shotgun from Mystery Box.

"This gun fires pure honor!"

— After getting a Ray Gun from Mystery Box.

"The weapon that those who call me "ancestor" will employ!"

— After getting a Ray Gun from Mystery Box.

"Now I will send them back into darkness!"

— After getting a Ray Gun from Mystery Box.

"They will not know what hit them!"

— After getting a Ray Gun from Mystery Box.

"I will purify them!"

— After getting a Ray Gun from Mystery Box.

"I have acquired the Thundergun!"

— After getting a Thundergun from Mystery Box.

"A gift from the emperor!"

— After getting a Thundergun from Mystery Box.

"Nature's fury, packed into a tube!"

— After getting a Thundergun from Mystery Box.

"I will unleash this great power!"

— After getting a Thundergun from Mystery Box.

"The skies will shake with my power!"

— After getting a Thundergun from Mystery Box.

"*chuckling* The Emperor would be amused!"

— After getting a Monkey Bomb from Mystery Box.

"*chuckling*, I have found a toy!"

— After getting a Monkey Bomb from Mystery Box.

"The monkey of honor!"

— After getting a Monkey Bomb from Mystery Box.

"This monkey holds the cure to their disease!"

— After getting a Monkey Bomb from Mystery Box.

"This will not fit in my scabbard!"

— After getting a Monkey Bomb from Mystery Box.

"Honour... In spades!"

— After getting a China Lake or M72 LAW from Mystery Box.

"With this, I will purge this place!"

— After getting a China Lake or M72 LAW from Mystery Box.

"I will rain fire on the dishonorable!"

— After getting a China Lake or M72 LAW from Mystery Box.

"This teddy bear fuels my nightmares!"

— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"The box is no longer here! Maybe never was..."

— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"This box is cursed!"

— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"Who is responsible for this?"

— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"The box leaves us powerless!"

— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

Interactive

"Your aim has pleased the Emperor!"

— When Richtofen gets a headshot

"That was good shooting, doctor!"

— When Richtofen gets a headshot

"Oh! They stand no chance against you!"

— When Richtofen gets a headshot

"Oh! Amazing shot!"

— When Richtofen gets a headshot

"You shoot like Samurai!"

— When Richtofen gets a headshot

"Richtofen is surrounded!"

— When Richtofen is swarmed

"We're coming to help, Richtofen!"

— When Richtofen is swarmed

"The doctor could use some assistance!"

— When Richtofen is swarmed

"On our way, doctor!"

— When Richtofen is swarmed

"Coming, Richtofen!"

— When Richtofen is swarmed

"Saving some for later?"

— When Richtofen makes a crawler

"I see you kept a bit of it alive."

— When Richtofen makes a crawler

"I think you made a crawler."

— When Richtofen makes a crawler

"Some of it still lives!"

— When Richtofen makes a crawler

"Crawler, on its way!"

— When Richtofen makes a crawler

"Did you make that too, doctor?"

— When Richtofen gets the Monkey Bomb

"You are honered by the presence of the monkey."

— When Richtofen gets the Monkey Bomb

"You have been blessed by the Emperor."

— When Richtofen gets the Monkey Bomb

"Richtofen found the monkey."

— When Richtofen gets the Monkey Bomb

"Hurry up and use it!"

— When Richtofen gets the Monkey Bomb

"You have lucky number, Russian pig!"

— When Nikolai gets a headshot

"That was not your shot, but your breath!"

— When Nikolai gets a headshot

"The sight of you made its head explode!"

— When Nikolai gets a headshot

"If you shoot 1000 bullets, you hit maybe one time!"

— When Nikolai gets a headshot

"They fall before your ugliness!"

— When Nikolai gets a headshot

"Poor Russian."

— When Nikolai is swarmed

"I'll be there someday, Nikolai!"

— When Nikolai is swarmed

"If you would shoot instead of taking shots, maybe that not happen!"

— When Nikolai is swarmed

"Just breathe on them!"

— When Nikolai is swarmed

"Oh! I thought you were one of them!"

— When Nikolai is swarmed

"Of course you didn't kill it all!"

— When Nikolai makes a crawler

"(Mockingly) Oh, he must be attracted to you!"

— When Nikolai makes a crawler

"They want to kill you, Nikolai...maybe can't blame them!"

— When Nikolai makes a crawler

"Maybe they find you irritating."

— When Nikolai makes a crawler

"Looks like you missed a bit."

