Depression

Although it was Christmas Eve, Lily was not feeling even remotely excited about the feast that night. Instead she was feeling depressed. It was amazing really that one boy could make her feel so many things in just a few days time. And very unfair, she though. Right now she should have been celebrating her final Christmas holiday at Hogwarts with the rest of the students; instead she just rolled over in bed and pulled the covers over her eyes to keep all traces of sunlight out.

A few minutes later the door burst open, and Catherine shouted, "Up! Wake up!"

Lily groaned and burrowed deeper into her covers.

"No you don't!" Catherine said, much too loudly. "This is your last Christmas here, Lily, and I am not about to let you ruin it. Get up, get dressed, and come downstairs. Now."

As much as Lily did not want to get out of her warm bed, she saw Catherine's point. After dressing haphazardly, Lily stumbled down the girls' staircase and walked into the common room.

Catherine gave her a reproachful look, but said, "That will do. Now, grab your cloak. We're going into Hogsmeade."

Of course. How could she have forgotten? Everyone had been looking forward to this trip into the town for ages. Nothing was more exciting or anticipated than Hogsmeade on Christmas Eve.

Lily grabbed her cloak without argument, knowing there was no way she could get out of this trip. A small part of her did want to go. The part of her that had not recently been influenced by James Potter. She decided right then and there that she would not think of James at all that day. She would not let him ruin her last holiday at Hogwarts.

Lily and her friends had missed the carriages taking them into town, so they walked instead. A cool, crisp wintry wind blew around them, chilling them to the bone. "The sooner we get inside," Ella stated, "the better."

"Yeah. Let's not look around first. I could use a warm cup of Butterbeer." Catherine was already shivering, and Lily agreed with her friends.

Fifteen minutes passed, and then, in the distance, a small village covered in snow appeared on the horizon. The first time Lily had seen Hogsmeade covered in snow she had been reminded of a snow globe. Everything looked so cute, as if taken right out of a fairytale.

"Ah, Three Broomsticks," Catherine said, holding the wooden door open for her friends. They stepped in and were greeted with a rush of warm air. It felt heavenly on Lily's skin.

They group looked around for a table to sit at. Catherine, throwing Lily a nasty look, chose the table right next to that of James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter. Lily just rolled her eyes and did her best to ignore them. The girls sat down, beginning to discuss the remainder of their seventh year, when Lily heard something interesting come from James' table.

"What are we going to do, James. He needs I want to fight—" James cut Sirius off by holding up a hand. Catherine was looking over at them with interest.

"What are you trouble makers talking about?" she asked them.

"Just planning our next great prank, Catherine. We can't say more, though. Sworn to secrecy and all," James replied. From the look on his face, he was obviously lying. Lily made a mental note to talk to them before she left the pub. It looked like they were discussing something very important.

Catherine and Ella stood a few minutes later, saying that they wanted to do some shopping.

"I'll catch up with you in a moment," Lily replied. "I wanted to talk to James…"

Her friends looked at each other, smiling. No doubt they thought Lily was about to confess her love for him. Sometimes she wondered if they thought of anything other than boys.

Once they left Three Broomsticks, Lily moved over to the boys' table to talk with them.

"What's going on?" she asked.

Remus pointed to the Daily Prophet and said, "See for yourself."

On the front page there were articles detailing the death of two prominent Muggle-born wizards. Underneath that was an article on the rise of Muggle killings. Beneath that an article on a missing wizard from the Ministry.

"He's on the rise," Lily said, for the first time realizing what truly was occurring in the wizarding world outside of Hogwarts. "He's really rising."

"Seems so," James said solemnly.

"What are we going to do about it?" Lily asked. After all, there had to be something they could do. She hadn't just been through almost seven years of schooling to do nothing.

"That's what we were just talking about," Sirius said. "Because we haven't graduated yet, we don't think we'll be allowed to do much of anything."

Remus nodded. "Sadly, adult wizards would still consider us children, even though we're of age."

