Thanks again for all of your reviews for this story. I tried to keep the mother/daughter sparks contained in this chapter because I don't want this to become a Stephanie vs Helen story. I kept their relationship close to canon with room for improvement or a butt-kicking if it's needed. Anything familiar belongs to Janet. The mistakes are mine.
Chapter 4
Ranger stood by my side of the car while I got out - probably hoping for another dress ride up - and then took my hand as we walked up the sidewalk to my parents' door. My mother and grandmother were already standing there when we reached the doorway. Something was up. I really don't see Joe blabbing to my parents about what went on at the courthouse. Not to sound full of myself, but I honestly think he was feeling more hurt than angry. Anger is what Joe relies on when he's really upset about something, much like I use denial. And finding out that the woman you were seeing for years is suddenly married and having a baby with someone else - after she repeatedly told you she wasn't interested in that kind of life - is bound to be upsetting. But clearly my mother and Grandma Mazur already smelled a juicy story, and boy were they about to get one.
"Ranger, Stephanie," my mother said, stepping out of the way so we could enter the house, "don't both of you look nice."
"Yeah," Grandma said, "that's a real pretty dress you got on. I'd like to get me something like that when my check comes in. The men at the senior center would be all over me in a dress like that. I'd have to figure out how to get my boobs to stay up that high, though."
I shuddered at the visual.
"And you'd want them all over you?" I asked her. "On purpose?"
"We can't all have stud muffins like Ranger," she said.
"But maybe you could shoot for someone less pervy than the guys there."
The few times I dropped Grandma off or picked her up from there, I was lucky my clothes hadn't been stared off.
She laughed. "Why would I want a prude? I already had one of those. I loved your Grandpa, but he was a one position, once-a-month kind of guy. I want a sex machine this time around."
While my mother was trying to get my grandmother to shush in front of company, I leaned close to Ranger.
"How am I going to know what sick feeling is being caused by the baby and what's caused by my family? Because I really want to throw up right now."
"This one is definitely your family," he said back. "I'm never sick and I'm also feeling nauseous."
"Grandma has that effect on stud muffins," I told him.
"Not funny, Babe."
"And I thought I was the one without a sense of humor today," I said to him.
"Lester and Zero are fine, Steph. They should have known better."
"Under normal circumstances, I probably would have smacked them and then put my own money in. Threatening them was a knee jerk reaction."
"Half of my job is keeping their heads out of their asses."
I smiled. "That's not even close to true. You'd do anything for them. That's why they're loyal to you and respect you above anyone else."
"They also need to respect you."
"They do. My emotions are just a little out of whack lately."
"We all understand that," Ranger said, making me believe he really is the most patient person on the planet.
"Understand what?" Grandma asked. "Will you speak up? I can only hear bits and pieces of what you're talking about, but it sounds like it's good. Does this visit have something to do with Joe Morelli?"
"Why would you ask about Joe all of a sudden? It feels like we've been broken up forever."
I thought for sure Morelli wasn't that big of an asshole to tell our news to my parents before I could.
"Did you talk to Joseph today?" My mother asked me.
"Umm ... yeah. Why?"
"Angie Morelli called me," my mom said. "She said that she phoned Joseph to invite him to dinner at her house tonight, but he told her he didn't want to come because he wouldn't be very good company. When she pressed him about what was wrong, Joseph said something about you, but Angie didn't catch it before he hung up. She called me to find out if I knew what had happened."
"Since when do you and Joe's mom talk?" I asked her.
"We both started going to the earlier church service on Sunday. Naturally, being the first two people to arrive every week, we exchanged pleasantries and have gotten to know each other a little better. I always thought she was standoffish, but she is really a very nice person."
"I'm sure she is," I said.
As long as you didn't dump her precious baby boy, I thought to myself.
"So is there something you'd like to tell me?" She asked.
"Actually ... there's two things," I told my mom. "You may want to sit down for them, though."
"I just opened a Entenmann's coffee cake," my mother said. "Why don't we sit in the kitchen and you can have a piece while you tell us what crazy thing you've done now."
This is harder than I thought. I love coffee cake, but I hate the idea of working it off later. I pictured what Valerie was like, threatening us with her fork if we came near her plate when she was pregnant. Yep, that did the trick. I'm betting it'll only get more difficult to resist junk food as the weeks progressed, but I'm going to do everything right for this kid before it comes out to offset all the stuff I'll screw up after he or she is born.
"Umm ... no thank you," I said, my words sounding strange even to me. "We can go sit in the living room with Dad ... unless Ranger wants something."
"I'm fine, Babe."
My family looked at me like I'd grown another head. I had to resist the urge to laugh since I am in the process of growing another one, just on the inside of my body.
"No coffee cake?" My mother asked. "Are you sick?"
I took a step back before she could make contact. No matter how many times I've told her that I'm capable of taking my own temperature - with a thermometer - she still attacked my forehead if she thought I didn't look or act right.
"No. I'm fine. I just don't want any cake. Jeez, it's not a big deal."