— When Nikolai makes a crawler

"Nothing like making friends, Nikolai, eh?"

— When Nikolai makes a crawler

"Maybe it will wind YOU up, Russian!"

— When Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb

"The monkey is better at killing zombies than you!"

— When Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb

"Look out, Nikolai! It's watching you!"

— When Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb

"Its loud cymbals give you a headache, huh?"

— When Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb

"I bet that monkey hates you."

— When Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb

Other

"I require more funds!"

— When attempting to buy something on the wall without the required points.

"I need more honor!"

— When attempting to buy something on the wall without the required points.

"I am not yet ready for the way of the box."

— When attempting to buy a gun from the Mystery Box on the wall without the required points.

"Virtuous folds in the fire of adversity!"

— When being swarmed.

"I see them on all sides!"

— When being swarmed.

"The disease surround me!"

— When being swarmed.

"I must fight through the scourge!"

— When being swarmed.

"It takes discipline to be surrounded by your foes!"

— When being swarmed.

"You will all die again!"

— When being swarmed.

"You will meet your doom!"

— When being swarmed.

"I shall free your souls from your disease!"

— When being swarmed.

"You will be purified by honor!"

— When being swarmed.

"Your path leads to your death!"

— When being swarmed.

"You will meet the rage of Takeo!"

— When being swarmed.

"Hey guys! I am surrounded!"

— When being swarmed.

"I am surrounded by all that is unholy!"

— When being swarmed.

"Your disease ends here!"

— When being swarmed.

"The honorable cannot be tainted!"

— When being swarmed.

"This is no time for play!"

After the power is turned on and then, entering the theater.

"Oh!... Sounds like a big monster is attacking the building."

— After turning on the electricity. A reference to the Japanese film, "Godzilla".

"The disease is spreading..."

— Upon turning the electricity on.

"Somehow, they are becoming more foul!"

— Upon turning the electricity on.

"Evil only begats more evil!"

— Upon turning the electricity on.

"Huh? What new evil is afoot?"

— Upon turning the electricity on.

"I found a piece of the meteor!"

— After found the first piece of the meteor.

"I found another rock! Maybe they stole this from Japan!"

— Finding the second piece of the meteor. A reference to the meteor at Shi No Numa.

"I found the last piece!"

Finding the last piece of the meteor.

"I have found a grand secret!"

— Upon activating the "115" song easter egg.

"This is a picture of a great warrior!"

— After examining his portrait.

"A picture of The ugly American! Eugh!"

— After examining Dempsey's portrait.

"He is so drunk, I can smell his breath through this portrait!"

— After examining Nikolai's portrait.

"Perhaps what once was, is no more, but shall be again!"

— When examining the blacked out portrait.

"Honor to the doctor!"

— After examining Richtofen's portrait.

Cut Quotes

"Oh... I am honored."

— When earning an achievement.

"This will make for a fun time!"

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"I will SHOCK them into submission!"

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"I finally get the turn...with the Wunderwaffe."

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"BEHOLD! The Electric Katana!"

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"It is on now freakbags!"

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box (quoting Dempsey)

"The Kamikaze Strikes!"

Killing zombies with the Wunderwaffe DG-2.

"Begone!"

Killing zombies with the Wunderwaffe DG-2.

"Divine Wind carries you away!"

Killing zombies with the Wunderwaffe DG-2.

"Hadoken!"

Killing zombies with the Wunderwaffe DG-2. Reference to Ryu's power from Street Fighter.

"Their bones are dust!"

Killing zombies with the Wunderwaffe DG-2.

"The dragon's breathe will end their suffering!"

— Receiving the flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"I will burn them off the face of the Earth!"

— Receiving the flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"They will succumb to the brightness of my honor!"

— Receiving the flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"Now they will become as ash!"

— Receiving the flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"This disease will be burned away forever!"

— Receiving the flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"They will be cured!"

— Receiving the flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"I burn away your sins!"

— Killing zombie/s with the flamethrower.

"Darkness becomes light!"

— Killing zombie/s with the flamethrower.

"That stings like wasabi!"

— Killing zombie/s with the flamethrower. Wasabi is a plant known for spiciness.

"Zombie Shabu-Shabu!"

— Killing zombie/s with the flamethrower. Shabu-Shabu is a Japanese soup.

"The rising sun burns you away!"

— Killing zombie/s with the flamethrower.

Edward Richtofen

Beginning

"Oh joy! No power!"

— At the beginning.

