Ch 4- I Will Be Here With You

"Violet, you should've never volunteered me!" Ben was angry with his daughter and resisted as she pulled him along, urging him to go down the stairs with her.

"But Dad she needs your help!"

"Violet this is my mother, and a sensitive situation it's different!"

"Come on Dad, I promised."

"This isn't going to go well."

"Come on, don't you miss your job, a little?"

"Of course but this isn't going to go well."

Violet sighed, crossing her arms in frustration. "Dad I can't believe you it…"

"Violet I look just like Johnny. He was my identical twin brother." He swallowed nervously.

"That's right. Psycho guy was your twin, doesn't that explain a lot Mom?" Violet asked Vivian appeared out of nowhere, beckoned by her daughter's questioning.

"It does Ben." She teased her husband.

He sighed in frustration, looking back angrily at his wife and daughter. He paused, wondering if they saw him any different now that they knew his father and brother were killers. Certainly he saw himself different and was having a hard time coping. Truthfully, he thought having a talk with Lana would help him, but he didn't think it was in her best interest. Unlike his brother, he didn't feel anger at her for having given him up. He understood wholly and completely. He'd had a good childhood, and a loving family, and the added benefit of knowing, through their minimal interaction at the park, that she'd loved him too.

"She'll know who you are in an instant Ben. She's suffering I think she deserves some healing."

Vivian turned her head and watched Lana as she shuffled through some things in her office. She'd been watching Lana carefully for days, unseen of course, and noted that she kept looking at this wrinkled up picture of Ben as a child. The whole thing reminded her of how she wanted closure with her son Michael, who now belonged to Constance. She understood Lana's longings and pain in a way no one really could and was desperate for the husband who'd caused her so much pain to give this other woman closure. He was the only one who could; and in a way, she knew it would heal her too.

Ben sighed. "I'll try. But I can't guarantee she won't really freak out."

"That's fine we all do at times." Tate said.

"What are you doing here Tate?" Ben asked angrily.

Over the past few years, Violet and Vivian had come to forgive Tate…to a degree, but the troubled young ghost was still trying to mend fences with Dr. Harmon.

"Pushing you to do a good thing."

"You, talking about doing a good thing?" He laughed.

"Yeah, why not… you should have healing with your mother." He said sadly.

The four paused and looked in on Lana as she shuffled through the drawers in her desk.

"Fine." Ben said, "But no listening. It's therapy, it's confidential."

"Good luck honey." Vivian kissed his cheek and disappeared again.

"Thank you Dad." Violet said, Ben took a breath and without another word, went into Lana's office and shut the door.

Violet turned to Kit; his head hung low, and looked up into his face.

"Healing with your mother?"

"You're lucky, you know that Violet." He said, not acknowledeing what he'd said about himself. "I hope Dr. Harmon's that lucky too."

…

Lana had always felt the guiltiest about Johnny, he'd been the one who needed to nurse, the one who needed her most, and yet, he was also the one of the three she wanted away from most. The nurse attending to her failed to understand her situation. She was the one who insisted that she hold all three babies before letting them go forever. She hated that nurse and still did. Johnny had been the first boy, and Lana was afraid of him, the second was sweet as could be, and the third the girl.

The difference was, they'd been adopted right away and had not lived the same life Johnny had. Lana'd always hoped that they'd known love and peace and purpose in a way Johnny never had. That had been part of the point in giving them up…for them to find peace.

The other boy had been given the name Ben and was adopted by the Harmon family in Boston. He was close by and she'd been watching him since he was small. Lana secretly delighted in her Ben but had never truly met him. She thought he was perfect.

The third had been a girl. Lana could remember being the most conflicted about giving up her daughter, but she'd done it. She'd wanted to keep her but didn't feel right keeping one and giving the other two away. Lana regarded this as the biggest regret of her life, second to going to Briarcliff at all. Years later when she'd found Johnny still living at the orphanage, she'd also located Ben and she'd watch him in the park. But the girl…the girl had been adopted by a couple in California and she'd never found her, even after years of trying. Even her fame had not helped her find the little girl. Part of her feared something had happened to her daughter. She hoped so much that her daughter and other son had a happy life. That they had no idea who they were.

"Hello." Ben said softly, hoping he wouldn't scare her when she saw him.

Lana turned quickly, the voice hauntingly familiar, her eyes flashing as though she'd seen a ghost.

"Hello Dr. Harmon." She said softly.

"Ms. Winters." He addressed, relieved she was not afraid of him, and that she didn't attempt to turn him away.

"Please, have a seat."

Lana's head was spinning. She'd been hopeful, the day before, when Violet had told her, her father's name was Dr. Harmon, and thought perhaps he might know Ben. But she'd never ever anticipated that it would actually be him. Her heart pounded fast even though it hung heavy in her chest. Ben had always been smart and had caught onto her at a young age. She wondered if he remembered her or not, and hoped that if he did it was a fond memory.

Lana figured that might have changed though: after all, after what happened to Johnny, he'd have to understand who he was, and all the other missing pieces of the puzzle she'd never wanted him to know.

"So you're a psychiatrist?" She asked suspiciously, lighting a cigarette for herself.

"No, no thank you." He said when she offered him one of his own.

Lana smirked, taking a puff of her cigarette as he continued to talk. His refusal of the vice made her think of Violet's acceptance of it just yesterday afternoon. Suddenly, it hit Lana that Violet was her granddaughter, and she couldn't help but feel a surge of pride run through her.

'Even if it doesn't work out with him, I have an amazing granddaugher.' She knew Violet wouldn't turn her away, even after learning the truth. 'Besides.' She thought. 'Someone in this gene pool that got something from me.'