"Yes, it is," Grandma said. "Seeing as how you never turned it down before."
"You can't afford to pass up food. You're already too thin," my mother told me. "You two should come to dinner more often."
"Are you going to keep Stephanie and Ranger standing by the door all day?" My dad yelled from the living room. "Or will you let them come sit down already?"
"Thanks, Dad," I yelled back, grateful to him for trying to get us a little breathing room.
We aren't a quiet family anymore than we are a normal one.
"Since you don't want cake, how about a sandwich? I just bought some roast beef and swiss cheese from the deli."
"We're okay, Mom. You don't have to feed us every time we come over. I've been doing pretty good for myself and it's been awhile since I've had to mooch dinner from you guys."
"I like feeding my children," she said. "Just because you both are grown doesn't make me want to do it any less."
"I know, Mom. And I appreciate you wanting to, but you don't have to push the issue if I say I'm not hungry."
"You do harp, Helen," Grandma said.
"Don't start with that again," my mom said to Grandma Mazur. "All you had to do was tell me that you were going out with Betty Szajak, and I wouldn't have had to call around looking for you." She looked heavenward, probably asking for strength to deal with my grandmother and I. "Would you like some coffee? I can put on a fresh pot."
Oh for the love of God!
"Stephanie, bring Ranger over here," my father called. "I want to ask him something."
"We're fine," I told her, before I grabbed Ranger's hand in a death grip and tugged him into the living room.
Luckily, my family hadn't noticed anything beyond our clothes, because I really wanted to tell my mother about the baby first. It's probably a little mean, and a lot immature, but I thought it would take her mind off of not being present at our wedding. She'll still have a fit, but I might not need the guys this way. She does love the idea of grandchildren, I just don't know how happy she'll be about them coming from me and Ranger.
Ranger and I aren't going to be as easygoing as Valerie and Albert. Valerie doesn't have it nearly as good as I do. There's no way I'll be dropping our baby off here just so Ranger and I can have a night to ourselves. Considering the guys' reaction, I don't think we're ever going to be desperate for a sitter. And I wasn't going to let my mother babysit if she was going to treat our baby the way she did me. Whoever this child turned out to be, he or she will be accepted.
I squeezed my dad's shoulder as he shook Ranger's hand. Of course there was nothing he wanted to ask Ranger, he was just getting us away from my mother for a minute. I had worried that my dad would have a problem with Ranger not being from the Burg, and having a somewhat extravagant lifestyle, but so far they've gotten along okay. I wasn't sure if that would change once my dad found out that Ranger got me pregnant. I remember the time he threatened to pull a knife on Diesel when he thought I was pregnant right before Valerie and Albert's impromptu wedding. I do think that once he discovers that I'm a married woman now, my dad will be fine with everything.
"Okay, lay it on us," Grandma said, getting comfortable on the couch next to Ranger and I. "What exciting thing is going on in your life now?"
"Before we get into that, switch seats with me, Ranger."
"Why?" Grandma Mazur asked. "You're not scared of a harmless little old lady, are you Ranger?"
"He probably isn't," I said, "but I'm worried if your hand wanders to his side of the sofa, he'll never come back here with me. Now scootch."
Once Ranger was sitting out of arm's reach of Grandma, and my mother was sitting in a chair next to my father, I answered my grandmother's question.
"Do you want me to beat around the bush, or just say it without softening the blow?"
I saw my mother's face lose some of its color. I can only imagine what she's thinking right now.
"That probably wasn't the best way to start this conversation, Babe."
"I thought it was nice of me to give them an option."
"Heaven help me," my mother said. "You're pregnant! Holy Mary mother of God!"
"There you go again," Grandma Mazur said to my mom. "Every time Stephanie says she wants to tell us something, you automatically assume she got knocked up. Will you give it rest already?"
My mother started breathing again a little too soon.
"Actually ..." I said to my family, "she's right this time. I'm five weeks pregnant."
I reached for Ranger's hand, taking comfort from the band that was now on his finger. Whatever happens from here, I know he'll be with me. It also helped that Ranger could assign someone to keep my family away from me if they didn't take the news well.
"Hot damn!" Grandma said. "I get to see a baby of yours before I die. I know it'll be a pip. It couldn't be anything but with the two of you as parents. This is even better than you exploding another one of your cars."
"One of them is happy," I whispered to Ranger, keeping a cautious eye on my father who, at the moment, was sitting up a little straighter with his hands clutching the arms of the chair.
"It might have helped if you had started with the other information first," Ranger told me.
"I should have, but I'll never get an opportunity like this again."
"That's very mature of you, Steph," he said, his lips lifting up at the corners.
"This is probably the last time I get to act childishly about any of this, so I have to make it good."
"As long as you have a logical reason, Babe."
"Are you telling the truth?" my mother asked. "I know you like having fun at my expense, but this is too much even for you."
"Funny you should say that," I said to her, "because if you and Susie Belanger hadn't been talking about me, I wouldn't even know that I'm pregnant right now. So this is kind of your fault."
