Author's Note: I went over the last three chapters again and improved them, so if you want to, have a look at it, you should definitely check out the second paragraph of the third chapter, I added something that will be important or at least probably will give you a laugh. I also want to add that, cause we're all not so used to the angry Reid, because he never really gets angry on the show, you might have problems imagining him pissed off, if so, check that out on youtube: .com/watch?v=qvZZgmYKzN8 and keep it in mind...I want him to be somewhat like that angry with Harper, I hope I got it half right. =) Let me know what you think!

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9 Months

Chapter Four

In Two Columns

-Month Three, Week One-

"Spence...Spencer"

"Reid"

"Dr. Reid"

"Spencer"

Through a clearing mist of noises, Spencer heard people calling out his name, one of them being Harper who'd might've just caused him a minor heart attack, calling him 'Spence' again. She was the second girl to ever call him that, only JJ did usually. JJ that had a baby. A baby. A BABY. His mind fought itself back to senses, to clarity and he regretted it straight away. He wanted to pass out again, the quicker the possible. He pushed his eyes tighter together and tried to force that gentle unconsciousness, that had drowned him only a few seconds ago, back onto him. If he would just stay faint long enough, it would go away, stop being real. If he never opened his eyes he would never have to face it at all.

He wasn't even trying to deny that she had told him the truth, there was no use for her in lying. It was all true. She wouldn't have looked like gazing into her own dug grave when she told him if it hadn't been true. And she wouldn't have bothered to seek him up to tell him, if he hadn't been the father. She'd probably noticed that one morning back then that he hadn't liked to see her in his bed much and she'd looked hurt enough when he'd last seen her on that day, looking like she felt used and betrayed. She must've realized he was about the last person in the world that was going to support her with a baby that wasn't his. His. His baby. No, no, no. He knew it was true but he still couldn't believe it. What did that even mean? He would be a father. What the...how could he...what...how...his brain crashed down. He was an expert on about every possible subject but all his knowledge didn't do him no good at all now, nothing did do any good now. How did things like this even happen? How in all the worlds luck could he end up sleeping with her of all people and then how, how, HOW could she get pregnant from that one single, drunk, probably rushed and embarrassing time? Why did he never care to buy condoms? Even if it had seemed pathetic...like...as if he would ever have sex, as if anything was ever going to happen, And now it had happened. He had gotten a girl pregnant that he despised like few people in the world. How, how, HOW? How did he deserve this?

"Spencer", she said again and he felt a gentle female hand touching his head, removing his slightly too long curls from his forehead. It burned where she touched him. He was probably in fever.

"Reid, wake up", a deep base; Morgan, now what did he there.

"Maybe we should put his legs up?", a female mused...Emily.

"He's awake", his eyes are moving normally – this was Rossi, "he chooses not to open his eyes"

He sounded faintly amused.

"Come on kid, stop the game, get up", Morgan said and he felt his rough hand rocking his shoulder.

"REID", he yelled so sudden and so loud, Spencer's eyes flew up in reflex, even though he didn't want them to. Now it was to late. The world had him back.

He starred up to Morgan and Emily who were leaning over his head and next to him, her hand resting on his upper arm, kneeled Harper, her face a poem of worries.

Rossi sat on the table and looked down at him.

"What the hell happened kid?", Morgan asked, "we just heard her scream out for help and then, here you are, not moving"

What was he going to tell him? Did Harper tell them what she'd just revealed? Was that why he looked at her that grimly? Spencer opened his mouth, trying to say something but then, lacking words, closing it again, he must've looked like a fish washed ashore.

"We just talked about something and then suddenly he went all white and fell", said Harper quickly, shooting him an almost uncatchable glance of reassurement and for one split second they were partners in crime. She hadn't told them and he certainly wouldn't.

"I...I have no idea what happened", he lied and lifted himself up to sit with his free hand.

"You better take the afternoon off and get some rest", Emily said and the others nodded in agreement.

"I can take him home, I'm here by car", Harper's high voice rang again, too close to Spencer's ears.

NO!

"Yes", said Emily, "that's a brilliant idea, Harper"

Spencer looked at Morgan, the only one knowing how he felt about the red-head, panic-stricken.

"I can take him", the husky man said dutifully, meaning to help out his friend.