"*impatiently* Ja, ja, the power needs to be turned on."

— At the beginning. "Ja" is German for "yes".

"I cannot torture my minions without power... Dempsey, you go turn it on."

— At the beginning.

"Power power power power! It's always the first priority!"

— At the beginning. A reference to a similiar quote in Der Riese.

"There is no power, how suspicious... or obvious!"

— At the beginning.

Killing a Zombie

"Stay away from me!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"You shan't touch the doctor!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"No my dear, I touch YOU!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"I like the way the bloodiness feels against my skin..."

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"I feel the blood in my eyes!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"Ugh, I think you had an infection."

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"NEIN! TOO CLOSE!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"No touching the doctor!... Unless he asks."

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"Die, my pretty! Die!"

— Upon getting a knife kill.

"I'll swallow your heart!"

— Upon getting a knife kill.

"THE BLOOD! THE BEAUTIFUL BLOOD!"

— Upon getting a knife kill.

"No more Doctor Nice Guy!"

— Upon getting a knife kill.

"Ahh, it smells so wunderbar!"

— Upon getting a knife kill. "Wunderbar" translates to "wonderful".

"Their screams are so... erotic... ja."

— Upon getting a knife kill.

"Live up to your death!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"OH, THE LOVELY BLOOD!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Let me smell the delicate flesh, ja..."

— Upon multiple kills.

"Yes... ja, JA, DIE!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"The anguished cries of the damned make such music!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"I am so pleased! NOW DIE!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"I need more screams!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Don't be afraid of death. Be afraid of The Doctor!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"I take your pain! I put my straw in it! *slurping noise* And I drink it up!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Oh it hurts, doesn't it?... GOOD!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Ahh, you must be punished! You're dirty, DIRTY!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Filthy schweinehund!"

— Upon multiple kills. Schweinehund translates to "pig-dog" in German.

"Oh, the showers of the damned!"

— Upon an explosive kill.

"*singing* Fountains of sorrow..."

— Upon an explosive kill.

"Yes! Yes, explode!"

— Upon an explosive kill.

"Tiny little organ parts for everybody!"

— Upon an explosive kill.

"He's exploded!"

— Upon an explosive kill.

"DIE, SCHWEINE!"

— Upon an explosive kill. Schweine translates to pig.

"Bahaha, watch the little pieces of bone fly from its neck!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Awww, I cannot hear their screams if they no longer have mouths..."

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Poof! You have no more head. Hahaha!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"See the power of Doctor Richtofen!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Haha, ja, I want you to head for me!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"I want to get closer to embrace their pain!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"*laughter* His head shattered! *laughter*"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"You have paid the price for your insolence."

— Upon getting a headshot.

"POP goes the weasel!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"OOH, it just went splat!"

— Upon killing a Nova Crawler.

"Squishy squishy, little bug."

— Upon killing a Nova Crawler.

"Now there is pus everywhere."

— Upon killing a Nova Crawler.

"The Doctor says... DIE!"

— Upon killing a Nova Crawler.

"Taste my medicine, squishy beast!"

— Upon killing a Nova Crawler.

"Feel the power of Doctor Richtofen!"

— Upon getting a kill with a Thundergun/Zeus Cannon.

"The force of nature at my fingertips!"

— Upon getting a kill with a Thundergun/Zeus Cannon.

"Ja, bow before the almighty Doctor!"

— Upon getting a kill with a Thundergun/Zeus Cannon.

"They were all flattened like PANCAKES!"

— Upon getting a kill with a Thundergun/Zeus Cannon.

"I said take your medicine!"

— Upon getting a kill with a Thundergun/Zeus Cannon.

"AND... he is no longer with us."

— Upon getting a kill with a Ray Gun.

"Where did he go? I don't know, do you?"

— Upon getting a kill with a Ray Gun.

"He's become random bits of joy."

— Upon getting a kill with a Ray Gun.

"Transmuted into nothing!"

— Upon getting a kill with a Ray Gun.

"Do you like my glowing green balls?!"

— Upon getting a kill with a Ray Gun.

"Keep your head down next time! Haha, oh, there won't be a next time."

— Upon getting a headshot.

"You have all been fooled! Just like Peter! *laughter*"

— Upon getting a kill with the Monkey Bomb.

"Oh, the excitement and joy of their sorrows!"

— Upon getting a kill with the Monkey Bomb.

"(singing) I don't think they saw that coming!"

— Upon getting a kill with the Monkey Bomb.