"Babe."
"That's the last time," I told Ranger. "I promise."
"So you really are pregnant?" My dad asked me but was looking at Ranger.
"Yes, she is," Ranger told him.
"What do you have to say for yourself?" He asked Ranger.
This is the difference between my parents. If something went wrong with me and the guy I was seeing, my mom blamed me and my dad always blamed the guy.
"I don't make excuses for anything I do," Ranger said to him. "And I try not to regret any part of my life. This baby is unexpected, but Stephanie and I are going to do everything we can to give our child a good life."
"Are you willing to marry my daughter then?" My mother asked him.
I guess I could have just stayed at Rangeman. I appear to not be needed for this conversation.
"Do you know how hard it's going to be for Stephanie now? While it is a lot more common now for young people to have children out of wedlock, here in this neighborhood, people still talk." She turned to me. "And you know what they're going to say about you."
I guess I get to be part of the discussion again. Yay, me.
"Yep. They're going to say that I'm a slut and ..."
"No one is calling my daughter that," my dad said.
"Believe me, Dad," I told him, "I've been called worse. And it doesn't bother me. Every one of those gossip hounds have someone like me in their family, so they can't throw too many stones."
That was meant to reassure my father, but it seemed to only make his face turn red.
"Who has been calling you names?"
He should have asked who hasn't called me names. It would be a much shorter list.
"It doesn't matter," I told him.
"Yes it does, Babe. No one has the right to insult you."
"They don't. But it doesn't stop them from doing it."
"Then I will," Ranger said.
"You already have," I said, touching his ring again.
That little piece of metal offered me the same protection in the Burg as a handful of Rangemen did anywhere else in the world.
"You heard how they ridiculed Valerie when she was pregnant. And they'll do the same to you," my mom told me. "Why couldn't you have been more careful and not have gotten pregnant until after you decided to get married? It's not that I don't want more grandchildren, I'm just thinking about you here."
"Not that I need to tell you this, but we were careful. That's why Ranger and I were so shocked."
"You will be taking care of my daughter," my dad said to Ranger.
"Dad, Ranger has been nothing but amazing so far. If anyone was thinking of skipping town after finding out, it was me."
"Why?" Grandma asked. "I thought you wanted to be with Ranger. Lord knows it took you long enough to come around."
"I did, and I do, want to be with Ranger, but I was a little surprised that Dr. Klenshir even wanted to do a pregnancy test, never mind finding out that the thing was positive. My first instinct was to completely avoid the issue by not talking about it, but my head cleared and Ranger got me calm enough so we could figure out what to do."
"What are you going to do?" My mother asked. "You certainly can't keep your job now."
"Yes I can," I told her.
"You're not serious? Stephanie, no self-respecting mother-to-be would want to be out among criminals and riff-raff like you come into contact with for that low-life Vinnie."
"That's always been the problem between you and me," I said to her. "Everything is black and white with you. Ranger and I have already discussed my job, and I'll still be doing every part of it except for the face-to-face meetings with my skips. And I'll continue working for Ranger's company in between what Vinnie gives me. This isn't going to be a eight-month vacation for me."
"You want my daughter to work while she's carrying your child?" My mom asked Ranger.
"Yes," he said. "Stephanie is happiest when she's working and being productive. But I will be watching to make sure she doesn't overdo it."
"Good for you," Grandma said to me. "I can't see you sitting on your behind, just twiddling your thumbs waiting for the baby to come."
"That's a scary image," I said to her.
"This explains why you passed on the cake," she said to me. "You probably had nightmares about Valerie dipping you in gravy and gnawing on your arm, too."
"Yep. I told Ranger to physically restrain me if he sees me go anywhere near gravy."
"Steph, I don't need to. You've been restraining yourself so far."
"It's only been twenty-four hours, the worst is yet to come."
"So you won't be coming over for dinner?" My mother asked.
"I didn't say that. If we do come, I'll just have the stuff dad refuses to eat."
"You can't starve my grandchild," my dad said. "You need good, hearty food to make a boy."
"I think the sex is decided right from the get go," I told him. "Pot roast won't change the gender of the baby. Let me take a shot in the dark here, you're hoping for a boy?"
"Of course," he said. "I've been lucky enough to have two daughters and three granddaughters, but Ranger and I need more testosterone around here."
"Albert's always here," I pointed out.
"And I stick to my original statement. There's not enough testosterone in this place."
"Jeez, we've got Lester saying it's a girl and my dad hoping for a boy. I could have raised a lot of diaper money if I let the gender bet continue," I told Ranger.
"I think we'll have enough money for diapers, Babe. We might even be able to swing food for you, too."
I rolled my eyes. Ranger humor. And judging by her horrified expression, humor my mother clearly didn't understand.
"He's kidding, Mom. We're fine money-wise."
"If you weren't," Grandma said, "you could always hawk that necklace Ranger bought you for Valentine's Day. I bet you'd have enough to live on for a month or two."