"It's no big deal, I need to get back to the city anyway", Harper said smiling but her determination shone through more than obviously, "plus Spencer and me have to talk about a little something"

Done. Spencer Reid was done. He couldn't say no. He couldn't be that guy to deny her that. They really needed to talk and he wouldn't send her away. It didn't matter that he didn't want to, he couldn't say no anymore, it had just become impossible. The moment she mentioned the 'little something', the result of his reckless act, he couldn't back off anymore. This was serious.

He couldn't run away from that.

"It's alright", he finally said under his breath, "Harper will take me home, see you tomorrow, then?"

He got up, with a hand of Morgan and saw them nod at him, Emily looking smug. He had a quiet suspicion why; he thought him and Harper were dating. And he had no doubt that she would spread the word.

"Get well soon", Rossi and Morgan said in unison as he and Harper left the now crowded room. They made their way wordlessly and with even greater distance than before to the elevators. Almost right at the second, the doors opened and released five agents Spencer didn't know and then they had the cabin to themselves.

When the elevator rumbled downwards, one could've cut the silence with a knife.

"I'm sorry", Harper mumbled, staring at the metal doors, "I didn't mean to u-"

"Please", Spencer cut her off resignedly, "let's not talk about it here"

She fell silent abruptly. Now he really felt bad, not just because he felt he needed to to be a good person, no, right now, he really felt bad for treating her like that. It was just...he couldn't deal with it just now. There were just too many thoughts in his head. He needed to sort some things out for himself first before he could talk to her.

For example how this could all be happening. How on earth he was ever going to be a father, what this all meant for him and how he could be the right person, doing the right thing, when the 'wrapper' around his baby was who it was. He'd checked, but his aversion for Harper was still there, now just weirdly mixed with the preoccupation he'd felt for her earlier. But that wasn't for her, not for her as a whole, just for the part of her that was the mother of his child and naturally the child itself inside of her. It needed to be safe...given...that she decided to keep it. He wanted a word in this and he would have. He would veto. No matter how he felt about her, he wouldn't let her kill their child without protest. He wouldn't be able to stop her, after all it was her body and her decision and she had no reason to consider his opinion but he would let her know that he didn't approve it, didn't accept it. He didn't know where that was coming from, the instant care about the being inside this...woman but it was strong enough to make him jump to her side frantically, when she suddenly stopped on their way to her car and leaned weakly against the wall of the building.

"What's wrong?", he asked her, his voice higher than usual with worry and supported her until she stood for herself again.

"Thanks", she whispered, standing alone, but still holding on to his arm, "I just get that sometimes, I get dizzy, the doctor said it's because my body needs so much blood down with the baby, it's sometimes short on my brain"

"What else did the doctor say?", Spencer asked, carefully but decisively removing her hand. She understood the hint and started walking on at their now usual distance.

"It's...a risk-pregnancy, I...it's...I'll explain later, okay?", she said when they appeared to have reached her car. Spencer could tell because she took out the car keys. His brain immediately buzzed in alarm.

"What are you doing?", he asked, eying her intensely.

"Driving you home?"

"Not when you're getting dizzy like that", he ordered, holding out his hand, "I'll drive" He usually wasn't bossing people around like that but he wouldn't let her drive that car if she was close to passing out frequently, it was too dangerous. He was alert like he was when they worked a case and entered the unsub's house, unsure if he would be standing behind the next corner pointing a gun. It had been about the same level of anxiety when he'd seen her putting her keys into the lock on the door.

The car was a shabby, kind of turquoise old Ford and it took her less than two steps to get around it to pass on the keys.

"Thank you", she said.

"I'm not doing this for you", he answered coldly. He was slowly starting to be ashamed of himself. His behavior was over the line but he couldn't help it. With everything happening, he didn't function properly anymore. He should be able to control his emotions but he wasn't. He wanted to apologize but the words didn't cross his lips. He felt like he was watching himself from a distance, not able to interfere with what this guy, that wasn't really him was doing. Somehow everything was mixed up and it didn't look like it was going to be any better.

He was a bad driver but good enough to get home to DC safer than she would've, risking to get another dizzy episode behind the wheel. The whole time, he didn't say anything, half afraid to say something mean again and half tempted to ask her how she'd been so irresponsible, not taking the pill and then having sex with him, so all in all, he was completely confused and pretty much in two columns. Who would have ever expected Spencer Reid to wind up like that?

