October, 1924
Morning light snuck into the room from behind the heavy curtains. A fit of coughing woke Cora up from her slumber. She held her hand to her chest while the spasms continued, vaguely wondering at the pain she felt there. The tiresome cough had been plaguing her for a while but the pain was a new development. She hoped she wasn't getting a nasty cold. Although life had slowed to a much more normal pace for her since leaving London, there were still things to be done. Isobel had recently gotten her involved in a campaign to raise money for a local orphanage and so Cora was in charge of planning a tea for ladies in the village and surrounding area for the following Tuesday. And there were the visits she still made to Millie. And then there was always the impromptu dinner party as Mary's men continued to carousel around, coming and going with an almost clockwork regularity. Cora smiled contentedly, glad that her daughter seemed to be embracing the attention and moving slowly toward accepting one of them into her life. She wanted Mary to be happy again and she was sure that her eldest daughter was finally open to the idea herself. Now, if only she would choose one of the poor dears.
Edith also seemed to be more of herself. There was still no sign of Michael, but she was less and less brought down by this and spent more time taking on a leadership role at the paper. Being in London changed Edith. Cora noticed that her daughter sat a little taller than she ever had and held her head higher. Her dress was always the latest fashion and her hair impeccable. It seemed that the cosmopolitan city helped Edith finally blossom into the confident young woman she was now. For the first time in a long time, Cora felt her girls were no longer girls but women fully embroiled in their destinies. She was so happy, and yet sad, remembering her baby, and the future she would not have. The melancholy hit her unexpectedly as it usually did and the strength of her grief was still enough to bring tears to her eyes that spilled over onto her cheeks. She gave into the emotion briefly before getting out of bed and walking toward her bathroom, wanting to wash the remnants of tears away before Robert came in and became worried. Cora thought about how refreshing some water would feel on her face, suddenly feeling flushed as she walked the distance to the washroom.
Robert looked over his morning paper as Edith and Tom entered the dining room. He gave them a nod and went back to the news of the day, the words they exchanged fading into the background. Picking up his tea, he sipped slowly and thought about the appointments for the day. He was anxious to meet with Murray. Robert had felt so deeply that he failed Edith in some way during her turmoil with Michael. He had continually tried to offer his help and his money to find him, only to be waived off with Edith's assurances that Michael's firm had done everything possible to learn about the man's fate. Feeling more and more helpless in the shine of Edith's grief Robert had decided to go ahead and make inquiries of his own. What could it hurt? Murray had found a man willing to do some questioning in Germany and the lawyer himself had gone to the business partners at the paper to find out what avenues they had already tried. Robert received an urgent call the night before from Murray asking to meet him immediately and Robert suggested a late morning meeting. Murray would be arriving at Downton any moment now, so Robert put his paper down and got to the business of his breakfast.
A few minutes later Thomas appeared announcing that Murray was waiting for him in the library. Robert excused himself to his family and walked purposefully out of the room to find the lawyer. He was half-dreading the report that he would receive. Murray was by one of the library windows, staring out at the grounds. Robert saw him turn as he entered the room and the other man's face was unreadable. Once Thomas had closed the door and they were alone Robert spoke.
"Do not keep me guessing any longer. What did you find?"
"Lord Grantham, you may want to sit."
Robert stood taller. "I think I'll stand actually."
"Very well, I made inquiries at the paper. First off, they never sent anyone to look into Mr Gregson's disappearance."
"Why ever not?!" Robert could not believe that these men had lied to his daughter, in the face of her worry. He was enraged for her.
"Because he wasn't missing. He told them he was taking a sabbatical in Germany, would be gone for over a year. They have no indication that anything has happened to him. As a matter of fact he makes regular contact with them."
"This cannot be! I do not understand."
"There is more." Murray paused and sat down, causing Robert to follow his lead.
"What more could there be, Murray?"
"He sends letters to Lady Edith at the paper. And she picks them up. Weekly. And has since the duration of his absence."
