So yeah this chapter turn out to be really long. But today is my birthday so consider this my present to you guys. And maybe you can review and that'll be my present. Oke, well enjoy!
The first week at the between house is just plain awkward. People stare and the staff and social workers are strangely nice to her.
She's surprised how many teenagers their actually are here, about 70% she guesses. It makes her unsure where she belongs in here.
Technically she's an adult, but she's still in her teens. She doesn't have a high school diploma, but she's had a baby. She's just somewhere in the middle of being a teen and an adult
The house also has a couple of different sections. They have one for ex-prisoners and runaways (the group she's in) the have one for drug addicts and people with disorders.
They also have a special building for another group, the young mothers.
The realization that that group even exists makes her stomach hurt. That could have been her. She could have kept her son.
She feels slightly better when she's told that the girls in that program are specially picked, and there was no way for her to have been allegeable for a spot.
Still she'll just avoid that building.
Her first counseling session is somewhat nice. They ask her to tell them about herself.
She starts with the fact she was found on the side of the freeway, then comes the part about her first family. She's sure she loses them by the time she gets to her fourth group home.
But still one of them seems still interested in her so she continues.
She tells them about her last foster home where she hated it so much. She felt unsafe and didn't wanted to be there for one more second. So in de middle of the day she just grabbed her things and emptied the purse of her foster mom. And took the first train to a big city. In her case Portland.
She's glad when the head therapist says they'll continue this tomorrow.
That night she can't sleep. The thought that she's free and that Neal is somewhere out there weights on her. The thought of searching for him accrues again, but she's not even sure where to start.
Phuket, that's the last thing she has on him. Although it just doesn't sound like him. He never was good with languages so she doesn't think he'll go that far away, at least not for long.
Canada is another one of her guesses. It was his original plan so why not. Maybe he stayed in Portland, with her in jail for his crimes what does he has to lose.
The last place she can think of is Tallahassee. It'll make him a asshole if he went there without her, but he already sold her out so that's to be expected.
That final thought makes her jump up in bed. Suddenly she's thirsty. She looks at the sink in her room only to find out there isn't a glass.
Slowly she sneaks through the halls, careful not to make any sound.
The second the opens the cupboard in the kitchen to reach for a glass the lights flicker on. It startles her so that she almost lets the glass fall from her hands.
"Whoa there new girl, didn't mean to scare you" it's one of the people that sat in on her session today. "You know, you can turn on the light. We actually like it that way." "It means you're not doing something illegal" she says with a laugh.
"I was just getting a glass, there wasn't one in my room" she admits somewhat shy.
"Really it's fine, I'm Megan one of the counselors here"
"I'm Emma" She takes a look at Megan, she's tall but seems young. Her sweet smile and shoulder length brown hair makes her look like a therapist, that's for sure. But still she can only be a few years older than her.
"I know we met this afternoon, remember" her voice is friendly.
"Ooh yeah right" she says slightly nervous, she just wants to get her water and back to bed.
"So tell me, you're up quite late. Something bordering you?"
Oke, seriously why is this person talking to her in the middle of the night. "Look I'm fine, I just don't like to talk too much about myself that's all I've been doing today so."
"That's understandable seeing what you went through and we haven't even got to how you ended up in prison."
Emma wants to say that it was not her fault and that she was set up but right now she can't seem to find her tongue. She just nods instead.
"I'm sure that's not a pretty story huh"
Again Emma nods letting two tears roll from her eyes. Megan places an hand on her arm. "Whenever you'll feel like talking about it, come find me. I'll always be there"
As much as she wants to believe that she doesn't. But it seems like this Megan is the first person in a long time to understand. And for now that's fine with her.
She's surprised she only finds Megan the next time she has a session.
"They thought it was better for you if we continued in a calmer setting" Megan says
Words cannot express how thankful she is for that. But all she can get out is a weak "Thanks, I guess."
"Now the last thing you talked about yesterday was Portland" "Do you want to pick it up from there?"
"Actually not really" she admits "I just want to forget everything that happened there"
"We all have stuff we want to forget, but that's not healthy. I think you know that."
She does.
"Look I'm not here to make you feel bad about yourself or to bully you. Like I said before you went through a lot." "Maybe it's time to share the weight."
"Oke, I got to Phoenix and the money I had was gone rather quickly." She starts "So I decided to steal this car, and that's how I met Neal."
"He was older and mysterious. There was just something special about him" "After a while we started dating I guess"
"Were you in love with him?" Megan asks.
"Yes I was, very much." "I would have done anything for him, I literally did." she takes a deep breath to calm herself.
"I found out that there was a warrant for him because he stole some watches"
"You're doing great Emma" Megan assures her
"I suggested that I got the watches from his stash because nobody was looking for me." "I got them and everything went fine." She has to take a few more breaths before she physically able to continue. "We had plans of starting a new live together with fake identities and the money we would get if we sold them"
"Then he went to sell them he gave me one for safekeeping" she says with a disgusting voice.
"When I showed up to our meeting spot, the cops were waiting for me." She can't hold back the tears anymore.
Megan moves to come sit next to her and lays an arm around her shoulder. She doesn't say anything.