"No," Ranger said. "I already told Stephanie that was a gift. And it will stay a gift. She doesn't have to worry about living off anything or anyone."
I cut my eyes to him. "I'm glad you see that I have no intentions of living off you."
"The thought never crossed my mind, Babe," he said, and kissed my curls.
My mother's eyes were ping-ponging back and forth between us. I suppose the change in me was noticeable. The physical contact Joe and I had in front of my parents was limited to Joe's arm around my shoulders or an elbow to Morelli's ribs from me if he agreed with anything my mother said. And the most loving words that had been spoken between us were threats of getting even for something the other one did. My relationship with Ranger is completely different than the one I had with Joe.
"So you two are planning on raising this baby together?" My mom said.
"I think that's obvious, Helen," my dad told her.
"We are. I already warned Ranger that I'd hunt him down and kill him if he left me to do this alone. Or I should say I'd ask Tank to do it, since he'd have better luck finding Ranger if he wanted to disappear."
I noticed that my mother really hadn't stayed on the subject of us getting married. Maybe she was afraid of pushing Ranger too much about marrying me. You have less control over a situation if you can't use your Burg connections to manipulate the guy.
"Hunting me won't be necessary, Steph."
"I know, but a woman always has to have a plan to fall back on."
"Tank? Is he the really big guy who normally follows you around when you're being threatened?" My mom asked.
"Yeah, that's Tank."
"Does he know about the baby?" Grandma asked.
"Yes. I wanted my men to know so they'd be extra vigilant when they are watching out for Stephanie," Ranger told her.
"As I said earlier, it's impossible for them to be any more aware than they already are."
"I bet they were excited," Grandma Mazur said. "All them tough guys are the biggest babies when it comes to children."
"They were pretty happy."
"I think that's an understatement, Babe."
"You told Ranger's employees before you told your own family?" My mother asked.
I knew it was coming. Wait until she found out we got married without telling her, too.
"If it wasn't for Ranger's paranoia, you wouldn't even know about this right now. Ranger wanted his men - who are also my friends - told and I knew you guys would be hurt if I didn't also tell you. Don't make me regret that decision," I warned her.
She decided to back off, for now, and choose another topic which I know will likely lead to a similar warning.
"Does Joseph know?" My mother asked. "And that's why he was so upset when Angie called?"
"Joe saw us at the courthouse, and he sort of ticked me off so I ended up telling him everything."
I wonder how pissed my mother would be to know that Joe knew more about Ranger and I than she did.
"Oh Lord," my mother said. "Don't tell me someone is suing you now ... like the State of New Jersey."
"They aren't as far as I know," I told her.
"Why else would you be there?"
Her eyes flicked to Ranger. Before she could piss me off by accusing Ranger of breaking the law, I just said it. Joe and my mother inspired the same feelings in me apparently ... anger and complete exasperation.
"We were there getting married," I said, holding up both mine and Ranger's hands to show them. "If you weren't so busy complaining about me not eating your food, you probably would have noticed the rings."
"I must be slipping," Grandma said. "I should have seen that." She grabbed my hand and pulled it under her nose for a closer inspection. "They are hard to miss. I bet you blind yourself when you stand in the sun."
"I've only been wearing them for a couple of hours, but I'll keep the sun thing in mind."
"Why didn't you say that you're already married?" My dad asked, settling back into his chair. "I wouldn't have had to question Ranger's staying power."
"I don't mind," Ranger said. "I like knowing that Stephanie has family looking out for her, even if means calling me into question."
My mother was quiet until that point. "It didn't occur to you that we might have wanted to be with you even if it was only a ceremony inside a courthouse?"
"Honestly ... no," I said. "Ranger really wanted us to be married and I didn't see any point in waiting. I figured since we were the two people getting married, no one else got a say in how we did it."
"Were his employees there, too?"
"Nope, just Tank." Before she could say anything about that, I cut her off. "Tank is Ranger's best friend, not just an employee. They are all almost like family anyway."
She wasn't touching the family comment. In my mother's eyes, if you weren't related by blood or marriage you weren't technically family.
My mom set her sights on Ranger next. "Since we're all being truthful finally, I'd like to know if this is a real marriage or if it is like the one you had with Julie's mother?"
My voice blended in with my dad and Grandma's.
"Mom! Helen!"
"What? We are all wondering the same thing. I'm just the only one willing to ask. I'm worried about Stephanie."
"If you were worried about my feelings, you wouldn't have just said that. I told you before that my relationship with Ranger is off limits."
"And we are not all wondering that, Helen," my dad said to her. "You can see that Ranger loves Stephanie, with a baby or without."
"Can't you just be happy that you have a new grandbaby to look forward to?" Grandma asked her.
"It is a legitimate question," Ranger said to us.
"No, it isn't," I told him. "It was a rude question. And completely uncalled for."
I shot a glare at her. If my mother didn't get a grip on her bitchiness, she won't have the chance to get to know her newest grandchild without strict supervision, if at all. No one is bad mouthing me or Ranger to our child. No doubt he or she will figure out our faults all on its own. My mother wasn't going to help things along.