"You must have heard the voices that time!"

— Upon getting a kill with the Monkey Bomb.

"BOOM! You are all dead now!"

— Upon getting a kill with the Monkey Bomb.

"I could probably use that."

— Upon shooting a limb off.

"That's so... humerus. (laughs)"

— Upon shooting a limb off. A pun on humerus and humourous.

"No, no, you're not supposed to fall apart like that."

— Upon shooting a limb off.

"He cannot fight now. He's been... disarmed. (laughs)"

— Upon shooting a limb off.

"That must be so beautifully painful!"

— Upon shooting a limb off.

"Look at what I have created!"

— Upon making a legless zombie.

"IT'S STILL ALIVE!"

— Upon making a legless zombie.

"OH JOY! I made und stumpy!"

— Upon making a legless zombie.

"Look at it, crawling to me!"

— Upon making a legless zombie.

"It has no legs, but still moves. Interesting."

— Upon making a legless zombie.

"Pity. He had such will to live."

— Upon killing a legless zombie.

"He cannot get up again, ha-ha."

— Upon killing a legless zombie.

"The life has been drained from that one."

— Upon killing a legless zombie.

"Ohhh, his torture was so beautiful!"

— Upon killing a legless zombie.

"Perhaps I can save his appendix."

— Upon killing a legless zombie.

Being hit by a Zombie

"I can smell my own blood! FEAR ME!"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.

"How DARE you touch the doctor?"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.

"LEAVE ME BE!"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.

"Schweinehund! Die!"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him, "Schweinehund" translates literally to "pig-dog", but means the equivalent of "bastard" in German.

"Did you feel it? Oh, I hope you did."

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.

"Get off my legs, minion!"

— When getting attacked by a crawler.

"DIE!"

— When attacked by a crawler.

"It's tearing my shins! Delicious!"

— When attacked by a crawler.

"Stay below me, hundewurst!"

— When attacked by a crawler. "Hundewurst" translates to "sausage-dog".

"I'll kill you for your insolence!"

— When attacked by a crawler.

Hellhound

"Aww, the poor puppies!"

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"NEIN! NOT THE PUPPIES!"

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round. "Nein" is German for "No".

"Mommy said not to hurt animals any more!"

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"My poor little accidents... STAY AWAY!"

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"Aww, poor little doggies!"

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"Have no fear, the Doctor is present."

— Upon making a legless zombie.

"Aah, I don't like it when they lick me!"

— After killing a hellhound.

"Take them back, Samantha!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"Back, hellions! Die!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"What have you done to the POOR PUPPIES?"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"How can they be so mean?"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

Downed or revived

"IT TICKLES! IT TICKLES! I KNOW IT, IT TICKLES!"

— When downed.

"IT CANNOT BE! I AM DOWN!"

— When downed.

"No, no. I am not ready for hell, I don't even have my good shoes!"

— When downed. A reference to a similiar quote in Der Riese.

"Death calls my name!"

— When downed.

"Help me! They are displeased!"

— When downed.

"I feel my life slipping away!"

— When downed.

"I'll get you something nice when this is over."

— After being revived.

"I am ALIVE!"

— After being revived.

"Did the voices tell you to save me?"

— After being revived.

"Ja, danke! (Yes, thanks!)"

— After being revived. This is the only quote Rictofen speaks entirely in German.

"They've all gone mad! We must help them."

— After being revived.

Ammo

"Low on ammo!"

— When low on ammo.

"How could I be running out of ammo?!"

— When low on ammo.

"I need to find more of my little friends!"

— When low on ammo.

"I can't cherish their agony if I run out of ammo completely!"

— When low on ammo.

"I only have a few rounds left!"

— When low on ammo.

"Without bullets I will have to resort to... *gasp* STABBING!"

— When out of ammo.

"I need to find some ammunition... *wailing*"

— When out of ammo.

"No ammo is NO FUN!"

— When out of ammo.

"I have no ammunition."

— When out of ammo.

"No rounds, no wounds, NO JOY!"

— When out of ammo.

Buying weapons off the wallEdit

"Yes, now their kidneys will be all MINE! But none for you, Dempsey!"

— After buying a M14 off the wall.

"What? The voices are louder!"

— Upon buying a MP5K off the wall.

"Oh, this is just so heavy!"

— Buying M14 off the wall

"An autopsy is more easily performed with a shotgun."

— Upon buying a Stakeout or Olympia off the wall.