Robert looked at the lawyer in shock. He had no words. The information made no sense in his mind. He thought of the last year and a half. The moping about and the worry she seemed to carry around. The the whole time Gregson had been living in Germany and Edith had known. He couldn't fathom what would cause her to deceive them all in this way.
"Murray, I don't understand."
Murray cleared his throat and looked uncomfortable. "I have a man looking into Michael's background now. He'll come up with something that sheds some light."
"Please let me know as soon as you find out anything else."
Robert stood, as did Murray, and he shook the man's hand and led him to the library door. He was still baffled but that was slowly giving way to anger. Cora had pleaded with him to look into the Gregson matter, devastated inside by what she perceived as Edith's anguish. To think of the nights he had spent worried about his middle daughter, never mind the sleeplessness that had been suffered by her mother, he was ready to explode. He swallowed his fury as he encountered Mary in the hall, speaking with Mrs. Hughes and Ms Baxter. All three looked at him with worried and confused expressions and he wondered if his anger was that plain on his face.
"Good day Lord Grantham." Murray said with a tip of his hat and left the house.
Mrs Hughes rushed to him with Baxter not far behind.
"My lord, there's a situation that's arisen that we aren't quite sure what to do about."
Robert sighed. The last thing that he wanted to do was deal with a staffing issue.
"What is it Mrs Hughes?"
"Well, it seems that her ladyship hasn't rung for Baxter."
Robert stared at the three women with his hands out wondering what they wanted from him, not understanding.
"And…"
Mary jumped in. "Papa, it's 10 o'clock. I'm fed, down and dressed and mama usually is too by this time. She has not rung at all this morning. Not for her breakfast, not for a drink of water, not for a change of clothing. Nothing."
Robert's brow furrowed and he felt the anxiety build in his chest. He turned to Baxter.
"She didn't ring at all?"
"No my lord. And I've been sitting down there since half past six. I started doing some sewing waiting for the bell and was lost in the task. By the time I looked again I realized it was alarmingly late. But the bell never rang, that I'm sure of."
Robert turned and went up the stairs quickly. He had started breakfast early on the account of his meeting with Murray so had not risked waking Cora, forgoing their usual morning chat before her breakfast. The last he had seen of her had been when he left the bed before getting dressed. That was hours ago. The fear grew stronger as Robert ascended the staircase and turned down the gallery towards Cora's room. He heard footsteps behind him and imagined Mary and Mrs. Hughes following close. Stopping at Cora's door he knocked softly even though every fiber of him wanted to pull the door off it's hinge. When there was no answer he tried one more loud knock before opening the door quickly. Their bed was empty.
"Cora!" It was met with silence as he strode into the room looking around for her. There was no sign of his wife in the room. Mary and Mrs Hughes peaked in the door and looked at him expectantly. Robert turned and went towards the washroom. Standing in the doorway he scanned the room until his eyes found what he was looking for, crumpled on the floor by the sink, a small stain of red standing out on a tile near her head. Robert felt his knees weaken slightly and he was brought back to the day years ago when he found her in almost this same position. That day O'Brien's screams of help had filled the house and when he had arrived at this spot after a mad dash from his dressing room, both O'Brien and Cora had been a flurry of activity and sounds. Cora sobbing and flailing about helplessly as O'Brien scurried around the bathroom looking for towels to stop the blood already seeping from his wife's body. This time, the room was eerily quiet and calm and it scared Robert more than the scene he had witnessed so long ago.
Mary was by his shoulder and he heard her gasp. She turned to Mrs Hughes.
"Have Carson fetch Dr Clarkson right away."
Her words had the effect they needed to on Robert, stirring him into motion and in two short steps he was by his wife's side, kneeling down and reaching a trembling hand to her head. There was a slight gash where she must have hit the sink on her way down. Her eyes opened slowly. He noticed her labored breathing and the way her hair stuck to her forehead in clammy patches.
"Cora," Robert whispered.