"Your rudeness aside," Ranger said, giving my mother a look that had her lips suddenly clamping together, "I'll tell you what you want to know only for Stephanie's benefit. I did marry Rachel to give her the only type of support I could at the time. I was stationed overseas and not able to do anymore for her than that. We also had no illusions of staying together. I love Stephanie and my life is in Trenton now because this is where she is. I have no desire to leave her or this city."
"Isn't that a sweet thing to say?" Grandma said, nudging me. "If he says romantic stuff like that to you, it's no wonder you ended up pregnant. I'd put out, too."
This time my mother and father spoke together.
"Mother! Edna!"
"I told Stephanie last night the same thing I'll tell you now," Ranger continued. "I would have married her anytime she wanted me to. The baby only figured into the decision to do it today."
I squeezed his hand. "Would you believe Ranger had the rings just hanging around his apartment in case I did bring up the marriage subject?"
I heard Grandma give a longing sigh before she put her hand on my leg and looked around me at Ranger. "I don't suppose you have a single grandfather?" She asked him.
"No," he told her. "They're both taken."
"A great uncle, maybe?"
"Sorry."
"Damn."
"So you are going to honestly try to make this work?" My mother asked us. "Because it isn't going to be easy. A good marriage takes a lot of time and effort.
Yeah, for my dad mostly.
"Nothing in our lives has ever been easy," I said. "And I don't think that will suddenly change now. But we have a baby to think about, and we do love each other, so I hope that will make things go smoother."
"It will, Babe. It will also help that I don't plan on letting you out of my sight for the next year at the earliest."
"Ranger, you're aware that I won't still be pregnant in a year, right?"
"Yes. But I thought you'd flip out again if I said anything longer than twelve months."
My grandmother poked me again. "Isn't he the one?"
Between my Grandma Mazur and the guys, I felt like I'd been worked over more than a Rangeman skip. Okay, so maybe I was exaggerating a little, but the nicest way to describe Grandma Mazur's body is to say it's scrawny, and you can't help but notice how freakin' pointy her elbows are when she's jamming them into your ribs.
"He is," I said, agreeing with Grandma. "But he tends to be a little overprotective at times."
Like every second of every day.
"What's wrong with that?" My dad asked.
"Nothing," Ranger said.
"It's so nice to see you guys bonding," I told them.
"We have to stick together," my dad said to me, but was looking at Ranger for confirmation.
"With regards to Stephanie's safety ... yes."
"That's a good answer," Grandma said. "She can't get mad at you for wanting her safe."
"I always learn from my mistakes," Ranger said to her. "Steph gets upset with me if I threaten her with a safe house."
"Call me crazy, but I like being asked to do something instead of told to do it."
"I wouldn't mind being locked in a house with you," Grandma said, leaning across me again to wink at Ranger.
At least, I think it was a wink. She could just as easily be having a stroke instead.
"Grandma, stop hitting on Ranger. He's a married man now."
"And my wife gets extremely jealous," Ranger said, grinning down at me.
"She does. And I wouldn't mind a safe house if you were staying there with me, but you always want to dump me with Tank and then go off and save the world. You know, some of us would also like to keep the planet from exploding or whatever else you were trying to prevent that day."
"If the subject of a safe house comes up, Babe, it's usually because I'm trying to save you."
"And you had to ask if this is a legitimate marriage?" My dad asked my mom.
"I do admit they look happy with each other."
"Do we also look like we're right in front of you and can hear what you're saying? Because we are, and we can."
"Then I'll say just what I'm thinking," she told me.
"I bet this is going to be enlightening," I said out loud when I should have only been thinking it. A common ailment with me.
"I hope for your sake, and the baby's sake, that you can turn this into a successful marriage, and still love each other through the course of it, but we will be here for you if you need us."
"You never fail to amaze me," I said to my mother. "How can you be supportive and destructive at the same time?"
"I'm just trying to let you know that we will help you if you find yourself needing your family's support."
"On the surface that's what it sounds like, but really you mean that when Ranger dumps me and the baby, you'll be around to happily pick up the pieces, just like Joe was saying for weeks after he found out I was seeing Ranger. I swear, it's almost like the two of you share the same mind sometimes."
"Babe, there will be no pieces to pick up, because I'm not going anywhere. This is not a battle you need to fight."
"But ..."
"No buts, Steph. We are having a baby, and we are staying together to raise it. And that should be the end of the conversation," he said, with his eyes on my mother.
He was probably telling her to shut her pie-hole without actually saying it.
"Listen to Ranger, Stephanie," Grandma said. "If any couple can get through a pregnancy without killing each other, it'll be you two. Why do you think your mother is an only child?"
"Because she was 'difficult'," I said, flashing back to an argument my mother and I had when I was eleven and she used that adjective to describe me.
"Helen was difficult. And so was your grandfather. It was like taking care of two children at once."
"Mother."
"It's the truth. Your father wanted to be the center of attention, and so did you. I tried my best," Grandma said, turning to me, "and you see how well that turned out. One's dead and the other ... well you've met your mother. I don't have to explain that one."