"Yes, my children, I am coming!"

— Upon buying an Olympia off the wall.

"The MP40! Wunderbar!"

— When buying a MP40 off the wall. "Wunderbar" is "wonderful" in German.

"Of course they still have the BEST WEAPON EVER MADE HERE!"

— When buying the MP40 off the wall.

"What could be better than the MP40?"

When buying the MP40 off the wall.

"The Doctor is well armed!"

— When buying the MP40 off the wall.

"Look at the sheen on this weapon... striking."

— When buying the MP40 off the wall.

"Ah! The most precise invention!"

— When buying the MP40 off the wall.

"So sharp... so long!"

— Upon buying the Bowie Knife.

"Zombies! It's time for your disembowelment!"

— Upon buying the Bowie Knife.

"Oh look, I can see myself in it."

— Upon buying the Bowie Knife.

"Finally, a tool worthy of my hand."

— Upon buying the Bowie Knife.

"I don't know who Jim Bowie was, but he must have been big and long... and sharp."

— Upon buying the Bowie Knife. Jim Bowie popularized the use of the Bowie Knife.

Power-ups

"A gift from Sam? But why?!"

— Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"More time to play with my pretty ones!"

— Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"Ammo to the max, ja?"

— Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"MORE SCORE!"

— Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"I am paid for pain!"

— Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"I get paid double for my effort!"

— Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"This must be the work of the Masons."

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up; A reference to Freemason.

"STAY AWAY!"

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"That will keep my patients at bay."

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"Are you... bored? *laughter*"

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up. A pun on the homophones "board" and "bored".

"They are held outside for a little while now."

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"I feel THE POWER!"

— Upon getting an Insta-Kill power-up.

"I will please you now... THE VOICES!"

— Upon getting an Insta-Kill power-up.

"My blood will roar with their tears!"

— Upon getting an Insta-Kill power-up.

"They seem to have all gone boom!"

— Upon getting a Nuke.

"The flames... of the damned!"

— Upon getting a Nuke. A possible reference to a similiar quote in Der Riese.

"Watch them all explode so beautifully!"

— Upon getting a Nuke.

"Attention shoppers, we have a special... ON DEATH!"

— Upon getting a Fire Sale power-up.

"Oh, I love a good bargain!"

— Upon getting a Fire Sale power-up.

"Cheaper weapons are a prescription for pain!"

— Upon getting a Fire Sale power-up.

"Flashy lights! Flashy lights!"

— Upon getting a Fire Sale power-up.

"Step into the light!"

— Upon getting a Fire Sale power-up.

Perk-a-Colas

"Yes! She sounds like a sweet little specimen."

— Upon drinking Jugger-nog.

"For the revival of the un-fittest!"

— Upon drinking Quick Revive.

"I can't be sure but I think the active ingredient rots your mind."

— Upon drinking Speed Cola.

"Hmm, I prefer hefeweizen. With some lemon."

— Upon Drinking Double Tap.

Pack-a-Punch

"*whistling*"

— While waiting for Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"I would hurt so good if I put my hands in there."

While waiting for Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"Ahhhhh..."

While waiting for Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"I'm going to kill SOOO many now."

— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"The Doctor is ready for war now!"

— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"The Fatherland would be so proud! It's so emotional..."

— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"Can you feel their cries coming?"

— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"Now this is the POWER!"

After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"They will bow before me!"

After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"Hey Dempsey, WATCH YOUR BACK!"

— After receiving an Awful Lawton from the Pack-a-Punch machine.

"How wonderfully simplistic!"

— After receiving an Awful Lawton from the Pack-a-Punch machine.

"I will make them go boom now!"

— After receiving an Awful lawton from the Pack-a-Punch machine.

"What a savage weapon."

— After receiving an Awful Lawton from the Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"A crossbow with an explosive round... they think of everything."

— After receiving an Awful Lawton from the Pack-a-Punch machine.

"I can blow up so many now!"

— After receiving an Awful Lawton from the Pack-a-Punch machine.

"Tic, toc, tic, toc, oh this takes so long!"

— While waiting on the Pack-a-Punch Machine

"So many gears, such German ingenuity!"

— While waiting on the Pack-a-Punch Machine.

Mystery Box

"I like the funny sound it makes!"

— After receiving the FN FAL, Ray Gun, Famas, or the Galil from the Mystery Box.

"They will submit to darkness... *high pitched* YES!"

— After getting a HK21 from Mystery Box.