"Robert?" Cora's voice was soft and questioning. Mary had come to kneel by her father and rubbed her hand gently over her mother's shoulder. Cora slowly closed her eyes and opened them again, trying to focus on the faces in front of her. Her head was splitting with pain and it felt as though an elephant sat on her chest, every breath harder than the last. She vaguely remembered another coughing fit at the sink and not being able to catch her breath. It had gone on for what seemed an eternity before the light started to fade and her legs had given out.
"I fainted I think."
"Yes, my dear. I think you did." Robert tried to smile but it barely turned up his lips. There was a small dribble of blood coming from in between Cora's lips. Gently he pulled her off the floor. Cora groaned at the movement and held her hand to her mouth, dizzy from the change in position and feeling her empty stomach rolling. Robert pulled her close and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, the other supporting the backs of her knees. He stood swiftly and lifted her off the ground.
"Robert, you'll hurt yourself." Cora said softly in protest.
"Nonsense. You're much too thin. I could carry two more of you." Robert brought Cora to their bed and carefully placed her down. He covered her with the blankets as she shivered. Robert swallowed hard, trying to calm the emotions inside him. Cora was not well, it was plain to see, and she hadn't been for quite some time. There was a suspicion that was continuing to grow in the back of his mind but he couldn't think it fully or he would lose his composure. He needed to wait until Clarkson had seen her before letting his imagination run away. Mary paced slightly by the bed. Cora let out a cough now and then, her eyes remaining closed. None of them spoke. Robert held Cora's hand and rubbed her knuckles gently with his thumb, trying to clear his mind of all the warring thoughts.
There was a light knock at the door and Mrs Hughes led Dr Clarkson into the room. She turned to Robert.
"Is there anything else you need your lordship? Anything I can do?" Mrs Hughes spoke the words to Robert but didn't take her eyes off Cora. Her concern deeply etched on her face.
"No thank you Mrs Hughes."
Mrs Hughes turned and left the room. She could hear the doctor asking the others to go to the library while he conducted his exam on her ladyship. His lordship's mild protests reached the hall but she heard the opening of the door anyway and his and lady Mary's muffled voices behind her.
Robert wore a path in the carpet of the library between the desk and the window. He had started a scotch but his heart wasn't in it. His mother had arrived, along with Edith and Tom and all of them sat waiting for the doctor to come down. It seemed as though he had been up there forever and Robert had to keep himself from barging up to find out what was wrong.
"Robert, please sit down." Violet commanded gently.
Just as Robert sat by Mary the library door opened and Dr Clarkson walked in. Robert stood up quickly.
"Dr Clarkson, how is she?"
The doctor walked further into the room and sat on a leather chair looking serious. Robert faltered slightly and slowly sat in the seat he had just risen from.
"Lady Grantham is resting now. I would like her to come to the hospital tomorrow for some X-rays. I've taken some blood that I'll test as soon as I get back. Once I've been able to see the results of the blood work and the X-rays, I should have a clearer idea what is going on."
"But surely you must have a theory, doctor." Mary interjected.
Dr Clarkson nodded his head slightly.
"I do Lady Mary, but in these instances I find speculation to be the opposite of productive."
"That's bull sir!" Robert exploded standing up and coming closer to the doctor.
"Cora has symptoms that I'm sure she told you of. If not I shall be happy to share with you my own observations. That coupled with the exam you just conducted should be able to give you some indication of what you are looking at. So I would like to know now. What are you testing her blood for? What are you looking for in that X-ray?"
Dr Clarkson sighed and rubbed his eyes wearily. He looked at the faces staring back at him. Some still looked hopeful, mainly the girls. Violet looked stoic, and worried. Robert was a contorted mix of furry and blind fear.
"Okay Lord Grantham. It is my belief that Lady Grantham has tuberculosis."
The word hung in the library between them. All of Robert's anger left him and he sank to his seat like a deflated balloon. He put his face in his hands and shook his head.
"Dear God." Robert's words were muffled and raw.
"Is there a chance you could be wrong, Dr. Clarkson?" Violet asked.
"There's always a chance, Lady Grantham. But in this case I would say it is slim. The blood work and x-rays will tell me for certain, obviously. When I get back to the hospital I plan on ringing a colleague of mine in London. A Dr. Richards. He's a leading expert on the disease. I'd like for him to come up tomorrow and consult with me."