"Really, Mother. Do you have to make such a big deal out of everything? Dad was a good man."
"Didn't say he wasn't. He was just uptight and stuck in his ways."
"You mean he was just like I am now?"
"You said it, I didn't," Grandma told her.
"But that is what you meant."
"Yep. You're like your father through and through. Valerie and Angie take after him, too. Stephanie and Mary Alice are more like my side of the family."
My dad sat forward and spoke to Ranger. "Kind of makes you nervous about how this kid is going to turn out, doesn't it?"
"Hah-hah, Dad. Ranger's family is completely normal, so our child will have a fifty-fifty shot at being sane."
"Babe."
"Tell me I'm wrong," I told him. "If this kid is anything like me, we're in trouble."
"I don't know about that, Steph. I wouldn't mind another you in the world."
"I know at least a hundred people who would disagree with you."
"Let them. My opinion is the only one that matters," Ranger said, his eyes crinkling a little.
"To you, maybe."
Ranger didn't need to hear again that his opinion has always been the most important one to me. I didn't want to make his ego any healthier. It's possible that his ego is in fact in better condition than his body, but Ranger can back up everything he says so no one, except Joe, disliked him for it.
"I can't wait to rub that Millicent Beacher's nose in this," Grandma said. "She's always going on about how beautiful her great granddaughter is going to be, but no baby is going to be able to tops yours, what with your looks and smarts."
"Ranger is brawny and brainy," I said.
"I'm not talking about just Ranger, though he is impressive," Grandma told me, "but you too, Stephanie. You never see just how pretty and smart you are."
"Umm ... thanks." I wasn't used to outright compliments. "I hate to ruin your fun, but you can only tell Valerie about this," I said. "I want to give the news to Mary Lou and everyone at the bonds office myself, so I'd like for you to keep this quiet for a day or two before the Burg finds out."
I'd like to ask for a week at least, but I knew they'd only last forty-eight hours tops.
"You expect us to zip our lips about something this big?"
"Yes. Our baby, our rules."
Somehow I knew I'd be repeating those words often.
"But I have to call Angie Morelli back and let her know what's wrong with Joseph," my mother said.
"Why?" I asked. "Joe isn't your responsibility. And he's not your family, I am. What I want should come before him. Joe can tell her himself if he wants to talk about it."
"You don't feel sorry for him after all the times that he's told you he wanted a family, and now you're the one married with a child coming?"
"Helen, Ranger is sitting right here," my dad said. "I don't think he wants to listen to Joe's plans regarding his wife."
"Joe Morelli doesn't figure into Stephanie's life anymore," Ranger said. "If she wanted to be with him, she wouldn't be married to me and having my baby."
"Guess that's why you didn't tie the knot with Joe all those times you could have," Grandma said to me. "You were waiting for Ranger, weren't you?"
"Yeah. Unfortunately for everyone involved, I didn't know he was also waiting for me."
"I was, Babe. And you've been worth the wait."
"If you wouldn't have taken so long, you might be working on my fifth great-grandchild right now instead of my fourth," Grandma said.
"You'll have to talk to Valerie if you want a fifth one. I'm done after this."
"Why would you say that?" My mother asked. "You got a late start, but you still have a few years left to have more."
"You went from feeling bad for Joe right to more grandchildren from Ranger and I?"
"You can never have too many grandchildren," she said. "And now that I know you did the sensible thing and got married, there will be very little gossip about us."
And that is just the type of mentality that I'd do anything to change.
"I hope this one doesn't think it's a horse, though," Grandma said. "There's only so much whinnying a person can take."
"I don't want to have more children," I told her. "I'm still struggling with this one, and it's not even born yet."
"You'll be fine, Steph," Ranger said, sliding his arm around me."Once you stop underestimating yourself."
"You'll do great, Stephanie," Grandma added. "And I don't mind coming over to that Rangeman building and helping you out. That is where you'll be living, right? I don't see Ranger staying in that dinky little apartment of yours. Even I chose living with your parents over that place."
"Thanks a lot, Grandma," I said. "My apartment isn't that bad."
"Then why haven't you been staying in it?" She asked.
Okay, so it really is that bad.
"And thanks for the offer to help, Grandma, but we seem to already have a line forming for want-to-be babysitters."
"Those hunky Rangemen?"
"Yes," I told her. "And I bet Ella will be fussing as soon as we tell her. Which we'll do after we leave here."
"You don't have to ask them," my mother said. "Any time you need someone to babysit, you can drop the baby off here."
"That's nice of you to say," I told her, "but we'll be okay."
My mother went still. "You don't want the baby here?"
"That's not exactly what I said."
"What did you say then?"
"That I don't want this baby to feel like I did growing up."
"You had a great childhood," my mother said.
"Helen," my dad told her, "let her finish before you go on the defensive."
"Frank, we did a lot to make sure our girls had a good life. It doesn't bother you to hear Stephanie say that she didn't enjoy it?"