"I can kill more than one at a time!"

— After getting a sniper rifle from the Mystery Box.

"Ugh, this is just so... heavy."

— After getting a sniper rifle from the Mystery Box.

"Ja, this make a big hole! I like big holes."

— After getting a SPAS-12 from Mystery Box.

"They will be all over the floor! Und de valls! Und the ceiling!"

— After getting an explosive weapon from the Mystery Box.

"I need to hurry up and shoot this!"

— After receiving an explosive weapon from the Mystery Box.

"Could it be? The DG-3!"

— After getting a Thundergun from Mystery Box.

"Could this be the DG-3, the DG-3 that is just for me? (Laughter)"

— After getting a Thundergun from Mystery Box.

"So THIS is what Maxis was keeping secret!"

— After getting a Thundergun from Mystery Box."Thunder at my wrim? WUNDERBAR!

After getting a Thundergun from Mystery Box.

"I've got something you need, demons."

After getting a Thundergun from Mystery Box.

"I will be the lord of this wasteland!"

After getting a Thundergun from Mystery Box.

"I will please you now... THE VOICES!"

— After getting a SPAS-12 or China Lake from the Mystery Box

"This will never work!"

— When receiving a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box

"This makes me ANGRY!"

— When receiving a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"The doctor is not pleased."

— When receiving a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"Hehe, what is this?"

— When receiving a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"Ach, I cannot achieve pleasure with this!"

— When receiving a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"Double the medicine!"

— When receiving dual CZ75's from the Mystery Box.

"Yes, more firepower!"

— When receiving dual CZ75's from the Mystery Box.

"I will try to shoot all of their extremities... AT THE SAME TIME!"

— When receiving dual CZ75's from the Mystery Box.

"I have two guns now... JOY!"

— When receiving dual CZ75's from the Mystery Box.

"(singing) Double the pleasure, double the pain, double the damage!"

— When receiving dual CZ75's from the Mystery Box.

"They will be all over the floor, and the walls, and the ceiling!"

— When receiving a China Lake or M72 LAW from the Mystery Box.

"A pity they won't feel their sorrows..."

— When receiving a China Lake, M72 LAW or Crossbow from the Mystery Box.

"I need to hurry up and shoot this!"

— When receiving a China Lake or M72 LAW from the Mystery Box.

"Ratatatatatatata Ratatatata! Ahhahahaha!"

— Upon receiving a G11 from the Mystery Box

"Why do they love you so much, little monkey?"

— After receiving the Monkey Bomb from the Mystery Box

"You remind me of Patient 13225, only you make less noise when I stick things in you."

— After receiving the Monkey Bomb from the Mystery Box. This is a reference to Element 115, as the square root to 13225 is 115.

"The amazing monkey of POWER!"

— Said after getting a Monkey Bomb from the Mystery Box.

"It's so fuzzy and SOFT!"

After receiving the Monkey Bomb from the Mystery Box

"Joy!"

— After getting a Ray Gun

"It's a Ray Gun!"

After getting a Ray Gun

"I will just lay them down to sleep."

After getting a Ray Gun

"The Illuminati will never get their hands on me again!"

After getting a Ray Gun

"I'll fill their pockets with their livers!"

After getting a Ray Gun

"(Laughter) And it makes a fun noise, too!"

After getting a Ray Gun

"Where did you go?"

— When getting a Teddy Bear.

"Samantha? Samantha, where have you run off too?"

— When getting a Teddy Bear.

"But I need your gifts, how can I have them?"

— When getting a Teddy Bear.

"That dreadful little girl continues to make my life difficult."

— When getting a Teddy Bear.

"Samantha, didn't I teach you a lesson about this?"

— When getting a Teddy Bear.

Interactive

"Ah, das ist good, Nikolai!"

— When Nikolai gets a headshot (Das ist is "that is" in German).

"You take the Illuminati up on their offer, no?"

— When Nikolai gets a headshot.

"Straight shooting from a drunk Russian. How quaint."

— When Nikolai gets a headshot.

"Excellent shooting, Nikolai!"

— When Nikolai gets a headshot.

"Perhaps aim at Dempsey next time."

— When Nikolai gets a headshot.

"I'll buy you some vodka!"

— When Nikolai gets a headshot.

"Don't worry Nikolai, I will probably not let them hurt you."

— When Nikolai is swarmed.

"Back, minions! Stay away from his vodka!"

— When Nikolai gets swarmed.

"I will help you, Russian!"