And there he'd thought he'd finally grown up. He felt all fourteen again, confronted with things too big for him alone to handle, loosing all of the personality he'd thought to be his and watching it fall apart.

His apartment was the same he left it, tidy and mostly empty, he didn't have a lot of furniture, the majority of his disposition consisted mostly of filled book-shelves, sorted by theme and language.

He led Harper, who still clung to her handbag, through his little entrance corridor, passed the guest rest room next to the entrance door and over to the somewhat spacious living room. It was a combined living and dining room, with a sofa and two armchairs facing a little coffee-table and the TV set on the left wall. He didn't have cable or satellite but a DVD-player installed to watch some movies sometimes. The opposite side of the room held an in-built kitchen and there was a small dining table with two chairs. Of course, Spencer usually ate alone but he'd thought it looked unsymmetrical and, to be true, too sad to have just one chair standing on the table.

"You can...sit down", he said, turning his head slightly to Harper, trying to be friendly to make up for his mean comment from earlier, "Do you want a coffee?...Uh...are you allowed coffee?"

"A moderate consume is perfectly safe", she replied with a timid smile, almost as if she was afraid he'd snap at her again if she smiled for real.

Spencer silently made coffee as she sat down and studied her fingernails, she was obviously uncomfortable and somehow Spencer didn't feel like they were two late-twenty-year-olds, but it seemed like they were both kind of thrown back to their teen-years where everything was awkward and weird and hard. About ten minutes later with no word spoken, he poured the coffee into two mugs and put them on the table before sitting down as well.

"Thanks", she said and looked at him, sort of checking if it was safe to start talking.

"So...well...uh...I really didn't mean to...ah...sweep you off your feet", a nervous giggle, "I just...well...I wanted to tell you...after all, I think you need to know because it's yours after all and as I'm going to keep it-"

"You're keeping it?", Spencer interrupted but not with bad intention, only because it surprised him and he was happy about it and throwing in questions like that was the first Spencer-typical thing he'd done since he'd seen her in the foyer an hour ago, that seemed like a lifetime now.

"Yes", she answered, raising her eyebrow at the unexpected positive note to his voice but she obviously still felt like she had to explain herself, "I...well...I might as well tell you...ten years ago, I...I had an abortion. I was only sixteen and it was about the end of the world for me...also because...uh...well, the father was...well he...I mean, it wasn't rape exactly because I said it was okay but it wasn't far off, he just...took advantage of me at prom and I was really in love and...I thought it was going to be okay but when I told him about the baby, he called me names and said he wouldn't let a slut mess up his life by adherence him a bastard"

She paused as she brought back the old unhappy memories and left Spencer wondering why she told him if it obviously hurt her and also, deep down in his chest he felt a ball of dark material curling up, weighing tons and pulling him down. This had been the bad Karma he'd wished unto her,it had hid long before he met her again and now he knew it didn't make him happier, he only felt guilty for even thinking such a thing. No one deserved what had happened to her, not even she.

She cleared her throat and when she started to talk again it sounded like she was close to tears.

"So...all of the sudden I was all alone with that baby and I had no idea what to do, I had dreams, I wanted to be a psychologist, I wanted to go to college and...I...I hated myself but I...I didn't know what else to do and I knew I couldn't set it out for adoption because once I had it I would want to keep it...and...ah...I had it killed...I really...I...I was crying the whole way through when they got it out and then there was just pain...and...then everything went black", she swallowed and suck in some air, trying not to cry, "and when I woke up the doctor said there'd been...complications...something went...horribly wrong...he...he said I would probably...I would never be able to conceive another...another child...I was...I...I always wanted a family, not like that, I mean...later when I was all set and found...the right person...and it was all gone...I..."

She wiped her eyes with the collar of her sleeve and took another two or three deep breaths before she continued.

"And then, this happened and I...you know, I didn't use birth control because I thought it was impossible that this could happen...and it...did...this...this baby is a miracle, you know and...I'm not...I'm not giving it up"

Silence fell upon them and Spencer looked at her, the way she still stared at her shaking hands.

"I wouldn't want you to", he said simply after a heartbeat.

And then she looked up to him, her eyes were teary and unreadable.

"If there is anything I can do...", he said and not only because it was the right thing to say but also because she needed him to.

