The Squarepants Rewritten Collection

by That One SB Fan

This is a collection of unpopular or disliked Spongebob episodes that I have rewritten into (hopefully) enjoyable and entertaining stories. Updates may be slow, but I'll try to keep things coming on a consistent basis. Only three entries are complete at the moment, but rest assured, more will be coming. Enjoy, and leave your feedback in the comments!

4. Yours, Mine and Mine (ending): Rewritten

(SpongeBob and Patrick run into the Krusty Krab)

Both: "MR. KRABS!"

Mr. Krabs: "Slow down there, boyyos! What's the problem?"

SpongeBob: "Patrick wouldn't let me play with the patty toy!"

Patrick: "My turn wasn't over yet, liar!"

SpongeBob: "YOUR TURN WAS ALL OF LAST NIGHT, YOU-"

Mr. Krabs: "QUIET! I think I have a solution to your problem."

(bubble transition; SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs are standing over an operating table)

SpongeBob: "Get me a knife. We're gonna lose him if we don't operate fast."

(Mr. Krabs hands SpongeBob a butcher's knife)

Mr. Krabs: "Careful, SquarePants. This is a life-or-death scenario. No pressure."

(Spongebob lowers the butcher knife onto the operating table)

SpongeBob: "The operation was successful. Patient appears stable."

(Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob walk over to Patrick)

Mr. Krabs: "Sir, we have some news about the-"

Patrick: "WHY!? Why did he have to go? I only knew him for 11 minutes, but he meant so much to me! WAAAAHHHHH!"

(SpongeBob hits Patrick with a spatula)

SpongeBob: "As the doctor was saying, we have news on the patient. They made it through the operation, and will be out of the infirmary shortly."

(Squidward brings out the patty toy, which is now cut in half)

Squidward: "The things I do for my meager paycheck..."

(Squidward returns to the register; Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob rip off their surgical gear)

Mr. Krabs: "Instead of giving you both a toy, why not just split one toy in two? I don't have to spend any of me money, and you two will stop fighting."

SpongeBob and Patrick: "YAY!"

(The halves of the patty toy fall apart)

(silence)

SpongeBob and Patrick: "AHHHHHHHHHH! MR. KRABS!"

Mr. Krabs: "I forgot to mention that I might have cut some corners on the surgical equipment. Oh, would you look at the time? Gotta run!"

(Mr. Krabs is stopped by Patrick)

Patrick (with a devious grin on his face): "Well, since you don't know how to PROPERLY split things in half, how about me and SpongeBob show you how?"

(bubble transition)

(SpongeBob turns off his chainsaw)

Spongebob: "Who knew that chopping money in half could be so much fun?"

Patrick: "Yeah! Too bad it's not profitable."

(silence)

Both: "AHAHAHAHAHHA!"

Mr. Krabs, who's tied to his office chair: "Note to self: use stronger superglue when performing surgery."