— When Nikolai gets swarmed.

"The doctor is on his way!"

— When Nikolai gets swarmed.

"Nikolai needs our help!"

— When Nikolai gets swarmed.

"Crawlers, they make such cute noises!"

— When Nikolai makes a crawler.

"Nikolai, you've made me a new present!"

— When Nikolai makes a crawler.

"Thank you so much for your gift, Nikolai!"

— When Nikolai makes a crawler.

"He looks so cute and happy!"

— When Nikolai makes a crawler.

"(High-pitched) A little crawling minion...(Angrily) I WANT ONE!"

— When Nikolai makes a crawler.

"Fuzzy fuzzy, was a monkey!"

— When Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Give him drink, Nikolai, and send him on his way!"

— When Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb.

"He causes so much sorrow, Nikolai!"

— When Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Oh, joy for Nikolai!"

— When Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Do you hear him talking to you, Nikolai?"

— When Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb.

"If I could bottle up your luck, I could make a lot of money, Dempsey."

— When Dempsey gets a headshot.

"Dempsey, you marrow sucking... freakbag, is it?"

— When Dempsey gets a headshot.

"Why don't you just shut your ignorant hole, Dempsey! And your mouth!"

— When Dempsey gets a headshot.

"Dempsey, if you had a brain cell for every headshot, you'd only be stupid!"

— When Dempsey gets a headshot.

"No, Dempsey! I shot that one!"

— When Dempsey gets a headshot.

"You deserve to die, Dempsey!"

— When Dempsey is swarmed.

"I will help you, but only because I want to be the one to eat your heart!"

— When Dempsey is swarmed.

"Dempsey is surrounded! JOY!"

— When Dempsey is swarmed.

"(Tauntingly) Oh, look at the big, brave American soldier, needing help from the doctor!"

— When Dempsey is swarmed.

"(Laughs) Dempsey's being tortured by my little friends."

— When Dempsey is swarmed.

"One day, I will taste your tears, Dempsey."

— When Dempsey makes a crawler.

"I hate you Dempsey. I even hate your eyes."

— When Dempsey makes a crawler.

"Dempsey has made a crawler. Now everyone can do it."

— When Dempsey makes a crawler.

"You have made them multiply. Maybe that's how YOU got here!"

— When Dempsey makes a crawler.

"Dempsey, look at what you have done! *clicks tongue*"

— When Dempsey makes a crawler.

"You are so annoying, Dempsey."

— When Dempsey makes a crawler.

"Nein! Dempsey shouldn't be allowed to have this much fun!"

— When Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Oh, Dempsey, you are now my favorite."

— When Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb.

"You see the family resemblance, American."

— When Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Oh, how I hate you now, little monkey."

— When Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Not Dempsey! He doesn't deserve the fun!"

— When Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb.

Other

"Alas, the doctor is too poor to buy this..."

— When attempt to buy something without requisite points.

"What?! I am nothing but a peasant!"

— When attempting to buy something without requisite points.

"How can the doctor be so poor?"

— When attempting to buy something without requisite points.

"The infernal box will not give it's secrets freely..."

— When attempting to use the Mystery Box without the required points.

"THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!"

— When being swarmed.

"Why has everyone abandoned the Doctor?"

— When being swarmed.

"No! The Doctor could use some help about now!"

— When being swarmed.

"My patience is at an end. YOU WILL DIE NOW!"

— When being swarmed.

"How have you all been? Ja, good... TIME TO DIE!"

— When being swarmed.

"Yes, my children, gather around...*nervous laughter*"

— When being swarmed.

"Let me tell you a story about your doom!"

— When being swarmed.

"Oh, it must be playtime!"

— When being swarmed.

"Glad to meet you all! I am the Doctor!"

— When being swarmed.

"Time to RUN!"

— When being swarmed.

"My fame has preceded me."

— When being swarmed.

"Have you heard? It's your time to go."

— When being swarmed.

"Why won't they stop talking to me?"

— When being swarmed.

"You should go follow Dempsey now!"

— When being swarmed.

"Nein, this is not the time to stalk the doctor!"

— When being swarmed.

"You are all getting so close... YOU WILL DIE NOW!"

— When being swarmed.

"Ah, the bathroom, not a very interesting place, unless you're German... LIKE ME!"

— Upon entering the bathroom.

"Doctor Maxis almost had his undead army, if only he could have broken the trust barrier."

— Upon entering the dressing room.

"Those seats, that screen, they wanted to implant the mind with instructions!"