"Have you told Mama?" Mary asked softly.
Dr Clarkson shook his head. "I didn't think it wise to tell her just yet. While I am very certain of the diagnosis I want tomorrow's testing to be one hundred percent sure. With tuberculosis, it's imperative that the patient rest and take care of themselves and I don't want worry to interfere with that happening today."
"Lord Grantham." Dr Clarkson stood as he addressed Robert. "Do you think that you could have Lady Grantham at the hospital by eleven tomorrow?"
Robert looked up for the first time. His face plainly showed the devastation he felt inside. He nodded slowly, not trusting himself to speak just yet.
"Very good. I'll leave these here." Dr Clarkson deposited two bottles on the side table nearest Robert. Pointing to the larger bottle he said, "This is for any difficulty Lady Grantham may have with breathing. It'll help open up the passageways in her lungs. This is for sleep and pain. She noted some pain in her chest earlier. If it persists or she has trouble sleeping, give her a half dropper of this. Be sparing with it though, it is fairly potent." With that the doctor left the library.
The family remained quiet after Dr Clarkson's exit, each deep within their own thoughts. Edith wiped at her eyes as silent tears spilled over. She and the rest were shaken out of themselves when Robert let a choking sound escape from behind his hand. They watched in shock as he cried in front of them, his head in his hands and his shoulders shaking. The sound of it was foreign to his daughters, never having seen their father cry before.
Violet sat forward and put her hand on Robert's knee. "My dear, you have this out now, in here. And then you need to be strong, for Cora. We all need to be strong. And then we shall do whatever is necessary to get her better."
Robert looked up at his mother. "There's no cure for this! They send you off to a sanitarium and it makes people better for a time, but there is no getting away from this disease. It's just a matter of how much time you can buy! I should have insisted she see the doctor months ago."
"Oh God." Mary began to cry at her father's words.
Violet pushed herself up and rang the bell for Carson. Within moments the man was with them in the room.
"Carson, could you please bring us some tea. And then would you be so kind as to help me up the stairs to Lady Grantham's room?"
Violet turned to her family. "I am going to check on Cora. All of you take the time you need to collect yourselves."
And with those words Violet left the library and waited for Carson to return for her.
Violet knocked softly on the closed door in front of her before opening it slowly. She had expected the room to be in darkness but the shades had been opened and Cora was sitting on her settee, looking out the window sleepily. She turned to the sound of the door with a dreamy smile on her face, which turned into surprise when her mother in law walked in. Cora tried to sit herself up a little straighter and arrange the blanket over her lap. Violet waved her hand dismissively.
"Do not trouble yourself, my dear. You have earned a little afternoon respite."
Cora smiled, "Oh my, I must be dying for you to dismiss formality so easily."
Cora's words stopped Violet short briefly, but she quickly recovered when she noticed the seriousness in her daughter in law's eyes. Cora was a smart woman and sharp, it was one of the traits that Violet secretly respected in her. She knew something was amiss and was gently going to fish around for the answer.
"Well, you did give everyone quite a scare!" Violet made her way to the settee and sat at the end, patting Cora's covered legs.
"What did the doctor say?"
"Well, there's no dancing around for you." Violet said.
"When has there ever been dancing around between the two of us?" Cora asked tiredly.
Violet looked Cora in the eyes. There was a good deal of history between the women, and despite how Violet often spoke to her daughter in law and despite the fight she had put up when Robert had first toyed with the idea of proposing to Cora, she was family.
"The doctor is not certain what is ailing you." Violet said finally.
"But he must have an idea. And that idea must be bad enough to keep Robert downstairs."
"Dr Clarkson wanted to wait until tomorrow's tests to make any specific diagnosis." Violet held up her hand as Cora began to protest. "I won't insult your intelligence Cora. However, I also do not want you to fret. We will all get through this."
"It's consumption isn't it?" Cora asked, sighing heavily as Violet nodded slightly. She closed her eyes and laid back, resting her head. She felt the tears sting her eyes but refused to let them drop.