"I'm waiting to see what Stephanie has to say before I jump to conclusions. And you should do the same."
"Thanks, Dad. Parts of my childhood were great, but I don't want our kid to think that there's something wrong with it because they don't think the same way as everyone around them."
"We never made you feel different," my mom said.
"Helen," Grandma said, "you did nothing but. How do you think we ended up with Dickie as a son-in-law?"
"Stephanie wanted to marry him."
"No, you wanted me to marry him and I was trying to make you and his mother happy. And I got burned big time. Same with Joe. I stayed with Morelli for as long as I did just to keep the tongues from wagging and you from trying to set me up with someone's second cousin three times removed. I don't want that for my own child. I want him or her to be self-assured, happy in their own skin, and not have to apologize just for breathing."
"You don't owe an apology to anyone," Ranger told me.
I leaned into his side. "I know that now, but it took me over thirty years to figure it out. I don't want our kid to ever question him or herself."
"What do you want us to do differently?" My dad asked. "I want to see my grandson."
I rolled my eyes. Lester and my dad are going to cancel each other out I guess.
"I don't want anyone saying anything negative about Stephanie," Ranger said, not giving me a chance to answer.
"It's okay, Ranger. I can speak for myself on this."
"Go get 'em, Babe," he told me, his mouth smiling slightly.
"You have to stop expecting me to be someone else. Believe it or not, I like who I am. And I want my child to like me, too."
"Babe, I told you that it's impossible not to like you. You even managed to win over Tank."
"Tank doesn't realize it, but he's a closet softy."
"We also like the woman you've become," my dad said to me.
"And you've been great about helping your sister get settled in Trenton again. You're always there for your grandmother, too. Taking her to viewings or to get her hair done."
I tried not to sigh. "That's what I can do, not who I am, but it's close enough for now. This isn't really about me, it's about our baby. I just want you to know that Ranger and I will make the rules when it comes to how this kid is cared for. Which will mean no talking bad about me, Ranger, our kid, or our friends," I said, looking at my mother. "No under your breath insults about the guys watching us, Ranger's family after you meet them, Connie and Lula, or anyone this kid is going to be seeing on a daily basis. There will be no brainwashing of any kind."
"Brainwashing, Steph?" Ranger asked.
"Okay, maybe it's not brainwashing exactly, but it's close. And I don't want my child exposed to it. Also no comments about people who aren't Italian, Dad. This baby is only going to be a quarter Italian and I don't want him or her to feel that they don't fit into our family."
"That won't be a problem, Stephanie," my dad said. "Ranger has shown me that some non-Italians can be okay."
"Dad ..."
"I'm kidding. Is there any other 'rules' we need to follow?"
"Ranger's probably going to want our kid to eat better than I do."
"Steph, I think we can wait until our child has teeth before we start discussing dietary changes."
"I wish I could wait that long, too."
"Putting too much pressure on yourself is just as bad as cake, Babe," he told me.
"I won't get obsessed. I promise."
"Good."
I cut my eyes to my mother. "Mom, you can promise to watch what you say around the baby, right? And before you answer, just remember that I have ten people across town who want to be the first one called to watch the baby. And these men have seen serious combat, so I'm sure they're more qualified to take care of a child made up of Ranger's and my combined DNA."
"Unlike what you obviously think, Stephanie," my mom said, "I'm not a terrible person, but if it will ensure me access to my grandchild, I will promise to only say nice things about everyone around me."
"Are you being sarcastic?" I asked her.
"No. I'm telling you what you want to hear."
"Oh, I got that," I told her, "but I need you to swear that you'll do everything I asked and learn how to censor yourself."
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph," my mother said, cursing in her own distinct way. "I swear I'll be on my best behavior. What would you like me to do to prove it? Write it out in blood?"
"If you could, that would be great."
"I have a switchblade upstairs under my pillow," Grandma added helpfully.
"I was sort of joking, but I won't be if I find out someone went against what we asked for."
"Don't worry, Stephanie," Grandma Mazur said, "I'll keep an eye on her."
"Mother."
"I'm doing you a favor, Helen, so pipe down."
The rest of the visit was uneventful after that. We discussed my moving into Ranger's apartment and when we'd tell Ranger's parents and Julie. And after a half hour, most of my anxiety regarding my mother had lessened. I wasn't afraid to go to bat with her anymore. All my priorities have shifted in a single day. I was really hoping that the threat of not being able to see her grandchild, and also knowing I have Ella and the guys as backup, will be enough of an incentive to keep her tongue unforked. I won't have to depend on her like Valerie does, so she has no leverage to use against me or what I've asked of her. She can either be mean, or be a grandmother to my baby. In my mind, the choice is clear. We'll see if it's clear in her mind as well.
We said our goodbyes and on the way back to Ranger's building, I asked him what I'd been wondering since Lester mentioned the baby being a girl.
"Ranger?"
"Yes, Babe?"
"Since everyone else has told us their baby preference, do you have one?"
"You want to know if I want a son or a daughter?"