"But we need to do something. Muggles and Muggle-borns are in danger. What if my family—"

James interrupted her. "Nothing will happen to your family."

His sentiment was nice, but Lily felt that James couldn't know that for sure.

James seemed to see that on her face, because he then said, "I heard Dumbledore talking with McGonagall. I wasn't supposed to hear, but they mentioned special protection put on the house of Muggle-born students."

Lily felt a warm wave of relief spread over her. However, that didn't solve their previous problem. "What can we do, though?"

"There doesn't look like very much. The best I can think of is going to Dumbledore and tell him we want to help. We can't expect him to let us now. Hopefully, by expressing desire to help, he'll consider us after we graduate."

"But we can help them now!" Lily knew she must seem like she was overreacting, but she knew they were talented. She knew that they would be useful.

"You're right, Lily," James said seriously. "But right now that isn't one of our options."

Lily sighed, looking defeated. "I know you're right. I just wish there was more we could do. This Lord Voldemort has been growing stronger for ages. I never thought he'd actually get this much power, though. I wish we could just stop it."

"We all do," Remus said quietly.

"So, y-your going to tell Dumbledore we all want to help?" Peter asked, saying the first thing since Lily sat down with them.

"Yes," James said calmly. "I'll go today even. The sooner he knows we all want to be involved the better."

Peter looked terrified. "But, it'll be dangerous, won't it?"

"Of course it will be, Petey," Sirius said, looking exasperated. Lily felt like that was half the fun for Sirius.

"And we could die?" Peter's voice was now hardly audible.

"It's possible," James replied. "But it's for the greater good. We'd be dying to save countless others. We'd be dying to stop horrifying evil. We'd be living up to our Gryffindor name. You do want to help, don't you?"

"Of c-course," Peter stuttered. Lily wasn't quite sure that's what Peter really wanted to do, but there was no way that he would dare defy James.

"So, it's settled then. We let Dumbledore know we're interested." Everyone nodded in agreement.

Lily sat with them for a few more minutes, but then she remembered telling her friends that she would meet up with them again. "I'd better go. Thanks," she said, nodding towards James.

"For what?" he asked.

"Including me in your plans. Speaking for me when you go to Dumbledore. It means a lot."

Lily got the feeling that James was going to say something along the lines of "Of course" or "Are you insane? There's no way I wouldn't include you", but Lily didn't think she could stand to hear it. She was already way to impressed with the way everyone looked to James for the solution. She was impressed that he kept a cool head, and she was impressed that he could set aside silly problems for much more important things. She couldn't stand another thing to make her like him even more right now.

If ever before her thoughts about James were so thoroughly shaken, she could not remember. Just now she had seen him as a mature man, able to handle himself under pressure. She had seen him as a man willing to give up his life to save others. He was something completely new to Lily. He was not the old James Potter, but he was still very much James Potter. If that made any sense.

It was all too much for Lily to think about. She opted instead to find her friends and shop for the rest of the day.

Once the feast was over that night, Lily retired in the common room by the fire. She had to doge many questions about James that afternoon when she had met back up with Ella and Catherine. They had only just stopped asking her when they were going to date.

Lily was still depressed. More so than she had been at the beginning of the day. Instead of being bargaining to end her feelings for James she was angry with herself for not realizing them sooner. She had passed up someone when she hadn't even known him. Regret washed over her.

"Why so sullen?" Catherine asked.

Lily twirled her hair around in her fingers. "No reason. I think I'm going to bed a little early tonight, though. Happy Early Christmas."

Lily walked up the girls' staircase, unaware of James Potter's eyes on her as she left.

A/N: I hope that was enjoyable. I feel a little put out since I couldn't finish this before Deathly Hallows came out, and I was debating whether I wanted to finish this. It seems more unrealistic than normal with all the new information in book 7. However, with one chapter left, I think I'm going to finish it. Please continue to review, because I can always use more help.