"How long have you suspected?"
Cora shook her head, "I don't know. Maybe a part of me thought so for a while now. But I didn't really let myself begin to believe it until a few days ago when the coughing began bringing up blood. It was hard to deny after that. How is Robert?"
Violet smiled sadly and took Cora's hand in hers surprising the younger woman.
"He is devastated. But it is a fraction of what he'll be if anything happens to you so we must make sure that nothing does. Clarkson is bringing up some specialist tomorrow from London. They will assess the progression of the illness and come up with a plan. There are many people who live with this for a long time so we just need to make sure you are among those numbers."
"Of course, easy as that." Cora gave her mother in law a wavering smile.
"You're American, dear. I'm sure pure grit will allow you to figure out some way to outlive all of us." Violet smiled kindly at Cora and patted her head before pushing herself up. She walked over to the cord by Cora's bed and rang the bell.
"You should eat something dear. I'll ask Baxter to bring something up and then I shall go down and fetch Robert."
Robert stood outside of the bedroom door gathering himself. He was embarrassed at the display he had put on in the library in front of the whole family, but the gravity of the situation and the possible outcome had been too much for him in that moment. He knocked on the door and then let himself in. Cora was sitting on the settee eating a piece of toast, her meal tray across her lap. She looked and smiled at him fully with such concern in her eyes that he felt the tears spring again.
"You're eating. I didn't mean to disturb you."
"You aren't disturbing me." Cora replied and she put her food down and went to move the tray.
"Here, let me get that!" Robert went to Cora's side and took the tray, placing it on the bed and then pulled Cora's vanity chair up close to her and placed a kiss on her forehead before sitting down.
"How are you feeling darling?" The spot on her forehead that had connected with the sink earlier was already a deep purple against her pale skin and he gently rubbed his thumb over it, feeling the bump.
"I'm okay Robert. How are YOU?" Cora's eyes studied his face.
Robert's laugh was more like a sharp bark. "That is so like you. I'm fine. Worried about you, but fine."
"Your mother told me."
Robert froze, not quite knowing what she had been told. That he had lost himself completely in the library, that she was extremely ill. He knew it had been a mistake to let Violet up here.
"What did she say?" Robert asked, trying to remain calm.
"She told me about the tuberculosis. I know."
"Hmm," Robert replied. "She wasn't supposed to say anything. None of us were supposed to say anything."
"Would you really not have told me Robert?" Cora asked, and Robert could detect a trace of hurt in her voice and eyes.
"Clarkson said it was for your own good not to say. That you needed the rest. So yes, I was going to try and follow his orders. Because Cora, although I don't say it often at all, I love you very much. You know this don't you?"
Cora lifted up Robert's hands, which she had clasped in her own, and brought them up to her lips, kissing them gently. Robert looked at her bowed head and closed his eyes. When he opened them Cora was looking at him.
"Of course I know that Robert. I've always known it." He watched as a single tear
spilled down her cheek followed by another and then another. He felt his stomach flutter at the sight. For all of her American emotion, Cora rarely cried. To see her do it now broke him a little.
"Cora, please don't cry." Robert begged.
"I'm sorry," Cora sniffed, wiping her eyes. "I cannot help it though. I'm worried for you. All of you, but especially you."
Robert was speechless. Of all the things he expected to come from her mouth, this was not it.
"Worried for me? But I'm half-insane worrying about you. Why are you worried about me?"
Cora's blue eyes pierced him in their seriousness. "Because dying is the easy part. Not that I want to. I'm sure it's a horrid business getting there. And the last thing I want to do is leave you. But once it's over, my part is done. I won't know the difference. But you, your part will just be beginning and it will be by far the worst part."
The bluntness of this conversation was more than Robert could deal with at the time. He pulled Cora to him and crushed her against his chest tighter than he meant to. He inhaled the floral scent of her hair that, for over thirty years he had associated with her, and tried to commit it to memory.
"Let's not talk about dying anymore tonight, shall we?" Robert asked over the tightness in his throat.