"Yeah. I know when everyone is asked that, they always say it doesn't matter as long as the baby is healthy, but if we were guaranteed a trouble-free pregnancy and that the baby will be born okay ..."
"Your pregnancy will go well, Babe. And this baby will be perfect."
I rolled my eyes again. Someday Ranger will have to admit that there are some things he won't have a say in the outcome of.
"Seriously, though," I told him. "Do you want a boy because you have Julie, or another girl?"
"Truthfully?"
"Yes."
"I would like another girl," Ranger said, shocking the crap out of me.
"Really? I thought for sure you'd want a boy. Isn't that what every guy wants? A son to carry on the family name, to take over their business, or go to hockey games with?"
"First off, Babe, women don't have to change their names after getting married anymore, and either way this baby will be born a Manoso. Second, your father doesn't seem to mind being surrounded by estrogen. And lastly, you'll probably be the one going to hockey games."
"You know what I mean."
"Yeah, I do. I think it will be hard for a son of mine to get out from underneath my shadow."
He wasn't saying that to brag or anything. Ranger was stating a fact. A fact that the men who work for him have to face every day. No one can be like Ranger. He is one of a kind, and hands down the best at everything he does. His are big Bates boots to fill, and even the men at Rangeman combined couldn't come close to doing it. So I did see his point.
"I've made a name for myself," Ranger said, stopping briefly for a light before continuing, "and if we have a boy, he is automatically going to be compared to me, and I don't like the thought of any child, especially one of mine, thinking they're coming up short in any way."
"That makes sense," I told him. "It would be hard to take over wearing Batman's cape."
"Babe."
"I'm not kidding. It would be a horrible feeling to think that you might not live up to your father's legend. I know I've spent a good chunk of my childhood wondering what was wrong with me because nothing I did, or wanted to do, seemed to satisfy my mother."
"I'll love any child we have, but if I had a choice, I'd choose another girl. All she'll have to worry about is which college to go to and how many of her boyfriends I end up killing."
"I wish I could be sure that you're joking," I said to Ranger.
"So do I, Babe."
"I guess it's a good thing that I set the bar low in case we have a girl then. She'll have no problem being better than I am at almost everything."
"You heard me when I told your family not to say anything bad about you, Stephanie, and you're included in that. You are a beautiful, capable, loving woman who has won the hearts of everyone you've met. And I won't let you think otherwise. Children learn the most from watching what their parents do, and I want you to remember that if you criticize yourself in front of our child, then he or she is going to think it's alright to do the same. Do you want our child growing up that way?"
"No fucking way," I said.
In just a few sentences, Ranger erased the last of my doubts about myself. I may never reach Ranger's confidence level, but I'll be damned if I let our kid see that.
"That's the spirit, Babe.
Ranger pulled into the Rangeman garage and parked in the spot closest to the elevator. I could see it was Ella standing there this time instead of the guys, pacing back and forth in front of the elevator with Louis apparently trying to stay out of her way.
"She knows," I said to Ranger. "No wonder you hired her. She has a way of getting information out of people, too."
I barely made it out of the car to wave to the guys coming in behind us - it looked like Ram and Vince - before Ella got her arms around me. It's a good thing I have a layer of doughnut between the baby and the outside world or some damage could have been done to it today.
"How did you find out?" I asked her, when she pulled back a couple of inches. "We were actually on our way to tell you."
"I overheard some of the men talking when I brought in lunch," Ella said, finally letting me go. "I'm so excited for the two of you. Can you imagine a baby here in the building?"
She was probably just thinking out loud, not asking a real question, but I answered her.
"No, I can't. Not yet, anyway.
"Sorry, Ranger, Stephanie," Louis said to us. "I tried to get her to wait, but she snuck out on me."
"I told the guys on duty that I'd take all the food away if they didn't tell me the second you were on your way back."
"That's sneaky," I told her, completely impressed.
"Yes, I know. And the threat has never failed. I don't want to intrude on your day, I just had to say how happy I am to hear about the two of you getting married and having a baby. You deserve every bit of happiness you have together."
"Ella, dear," Louis said, "breathe."
"I am breathing, otherwise I wouldn't be able to speak right now."
"Maybe they'd prefer it if you didn't."
"You can leave Ella alone, Louis," I told him. "Hearing how happy everyone is for us is actually helping me through this."
"You're okay with how everything has turned out now?" Ranger asked me, dropping his arm across my shoulders.
"You know what? I think I might be."
"Did you happen to get any photos of the ceremony?" Ella asked. Something my own mother hadn't brought up. "I'd love to see them."
"Yes. Tank took a couple for me on my phone."
"Good. You'll want pictures to remember a day like today," she said.
In my case, I think I'll have a baby to remind me of this day.
We all got into the elevator, and while I was showing Ella the pictures of our last minute wedding, I realized that I believed everything I'd said today at my parents' house. I do like myself, faults and all. And although I agree with my mother that being a wife and mother won't be easy, I was finally ready to admit that I was up for the challenge.