Still, she couldn't help but note that Ben seemed like a nice man, and that while he was identical to his brother, being in his presence was nothing like being with Johnny. She felt a calm with him she hadn't with anyone in many years. Lana smiled in spite herself, happy that in many ways, he was the same little boy she'd watched in the park all those years ago. Still, as an adult; she saw Ben as a hybrid of things right away. Physically, he was his twin brother. In essence, he was her own father in many ways, and yet something else lurked there, hidden in the shadows of Ben Harmon's psyche and soul, and knowing it as she did, it sought her out, seeming to tease her but she wouldn't allow herself to be pushed away from her son by it, not again.

She'd faced it, in the bravest of ways, at least that's what the world had said. It had awarded her with fame and wealth for what she'd done but she'd never gotten over not confronting it head on. Truly, if she'd faced it in the bravest of ways she would've kept her children and lived with the shadow of Oliver Thredson everyday, the one she felt lurking on the other side of the room, co-existing with her son.

"Miss Winters?" He asked.

She paused, realizing that she hadn't been listening carefully. What she did notice though was that his technique as a therapist wasn't that much different from his father's and she found that scary as hell. Lana stopped wondering what she should say next. She wanted to ask if she remembered him, but suddenly, he leaned over and carefully took her hand.

She jumped, a small spark surging through her when she did this.

"I remember your watching me." He said quietly.

"Yes." She acknowledged. "That was me. It's been a long time Ben. I hope you understand, well, everything."

"Oh yes, yes I understand, truly I do." He looked back up at her, tears in his eyes.

Lana stopped; looking into his face wasn't that different from looking into Johnny's and for a moment, it shook her to the core. But there was a light in Ben's eyes that had never been present in his brother's even as an infant.

"Thank you, for the wonderful life you allowed me to have. You gave me to great, great people who loved me very much." He began. Her heart sighed with relief. "And thank you, for finding a way to let me know you loved me anyway. I-I've always been. I've always been a little troubled." He sniffled. "Go. You said. It'll be alright. And it was. I never forgot any of that. It anchored me when I was a sad little boy, and a lost young man." He smiled at the thought.

"I owed a lot more to you."

"No." He shook his head. "You'd been through enough."

Lana thought it was funny how there were no introductions, no explanations, everything was just how it always was. There was an understanding between them; so explicit it need not be explained.

"I see your father in you." She whispered, cupping his cheek in her hand.

"I…" He didn't know what to say about this; being the son of a notorious serial killer bothered him, and made him think carefully about his past urges and sins.

"It's alright. You are not to blame for anything. Your father was. Your brother was…"

Ben started to cry, thinking about the disreputable actions that had brought his family to this sinful, horrible place. Lana could not know about them.

"Shu, it's alright. It's alright." Lana comforted, her heart jumped when she hugged him. "I told you before, it'll be alright. And it was, wasn't it?" He nodded.

"I owed you more." She said again. "And I'm sorry."

"Please." He collected himself. "I am sorry. I know, I know what happened, with you, and with Johnny. I don't know what Violet knew when she made me come here but, I hope I didn't scare you I…"

"No." Lana admitted quietly, "That girl's smart. I really like her a lot. Maybe she had some idea somehow, I've been looking for you Ben."

"Oh." He brightened.

"Why do you think I watched you? A part of me has always regretted giving you up. Really regretted it."

"Kind of like a part of me always saw you and my mind would want to yell out, hi Mom."

Lana laughed when he said this. "I know it's a bit late. But, maybe we could…"

"Start over." He offered.

"If that's what you want to call it."

"Please. Miss Winters, is there anything I can do for you?"

"Call me Lana."

"Lana." He laughed, deciding that world work for him. "I know you can't be alright." He said.

"No, no I'm not alright. Your mother hasn't been alright since 1964."

"I know that. But I'm here now."

"Can I pour you a drink?" She asked.

"Scotch, please."

Both paused, neither said a thing as Lana went to pour a drink for each of them.

"Mother?" He asked, feeling comfortable addressing her this way. Lana kind of liked it, and didn't bother to correct him. "What do you want my help with?" He asked again. She hadn't said there was something; he just knew.

She sat down across from him and handed him his drink.

"I want you." She said. "To help me find your sister."

"M-my what?"

…..

August 1965, Boston

"Don't cry." The priest laughed. "It looks like it'll just be you and Uncle Timothy, at least for a few hours."

In truth, Timothy was upset that his brother and sister-in-law were going to be late. He'd received the baby from the hospital that morning and had planned to spend a couple of hours with her at most; after all, he was a busy man and didn't know what he was doing with a baby in the first place. He would've waited, and had his brother pick up the child from St. Ursula's. That would've been standard adoption procedure, but this was no regular adoption.

Timothy's brother, and his wife, who lived in Beverly Hills out in California, had been unable to have children of their own and had come to him to procure a child for them because of his connection to the church's orphanage. His brother and sister-in-law was a wealthy, high profile couple who did not want the hassle normally accompanied with adoption. They did not want to wait for background checks, or go through mountains of paperwork. That was especially true with this adoption.

This little girl, currently named baby Winters-Howard would have no adoption records to speak of. Her new parents had agreed to take her, on the condition that Timothy could falsify her records and make sure she had no connection to Lana Winters, and by proxy, her father, Oliver Thredson. Such a connection, you see, wouldn't be acceptable for a hi-brow couple such as themselves, they couldn't live life with the implications that carried through, from their daughter being biologically related to a serial killer, you see. And so, at their suggestion, Timothy had falsified her records, to make it appear as though she'd been born to the Howards and not Lana Winters, in Boston, in August of 1965.

Timothy made it to where Lana and anyone else who tried would never be able to find her. Legally, the Winters baby didn't exist, and finding her with no leads would be like looking for a needle in a haystack: just like no one would ever know to look for Sister Jude in the name Betty Drake.