"I...I mean...if there's something...I mean...I would...I mean...d'you think I could call you?", she replied in a quiet voice as if afraid to ask.

"Anytime", Spencer said, his eyes locked on her, unable to think about his grudge this very second, "and if you want I can check on you from time to time, making sure you didn't get dizzy again"

The hint of a smile crossed her features.

"I...uh...well, I kind of don't really have an address anymore", a nervous giggle and an alert Spencer again, "I am...I was...living with a friend of mine, Chelsea, but her boyfriend just moved in with her so...there'll be no room for two more, so...I...I-"

"And where do you think you're going?", he asked with a stern look.

"I...don't know...I've been thinking...students arms maybe, I'm pretty short on money...uh..."

"You're staying here", he didn't know why he said that, and why with such determination, objection was useless. He had no idea why he nearly ordered the one person in his life he'd had the most negative feelings about to come and live at his house but he wouldn't have her live in a shabby arms apartment of probably two square-feet in the most wrong environment for a mother-to-be. That was just not happening no matter that it meant that she'd be around for quiet a while and he'd have to cope with it. But this wasn't only about him any more and it was the right thing to do.

"I...are you...serious?", she asked, faint hope mingling with her teary voice.

"Yes"

"I mean...I would...it would...be...great, I wouldn't have dared to ask, I...god, I swear I'm going to work double-shifts to save up enough money to get my own place-"

"-after the baby is born", he threw in and caught yet another look of surprise.

"after?...well...then after...uh...well...I'll get onto my feet, I will be out before you even notice...I promise and I will cook and clean and do everything here, I...I used to give Chelsea two-hundred bugs for the rent, you'll get that, too-"

"-that won't be necessary", Spencer knew she must've been pretty desperate, the way she agreed to his offer most immediately, he wondered what she would've done if he hadn't...working double-shifts with a baby on the way. Well, not with his baby on the way.

"You see those two doors?", he gestured towards the third wall of the rectangular room, the one opposite to the door leading to the corridor. She nodded.

"The right one leads to my study, there's a guest bed, you can...you can stay there, put your stuff there, I'll be at work all day tomorrow, so you can set up everything unhurriedly"

Suddenly she made a sound that sounded hardly human, it was some sort of a haul and now she was really crying. Spencer jumped at the sudden outburst and wondered what had led to it.

"Thank you so much", she cried, grabbing his hand into both of hers, "that's the nicest thing...anyone has ever done for me...I...I'm sorry about the crying...I..can't really control it lately"

Another of her nervous giggles but this time, mixed with sobs.

"It's the best for the baby", Spencer said and squeezed one of her fingers slightly. She nodded again and they looked at each other for a while.

"You know what, I think I'm going to get my stuff now, and...say goodbye to Chelsea", Harper said wryly as she let go of his hand.

"O...okay", Spencer said, "I'll be in bed early, there's a spare key next to the front door, take it, then you can come back as you please"

"Thank you", she said and got up, she headed for the door slowly and then stopped halfway, "Spencer?"

He looked up.

"Really, thank you, you...you have no idea what this means to me, you know, I've felt like pretty much alone with this, you needn't be doing all this, I mean...it's all my fault we're in this mess, I don't know how to thank you for what you're sacrificing for me...for us", she gently stroked her belly, where there was no trace of her state yet.

"There's always two people to do that", he said, tilting his head towards her body, "and...well...it's not really much of a sacrifice"

When she turned to leave he thought about his own words.

Wasn't it a sacrifice? He would have to deal with having her around always, always reminded of what she'd done and what it had done to him but then...she'd also been through a lot and now there was something more they had in common, something so much bigger. He was literally stuck in two columns, one part of him still hurt and grudging and the other one suddenly affected, suddenly even...affectionate. It sure would be a lot harder to hate her from now on.

When he lay in bed that night, before she'd returned he felt overwhelmed with everything. Everything had changed over the course of one single day.

When woke up in the morning, he'd been living alone and his only family was his mother, when he'd woken in the morning his only responsibility was his job, his only commitment was to himself. He went to sleep with a roommate and more than that, with a family of his own, so many new responsibilities and one commitment that was stronger than anything he'd ever felt in his life. He was about to be a father, and that alone, not to speak of all the other severe changes, turning his whole life upside down, was, even with a mind like his own, hard to come by.