It's nice Emma thinks, someone who just listens. And she has to admit it does feel better to tell someone.
After the tears have slowed down a bit Emma starts again "The last thing I got from him, were the keys of my car in a package from Thailand."
"I got that message while staring at my third positive pregnancy test" Emma looks up at Megan who for the first time seems speechless.
"I think that's enough for today" Megan says a little too quickly.
Emma feels conflicted when she leaves the room, unsure if she told too much.
The next day mostly consist of group therapy sessions. Some involve talking (thank god she's new and can still get away with not saying anything). But the most involve some kind of art. She must learn to express herself and according to these people art is the best way to do this.
She makes mood and dream boards, and has to make a motivation page. They ask her to wright poems and songs, and all these are things she hates.
She's never been one to openly express all her feelings.
And all this crap just makes her feel uncomfortable. Especially now that only tears cum out whenever she seems to talk. It's like giving birth made her this weak little girl who only can cry about her problems. Like what happened to her, she was never like this.
She rather focusses on getting a GED and a job. But whenever she asks someone to help her with that, they brush it of by saying she's not ready yet.
Her next session with Megan is a few days after the last. The staff found out that she talks to her so they don't set her up with anyone else as Megan has her days off.
Before her session she decides to put a sonogram picture in her pocket. A small part of her wants to show off her child, she guesses.
Butt Megan is late, with means she has to wait outside the office for a little while.
From the hallway she can hear a small cry, the cry of a child. She knows what that sounds like. She can easily recall her sons cries as one of the nurses took him out of the room.
Just as she starts to walk in the direction of the sound, Megan turns around the corner.
"Hey, sorry I'm late." she says as her hands fumble with the lock of the room. "Come in, sit where ever you like."
Emma takes a seat on the couch.
"So Emma, tell me. How did you experience your first week here." Megan asks trying to smooth out her hair.
"It's oke I guess, it's a lot of therapy like things. I don't know how I feel about that." She made a deal with herself that she'll be completely honest from now on.
"Oke what do you suggest?"
What does she suggest, what that's supposed to mean. "I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean by that"
"You're not happy with the help we provide for you, what would you like to be different." Megan says with a serious look.
"Oke, look I get this hole finding yourself philosophy may work on the rest." "But the only reason I'm here is to learn how to take care of myself."
"I want to learn how to do my laundry, what I need to do to get my GED and I want you to help me get a job so I can move out of here."
Megan give a few nods throughout her speech "I understand that you want to move forward with your life, especially after getting out of prison." "But you need to understand that we can't help you with any of that stuff until we know you and get you emotionally stable."
"Look I don't have a mental problem" Emma argues.
"Emma some of the stuff you went though is hard, I'm not saying you need help with them." "I'm finding out if you need help with them"
Emma looks down, accepting defeat.
"Other than that, is there anything else you don't like about this place." Megan tries to make her voice sound lighter.
"I don't like this building" Emma says feeling ashamed.
"What's wrong with the building" her laugh makes Emma feel even more embarrassed
"It's the people that are being helped here I have issues with." She's trying her hardest to be subtle.
"Ooh I'm sorry Emma, I didn't realize that having our sessions in the building with our young mothers might make you feel uncomfortable" Megan looks at her apologetic ."I'll have them moved to the other building"
"Look it's fine, I need to learn to be around babies someday right" Emma jokes before turning serious.
"Do you think it'll ever get easier." She's insecure of what Megan will say about that.
"I think it's always going to be something that hard and maybe a sensitive subject for you, but it'll get easier as time passes."
Emma reaches for the photo in her pocket, and takes another look at him. After a minute or so she hands to photo to Megan. "That's him"
Megan studies the picture with a small smile on her face.
"Do you have any pictures from after he was born" She asks after a while.
"No I don't, I never looked at him" Emma looks away, not wanting to look anyone in the eye as she admits "I knew if I looked at him, that I would have kept him." "I... He deserves better than two loser parents"
"I proud of you Emma. What you did for your son is amazing" Megan is still looking at the picture
"Why would you say that when it's not?" Emma says with disbelieve. "Most people just look at me like I chose the easy way out"
"Nothing is an easy way out of a pregnancy. I know people who chose abortion or parenting, and they both face the same issues you do." "And trust me, no matter what a teen decides, people will always say they chose the easy way out."
"I doubt that" Emma says with a grunt.
"No really Emma, people will tell who you are your whole life. There always people who will say you gave up, that you're too weak." There she is with that sweet therapeutic voice of hers.
"Than what do I do?" Emma asks feeling more hopeless with the second.
"You just gotta punch back and say, "No, this is who I am." Because sweetie, if you want people to look at you differently? Make them." " You want to change things you are going to have to go out there and change them yourself because there are no Fairy Godmothers in this world."
She's right, when has her life ever been easy. Never. When did some one ever gave her an easy option to anything.
It made her strong, tough. "Well, I know you're right." "My life has never been an fairytale"
"And I know I did the right thing by giving him up for adoption, he's better off this way."
Megan smiles "Now I like how you started that sentence but I didn't like how you ended it."
"But, you'll get there"