— Upon entering the theater.

"I wonder if we can find any of the training videos anywhere."

Upon entering the lounge.

"An ally, how quaint."

— Upon entering the alley.

"They are shaking down the roof, what a pity!"

— After turning on the power.

"That doesn't sound good."

— After turning on the power.

"What is that beautiful sound? It's like MUSIC!"

— After turning on the power.

"The beautiful creatures fall from the sky!"

— After turning on the power.

"These must have been the failed experiments Maxis mentioned."

— After turning on the power.

"I found a piece of the meteor!"

— After found the first piece of the meteor.

"I found another rock! Maybe they stole this from Japan!"

— Finding the second piece of the meteor. Reference to the meteor in Shi No Numa

"I have found the last piece!"

— Finding the last Meteor.

"I have found a delicious tune!"

— Upon activating the "115" song easter-egg.

"How can I download this to my MP3 player?"

— Upon activating the "115" song easter-egg.

"Oh look, it's me... but not quite as magnificent!"

— After examining his portrait.

"Hello Dempsey. Oh, wait, its just a portrait... AN UGLY ONE!"

— After examining Dempsey's portrait.

"His eyes are following me!"

— After examining Nikolai's portrait.

"Oh, it's a picture of the Monkey Bomb!"

— After examining Takeo's portrait.

"This one didn't photograph so well."

— After examining the blacked-out portrait.

Cut Quotes

"I have been recognized by Treyar... the Illuminati!"

— When earning an achievement (refers to Treyarch).

"OHHHH! The Wunderwaffe DG-2! (slighty cries) I missed you!"

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"This will be the SHOCK!...of a lifetime...(giggles)"

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"Oh, the element of POWER!"

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"(Gasps) The epidemy of genius!"

Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"How many can I play this at once?"

-Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"Joy, is the slaughtering of the meek, and with the wunderbar."

-Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"Can it be the DG-3? The DG-3 that's just for me?"

— When receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-3 JZ from the Pack-a-Punch machine.

"Listen, do you hear its joy?"

— Upon getting a kill with the Wunderwaffe DG-2.

"The Doctor sends his regards!"

— Upon getting a kill with the Wunderwaffe DG-2.

"Shocking! *laughter*"

— Upon getting a kill with the Wunderwaffe DG-2.

"Feel the power of the element!"

— Upon getting a kill with the Wunderwaffe DG-2.

"Samantha, is that you? You mustn't tell anyone!"

— Upon getting a kill with the Wunderwaffe DG-2.

"Ohh, what I wouldn't give to feel that kind of power."

— Upon getting a kill with the Wunderwaffe DG-2.

"Burn them... burn them, yes, BURN SO NICELY!"

— Upon receiving the flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"So heavy, so hot, so... handsome."

— Upon receiving the flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"They bathe in their anguished cries!"

— Upon receiving the flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"The Doctor is ready to boil them into submission."

— Upon receiving the flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"Shut up, shut up, or I will BURN out your eyes!"

— Upon receiving the flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"Liverwurst, anyone? (laughter)"

— Upon receiving the flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"He... He-he's BURNING! (crying) Oh joy!"

— Killing zombies with the flamethrower.

"Oh, do you smell the cooked intestine? Delicious."

— Killing zombies with the flamethrower.

"The flames! Oh, the glorious flames!"

— Killing zombies with the flamethrower.

"*laughter*"

— Killing zombies with the flamethrower.

"Fry, my pretties! Fry!"

— Killing zombies with the flamethrower.

Samantha Maxis

"Fetch me their souls!"

— At begining of a Hellhound round.

"Bye bye!"

— When a player revives the Teddy Bear in the Mystery Box.

"Kaboom!"

— When a Nuke power-up is picked up.

"Carpenter!"

— When a Carpenter power-up is picked up.

"Insta-kill!"

— When an Insta-kill power-up is picked up.

"Fire Sale!"

— When a Fire Sale power-up is picked up.

"Max Ammo!"

— When a Max Ammo power-up is picked up.

"Double points!"

— When a Double Points power-up is picked up.

"Attention, Zombie shoppers! Time for a Fire Sale. Until the music stops, box rolls ten Dollars, at a convenient location near you! (evil laugh)"

— A longer version of the Fire Sale announcement, found in PC files.

Trivia

Sometimes, when playing as Richtofen on Solo, he will say a multiplayer quote that involves Tank Dempsey.